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(Huffington Post)   Tom Cruise has been emotionally devastated and deeply depressed over his divorce. Just kidding, he's already got Mrs. Cruise #4 picked out. (Bonus: she's a "princess" in the church of Scientology)   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 104
    More: Interesting, Tom Cruise, human beings, Lisa Rinna, Yolanda Pecoraro, Ashley Tisdale, Chace Crawford, Stephen Baldwin, Adam Shulman  
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19608 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 19 Jul 2012 at 10:19 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-19 07:38:18 AM
RadarOnline is reporting that Yolanda Pecoraro, a virtually unknown actress, has been cast to fill Holmes' shoes.

What?! She played the "bikini babe" in one episode of Dr. Vegas and "sexy brunette" in one episode of "Greek". And how many of us will ever forget her stunning performance as Elizabeth in "Death Tunnel"?

Besides, she's 27 and looks like this:

www.tradingfuturesthemovie.com

Well played, Mr. Cruise. Well played, indeed.
 
2012-07-19 07:45:12 AM
I'd audit it!

/sorry. best I could do without coffee.
 
2012-07-19 07:59:24 AM
I'd L. Ron it.
 
2012-07-19 08:37:27 AM
Did he have to haggle?
 
2012-07-19 08:45:02 AM
I imagine that Tom Cruise doesn't really have a problem meeting women. No matter how weird he is.

www.stuffchannel.com
 
2012-07-19 09:09:23 AM

Because People in power are Stupid: I imagine that Tom Cruise doesn't really have a problem meeting women. No matter how weird he is.

[www.stuffchannel.com image 425x283]


How though?
 
2012-07-19 09:46:57 AM

Lucky LaRue: Well played, Mr. Cruise. Well played, indeed.


ERK

*thud*
 
2012-07-19 10:03:26 AM
I guess he needs a new beard. I wonder if this one will have a 5 or 10 year contract?
 
2012-07-19 10:06:25 AM

slayer199: I guess he needs a new beard. I wonder if this one will have a 5 or 10 year contract?


I'm putting money down on 6. She's 27, and something about Cruise makes it to where he doesn't want to be with them, or they don't want to be with him the second they turn 33.
 
2012-07-19 10:22:38 AM
Wow she's hot but where does she land on the crazy hot scale? Like above Mendoza line?
 
2012-07-19 10:22:40 AM
Yolanda Pecoraro Rogers Kidman Holmes Cruise

MMmmmm
 
2012-07-19 10:24:44 AM
I'd put my Thetan juice in her.
 
2012-07-19 10:25:58 AM
Meanwhile, the redhead from Grounded for Life sighs, waiting for a break that her agent/counselor insists will happen any day now, calls Leah Remini to see if she and Jenna Elfman wanna meet to read up on Dianetics for the 5th time this week.
 
2012-07-19 10:29:13 AM

scottydoesntknow: slayer199: I guess he needs a new beard. I wonder if this one will have a 5 or 10 year contract?

I'm putting money down on 6. She's 27, and something about Cruise makes it to where he doesn't want to be with them, or they don't want to be with him the second they turn 33.


Give a couple months for his "recovery" and a month or two for them to date. They'll get married after she turns 28, and she'll file for divorce by 33. 5 year contract.
 
2012-07-19 10:29:18 AM

slayer199: I guess he needs a new beard. I wonder if this one will have a 5 or 10 year contract?


Well if he gets her to sign the sea org contract he'll never need another beard ever.
 
2012-07-19 10:30:20 AM

scottydoesntknow: I'm putting money down on 6. She's 27, and something about Cruise makes it to where he doesn't want to be with them, or they don't want to be with him the second they turn 33.


At 33, they say to themselves, "Is this as good as this is going to get?"
The answer is already apparent.
Twenty-six-year-olds are naive and often allow wishes and expectations to color their reality.
Then they start to wake up.

/Beyond that, you don't want to be anywhere nearby when women turn 40 and realize they will never be a princess, despite decades of expectations and programming. At that point, you are nothing but a target of opportunity and need to be far, far away.
 
2012-07-19 10:35:28 AM
I also call out Mister Mapother for violating the Half Plus Seven Rule.
Half his age, plus seven puts the youngest woman he should be dating at 32 years old.

You violate the rules of nature, you get screwed over one way or another.

/What's he got to fear from a 32-year-old woman?
//Afraid she might think for herself, probably.
 
2012-07-19 10:36:26 AM
Run lady!! Run! Run like Rinder!

Maybe she can find David Miscavige's missing wife Shelly.
 
2012-07-19 10:37:41 AM
What is it with that story and its implications Tom Cruise selects a woman to play a role in his life, not to be his soul mate?

The snarky way it's written would make you believe his marriages have been a sham designed to cover up something.
 
2012-07-19 10:39:15 AM
John Travolta will be devastated.
 
2012-07-19 10:41:56 AM
Now THIS is a Xenusian hottie.
 
2012-07-19 10:45:12 AM

EyeballKid: Meanwhile, the redhead from Grounded for Life sighs, waiting for a break that her agent/counselor insists will happen any day now...


She was hot in a chubby, don't tell your friends about her sort of way.

Anyway, I saw an internet graphic that made a very convincing argument that Taylor Swift was going to be the next Mrs. Mapother.
 
2012-07-19 10:45:31 AM
Now Yolanda, we're not gonna do anything stupid, are we? We're all gonna be like three little Fonzies here. And what's Fonzie like?
Come on Yolanda what's Fonzie like?!!!

/Correctamundo
 
2012-07-19 10:49:12 AM
Seems like it's a natural match. She'll be his beard, and in return get a few choice movie roles out of the deal.
 
2012-07-19 10:50:06 AM
At 33 she will be on carousel like the others
 
2012-07-19 10:50:11 AM
The Princess?
Put all sections on alert.
 
2012-07-19 10:54:44 AM
She's a Princess and, if rumors are true, he's the Queen of Scientology.
 
2012-07-19 10:55:57 AM
He seems to be very wary of not being romantically linked to a female, even for a very short time.

I wonder why.
 
2012-07-19 10:56:35 AM

wippit: The Princess?
Put all sections on alert.


Xenu is far too remote to make an effective demonstration...


...you may fire at will...
 
2012-07-19 11:01:48 AM
That article actually cited the National Enquirer as a source. With no indication they were using irony or sarcasm at all.
 
2012-07-19 11:04:53 AM
She makes my E-Meter rise.
 
2012-07-19 11:06:07 AM
cdn2.elitedaily.com

"I get pussy like you only see on the internet!"
 
2012-07-19 11:15:48 AM
i2.kym-cdn.com
See more on Know Your Meme
 
2012-07-19 11:16:42 AM

HotIgneous Intruder: Twenty-six-year-olds are naive and often allow wishes and expectations to color their reality.


Well, they are only 6.
 
2012-07-19 11:20:53 AM
David Miscavige: Tom, we're going to need you to hold your nose and hit that sh*t a few times. We have to have more high profile kids to front the cult.
 
2012-07-19 11:36:31 AM
Uppppgggggrrrrrrraaayyyyed!

At least physically speaking, she is far superior to Holmes, and Kidman, and Rogers.
 
2012-07-19 11:40:18 AM
The picture of said woman ITFA looks like a dark-skinned Anne Hathaway.
 
2012-07-19 11:44:45 AM

The Muthaship: David Miscavige: Tom, we're going to need you to hold your nose and hit that sh*t a few times. We have to have more high profile kids to front the cult.


Yes, Top Gun was prob the most unintentionally gay movie ever, but has there ever been any real evidence of Cruise being gay? No? Then STFU about it already. This meme is so played.

And who cares if he is, not your business. He could swing both ways privately and one way publicly, nothing wrong with that.
 
2012-07-19 11:46:14 AM
How do you figure? Is it because she's younger? That's the only thing I can fathom.

As I see it, if you look at them all at the same age...all the others have larger/better/nicer assets.
 
2012-07-19 11:46:41 AM

Richelieu: That article actually cited the National Enquirer as a source. With no indication they were using irony or sarcasm at all.


The National Enquirer is a very good source on certain things. Basically, anything they can get sued (and lose a lot of money) on, they usually have really good sources. Since the Co$ has proven that it is litigious and willing to dump funds into a lawsuit just for the grins, you can bet the Enquirer basically has written affidavits, audio and video recordings, and docs written in blood. And probably a lot of blackmail they can run as "allegedly".
 
2012-07-19 11:47:11 AM
Previous statement was directed @ Cymbal
 
2012-07-19 11:47:48 AM

zarberg: The picture of said woman ITFA looks like a dark-skinned Anne Hathaway.


My thoughts as well.
 
2012-07-19 11:48:31 AM

Cymbal: The Muthaship: David Miscavige: Tom, we're going to need you to hold your nose and hit that sh*t a few times. We have to have more high profile kids to front the cult.

Yes, Top Gun was prob the most unintentionally gay movie ever, but has there ever been any real evidence of Cruise being gay? No? Then STFU about it already. This meme is so played.

And who cares if he is, not your business. He could swing both ways privately and one way publicly, nothing wrong with that.


Geez, didn't know Tom was a farker. Huh.
 
2012-07-19 11:51:45 AM
That is not a pic of Haley Joel Osment.
 
2012-07-19 11:52:37 AM

Lee's_Austin: zarberg: The picture of said woman ITFA looks like a dark-skinned Anne Hathaway.

My thoughts as well.


And in no way is that depressing.
 
2012-07-19 11:54:16 AM
Show business in general (and Hollywood specifically) is a strange and soulless place.

How could any sane person even tolerate the thought of having that grinning little monkey sweating and grunting over them, let alone staying and raising a child, just to possibly advance a career?
 
2012-07-19 12:09:38 PM
This dude is going to be delightfully insane by the time he gets to 70. I'm thinking sparkly jumpsuits and being carried around on a silver throne by midgets.
 
2012-07-19 12:09:42 PM

TheLopper: Lee's_Austin: zarberg: The picture of said woman ITFA looks like a dark-skinned Anne Hathaway.

My thoughts as well.

And in no way is that depressing.


I never said it was! Break out your pedobear photos, but when I first saw her in the horrible Fox show "Get Real" I said to myself, "she's gonna be a hottie."
 
2012-07-19 12:13:56 PM

Cymbal: The Muthaship: David Miscavige: Tom, we're going to need you to hold your nose and hit that sh*t a few times. We have to have more high profile kids to front the cult.

Yes, Top Gun was prob the most unintentionally gay movie ever, but has there ever been any real evidence of Cruise being gay? No? Then STFU about it already. This meme is so played.

And who cares if he is, not your business. He could swing both ways privately and one way publicly, nothing wrong with that.


White knighting this creature? Nice.

0.5/10
 
2012-07-19 12:15:07 PM

Cymbal: The Muthaship: David Miscavige: Tom, we're going to need you to hold your nose and hit that sh*t a few times. We have to have more high profile kids to front the cult.

Yes, Top Gun was prob the most unintentionally gay movie ever, but has there ever been any real evidence of Cruise being gay? No? Then STFU about it already. This meme is so played.

And who cares if he is, not your business. He could swing both ways privately and one way publicly, nothing wrong with that.


I don't really care what he does in his own home. Everyone that's worked with him says he a really nice guy, and as long as he keeps churning out entertaining movies, I don't care if he's crazy, I'm not hanging out with the guy.
 
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