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(Toronto Sun)   Onion products may be contaminated with listeria, says area man   (torontosun.com) divider line 47
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3757 clicks; posted to Main » on 20 Jul 2012 at 10:27 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-20 09:31:49 AM
Well played Subby.
 
2012-07-20 09:36:55 AM
Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood.

Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood.

Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood. Passersby were amazed by the unusually-large amounts of blood.
 
2012-07-20 09:39:16 AM
That's what you get for being too lazy to chop your own vegetables. Plus you get to pay more to get poisoned!
 
2012-07-20 10:28:28 AM
Still no word on what The Onion random articles are posted on fark from, is infected with.
 
2012-07-20 10:33:01 AM
o.onionstatic.com

/hot
 
2012-07-20 10:34:22 AM
My mother's Ralphs card is, for some reason, tied to my phone number. I got a robocall from Ralphs yesterday about this so I had to call my mom and warn her.

Cool story bro, I know.
 
2012-07-20 10:37:00 AM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-07-20 10:44:49 AM
Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.
 
2012-07-20 10:45:47 AM

LincolnLogolas: My mother's Ralphs card is, for some reason, tied to my phone number. I got a robocall from Ralphs yesterday about this so I had to call my mom and warn her.

Cool story bro, I know.


My grandmother's market called her to let her know she had purchases something contaminated. I was up for a visit, and as far as both of us could tell, she didn't make the purchase with any identifying information - at least none that the market should have access to.

Comforting and disturbing at the same time. But since she's 85, I'll take the "don't kill Gram through food poisoning" option.
 
2012-07-20 10:47:45 AM

Random Discord: Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.


I don't get it either, as my earlier post implies.

- More handling means greater likelihood of contamination.
- Things spoil faster.
- You pay more.

The drawbacks outweigh the benefits IMHO.
 
2012-07-20 10:49:58 AM

Random Discord: Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.


They're harder to tie to your belt that way too.
 
2012-07-20 10:51:23 AM

Diogenes: LincolnLogolas: My mother's Ralphs card is, for some reason, tied to my phone number. I got a robocall from Ralphs yesterday about this so I had to call my mom and warn her.

Cool story bro, I know.

My grandmother's market called her to let her know she had purchases something contaminated. I was up for a visit, and as far as both of us could tell, she didn't make the purchase with any identifying information - at least none that the market should have access to.

Comforting and disturbing at the same time. But since she's 85, I'll take the "don't kill Gram through food poisoning" option.


If they are going to collect all this information on your purchasing habits using your discount card or credit card, I think its a nice gesture if they let you know your purchase is going to try to kill you.
 
2012-07-20 10:53:41 AM

cwolf20: Still no word on what The Onion random articles are posted on fark from, is infected with.


i142.photobucket.com
dafuq did I just read
 
2012-07-20 10:54:21 AM

Random Discord: Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.


THIS

Learn to use a knife, motherfarkers!!!
 
2012-07-20 10:55:19 AM

Jones_Boy: If they are going to collect all this information on your purchasing habits using your discount card or credit card, I think its a nice gesture if they let you know your purchase is going to try to kill you.


That's the thing though. She paid cash and doesn't have a frequent buyer card or the like. Could have been a "non-automated" call.

She's lived there nearly her entire life. She knows everyone. She lives in the house my great grandparents built.

And like I said, I'll always take the "save Gram" option. Even though she drives me up a farking wall. Frequently.
 
2012-07-20 10:56:05 AM
Came in to say well done subby, very subtle yet perfect.
 
2012-07-20 10:56:21 AM
If you look at "Related Stories", you'll see that smoked ham, hot dogs, smoked salmon, cheese products, dairy products, and even Earth Greens "Organic Italian Blend" salad also contain listeria.

Guess we know where to go to get a good dose of listeria, eh?
 
2012-07-20 10:56:54 AM
That headline made me lol hard. Considering I just read about some dickbag murdering a bunch of people at the Batman opening here in Colorado I definately needed that. Thanks subby.
 
2012-07-20 10:57:17 AM

Diogenes: Random Discord: Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.

I don't get it either, as my earlier post implies.

- More handling means greater likelihood of contamination.
- Things spoil faster.
- You pay more.

The drawbacks outweigh the benefits IMHO.


Except to people with lots of allergies and bad sinuses - chopping onions can be very unpleasant for some people.
 
2012-07-20 10:59:58 AM
Bravo subby.
 
2012-07-20 11:02:06 AM

jso2897: Diogenes: Random Discord: Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.

I don't get it either, as my earlier post implies.

- More handling means greater likelihood of contamination.
- Things spoil faster.
- You pay more.

The drawbacks outweigh the benefits IMHO.

Except to people with lots of allergies and bad sinuses - chopping onions can be very unpleasant for some people.


While listeria is like rainbows in your colon.
 
2012-07-20 11:03:36 AM
What? No infographic?
 
2012-07-20 11:05:02 AM

OlDood: If you look at "Related Stories", you'll see that smoked ham, hot dogs, smoked salmon, cheese products, dairy products, and even Earth Greens "Organic Italian Blend" salad also contain listeria.

Guess we know where to go to get a good dose of listeria, eh?


Yes, and it involves one helluva sandwitch
 
2012-07-20 11:06:35 AM
Subby does NOT need a good cock-punchin'

Well done
 
2012-07-20 11:10:09 AM
Except to people with lots of allergies and bad sinuses - chopping onions can be very unpleasant for some people.



I would think you'd be embarrased to even write that, Nancy
 
2012-07-20 11:21:37 AM

Random Discord: Why would anyone buy pre-diced onions? IF you are cooking and using onions, I would think that you would have both the tools and capability to dice the goddamn thing yourself. If you don't have the tools or capability to dice an onion, then you shouldn't be cooking.


I am guilty of buying them. Reason being, I eat red onions in/on almost everything. It seemed like a cool time saver. When I go home for lunch I am on a time schedule and having them pre-chopped was a big time saver when every minute counts. I'll throw them in tuna, on my quesadilla, in my chili - you name it. It takes a couple seconds to toss in a handful from a pre-chopped box, where it would take a couple minutes chopping by hand (plus added cleaning of the knife and cutting board, and making sure the piece of onion you chop off is just the right size for whatever you are eating once it is fully chopped up)

However - I noticed I started getting bad headaches. It appears the pre-chopped onions were giving them to me (did I mention I eat a LOT of onions, and even more so when they are readily prepped). As soon as I went back to chopping them myself - the headaches stopped.
 
2012-07-20 11:26:46 AM

Diogenes: LincolnLogolas: My mother's Ralphs card is, for some reason, tied to my phone number. I got a robocall from Ralphs yesterday about this so I had to call my mom and warn her.

Cool story bro, I know.

My grandmother's market called her to let her know she had purchases something contaminated. I was up for a visit, and as far as both of us could tell, she didn't make the purchase with any identifying information - at least none that the market should have access to.

Comforting and disturbing at the same time. But since she's 85, I'll take the "don't kill Gram through food poisoning" option.


maybe by her check, or they are calling all customers or.....they are following her....
 
2012-07-20 11:33:30 AM
timharrod [TotalFark]



i142.photobucket.com
dafuq did I just read


I'll let you know as soon as I figure out what the hell I drank to spawn it.


Occasional links on fark- by a submitter who saw this thing/website called The Onion. Which takes news and tries to make it fake and funny.

I doubt it's listeria that affects the site, but they need to get an enema

There. Is that better? Or do I need to get out pictionary
 
2012-07-20 11:34:10 AM

KimNorth: ....they are following her....


Oh, please. She's terrified of "the gypsies." Don't go there ;-)

/big problem in stirling, nj
 
2012-07-20 11:44:45 AM
I'm just now finally recovering from a nearly week-long bout with food poisoning after a picnic last weekend. I thought I was gonna die!

no diced onions though. not sure what I got it from, but several others at the picnic had it too.
 
2012-07-20 11:46:15 AM

cwolf20: Occasional links on fark- by a submitter who saw this thing/website called The Onion. Which takes news and tries to make it fake and funny.


I'd like to buy a verb.
 
2012-07-20 11:48:35 AM

schattenteufel: I'm just now finally recovering from a nearly week-long bout with food poisoning after a picnic last weekend. I thought I was gonna die!

no diced onions though. not sure what I got it from, but several others at the picnic had it too.


I had shingella (form of e.coli) about two months ago. I prayed for death.

My culprit was either tuna or spinach, as best I could figure.
 
2012-07-20 11:54:19 AM
LordOfThePings

I'd like to buy a verb.



I surrender, Though I still wonder what disease they have.
 
2012-07-20 12:00:10 PM
tcritic.com
 
2012-07-20 12:43:57 PM
Isn't that an album by Def Leppard?
 
2012-07-20 12:51:15 PM

Diogenes: I had shingella (form of e.coli) about two months ago. I prayed for death.


I thought Shingella was that chick that dressed up in those skimpy vampire costumes.
 
2012-07-20 12:52:27 PM

Jones_Boy: Diogenes: LincolnLogolas: My mother's Ralphs card is, for some reason, tied to my phone number. I got a robocall from Ralphs yesterday about this so I had to call my mom and warn her.

Cool story bro, I know.

My grandmother's market called her to let her know she had purchases something contaminated. I was up for a visit, and as far as both of us could tell, she didn't make the purchase with any identifying information - at least none that the market should have access to.

Comforting and disturbing at the same time. But since she's 85, I'll take the "don't kill Gram through food poisoning" option.

If they are going to collect all this information on your purchasing habits using your discount card or credit card, I think its a nice gesture if they let you know your purchase is going to try to kill you.


Perhaps it even becomes a legal duty. How long until the spate of "prove you tried to reach me and couldn't" lawsuits begins?
 
2012-07-20 12:59:12 PM

cwolf20: Still no word on what The Onion random articles are posted on fark from, is infected with.


Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?
 
2012-07-20 01:15:50 PM
These onions - they wouldn't have been packaged by a division of-
img684.imageshack.us
Maple Leaf Foods??
 
2012-07-20 01:24:43 PM
What is area man, dude? I don't get it.
 
2012-07-20 01:47:06 PM

Diogenes: schattenteufel: I'm just now finally recovering from a nearly week-long bout with food poisoning after a picnic last weekend. I thought I was gonna die!

no diced onions though. not sure what I got it from, but several others at the picnic had it too.

I had shingella (form of e.coli) about two months ago. I prayed for death.

My culprit was either tuna or spinach, as best I could figure.


Actually, Shigella is a completley separate bug. Very similar to an EHEC infection though.
 
2012-07-20 03:47:06 PM
Nice, subby.

Old man rant: I can't believe that people have to buy onions diced, so that they can throw yet another plastic container into the landfill. How farking lazy can you get.
 
2012-07-20 05:41:57 PM

ransack.: What is area man, dude? I don't get it.


"area ____" is used in many The Onion headlines. Such as:

Area Bassist Fellated

COLUMBUS, OH--According to reports, area musician Paul Simms, bass player for the local grunge/punk band The Dead Taybacks, was fellated early Sunday morning by an unknown woman. The fellatio, which occurred during a late-night party following a Dead Taybacks show at the Tar Pit in downtown Columbus, was described as "totally rockin'" by Simms, who formerly played bass for Claw Jockey.

Area bassist Paul Simms recently enjoyed oral sex. He attributed the fortuitous encounter to his status as a "rock" musician, which creates a tremendous sexual energy that makes him irresistible to "chicks."

A part-time college student who is currently looking for a place to stay, Simms was unable to identify his fellater, as he passed out shortly thereafter. Nonetheless, he remains optimistic about future occurrences of fellatio in his life, and credits his status as a band member for his fellatio success.

"The whole rock thing--the hair, the ripped clothes, the total disillusionment with the overwhelming, crushing commercialism of modern American life," said Simms, flipping his long, tousled locks out of his eyes with a flip of his hand. "Chicks dig it."

According to witnesses, the fellatio occurred in the alley behind the Tar Pit. At approximately 3:52 a.m., the unknown fellatist unbuckled the belt and lowered the trousers worn by Simms and proceeded to lick, stroke and suck his exposed penis.

"It was awesome," commented Simms. "But don't get the wrong idea here. Fellatio isn't what it's all about. For me, the most important thing is still the music. The beer, the parties and the anonymous random orally induced orgasms are just a tiny part of it."

According to Simms, The Dead Taybacks will soon embark on a five-day tour of southern Ohio, during which he believes he has an excellent chance of receiving additional fellatio.

"I hear we're really big in the Oberlin area," Simms said. "My sister's friend Steve goes to school down there, and she said he thinks he's heard of us."

The Dead Taybacks' first out-of-town date is May 4, when the band will play before an expected 70 people at a Dayton, OH, Knights of Columbus hall.

In addition to the upcoming tour, Simms is hopeful The Dead Taybacks upcoming six-song cassette will also help him land enjoyable oral sex.

"Yeah, we're gonna do a new tape, which will include some songs from our seven-inch EP," Simms said. "A friend of ours borrowed a cassette four-track, so it will be pretty good quality. We'll shop it around, and maybe a local label will pick it up. If not, this record store downtown might sell it on consignment for us. That would be awesome."

Simms said the band has saved "over $75" to record the new cassette, including $11 from a recent show at the Drift-On-Inn Bar and Grill.

"We got paid $40 for that gig," Dead Taybacks drummer and part-time Video Zone clerk Jim Klapisch explained. "But most of that money went toward paying for the flyers."

Band members nevertheless maintain that the money, like the sex, is just a small part of what keeps them going.

"When we get into a van to go to a gig, we rarely talk about how much money we'll pocket or how many babes will be in the audience," Simms said. "After the show, however, that's pretty much all we talk about."

According to sources close to the band, Sunday was no exception, as Simms told bandmates everything he could remember about the previous night's sexual escapade.

Simms also suddenly put off plans to quit the band, though he maintains that his recent sexual encounter had nothing to do with his sudden change of heart.

Experts were not surprised that Simms was the recipient of such a bold sexual favor, one that is not traditionally a casual exchange between partners.

"Being a member of a rock band is very alluring from a sexual standpoint," said Yale University's Nora Hayes, one of the nation's leading authorities on college-area band-related sexual activity. "Men and women in bands are considered 'cool' by their peers, and that, when combined with a visceral, sweaty performance on the part of the musician, makes them very attractive from a mating standpoint."

"That stuff used to happen to me all the time," said Gary Thortle, 29, who played keyboards for Penthouse Sweet while a student at Ohio State. Thortle has since graduated and is now temping for a Columbus-area QualiTemps. "God, I miss those days."

Added former Zen Monkey guitarist and lead singer Ronald Gick: "God, I miss those days."
 
2012-07-20 06:20:44 PM

timharrod: cwolf20: Still no word on what The Onion random articles are posted on fark from, is infected with.

[i142.photobucket.com image 90x111]
dafuq did I just read


"What did you bring that book that I don't like to be read to out of up for?
 
2012-07-20 07:54:22 PM
 
2012-07-20 08:23:45 PM
Um,

How do you not chop yer own onion?
 
2012-07-22 11:29:12 PM
So the 198 gram packets are contaminated. Any word on the 197g or 199g packets?
 
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