*I POST THIS NOT HAVING SEE ANY OF RAW YET (catching up on DVR as we speak)*



Big Night Tonight CeNation!


Free at last, free at last. Thank God almighty, John is free at last! Free to chase down what he has gone FAR too long without. No, silly, I don't mean he gets to go bang hot chicks like this:



I mean he's free to chase the WWE Championship! Punk seems to have forgotten who the franchise around here is. Only one guy has been main eventing Raw and almost every PPV. It's not the "champion" Punk. Oh no. It's the champion of public opinion. Yes, one could even call him the REAL people's champion, JOHN FRICKIN CENA. "Let's go Cena, Cena Rocks" chants permeate the building as the leader of CeNation follows his destiny tonight on the 1,000th Raw. Beating CM Punk isn't a problem. I mean, John didn't even feel the need to cash in his MITB on a weakened Punk since, lets face it, Punk is no match for John at full strength!

There is only one hiccup that could destroy everything John has worked towards. A hulking creature that could spell doom for our hero:



That's right, Raw will be visited by a Cannibal from Mass Effect 3. Another picture of this atrocity. This not only means Raw will be great for the first 2 hours and 45 minutes, it means the last 15 minutes will blow for those of us loyal to the product. Meaning the fans of CeNation.

So John needs a game plan to overcome this. He needs some Keys to Victory.

Listen for The Cannibal's music. Seeing as how he is unable to come to the ring anymore without much fanfare, that should give you some warning. Till then make sure to execute some..

Shoulder Blocks. 2 or 3 should work. Knock the Pepsi tattoo straight off that dude's body.

Attitude Adjustment. Through the announce table for good measure I say. To both of them.

Use Overload on the Cannibal. It will make him stand still, unable to move around in utter shock. If you've leveled it up enough you can have the chain overload ability and hurt Punk by lighting his gooped up hair on fire too.

Hustle your way around interference. Respect CeNation by bringing the gold back to where it belongs. Show Loyalty by celebrating with a victory bang of Kimmie.

TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT BABY!

Tenor Reaper: Eeek! Tornado watch! *hides under bed*

*peeks out to look at the time* D:

Don't worry, it doesn't have a leg to stand on...

FTFS:

Word on Kharma's WWE departure is that she had been in Florida training for her return to action but got the knock for being out of shape, hard to work with and stubborn about suggestions of how they wanted to change her character.

So, basically, Vince and the soap writers wanted to take away everything people liked about Kong, she balked, and got released.

Sounds about right. WWE never does know a good thing when they see it.


WWE Hall of Famer Harley Race was backstage for RAW 1000 but not used.

How the fark do you not use Harley farking Race in his town? Morons.

From Monday Night's breakdowns...

Jack Swagger vs. Brodus Clay and a bunch of backstage stuff with the Legends gained 326,000 viewers.

BEHOLD THE POWER OF HANDTEEN!

SuburbanCowboy: Oh, I just got word that The Great Khali started running down the ramp to the ring two minutes ago. It took him 45 minutes to make it from his dressing room to the Titantron and he should make it to the ring before they shut the lights off in the arena.

Khali started walking down the ramp at the same time the Undertaker did.

you are a puppet: Dunno what you guys are complaining about, Punk's promos have been the worst as a face.

I agree, which is why I'm not necessarily shiatting on this pointless heel turn yet.

However, I can see Vince and the soap writers misunderstanding everything and making Punk the lame, cowardly heel, which will deserve an Ortoning larger than Hornswoggle.

"I heard my brother who I tried to murder and who tried to murder me was in trouble. I am here to save him."

Moodybastard: The_Y2P_Problem: robsul82: Rock wishes both Punk and Cena luck. Will he interfere? Will Big Show, who we haven't seen all night, take revenge for Cena's needless briefcase shot?

WE'RE OUT OF TIME FANS WE'LL KEEP THE CAMERAS ROLLING FOR SMACKDOWN

DRINK SURGE!

SNAP INTO A SLIM JIM

ART THOU BORED?

....And, the Rock is back off to his yacht in the Mediterranean for another few months...

The_Y2P_Problem: Folks, Mean Gene can't tell you if he was behind GTV, but if you dial the hotline, you can hear exclusive news and find out who WAS behind GTV! Kids, get your parents' permission before calling!

This has been a LOT of Bryan Danielson content on Monday Night Raw.

The_Y2P_Problem: This is where the Wellness Policy has backfired on WWE. They need the cocaine back in the creative meetings like they did back in the day.

Really?

Really??

...Really.

The Miz

This RAW needs a run-in by Chris Benoit, unveiling the greatest work ever.

VvonderJesus: Eve was a great GM type character, can we at least give AJ a chance before we shiat on this?

No.

"WHAT is going ON?"

Oh god.

Oh, God, Slick AND the crowd are stuck on a loop!

So on their wedding night, any chance DB tells AJ that he has "til 5"

irishman4: TRISH BRUNETTE TRISH

Brunette Trish is much hotter than Blonde Trish.

Brunette Trish also has a contact high now.

Hi Trish, would you like some HEP C?

FinFangFark: geez Cole...that's Botch Cara, NOT Mysterio.

Scoop slam?

Vince told Cole over the headset to mention the flippy floppy Mexican in the ring, so he had to guess which one it was.

wippit: One of these things is not like the other...

Sheamus is the only one in the country legally?

starzman2003: Going on for a bit too long. There's other talent available.

/HHH, grrr.

Hey now, we got three hours to kill here.

if marking out is wrong, i dont wanna be right

The pot made Road Dogg unable to pronounce "Missouri".

Triple H crying over Eddie Guerrero because Trips never got back a win.

Paterno.

*cowbell intro*

Wait a minute! That's Fisty Bum's music!

♪♫♪ Internet dreeeeeaaaaaaam....

He's just a common man, lurking threads and posting spam.
He's just a common man, tries to witty when he can.

Hey, he's an iiiiiinnnnnnternet dreeeeeaaaaaam

If you're a Cena mark,
Broski, Peep or smark, that's alright.

TF'er with a heart of gold,
The Gredunza is his goal.

Hey, he's an iiiiiinnnnnnternet dreeeeeaaaaaam

Hey hey hey, he's an iiiiiinnnnnnternet dreeeeeaaaaaam ♪♫♪