Some really good headlines last week. Everybody really loved "Colorado shooter's apartment loaded with Boobies traps" and I have to admit--that's a thing of beauty.

For those of you that worried that the poetic headline about the nuclear reactor shutdown isn't here, don't worry--it's been saved for the end of the year contests. Even though it's pretty good on its own, the fact that it's regarding the Limerick Nuclear Power Plant makes it a slam-dunk context headline of the year candidate, and a pretty strong one at that.

Enjoy the rest, and hopefully see a headline you missed last week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-07-15 to Sat 2012-07-21:

  Man caught breaking into drug store in a Mr. T mask one week after breaking into same drug store in a Mike Tyson mask, will now spend several years in a Ned Beatty mask    

  Man arrested for assaulting cousin in Gorman. Subby doesn't know where one's Gorman is located, but it sounds like it hurts    

  Donald J. Sobol, Encyclopedia Brown author, dead at 87. Killer last seen running away putting the murder weapon in his left pants pocket with his right hand    

  Researchers link anxiety to accelerated aging, so if you fear death, you probably should    

  Fresh clashes rock Damascus, the Casbah    

  Coachella might be headed to sea, which would expose attendees to water for the first time in months    

  B - A - N - N - E - R - P - L - A - N - E - C - R - A - S - H - E - S - i - N - M - Y - R - T - L - E - B - E - A - C - H    

  Bullying in the workplace increases staff turnover, even among those not being targeted. HEY DUMMY, WHY ARE YOU EVALUATING YOURSELF? STOP EVALUATING YOURSELF    

  Onion products may be contaminated with listeria, says area man    

  Colorado shooter's apartment loaded with Boobies traps    

  Step 1: "Unleash the Power Within" with motivational speaker. Step 2: Walk on hot coals. Step 3: very quickly followed by steps 4,5,6,7 and 8    


Sports:

  As the biker climbs ever higher, wondering why there's a farking tack in his tire, oh my god -- the Tour's a mirage, I'm telling you all it's sabotage    

  Wife of former Mets pitcher who famously said she would sleep with the whole Mets organization if he ever cheated, files for divorce after he cheated. Looks like the Mets are finally going to score    

  Michael Phelps unhappy with USA swim caps, while his dealer is just unhappy that he's at the Olympics    


Geek:

  Laboratory successfully tests 500 terawatt laser. You may fire when ready, Commander    

  Guy finally meets girl after spending five years courting her on Halo, promptly teabags her    

  Idioms lost to Tech. I didn't even know they were playing each other    


Entertainment:

  Six feet Deep Purple    

  Former Full House star Jodie Sweetin sues man who hit her in car accident, claims he really methed her up    

  Ric Flair to appear at the Gathering of the Juggalos. Subby thinks it's nice Flair has finally found a group of people that will not only appreciate, but encourage his habit of waving his penis around in public    


Politics:

  Sarah Palin can't see her Republican National Convention invite from her house    

  GOP strategist: "Romney needs to grab a bottle, break it on the bar and start fighting back"...just as soon as he takes off his white dressage tights and silk shadbelly, and prays to his moon God for permission to enter an ale house    

  Bachmann, despite slanDER Ploy against Huma Abedin, is a top GOP fundraiser as House Tea Party caucus founDER, Providing further evidence of the sociopathic unDERPinnings of her cerebrally unDERPowered political base. Makes one wonDER, People  


Business:

  Ford recalls 8000 Escapes because the carpet doesn't match the brakes    

  Lower profits at Philip Morris prompts increase in second hand stock    

  Not so fast, we can't allow you to wear your Pepsi® shirt to The Olympics. I'm sorry, I mean Coca-Cola®'s The Olympics. Excuse me, I mean McDonald's® and Coca-Cola® Present The Olympics Featuring Adidas®    
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