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(Time)   "Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States"   (entertainment.time.com) divider line 74
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8241 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Jul 2012 at 3:46 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-19 08:30:22 PM  

100 Watt Walrus: Mikey1969: Unwittingly, I sat through that entire slideshow.

I didn't - I use Deslide.


Wow, THAT is uber cool.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'm in love with you now... :-)
 
2012-07-19 08:33:22 PM  

LoneWolf343: BattleFrenchie28: [i326.photobucket.com image 676x1000]
/hot like a fire rising
//okay not really

Wow, I just nostalgasmed.


For asplit second I thought it looked aweseome.

I mean the poster still does, but for a second let myself it had been done well. Kind of in a Grey album way. Some company makes it and releases it free as a showcase and doesn't charge, thus sidestepping copywrite issues.
 
2012-07-19 08:42:48 PM  

indoorplant: Crank - "He Was Dead... But He Got Better"


I thought this thread was about stupid taglines, not totally rad ones.
 
2012-07-19 09:08:35 PM  

Mega Steve: "Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States"

I have never seen this movie, but it sounds farking ridiculous. George C. Scott, what were you thinking???


The same thing Michael Caine was thinking when he did "Jaws: The Revenge"... "Damn there are a lot of zeros on that check"
 
2012-07-19 09:27:24 PM  

Apos: "Nobody does it better.....thirteen times."


As if I needed another reason to despise Moore's 007 stint.


"All-Time High," "For Your Eyes Only," "Nobody Does It Better," "The Man With The Golden Gun" and the abomination that is "Moonraker" are also a good base.

\and it's only out of respect for The Beatles that I don't put "Live & Let Die" on that list
 
2012-07-19 09:29:07 PM  

FriarReb98: \and it's only out of respect for The Beatles that I don't put "Live & Let Die" on that list


That was Wings, not Beatles.
 
2012-07-19 10:07:04 PM  

FriarReb98: Apos: "Nobody does it better.....thirteen times."


As if I needed another reason to despise Moore's 007 stint.

"All-Time High," "For Your Eyes Only," "Nobody Does It Better," "The Man With The Golden Gun" and the abomination that is "Moonraker" are also a good base.

\and it's only out of respect for The Beatles that I don't put "Live & Let Die" on that list


I hear ya. "For Your Eyes Only", "The Spy Who Loved Me" and,to a lesser extent,"Live And Let Die" are the only Moore films I can stand,despite the atrocious theme songs.
 
2012-07-19 10:13:16 PM  

fusillade762: Sabyen91: Secretariat

WHO'S THAT AT THE DOOR?!?!?!?


Annnd here we see someone earn the rare "one post Favoriting."

Simply perfect. LOL.
 
2012-07-19 10:33:51 PM  

The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight: [img.photobucket.com image 500x690]
"Sex and car crashes"

/ that it's a review quote makes it even better


Man, James Holly and Spader Hunter deserved better.
 
2012-07-19 10:46:01 PM  

Mega Steve: "Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States"

I have never seen this movie, but it sounds farking ridiculous. George C. Scott, what were you thinking???


I think Sacheen Little Feather was signing his contracts at the time
 
2012-07-19 10:54:05 PM  

FriarReb98: Apos: "Nobody does it better.....thirteen times."


As if I needed another reason to despise Moore's 007 stint.

"All-Time High," "For Your Eyes Only," "Nobody Does It Better," "The Man With The Golden Gun" and the abomination that is "Moonraker" are also a good base.

\and it's only out of respect for The Beatles that I don't put "Live & Let Die" on that list


Beg to slightly differ - The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker are the only even remotely tolerable Moore films, and Moonraker had an exquisite score. Everything else was....just.....no....
 
2012-07-19 11:02:26 PM  

AtlanticCoast63: Beg to slightly differ - The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker are the only even remotely tolerable Moore films, and Moonraker had an exquisite score. Everything else was....just.....no....


They had Jaws in them, which automatically makes them awesome
 
2012-07-20 12:11:25 AM  
I have a soft spot for Moonraker. I don't think it's that bad. It's kind of tongue in cheek, and there are some good sequences. And Mega Steve is right, Jaws automatically makes it awesome.

I also love that James Bond is astounded at the idea of a woman doctor.

Bond: I'm looking for Dr Goodhead.
Dr Goodhead: You just found her.
Bond: A woman!
Dr Goodhead: Your powers of observation do you credit, Mr Bond.

/hijacking your thread like the space shuttle
 
2012-07-20 12:30:58 AM  

Mikey1969: 100 Watt Walrus: Mikey1969: Unwittingly, I sat through that entire slideshow.

I didn't - I use Deslide.

Wow, THAT is uber cool.

Don't take this the wrong way, but I think I'm in love with you now... :-)


Aw, shucks! But I cannot take credit, I'm only an avid user. The creator is also a Farker, but I won't name him because I'm pretty sure he likes to lay low about it for copyright/DRM reasons. I will say that he uses the tool himself a lot, often posting Deslide mini-galleries in various threads where slideshows are otherwise common. Various weekly threads that used to always occur on the same day, but now seem to come more randomly. If you know what I mean.

/nudge, nudge
 
2012-07-20 12:34:43 AM  
49 Worst Horror Movie Taglines. They tend to fall into one of seven categories...

1) Bad Puns:

Scared Stiff (1953)
"They're making a spook-tacle of themselves!"

Scarecrows (1988)
"When it comes to terror they're in a field of their own."

Psycho Cop Returns (1993)
"Something old, something new, someone bloody, and the man in blue!"

Death Machine (1995)
"Man's deadliest weapon shows its metal."

Werewolf (1996)
"Rest in...beast."

Voodoo (1999)
"Just voodoo it!"

Black Christmas (2006)
"This holiday season, the slay ride begins."

2) Poor Wording:

Dracula's Daughter (1936)
"She gives you that weird feeling!"

Psycho (1960)
"It plunges the screen into a new -- and altogether different -- screen excitement!!!"

The Flesh Eaters (1964)
"The only people who will not be STERILIZED with FEAR are those among you who are already DEAD!"

Alien Dead (1980)
"They're consuming every living creature in sight!"

Demonwarp (1988)
"Enter a prime-evil world of future shock and alien terror."

3) Understatements:

The Legend of Boggy Creek (1972)
"A true story."

Don't Look Now (1973)
"A psycho thriller."

Prophecy (1979)
"The monster movie."

Tourist Trap (1979)
"Every year young people disappear."

Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1994)
"Based on the story 'Children of the Corn' by Stephen King."

Devil in the Flesh (1998)
"She's a cold-blooded killer."

4) Overstatements:

King of the Zombies (1941)
"Don't miss this shock-crammed punch-packed double thriller-chiller terror program!"

I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957)
"The most amazing motion picture of our time!"

Curse of the Faceless Man (1958)
"Entombed for eons -- turned to stone -- seeking women, women, women!"

Shriek of the Mutilated (1974)
"A frenzied hunt for a hideous beast uncovers an evil cannibal cult and death is the devil's blessing."

5) Dated References:

The Beast of Yucca Flats (1961)
"Commies made him an atomic mutant!"

The Beast That Killed Women (1965)
"Terror stalks the nudists!"

Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde (1976)
"A screamin' demon rages inside, turnin' him into Mr Hyde...Don't give him no sass or he'll kick yo' ass!"

Satan's Cheerleaders (1977)
"Funnier than The Omen...scarier than Silent Movie."

Pinata: Survival Island (2002)
"You don't get voted off this island."

6) Just Plain Dumb:

The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies (1964)
"Not for sissies!"

Dr. Terror's Gallery of Horrors (1966)
"So shocking it will sliver your liver!"

The Mummy's Shroud (1967)
"Beware the beat of the cloth-wrapped feet!"

Blood Freak (1972)
"A Dracula on drugs!"

Snuff (1974)
"The film that could only be made in South America, where life is cheap."

The Demon Lover (1977)
"At last! The truth about demons!"

Dracula (1979)
"The story of the greatest lover who ever lived, died, and lived again."

Alligator (1980)
"A FRIGHTENING movie with a sense of FUN!"

Don't Go in the Woods Alone (1981)
"Everyone has nightmares about the ugliest way to die."

Blood Hook (1986)
"Blood sports of the human kind."

Demons 2 (1986)
"Lets Party!"

Creepazoids (1987)
"Move over, Aliens, here come the Creepozoids. Even if you kill them, they're still deadly."

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988)
"Angela's back and she's bad."

The Dead Next Door (1989)
"Another Evil Dead."

Vampire vs. Sorcerer (1990)
"Can 16th century magic save a small suburban town terrorized by vampires?"

7) What the...?:

Attack of the Puppet People (1958)
"Doll dwarfs versus the crushing giant beasts!"

Orgy of the Dead (1965)
"Are you heterosexual...?" OR "The film that will satisfy every over-sexagesimal adult!"

Ape (1976)
"Not to be confused with KING KONG."

Strange Behavior (1981)
"Cuts up parts other movies just dislocate."

Grim Prairie Tales (1990)
"I was sucked in!"

Shatter Dead (1994)
"GOD HATES YOU!"

Grim (1995)
"Don't mix this movie and pizza"

bonus:

8. Ghost Ship

The tagline: "Sea evil."

Why it sucks: Let me be honest here: there was a lot of really low-hanging fruit in the horror department, and many of them have already been mocked to death on dedicated horror blogs. There were a couple, though, that were so bad that I thought they each deserved another thrashing. This is one of them: a little gem from the 2000s, that decade that will forever be remembered as a time when horror films got so stupid that we couldn't even remember whether we were being ironic about them anymore. As implied by the title, this film was never developed very far beyond the initial concept of "They're ghosts...but they're on a ship!" Of course, the tagline is just as creative: "It's evil...but it's at sea!"

...But the worst part is: Even when I try to give it a bit more credit and assume it's a reference to the Japanese proverb "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil," that only makes it worse. On the one hand, the fact that "see" and "sea" are homophones hasn't amused me since I was about four years old (well under the requisite age for an R-rated horror film, I might add); on the other, is this tagline implying that I should, in fact, make it my goal to see evil? Granted, that would sum up the attitude of most of America's filmgoers...but still.

Suspiria

The tagline: "The only thing more terrifying than the last 12 minutes of this film are the first 92!"

Why it sucks: Venerable classic though it may be, Italian horror auteur Dario Argento's masterpiece of shock is arguably even more of an easy target than Ghost Ship, mainly because it was released in the 1970's - an era when violent horror movies with ridiculous taglines were the bread and butter of the drive-in industry. Still, this would seem to be the worst of them. Here are the problems I'm seeing here:

1. If you have to tell me your film is "terrifying," that's usually a pretty sure sign that it's not.

2. Why the arbitrary division between the "last 12" minutes and the "first 92"? Why not the last 10 and the first 94? How do the first 64 minutes stack up against the last 40? What about the middle 17 and the other 87?

3. Why would I want to see a horror movie that's going get progressively less scary? Methinks you slept through Screenplay Writing 101, signore.
 
2012-07-20 01:00:51 AM  
There was a horror film that was released to theaters preceding Amityville 3-D (yet was part of the same late-70s-early-80s 3-D revival) whose one-sheet bore the tagline "This film makes YOU the victim". It won its year's Truth In Advertising award from Consumer Reports magazine. Does anybody recall what that film was?

Google-fu fails me.
 
2012-07-20 01:35:56 AM  

syrynxx: If I had a nickel for every time I'd unwittingly trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States, I'd be a rich woman.


I'd have $15.75
 
2012-07-20 01:41:52 AM  

rocinante721: SAFE HOUSE

"No one is safe"


No one is house.

/stolen from Doug Benson
 
2012-07-20 04:07:28 AM  

devildog123: Mega Steve: "Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States"

I have never seen this movie, but it sounds farking ridiculous. George C. Scott, what were you thinking???

The same thing Michael Caine was thinking when he did "Jaws: The Revenge"... "Damn there are a lot of zeros on that check"


"I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific."
 
2012-07-20 04:38:36 AM  

Pandora's Litterbox: There was a horror film that was released to theaters preceding Amityville 3-D (yet was part of the same late-70s-early-80s 3-D revival) whose one-sheet bore the tagline "This film makes YOU the victim". It won its year's Truth In Advertising award from Consumer Reports magazine. Does anybody recall what that film was?

Google-fu fails me.


IMDB has that tagline associated WITH Amityville 3-D


Taglines: WARNING: in this movie you are the victim.
 
2012-07-20 08:26:30 AM  
Qaiwolf: Pandora's Litterbox: There was a horror film that was released to theaters preceding Amityville 3-D (yet was part of the same late-70s-early-80s 3-D revival) whose one-sheet bore the tagline "This film makes YOU the victim". It won its year's Truth In Advertising award from Consumer Reports magazine. Does anybody recall what that film was?

Google-fu fails me.

IMDB has that tagline associated WITH Amityville 3-D


Taglines: WARNING: in this movie you are the victim.



Perhaps in my dotage I'm thinking what just ain't so but I swear I read about a film from a year or two earlier to Amityville 3-D which the publicity designers at Orion ripped off borrowed that from (and, as it's a supremely moronic tag to begin with, I can't imagine why they'd appropriate it). I read about it in a book on strange and unusual movie trivia which has long been out of my possession. I just looked up a site covering the entire history of 3-D movies (and there were a lot of little probabably-better-off-obscure ones) and they don't have anything but Amityville bearing anything akin to it.


Oh well. Just me being old and nuts. Thanks, anyhow.
 
2012-07-20 11:00:04 AM  
I always hated the freaking short story of a tagline on the Scarface poster, He's a guy who gets involved with drugs. There has to be a simpler way to convey that than covering half the poster in text.
 
2012-07-20 11:20:53 AM  

zerkalo: Mega Steve: "Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States"

I have never seen this movie, but it sounds farking ridiculous. George C. Scott, what were you thinking???

I think Sacheen Little Feather was signing his contracts at the time


That was Brando, not George.
 
2012-07-20 06:52:43 PM  

BroVinny: FriarReb98: \and it's only out of respect for The Beatles that I don't put "Live & Let Die" on that list

That was Wings, not Beatles.


I know. It's because Paul's a former Beatle that I will not scream at that one. Though the fact that, in nine years, one of the Beatles went from being a Bond joke to providing a soundtrack is kind of funny.

\as for Moore: I'm going View to a Kill, Man with the Golden Gun, For Your Eyes Only, Spy who Loved Me, Octopussy, Live and Let Die, and then five miles down the list, Moonraker. Because it always feels like it was solely done to piggyback on all the space stories out at the time.
 
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