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(Google)   Utah's 'Goat Man' is actually a hunter and not, you know, a real Goat Man   (google.com ) divider line
    More: Followup, Utah, goats  
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6004 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Jul 2012 at 12:22 PM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-24 01:46:27 PM  
The word you're looking for is Khazra, subby.
i.imgur.com
 
2012-07-24 01:53:39 PM  
There was a dude at my college (Central Michigan University, 1985-1989) who we called "Goat Man" due to his weird goatee.

Goat man was a hardcore drunk at age 18. Everclear was his drink of choice. I've watched Goat Man pass out on his dorm room door because he could not operate the key. I've watched a passed out Goat Man stuffed into a dryer, stripped to underwear and placed under an xmas tree with a bow on his forehead, and all manner of other indignities that he had to wake up to. We did not have the heart to put him on a bus without a wallet... ...but we talked about it.
 
2012-07-24 01:55:34 PM  
Goat Man! Fighter of the Sheep Man! You're a master of karate and friendship for everyone!
 
2012-07-24 02:01:35 PM  

NutWrench: Especially for a guy dressed in a goat suit, on his hands and knees in the middle of the rutting season.

/Sick, depraved goat stuff!


So now, instead of the Mouse Problem, we have the Goat Problem.
 
2012-07-24 02:02:10 PM  
Was John Barth available for comment?
 
2012-07-24 02:09:57 PM  
Mangoat, on the other hand....


/sry, didn't preview cos i'm at work
 
2012-07-24 02:11:12 PM  

meow said the dog: The Stealth Hippopotamus: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE!!!

Damn you I had come to say just this.

Well if I could beg the indulgence of you for the moment I should probably do the elaboration upon this as I have the insider information on the story. You see there are actually several goat men across the country of this. Why? This is why. Now perhaps at the moment upon which you read this and click the link which goes to the tree climbing goats of Morocco you begin to think to the self of you BUT MEOW WHY DOES THIS EVEN MATTER?

Well I have come to tell you that it is not long before the revolution begins in Morocco as this will be the site of the Third Crusades of the Lord and Savior Jesus Gonzalez who runs the painting service in Bethlehem (in Pennsylvania--no, really). Why Morocco? Because the goal is to breed the Christianity into these people and the women of Morocco are quite attractive although many of these have knees that are much too sharp for the military men of we.

So again why does this have the mattering? Very simply the Navy Seal Team 73 has the plan to dress in the goat outfits and lie in wait in the trees for the Moroccan women to do the bypassing upon which they pounce them then go back to the tree. Also they will make the sniper shootings from this. I think there might also be the goats in Syria and Iran although I do not have the time to look this up right now to do the verification. But this was the training mission by the military. Do not doubt this.

You are welcome.


Well if that don't beat all. This is almost Pocket Ninja good.
 
2012-07-24 02:13:16 PM  
Well he's a man taoday, but rest assured that come the next full moon he'll once again transform into that abomination that is the Weregoat.

Or it's the Krampus on holiday. Could be. Krampus doesn't have to work again until December. He likes to come to America because he's more free to recreate here, not as recognizable and all. Plus we have the mountain goats.

upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-07-24 02:13:20 PM  

Magorn: Pfffft everybody knows that. the REAL Goatman lives in Bowie , Md and brutally murders horny teenagers who park in isolated spots...Duh


Came for this, leaving satisfied.

/grew up less than a mile south of Fletchertown Road
//endured campfire stories at the age of 8 that made me wish I was armed
 
2012-07-24 02:23:49 PM  

Sybarite: I was wondering what Jim Breuer had been up to.


Liar.
 
2012-07-24 02:34:31 PM  

Get Your Dick Out Of My Food: i suspect he was attempting surprise sex.


This

He's "hunting" goat anus with his penis.
 
2012-07-24 02:44:02 PM  

meow said the dog: The Stealth Hippopotamus: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE!!!

Damn you I had come to say just this.

Well if I could beg the indulgence of you for the moment I should probably do the elaboration upon this as I have the insider information on the story. You see there are actually several goat men across the country of this. Why? This is why. Now perhaps at the moment upon which you read this and click the link which goes to the tree climbing goats of Morocco you begin to think to the self of you BUT MEOW WHY DOES THIS EVEN MATTER?

Well I have come to tell you that it is not long before the revolution begins in Morocco as this will be the site of the Third Crusades of the Lord and Savior Jesus Gonzalez who runs the painting service in Bethlehem (in Pennsylvania--no, really). Why Morocco? Because the goal is to breed the Christianity into these people and the women of Morocco are quite attractive although many of these have knees that are much too sharp for the military men of we.

So again why does this have the mattering? Very simply the Navy Seal Team 73 has the plan to dress in the goat outfits and lie in wait in the trees for the Moroccan women to do the bypassing upon which they pounce them then go back to the tree. Also they will make the sniper shootings from this. I think there might also be the goats in Syria and Iran although I do not have the time to look this up right now to do the verification. But this was the training mission by the military. Do not doubt this.

You are welcome.


Happy to see you, Meow. You always make me smile.
 
2012-07-24 02:45:47 PM  

C0rf: Magorn: Pfffft everybody knows that. the REAL Goatman lives in Bowie , Md and brutally murders horny teenagers who park in isolated spots...Duh

Came for this, leaving satisfied.

/grew up less than a mile south of Fletchertown Road
//endured campfire stories at the age of 8 that made me wish I was armed


*High-fives the fellow Bowieite* (as one internet page notes, the weirdest thing about the goatman stories is that while most urban legends jump all over the place, the goatman legends are incredibly specific in their geography and have never varied in the at least 60 years that they've been told)

The only two times the Goatman Stories REALLY got to me was the Halloween night I spent (fitfully) sleeping in the morgue of the abandoned Glen Dale Tb Sanitarium (we thought it was a mental hospital) and the time I was canoeing up in Maine with my boy scout troop and we decided to re-tell those goat man stories as we were gliding along a lake, about 300 miles from the nearest road or habitation, at dusk.

Did you know that the Loon makes a sound that sounds to a scared teen ager exactly like a woman screaming for help?
 
2012-07-24 02:56:23 PM  
Goat see what you did there.
 
2012-07-24 03:08:49 PM  

Lionel Mandrake: Douglass says the hunter came to Utah because he heard it was easier to get near goats for training.

So, the goats in Utah are used to men getting close?

I see...


Utah... where men are men and the goats are scared.
 
2012-07-24 03:11:13 PM  

Bag of Hammers: He's "hunting" goat anus with his penis.


Let's not jump to conclusions. There are female goats too, so his tastes might tend toward plain vanilla.
 
2012-07-24 03:11:30 PM  

Sticky Hands: Sheeple go to heaven goat men go to hell.


Dude... nice reference!
 
2012-07-24 03:35:49 PM  

lackadaisicalfreakshow: Happy to see you, Meow. You always make me smile.


Hello you also provide the smiles to me.

Pants full of macaroni!!: Well if that don't beat all. This is almost Pocket Ninja good.


Not even close although I also do not do the sarcasm but instead provide the factual information upon which I see from both sides.
 
2012-07-24 03:51:22 PM  

poot_rootbeer: Sybarite: I was wondering what Jim Breuer had been up to.

Liar.



Okay, you got me on that one.
 
2012-07-24 03:58:28 PM  

Lionel Mandrake: Douglass says the hunter came to Utah because he heard it was easier to get near goats for training.

So, the goats in Utah are used to men getting close?

I see...


img163.imageshack.us

/rare, sorta-SFW Oglaf
 
2012-07-24 04:10:30 PM  
i.qkme.me

Got nothin'.
 
2012-07-24 04:24:54 PM  
//Obligatory: I submitted this with a baaah d headline
 
2012-07-24 04:59:56 PM  

tommydee: Bag of Hammers: He's "hunting" goat anus with his penis.

Let's not jump to conclusions. There are female goats too, so his tastes might tend toward plain vanilla.


Females have anuses too.

// who's jumping to conclusions now?
 
2012-07-24 05:02:57 PM  

Magorn: Did you know that the Loon makes a sound that sounds to a scared teen ager exactly like a woman screaming for help?


Well, if your woman's screams sound like a warbling laugh I guess ...
 
2012-07-24 05:12:15 PM  
Where's the LEAVE GOATMAN ALONE kid?
 
2012-07-24 07:12:24 PM  

meow said the dog: The Stealth Hippopotamus: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE!!!

Damn you I had come to say just this.

Well if I could beg the indulgence of you for the moment I should probably do the elaboration upon this as I have the insider information on the story. You see there are actually several goat men across the country of this. Why? This is why. Now perhaps at the moment upon which you read this and click the link which goes to the tree climbing goats of Morocco you begin to think to the self of you BUT MEOW WHY DOES THIS EVEN MATTER?

Well I have come to tell you that it is not long before the revolution begins in Morocco as this will be the site of the Third Crusades of the Lord and Savior Jesus Gonzalez who runs the painting service in Bethlehem (in Pennsylvania--no, really). Why Morocco? Because the goal is to breed the Christianity into these people and the women of Morocco are quite attractive although many of these have knees that are much too sharp for the military men of we.

So again why does this have the mattering? Very simply the Navy Seal Team 73 has the plan to dress in the goat outfits and lie in wait in the trees for the Moroccan women to do the bypassing upon which they pounce them then go back to the tree. Also they will make the sniper shootings from this. I think there might also be the goats in Syria and Iran although I do not have the time to look this up right now to do the verification. But this was the training mission by the military. Do not doubt this.

You are welcome.


WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?!?!?!?
 
2012-07-24 09:01:00 PM  

offmymeds: The Stealth Hippopotamus: THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT YOU TO BELIEVE!!!

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 469x343]


Came here for this. Leaving satisfied.
 
2012-07-24 10:26:43 PM  
No, he's just a lunatic.
 
2012-07-25 12:08:57 AM  

SuperChuck: People hunt goats? How hard is that? Don't they just sort of stand around all day?


Where mountain goats tend to live. (The goats are the little white spots a little left of center)

farm8.staticflickr.com

A little closer up view.

farm9.staticflickr.com

This is in Wyoming up around 11,000 feet.
 
2012-07-25 01:00:20 AM  
Get Your Dick Out Of My Food:

i suspect he was attempting surprise sex.

What can I say, Dad gets around.
 
2012-07-25 01:07:13 AM  
IrateShadow:

Not buying this story. Guy was either poaching or a goat farker. You don't hunt by dressing as your prey and trying to sneak up on them. Not unless you're looking to get shot.

Actually, back before the Spaniards lost some horses, the buffalo hunting Indians of the Great Plains would indeed dress up in buffalo costumes to sneak up on their prey to get in a good arrow shot or spear stab. But back then the danger wasn't other hunters, it was horny bulls or cows who just weren't buying it.
 
2012-07-25 01:12:29 AM  

Fano: SuperChuck:

People hunt goats? How hard is that? Don't they just sort of stand around all day?

Well, on fark, most of the hunters are known to wait until they hear them trip-trip-trapping across their bridges


HA. I'm not falling for THAT shtick again. I'll eat the first goat that comes along; I'm trying to diet anyway.
 
2012-07-25 01:13:12 AM  

Fano: Isildur:

The whole story reads like satyr.

It's a capricious whim.


G-R-O-A-N.
 
2012-07-25 01:21:17 AM  

tommydee: Bag of Hammers:

He's "hunting" goat anus with his penis.

Let's not jump to conclusions. There are female goats too, so his tastes might tend toward plain vanilla.


Don't female goats have anuses too? Mom does.


/ She's crippled, and had to have an enema before seeing a gastroenterologist, and my dad was really sick in bed, and my girlfriend refused. That left me. There went my 20s. But no, it didn't occur to me to get any photos taken -- though my then-girlfriend might have agreed to do that.

// I really miss Mary Magdelene. I should have figured that withholding sex from a gorgeous 18 year old ain't the smartest tactic.
 
2012-07-25 02:43:43 AM  

Fano: Isildur: The whole story reads like satyr.

It's a capricious whim.


Yeah, he had no real plan, he was just Pucking around.
 
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