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(Oregon Herald)   Man tries to teach his five-year-old niece how to drive a stick. Since this is Fark you can probably guess how well that turned out   (oregonherald.com) divider line 60
    More: Dumbass, Fark, Beaverton, manual transmission, reckless endangerment, nieces, merry go round  
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7401 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jul 2012 at 4:28 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-22 01:04:57 AM  
He fixes the cable?
 
2012-07-22 02:07:52 AM  
"Hillborro"?

*facepalm*
 
2012-07-22 04:31:10 AM  
You know, when I was growing up, we had river bottoms for this sort of thing.

Of course, it's hard to hurt a 79 Chevy.
 
2012-07-22 04:33:50 AM  

Bathia_Mapes: "Hillborro"?

*facepalm*


I missed that when I submitted it (the Oregonian link had already been tried and rejected. What was the other headline?)

/yay! my 26th green
 
2012-07-22 04:34:57 AM  
They make an automatic Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?
 
2012-07-22 04:35:32 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: They make an automaticmanual Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?


FTFM.
 
2012-07-22 04:49:17 AM  
He needed someone to drive him to the store to by beer!
 
2012-07-22 04:50:23 AM  
*buy
 
2012-07-22 04:55:56 AM  
Where is the mention of bath salts or at least booze??
 
2012-07-22 05:00:33 AM  
Seems like a lot of charges for being a dumb ass.
 
2012-07-22 05:01:20 AM  
i.ytimg.com
 
2012-07-22 05:16:08 AM  
Actually, that's better than the "stick" I was thinking of.

That's a plus, I guess.
 
2012-07-22 05:17:11 AM  
I was expecting a pedo story
 
2012-07-22 05:17:31 AM  
I'm still trying to teach my nieces how to scratchbuild models without supergluing their fingers to the workbench.
 
2012-07-22 05:33:17 AM  
It was rough enough for me to learn at 16. I figured it out, but damn.
 
2012-07-22 05:35:47 AM  
A broken pelvis is pretty serious. This clown should have his license taken away.
 
2012-07-22 05:56:03 AM  
BronyMedic: You know, when I was growing up, we had river bottoms for this sort of thing.

We used to drown a lot of idiots, too. Sometimes the old ways are best.
 
2012-07-22 06:00:35 AM  
they just had to add the criminal mischief didn't they?
 
2012-07-22 06:05:20 AM  

sexy-fetus: I was expecting a pedo story


Hey, she can drive MY stick any day.

bingethinker: A broken pelvis is pretty serious. This clown should have his license taken away.


Old (sick) joke: What is the best thing about farking a five year old? Hearing the pelvic bone snap.

/was he really wearing big red shoes while doing it?
 
2012-07-22 06:07:36 AM  

Thrakkorzog: Seems like a lot of charges for being a dumb ass.


They essentially just charge him with everything they can think of that might fit, because they don't actually know for sure what law he's broken. The charges that don't apply will be silently dropped when it hits trial, or the prosecutor will leave 'em up in a ploy to get the guy to plead to something beforehand.
 
2012-07-22 06:10:22 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: They make a manual Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?


A) $22k new isn't much of a luxury car. It's only a bit better than a civic as far as I can tell.

B) Pseudo-sportiness.

C) Fans of manual transmissions.
 
2012-07-22 07:02:28 AM  

toidsal: AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: They make a manual Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?

A) $22k new isn't much of a luxury car. It's only a bit better than a civic as far as I can tell.

B) Pseudo-sportiness.

C) Fans of manual transmissions.


fark you my Civic EX is luxury.
 
2012-07-22 07:05:13 AM  

toidsal: AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: They make a manual Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?

A) $22k new isn't much of a luxury car. It's only a bit better than a civic as far as I can tell.

B) Pseudo-sportiness.

C) Fans of manual transmissions.


Honda fan here. I can say with certainty that a stick doesn't make an Accord feel much sportier; rather the tightly cornering suspension does that. A stick just makes dumbass teenagers think they're stars of the next Fast/Furious movie.

A Fit, on the other hand, should never even be offered in automatic. Those things are a blast to drive with a five-speed and good tires.

There are four types of vehicles that need stick shifts: Work trucks, off road rigs, budget cars and true sports cars. In any other vehicle it's a hindrance, not a helpful feature.
 
2012-07-22 07:21:08 AM  
Oregon.

Washington State's Florida.
 
2012-07-22 07:23:14 AM  
in an ejaculation
 
2012-07-22 07:45:43 AM  

Cthulhain: toidsal: AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: They make a manual Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?

A) $22k new isn't much of a luxury car. It's only a bit better than a civic as far as I can tell.

B) Pseudo-sportiness.

C) Fans of manual transmissions.

Honda fan here. I can say with certainty that a stick doesn't make an Accord feel much sportier; rather the tightly cornering suspension does that. A stick just makes dumbass teenagers think they're stars of the next Fast/Furious movie.

A Fit, on the other hand, should never even be offered in automatic. Those things are a blast to drive with a five-speed and good tires.

There are four types of vehicles that need stick shifts: Work trucks, off road rigs, budget cars and true sports cars. In any other vehicle it's a hindrance, not a helpful feature.


Dunno if my Mazda Speed3 counts as a sports car, probably not, but it sure is nice being able to accelerate with precision and responsiveness. Mr. Co-Pirate insisted I learn to drive stick, and now I prefer it, unless we're in stop-and-go traffic.
 
2012-07-22 07:52:19 AM  
Can they charge him for that ridiculous beard?
 
2012-07-22 08:01:53 AM  
Very well?

*checks link*

Damn you, Fark, I was hoping you'd restore my faith in humanity one day. I guess today isn't the day.

and the vehicle moved at an idle veering to the right across the driveway of the residence over a grassy area and into the neighbor's driveway

So the car movd about 1or 2 MPH over what probably had to be at least 20 feet, and this dumbass couldn't stop it in time? Reach over and put your foot on the brake dumb ass.

Something's not right with this story. If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall? And if the car is moving under idle power only, it is not going to hit a minivan with enough force to cause it to push the old woman over. Hell, it would barely cause the thing to rock.
 
2012-07-22 08:27:40 AM  

MythDragon: So the car movd about 1or 2 MPH over what probably had to be at least 20 feet, and this dumbass couldn't stop it in time? Reach over and put your foot on the brake dumb ass.

Something's not right with this story. If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall? And if the car is moving under idle power only, it is not going to hit a minivan with enough force to cause it to push the old woman over. Hell, it would barely cause the thing to rock.



My car idles in first at 5 mph.

It's possible when she popped the clutch the car lurched forward, almost stalled, but the momentum of the lurch kicked the engine back from stalling to running and off she went.

Why the father didn't kill it with the handbrake I have no idea... Time perception gets all wonky for humans when these things happen.
 
2012-07-22 08:28:08 AM  
upload.wikimedia.org

Taught his niece to drive stick.
 
2012-07-22 08:37:20 AM  

MythDragon: If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall?


Hondas do not stall. Hondas are eternal.
 
2012-07-22 08:47:58 AM  

MythDragon: Very well?

*checks link*

Damn you, Fark, I was hoping you'd restore my faith in humanity one day. I guess today isn't the day.

and the vehicle moved at an idle veering to the right across the driveway of the residence over a grassy area and into the neighbor's driveway

So the car movd about 1or 2 MPH over what probably had to be at least 20 feet, and this dumbass couldn't stop it in time? Reach over and put your foot on the brake dumb ass.

Something's not right with this story. If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall? And if the car is moving under idle power only, it is not going to hit a minivan with enough force to cause it to push the old woman over. Hell, it would barely cause the thing to rock.


This is what I was wondering. I drive a Dodge Challenger with a 5.7L V8 and even it will stall if my foot slips of the clutch. It will chirp the tires and move about a foot, but then it will just stall.
 
2012-07-22 08:55:55 AM  

Ringo48: Actually, that's better than the "stick" I was thinking of.

That's a plus, I guess.


img542.imageshack.us
 
2012-07-22 08:56:50 AM  

MythDragon: Very well?

*checks link*

Damn you, Fark, I was hoping you'd restore my faith in humanity one day. I guess today isn't the day.

and the vehicle moved at an idle veering to the right across the driveway of the residence over a grassy area and into the neighbor's driveway

So the car movd about 1or 2 MPH over what probably had to be at least 20 feet, and this dumbass couldn't stop it in time? Reach over and put your foot on the brake dumb ass.

Something's not right with this story. If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall? And if the car is moving under idle power only, it is not going to hit a minivan with enough force to cause it to push the old woman over. Hell, it would barely cause the thing to rock.


You're assuming the car travelled 20'. In Journalism world that distance is unknown to us. The grassy area could've been just a two foot strip of grass for all we know. This cool uncle just doesn't have patience to wait for the right time and place for that sort of thing. This isn't exactly criminal since he had the intention of not hurting someone else by being on private property, though he is in deep debt to the lady next door. Jail time won't fix this, so keep him working so he can pay the lady for all the damage he caused.
 
2012-07-22 09:08:16 AM  

sexy-fetus: I was expecting a pedo story


Yea, I'm betting Uncle Derrick has played other grown-up games with his neice. The broken pelvis and wrecked cars were enough of a distraction this time. The police probably didn't notice the missing panties.
 
2012-07-22 09:12:52 AM  
muscleandbrawn.com

Teach her to drive a stick
 
2012-07-22 09:16:30 AM  

Dadoody: [muscleandbrawn.com image 400x600]

Teach her to drive a stick


With fake tits like those I imagine she's been driving stick since she was 15.
 
2012-07-22 09:49:07 AM  
Reads headline...

Me: "MMMmmmm considering this is fark....."

Reads TFA

"Wow he's not a pedophile and was actually, all thou stupidly, teaching her how to drive."

/Shocked
 
2012-07-22 09:50:57 AM  

Cthulhain: toidsal: AverageAmericanGuy: AverageAmericanGuy: They make a manual Accord? What's the point in getting a stick shift in a luxury car?

A) $22k new isn't much of a luxury car. It's only a bit better than a civic as far as I can tell.

B) Pseudo-sportiness.

C) Fans of manual transmissions.

Honda fan here. I can say with certainty that a stick doesn't make an Accord feel much sportier; rather the tightly cornering suspension does that. A stick just makes dumbass teenagers think they're stars of the next Fast/Furious movie.

A Fit, on the other hand, should never even be offered in automatic. Those things are a blast to drive with a five-speed and good tires.

There are four types of vehicles that need stick shifts: Work trucks, off road rigs, budget cars and true sports cars. In any other vehicle it's a hindrance, not a helpful feature.


I couldnt disagree more. Every model should at least be offered with a manual. Here are the reasons: 1) manual transmissions cost less, 2) they are less likely to fail, 3) on the rare occasions that one does fail it costs less to repair than an automatic, 4) obviously it depends greatly on the driver and to some extent on the car but in general a reasonably thoughtful driver is going to get better gas mileage in a car with a manual, 5) you cant push start an automatic.

Whether its a motorhome, a luxo barge, a sports car or an econobox I would rather row my own than deal with the cost, problems, and vagueness of an automatic.
 
2012-07-22 10:02:37 AM  
y'all are slipping. the poleece blew it.

It was a murder plot of hitchcockian design. he would say the niece's foot slipped off the clutch, the car went out of control and killed the nosy neighbor biatch he had been feuding with for years, in a horrible and tragic accident.

what he hadn't anticipated was how slow the damn thing would go once it started. that will be his downfall.

/perfect crime except for the fail part
 
2012-07-22 10:33:16 AM  
Cthulhain:


There are four types of vehicles that need stick shifts: Work trucks, off road rigs, budget cars and true sports cars. In any other vehicle it's a hindrance, not a helpful feature.

Maybe for the BaJa prerunners, but you do not want a stick rock crawling unless you've got ridiculous crawl ratio.

You do not want to start burning your cluch on this type stuff (open/open/2"BB/31's/stockgears/AW4)

i1185.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-22 10:39:45 AM  

fluffy2097: MythDragon: So the car movd about 1or 2 MPH over what probably had to be at least 20 feet, and this dumbass couldn't stop it in time? Reach over and put your foot on the brake dumb ass.

Something's not right with this story. If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall? And if the car is moving under idle power only, it is not going to hit a minivan with enough force to cause it to push the old woman over. Hell, it would barely cause the thing to rock.


My car idles in first at 5 mph.

It's possible when she popped the clutch the car lurched forward, almost stalled, but the momentum of the lurch kicked the engine back from stalling to running and off she went.

Why the father didn't kill it with the handbrake I have no idea... Time perception gets all wonky for humans when these things happen.


I've never seen a manual accelerate with no pedals depressed. Usually it just engine brakes until it stalls.
 
2012-07-22 10:40:38 AM  

BronyMedic: You know, when I was growing up, we had river bottoms for this sort of thing.

Of course, it's hard to hurt a 79 Chevy.


Citation Needed......

www.sportcarwallpaper.us
 
2012-07-22 10:45:16 AM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: fluffy2097: MythDragon: So the car movd about 1or 2 MPH over what probably had to be at least 20 feet, and this dumbass couldn't stop it in time? Reach over and put your foot on the brake dumb ass.

Something's not right with this story. If the engine was only at an idle, and the kid's foot slipped off the clutch instead of slowly releasing it, wouldn't the damn thing stall? And if the car is moving under idle power only, it is not going to hit a minivan with enough force to cause it to push the old woman over. Hell, it would barely cause the thing to rock.


My car idles in first at 5 mph.

It's possible when she popped the clutch the car lurched forward, almost stalled, but the momentum of the lurch kicked the engine back from stalling to running and off she went.

Why the father didn't kill it with the handbrake I have no idea... Time perception gets all wonky for humans when these things happen.

I've never seen a manual accelerate with no pedals depressed. Usually it just engine brakes until it stalls.


You've never heard the phrase..... "give it some gas and then release the clutch?"

I taught my 8 year old how to drive a manual in a Suzuki Samurai with a 4-1 transfer case. There was no way to stall it just by letting out the clutch and top speed in first gear 4wd low was about 3 mph, so there was no chance it was going to get away from her before I could slip the shifter. Worked great, it took her about ten seconds to grasp the concept of 'sea-saw' and 'bug stomp' which is kid speak for 'clutch out gas in' and 'clutch-brake'. Total it took us less than a minute for her to get it moving and start tooling around our back yard.
 
2012-07-22 10:55:42 AM  

rugsucka: Cthulhain:


There are four types of vehicles that need stick shifts: Work trucks, off road rigs, budget cars and true sports cars. In any other vehicle it's a hindrance, not a helpful feature.

Maybe for the BaJa prerunners, but you do not want a stick rock crawling unless you've got ridiculous crawl ratio.

You do not want to start burning your cluch on this type stuff (open/open/2"BB/31's/stockgears/AW4)

[i1185.photobucket.com image 850x637]



In every vehicle a stick shift is a joy. I will admit that the new generation of automatics are much much better, but until there is a high speed paddle shift offered on every car you still wont get the ease of use that comes with a manual transmission. I am an incorrigible user of the select stick on my Tundra for hill braking, but the lag between gears is ridiculous. And a casual driver in an automatic will always be forced to use their brakes in a turn because most of the time you are going to fast in an auto, and your brakes are your only option for scrubbing speed. It drives me nuts how much I use the brakes in my Tundra for things that I would just downshift for in my Samurai or Matrix.

And I think you would find that the reason a stick would not serve you on that hill is that immensely heavy and tall geared Cherokee. Suv's should stay on asphalt and let light weight short wheel base vehicles take the rough terrain.
 
2012-07-22 11:01:46 AM  

Ima4nic8or: A) $22k new isn't much of a luxury car. It's only a bit better than a civic as far as I can tell.


I agree in principle, but the fuel crisis has caused manufacturers to finally begin to upgrade the automatic transmission. With 9-speed autos on the way next year and shift lags being reduced to thousandths of a second, you will actually get better gas mileage in an automatic soon. Engine and transmission management computers will pick the gear that holds you in the cars power band for whatever condition of acceleration you are asking for with your foot....and check it thousands of times per second.

Of course the problem with programming for fuel economy and efficiency is that it makes it harder to teach a transmission how to slow you down when you want. I also find that modern automatics are way to tippy off the line, I find it hard to get them moving without a clumsy lurch.....but that may be because my only Auto is in my Tundra which has too much torque for everyday driving.
 
2012-07-22 11:17:31 AM  

The Jami Turman Fan Club: I've never seen a manual accelerate with no pedals depressed. Usually it just engine brakes until it stalls.


Mine idles along happily at 5 mph. It's awesome in heavy traffic.
 
2012-07-22 11:19:14 AM  

archichris: With 9-speed autos


LOL. Those are gonna have the same problem CVT's have. An infinite number of gears and it will always be in the wrong one.
 
2012-07-22 11:48:58 AM  
Work the clutch. Grip the stick. Say my name.
 
2012-07-22 12:19:50 PM  
archichris: Citation Needed......

Challenge accepted!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chevrolet_C/K

It's 34 years later, and the thing is still going strong. Built more solid than a Sherman tank.
 
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