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(Scientific American)   OMG ZomBEES   (blogs.scientificamerican.com) divider line 54
    More: Followup, bees, apocalypses, sources  
•       •       •

13409 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jul 2012 at 4:05 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-25 01:40:11 PM  
Perhaps scientists should design some sort of capture device. In that situation, they could simply look for the bees in the trap.

/it's in your head now
//you can't escape the power of the Stupidest Earworm Ever
///you're welcome
 
2012-07-25 04:06:26 PM  
i missed it but

Boo BEES!
 
2012-07-25 04:07:02 PM  
adamventures.files.wordpress.com
 
2012-07-25 04:07:12 PM  
"Give me another," the bee slurred.

"I think you've had enough, sir," the bartender replied jovially. "You're small and your tolerance is low."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" the bee exclaimed, shattering his glass upon the floor and lunging for the bartender's exposed neck.

The bartender tore off his shirt, allowing his puny muscles to glisten under the dim bar lights, and came out from behind the counter, to the eager cheers of his associates. This was the most excitement they'd had in weeks - they were pretty pathetic.

"C'mon, bee. I'll teach you some manners," the bartender growled as he raised his fists threateningly.

"Who do you think you are, Miss Manners or something?" the bee replied. "I'll have you know I happen to have a certificate from one of the finest finishing schools in Ireland."

"Which one?" asked one of the bartender's colleagues.

"Hey! I'm trying to have a fight here, you imbeciles," protested the bartender, getting very tired from holding up his dukes. He decided to compromise and hold them at half mast, while resting up against a bar stool.

"You givin' up already, ya wuss?" the bee hollered, as he flew defiantly in front of the bartender, dodging blow after pointless blow.

"Jus' restin'," the bartender panted breathlessly as he flailed his arms about desperately.

"Beaten by a bee," the bee said smugly.

The bartender tried to stammer out a reply, but found he had no air left in his lungs. He slumped over and wheezed, and then fell to the floor, stone cold dead. The bartender's colleagues put their arms around the bee's shoulders, cheering. They then propped the triumphant bee atop their shoulders and burst into a rousing chorus of "Hail, Hail the Victory Bee":

Hail, hail the victory bee!
Bee, as mentioned, you are victorious!
Oh, triumphant yellow and black striped honey-making hive-dwelling insect,
we are glad to have made your acquaintance and you can have any stuff of ours you want.
bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee
bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee--

The singing broke off suddenly and the bee noticed the other bar patrons whispering to one another and pointing suspicious fingers in his direction.

After a few minutes, one of the patrons slapped his hands to his cheeks and exclaimed in terror, "He's a bee!"

"Let's get him!" yelled another.

The men grabbed their torches and chased the bee from the bar, yelling curses and insults after him. The bee flew for his life, driven onward by the feeling of heat on his wings. The riotous mob chased him for mile after mile, over land and over sea. The chase wore on for weeks, then months, then years. The men grew old and died, but their children continued the desperate, hate-driven pursuit of the bee.

Eventually, however, the bee fell off a cliff.
 
2012-07-25 04:08:33 PM  
there was a zombie "C" working as cashier at my neighborhood starbucks this morning.

//I said "until next tuesday" on my way out
 
2012-07-25 04:09:54 PM  

THX 1138:
"I think you've had enough, sir," the bartender replied jovially. "You're small and your tolerance is low."

"I'LL KILL YOU!" the bee exclaimed, shattering his glass upon the floor and lunging for the bartender's exposed neck.

The bartender tore off his shirt, allowing his puny muscles to glisten under the dim bar lights, and came out from behind the counter, to the eager cheers of his associates. This was the most excitement they'd had in weeks - they were pretty pathetic.

"C'mon, bee. I'll teach you some manners," the bartender growled as he raised his fists threateningly.

"Who do you think you are, Miss Manners or something?" the bee replied. "I'll have you know I happen to have a certificate from one of the finest finishing schools in Ireland."

"Which one?" asked one of the bartender's colleagues.

"Hey! I'm trying to have a fight here, you imbeciles," protested the bartender, getting very tired from holding up his dukes. He decided to compromise and hold them at half mast, while resting up against a bar stool.

"You givin' up already, ya wuss?" the bee hollered, as he flew defiantly in front of the bartender, dodging blow after pointless blow.

"Jus' restin'," the bartender panted breathlessly as he flailed his arms about desperately.

"Beaten by a bee," the bee said smugly.

The bartender tried to stammer out a reply, but found he had no air left in his lungs. He slumped over and wheezed, and then fell to the floor, stone cold dead. The bartender's colleagues put their arms around the bee's shoulders, cheering. They then propped the triumphant bee atop their shoulders and burst into a rousing chorus of "Hail, Hail the Victory Bee":

Hail, hail the victory bee!
Bee, as mentioned, you are victorious!
Oh, triumphant yellow and black striped honey-making hive-dwelling insect,
we are glad to have made your acquaintance and you can have any stuff of ours you want.
bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee
bee bee bee bee bee bee bee bee--

The singing broke off suddenly and the bee noticed the other bar patrons whispering to one another and pointing suspicious fingers in his direction.

After a few minutes, one of the patrons slapped his hands to his cheeks and exclaimed in terror, "He's a bee!"

"Let's get him!" yelled another.

The men grabbed their torches and chased the bee from the bar, yelling curses and insults after him. The bee flew for his life, driven onward by the feeling of heat on his wings. The riotous mob chased him for mile after mile, over land and over sea. The chase wore on for weeks, then months, then years. The men grew old and died, but their children continued the desperate, hate-driven pursuit of the bee.

Eventually, however, the bee fell off a cliff.

" The End....

www.blogcdn.com

 
2012-07-25 04:10:10 PM  
That shiat is scary, baBEE.
 
2012-07-25 04:10:42 PM  

dahmers love zombie: Perhaps scientists should design some sort of capture device. In that situation, they could simply look for the bees in the trap.

/it's in your head now
//you can't escape the power of the Stupidest Earworm Ever
///you're welcome


Fark. You. I think Nikki Minaj is a talentless hack, so I avoid her songs when possible. I had no idea what you were refering to, so I had to google it. I was feeling lucky, and I got a youtube link.
Fark. You.
 
2012-07-25 04:13:12 PM  

MythDragon: dahmers love zombie: Perhaps scientists should design some sort of capture device. In that situation, they could simply look for the bees in the trap.

/it's in your head now
//you can't escape the power of the Stupidest Earworm Ever
///you're welcome

Fark. You. I think Nikki Minaj is a talentless hack, so I avoid her songs when possible. I had no idea what you were refering to, so I had to google it. I was feeling lucky, and I got a youtube link.
Fark. You.


Ha ha! I had no idea what he was talking about, and now I know I don't want to look it up. No earworm for me!
 
2012-07-25 04:13:24 PM  
To help out, you can sign up to collect sick-looking or dead bee specimens and observe them to see if parasite fly pupae emerge.

Now that sounds like a fantastic idea for a first date.
 
2012-07-25 04:16:49 PM  
img856.imageshack.us

OK. Bored now.
 
2012-07-25 04:17:32 PM  
I read that as ZomBEE-GEEs for some reason.
 
2012-07-25 04:17:54 PM  
Ugh, I was just reminded of this horrible movie I tried to watch once. It had a scene where a girl shouts "oh my God, zom-BEES!" and these CGI bees attack the characters. I think the movie was made as some kind of joke, because its title was "The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TSgHzmq2nKA

The director has other hit movies such as Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist, Rap Sucks, Rape is a Circle, Jesus Christ is a Total Douchebag, and Assmonster.
 
2012-07-25 04:18:22 PM  
I blame the Medussa Cascade
 
2012-07-25 04:19:32 PM  

Evil Mackerel: I read that as ZomBEE-GEEs for some reason.


Did anyone else read it as 'ZOMG BEES!!' initially?
 
2012-07-25 04:20:20 PM  
Repeat (pops)

You Farkers have a short memory.
 
2012-07-25 04:20:35 PM  
To help out, you can sign up to collect sick-looking or dead bee specimens and observe them to see if parasite fly pupae emerge

1. Tell people to go collect bees.
2. People get stung
3. Successful troll!

Let me try.
Zombie bull infections are on the rise!
A staggering number of bulls have been infected with a parasite that causes them to explode into more parasites. This has staggering implications for the steak market. These tiny flies infest the scrotal sack of otherwise healthy bulls to lay their eggs. You can help find which bulls have been infected by walking up behind a bull, cupping your hands about 6 inches to either side of the testies and bringing your hands sharply together. If the sack explodes into a cloud of angry parasites, you have found an infected bull. If you hear a surprised snort followed by a "mmmmMMMMMRRRROOOOOOOOOO" and the sound of a stamping foot, it is a healthy bull.
 
2012-07-25 04:20:47 PM  

MythDragon: dahmers love zombie: Perhaps scientists should design some sort of capture device. In that situation, they could simply look for the bees in the trap.

/it's in your head now
//you can't escape the power of the Stupidest Earworm Ever
///you're welcome

Fark. You. I think Nikki Minaj is a talentless hack, so I avoid her songs when possible. I had no idea what you were refering to, so I had to google it. I was feeling lucky, and I got a youtube link.
Fark. You.


Sorry. I have teenagers and I had to share the agony. On the upside, I'm thinking about doing a dramatic reading of that song. If I do it, I'll post a link to Fark.
 
2012-07-25 04:20:55 PM  
Submitted this headline months ago ;)
 
2012-07-25 04:21:57 PM  
perennialcandidate.com

AAAUUUUUGH! THEY'RE DEFENDING THEMSELVES SOMEHOW!
 
2012-07-25 04:22:29 PM  

Prattle Assassin: Evil Mackerel: I read that as ZomBEE-GEEs for some reason.

Did anyone else read it as 'ZOMG BEES!!' initially?


I didn't realize it WASN'T written that way until you pointed it out.

/I still think they switched it on me. CONSPIRACY
 
2012-07-25 04:24:03 PM  
Haven't bees been going extinct for some time now?.
 
2012-07-25 04:28:49 PM  

dahmers love zombie: MythDragon: dahmers love zombie: Perhaps scientists should design some sort of capture device. In that situation, they could simply look for the bees in the trap.

/it's in your head now
//you can't escape the power of the Stupidest Earworm Ever
///you're welcome

Fark. You. I think Nikki Minaj is a talentless hack, so I avoid her songs when possible. I had no idea what you were refering to, so I had to google it. I was feeling lucky, and I got a youtube link.
Fark. You.

Sorry. I have teenagers and I had to share the agony. On the upside, I'm thinking about doing a dramatic reading of that song. If I do it, I'll post a link to Fark.


If I could sponser you for a month of anti-total fark, I would. It would be worth 5 dollars to strip you of your TF account for doing that to me.
 
2012-07-25 04:32:22 PM  

Evil Mackerel: I read that as ZomBEE-GEEs for some reason.


okay, now THAT is funny.
 
2012-07-25 04:33:41 PM  
"As far as we know, it does not transmit any diseases that are contractible by humans." As far as we know...

DUH DUH DUHHH
 
2012-07-25 04:36:56 PM  
A new chain of bad restaurants!

been done:

www.sluggy.com
 
2012-07-25 04:40:25 PM  

MythDragon: If I could sponser you for a month of anti-total fark, I would. It would be worth 5 dollars to strip you of your TF account for doing that to me.


This is completely an hilarious and genius idea!
 
2012-07-25 04:41:35 PM  
mantiseye.com

Wanted for questioning
 
2012-07-25 04:43:12 PM  
BEES???
 
2012-07-25 04:44:03 PM  

CrispFlows: MythDragon: If I could sponser you for a month of anti-total fark, I would. It would be worth 5 dollars to strip you of your TF account for doing that to me.

This is completely an hilarious and genius idea!


Please take your love/hate relationship to another thread.
 
2012-07-25 04:53:59 PM  
"These insects have been rendered insensate by a parasitizing fly..."

meow said the dog blogs for Scientific American?
 
2012-07-25 04:56:03 PM  

ChiliCon: A new chain of bad restaurants!

been done:

[www.sluggy.com image 700x508]


The way that story line ended was amazing. Gwynn can be amazingly cold.
 
2012-07-25 05:00:15 PM  
Sounds an awful lot like the cordyceps fungus.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-07-25 05:06:32 PM  
wtf... bees have it rough lately...
 
2012-07-25 05:08:08 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-07-25 05:17:37 PM  
Oh good grace! Wasps laying their eggs in other insects is as old as the hills. I am completely delighted to see a tomato hornworm with lovingly placed rows of wasp eggs along its back. So long, suckers!
 
2012-07-25 05:20:43 PM  
Funny you don't see that much coverage of one of the likelier culprits in bee colony collapse. Wonder if the ag industry has something to do with that? Not only do we use a lot of enormously effective neonicotinoid pesticides, but we've also genetically engineered crops like cotton to contain nicotine. And apparently, bees can't handle the smoke.
 
2012-07-25 05:23:39 PM  

MythDragon: If I could sponser you for a month of anti-total fark, I would. It would be worth 5 dollars to strip you of your TF account for doing that to me.


Holy shiat, now there's a business model. I bet Drew would give you free TotalFark for life for thinking of it.

/but I'm just going to pay the $5/mo. to take it away.
 
2012-07-25 05:30:54 PM  
i48.tinypic.com

So very obligatory
 
2012-07-25 05:52:51 PM  

mbillips: Funny you don't see that much coverage of one of the likelier culprits in bee colony collapse. Wonder if the ag industry has something to do with that? Not only do we use a lot of enormously effective neonicotinoid pesticides, but we've also genetically engineered crops like cotton to contain nicotine. And apparently, bees can't handle the smoke.



From your link (to "treehugger.com"):

i738.photobucket.com

There might be some truth to their story, but how do they expect anyone to take ANYTHING they say seriously? Unless that page is a satire, in which case 9/10.
 
2012-07-25 05:53:40 PM  
RatMaster999: [mantiseye.com image 512x384]

Wanted for questioning


All has went according to plan,there where no complications. the threat has been neutralized and your package is secure... Mr Bowie.
 
2012-07-25 06:04:56 PM  
Pros: Most of the "honey" we eat these days is just Chinese sugar syrup so no worries there!

Cons: List of crop plants pollinated by bees
 
2012-07-25 06:09:59 PM  
Here's a good link about bees, and has info in the site about CCD--colony collapse disorder:

OSU Bees
 
2012-07-25 06:12:50 PM  
At first I was like
www.wopvideos.com

but then I
www.endalldisease.com
 
2012-07-25 06:20:44 PM  
Their eyes were clear and bright,

but they're not there.

cue organ solo
 
2012-07-25 06:40:53 PM  

nmemkha: Pros: Most of the "honey" we eat these days is just Chinese sugar syrup so no worries there!

Cons: List of crop plants pollinated by bees


Honeybees aren't even native to NA.
 
2012-07-25 06:44:05 PM  
i309.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-25 07:23:28 PM  
img.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-25 07:40:58 PM  
Short answer: Yes.
 
2012-07-25 08:25:31 PM  
Wow, I submitted this story months ago or something with nearly the same headline, and it was redlit.

/Goes off to cry.
 
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