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(Weekly World News)   U.S. has secret plans to attack Luxembourg during Operation Mousetrap   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
•       •       •

4430 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2003 at 2:33 PM (13 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

46 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-11-15 12:07:13 AM  
Man, I've been completely out of the loop on world politics since my subscription to WWN expired.
2003-11-15 12:45:19 AM  
Satire is one thing,
Let's see if GWB can find Luxembourg on a map.
Better yet, ask him to spell it.
2003-11-15 08:07:12 AM  
I wonder if George knows what the capital of Luxembourg is... other than "L"
2003-11-15 12:57:27 PM  
That's a cheesy headline!
2003-11-15 01:10:18 PM  
Unlike Iraq, we can guarantee there will be no unpleasant surprises

Unless they call on a Monday morning of course. There's usually no one in then. Probably best if you call ahead to confirm Georgie.
2003-11-15 02:38:34 PM  

The truth is so funny.
2003-11-15 02:39:06 PM  
Great, now WWN is ripping off story ideas from old Peter Sellers movies...
2003-11-15 02:41:07 PM  
"It's the craziest game you'll ever see."
2003-11-15 02:41:49 PM  
"The gold is buried in the ree-ver."
2003-11-15 02:45:46 PM  
We've tolerated the insults of that pipsqueak country for too long.

2003-11-15 02:47:20 PM  
2003-11-15 02:50:06 PM  
I for one welcome our new Luxembourgish overlords..
-it was worth a shot..(sinks back into the corner)
2003-11-15 02:51:51 PM  
"liberate Luxembourg". i love it.

JosephFinn: The Mouse That Roared, well spotted. Classic. Although i prefer Mouse On The Moon.
2003-11-15 02:53:37 PM  
"The jobs of our nation's grape growers are in peril," an angry Bush is quoted as telling aides. "The Grand Duke's dumping of grapes on the U.S. market is an agricultural weapon of mass destruction."

Thats when you know its fake ;P

Bush supporting labor HA. Crazy WWN.
2003-11-15 03:00:09 PM  
After Luxembourg you can attack , belgium for it chocolate, Holland for it WmD of gay marriages and weird night life. Demnark they have been too quiet lately

/got nuthin
2003-11-15 03:06:15 PM  
Does it seem weird to anyone that the WWN might be beating the Onion at their own game?

//I expected a preemptive stike on the country of Chad for harboring the moleman.
2003-11-15 03:08:24 PM  
they have it coming to them. How dare a country smaller than rhode island presume to grow grapes and dump them on us.
BTW, I think I'm going to write to g.w. and ask if he will put off the invasion a few hours, so that I have time to wake up from my hangover and watch this all on the news.
2003-11-15 03:10:33 PM  
next week Bush will land in Britain. 100,000 people are expected to protest in London. He's coming to my neck of the woods too, to schmooze with the Dear Leader at his constituency. I got an e-mail from a lefty mate who is going to 'buy eggs, flour, tomatos etc'. Obviously cookery will ensue. or something...

I confidently expect America will be at war with Britain by Friday next.
2003-11-15 03:13:05 PM  
Heres the battle plan as it stands:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-11-15 03:27:35 PM  

Looks more like a Cold War era abstract model of Domino Theory.
2003-11-15 03:42:53 PM  
What does it take to become a Page 5 girl anyway? Most of your teeth?
2003-11-15 03:48:18 PM  
2003-11-15 03:50:23 PM  
LOL, only person who deserves a dumbass tag is the person who submitted this article. If we were going to invade a piss poor country like this, the FIRST people to go in would be Delta, not the 101st. Second up would be the 82nd Rangers, Green Berets and THEN the 101st. All that crap about Delta not existing and the government failing to acknowledge them is BS. After our invasion of Iraq, it was made evident that they do exist.

Bad thing is, you can never tell who is a Delta member ..... They can't tell you anyway, or else they'd be killed for breaking their units creed.
2003-11-15 03:55:53 PM  
So, what do you call the citizens of Luxembourg? Luxemburgers? Luxembourgians? Ernest Borgnine?
2003-11-15 03:56:06 PM  

Uuuuh, you're nitpicking technical/tactical innacuracies in a WWN article?

time to switch to decaf.
2003-11-15 04:00:54 PM  
Maybe we should just try asking nicely first.
2003-11-15 04:04:09 PM  
Today Luxembourg, Tomorrow Elbonia!
2003-11-15 04:09:13 PM  

The Bourg.
2003-11-15 04:13:26 PM  
We should have taken Luxembourg years ago. All they do is just sit there acting all neutral and stuff
2003-11-15 04:19:00 PM  
So where would the US launch the land-based invasion from? Germany or France?
2003-11-15 04:19:24 PM  
What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
2003-11-15 04:23:25 PM  
The Weekly World News used to be just a little to the right of Rush Limbaugh with it's 'Ed Anger' pseudo-editorials. Wonder what happened?
2003-11-15 04:40:50 PM  
Uhh.. Thanks Smellslikepizza.... That was horrifyingly serious... You.. you know this is fake... right?
2003-11-15 05:02:39 PM  
Why waste men and time to invade Luxembourg? It is the one country that is available for rent!
2003-11-15 05:15:21 PM  
"The "Startle and Stupefy" air-campaign phase of the war is tentatively scheduled to commence in the wee hours of the morning of January 1, with a ground invasion of at least 8,000 U.S. troops set for late afternoon.

Pentagon planners expect mopping up to be completed by 9:30 p.m."

Startle and stupify.. hahahaha. awesome.
2003-11-15 05:23:45 PM  
That only works with France.
2003-11-15 06:56:14 PM  
Ought to invade The Duchy of Grand Fenwick. Their motto is "Never A Dull Rodent".
2003-11-15 07:05:14 PM  
(this is a secret note.)
2003-11-15 07:15:21 PM  
Why stop there? Get that pesky Lichtenstein too!
2003-11-15 07:21:38 PM  
I would say let the Canadians do it, but they're so bad at geography that they'd probably end up attacking Latvia...

/is it an obscure reference yet?
2003-11-15 08:24:19 PM  
damn, we need to get our paws on their huge tracks of land
2003-11-15 08:52:08 PM  
Uh.... before we go off loaded for bear, we need to remember that Luxembourg HAS AN AIR FORCE!!!!!

NATO owns 10-12 AWACS aircraft, and apparently NGO's (Non Governmental Organization)can't "own" them. A country can own then and then "loan" the aircraft. Someone in Nato HQ thought it would be funny to assign the aircraft to Luxembourg.

Since then, Luxenbourg has purchased a Gulfstream jet for transporting VIPs. So any invasion force *must* be ready to deal with the country's mighty air fleet.

They also have a small army -- three boarder patrol guards, a rusty jeep that (usually) starts, two handguns, one bullet, and a spear.

But that spear is 6' long and SHARP!
2003-11-15 11:00:05 PM  
I'm afraid this could turn out to be Grenada all over again.
2003-11-16 01:50:41 AM  
Gotta be careful, they might steal the Q-bomb from us and win the war before it starts!
2003-11-16 02:42:22 AM  
we can find latvia on a map . the question is can you find Canada on a map eh you americans.

we aleast know where alaska is heheehehe.

The world is oursssssss!!!!!! or i mean...... take off eh ya hoser.

/hey relax buddy ! lol
2003-11-16 09:59:49 AM  
It's time you dirt farmers realized that YOUR nation is MY nation's biatch. Yes this goes for all y'all :P

Who cares if we can't find you on a map? Our missiles can!
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