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(Independent)   50 shades of Mr. Darcy   (independent.co.uk) divider line 134
    More: Amusing, Pride and Prejudice, Jane Eyre, Arthur Conan Doyle, Dr Watson, Jane Austen, Clandestine Classics, Wuthering Heights  
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19174 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jul 2012 at 5:41 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-18 08:12:24 PM

Tali: Martstar: I'm sure we can come up with some other ways to sex up the classics. What were Huck and Jim up to on that raft? They were naked the whole time. How about Moby Dick? Hallelujah, it's raining men, on a BOAT! Personally I'd like more info on how Hester got that scarlet letter, if you know what I mean.

You'd be surprised how many classics of some stripe or another have already been done. There's an author who goes by the florid pseudonym of Amarantha Knight, whose particular specialty is revamping classic horror stories as heavy-BDSM kinkfests, well predating the current trend. I have a copy of her version of Frankenstein that I picked up many years ago for something to read on a long flight... good lord, some of what goes on in there would even make 4chan cringe.


I am of the belief that every possible recasting of every popular classic has been done at this point. I reached this conclusion immediately after stumbling across this sequel to Pride and Prejudice in which Mr. Darcy is revealed to have been a vampire the whole time. The most amazing thing is that it's not even the only Mr. Darcy as a vampire novel out there.

\The former used to have a hilariously bad excerpt on the Amazon listing, but I guess someone figured out it'd sell better without that.
 
2012-07-18 08:12:26 PM

DarkPascual: Lord Jubjub: ChuckyV: The idea can be applied to almost any book.

[i168.photobucket.com image 245x300]

/NTTAWWT

I think de Sade's Justine would be a challenge, not to mention his 120 Days of Sodom.

Was 120 Days of Sodom even completed? Was under the impression that there was just the first part complete and the rest was only drafts...


Yes, it was only outlines after awhile. I decided to put the book back onto the shelf when he got to the necrophilia sections.

/Just as a late thought, how about the "Story of Q"?
 
2012-07-18 08:13:00 PM

lousy screw: [roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com image 500x692]

more my speed.


I think Bow is more appropriate.... can you wytch him into Adam's arms, instead?
Danke :)

/never got a straight vibe from Bow
//disturbing, just like all strong women being either evil or ineffective in Adam's world
///She! Ra! She-Ra She-Ra!
 
2012-07-18 08:16:24 PM
sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net
 
2012-07-18 08:18:03 PM
I bet the Lydia/Wiccam scenes would be pretty good. Lydia was all kinds of crazy.
 
2012-07-18 08:19:33 PM
This has been around for ages. It's called "fanfiction". I didn't know people were actually dumb enough to PAY for it now.
 
2012-07-18 08:31:39 PM

Igor Jakovsky: Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, their loins afire.

Shaka, when his pants fell.


You brilliant bastards.
 
2012-07-18 08:38:07 PM
graphics8.nytimes.com
 
2012-07-18 08:46:56 PM

CavalierEternal: [www.backtotheeighties.net image 512x384]


Exactly what i was thinking.


Over in one!
 
2012-07-18 09:03:03 PM
I can certainly get behind this

"Be safe word our sign of parting, dirty fiend!" I shrieked upstarting
'Get thy butt onto my tempest and and defy Newtonian law!
Leave no black pube as a token as you writhe while I am poking
Leave my tiny peepee unbroken - shift your bust into my paw !
Take thy thumb from out my butt then take thy form from out my dorm !"
Quoth the raven, "That's some awesome porn."
 
2012-07-18 09:05:57 PM

AngryPoet: So in Jane Eyre will there be a three way with her, Mr. Rochester and his crazy wife?
//Forced to read the book in high school


Heck, bring in Pilot while you're at it. See just how kinky and disturbing things can get. But we should probably leave poor Helen out of it. Although Jane could certainly fantasize about Helen as an adult. That has possibilities.

Wait, no, no! I love the book. Don't do any of those things.

/Please...
 
2012-07-18 09:09:16 PM
Really? An erotic version of the Sherlock Holmes stories? Yeah, nothing is sexier in bed than a guy who notices every tiny detail. "I notice a faint trace of semen. Further, it has the slight tang that only comes from a man who eats large amounts of currey. I conclude that you screwed the Indian stable boy within the last two days. How was he?"
 
2012-07-18 09:10:03 PM
Erotic versions of classic novels? They should do that with Gravity's Rainbow. They could add a scene where the hero has sex with a preteen girl, or one where an old British man engages in coprophilia with a German woman.

/wait, what?
 
2012-07-18 09:13:10 PM

macadamnut: [graphics8.nytimes.com image 190x230]


That is actually one of my favourite books by Dostoyevsky. Russian literature as erotica... now that would be some messed up/depressing erotica.
 
2012-07-18 09:18:11 PM

sleeps in trees: SoxSweepAgain: I have GOT to read this "Fifty Shades of Grey".

/Relevant to my interests.

No it's crap. I went to the beach and a bunch of my friends read parts out loud, it was horrible and hillarious at the same time.

Listen to Tom Hiddleston read The Red Necklace. The part where he states "I will be the first to kiss you, to bed you...". Will have you set. Look on YouTube I suck at linking.


My favorite is still Ellen reading from 50 Shades.
 
2012-07-18 09:26:00 PM
Just reading Wuthering Heights counts as S&M. God, it's awful.
 
2012-07-18 09:26:58 PM
Even better...my new favorite from comic con...

Duke Nukem Reading 50 Shades of Grey (NSFW Language)
 
2012-07-18 09:33:10 PM
Oneofthesedays: They were both Mrs. Marcy. :D

that
 
2012-07-18 09:46:30 PM
3.bp.blogspot.com

Mr. Darcy is already a part of some erotic fiction.
img.thesun.co.uk
 
2012-07-18 09:55:50 PM

Canton: sleeps in trees: SoxSweepAgain: I have GOT to read this "Fifty Shades of Grey".

/Relevant to my interests.

No it's crap. I went to the beach and a bunch of my friends read parts out loud, it was horrible and hillarious at the same time.

Listen to Tom Hiddleston read The Red Necklace. The part where he states "I will be the first to kiss you, to bed you...". Will have you set. Look on YouTube I suck at linking.

My favorite is still Ellen reading from 50 Shades.


That is awesome!
 
2012-07-18 10:54:59 PM
Who honestly gives fark..

\drunk
\\but really
 
2012-07-18 11:17:49 PM
Very sad.

i582.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-18 11:37:07 PM
So this is what passes for "literature" these days? I thought it was S&M fanfiction.
 
2012-07-18 11:48:42 PM

Liliac_Hill: As someone who has read an embarrassing amount of Jane Austen fanfic, there are already plenty of steamy versions, from adaptation to alternate storyline to sequel. This is nothing new.

Also, Pride and Prejudice and Zombies was awful. It didn't even work as a zombie story. There were so many flaws, I won't bother to enumerate them. It was just silly, so if that's what you're reading it for, you're all set, but I was hoping it would actually be a good adaptation.


This. There's already a ton of sexy Austenfic, most of it awful (Sturgeon's Law and all that) but I'm betting there's some that's better than what this publisher is producing. I have to say, I really disliked the implication from the publisher that the writers might have put scenes like these into their books if they'd been allowed to -- firstly because it implies that pornography didn't exist hundreds of years ago (it did -- different market, but it was out there) and secondly because in quite a few of those books, having a lot of explicit sex scenes completely negates the point of the book. If Darcy and Lizzy are doing it before they get married, what's so shocking about Wickham and Lydia running off? If Henry Tilney seduces Catherine Morland at Northanger, does that make his behavior as bad if not worse than his brother Frederick's behavior with Isabella? If Jane Eyre and Mr. Rochester get it on, where does that leave her refusing to be his mistress? Or are all of these scenes going to be postmarital, i.e. the books get an extra last chapter but are otherwise unchanged?

/reads too much
 
2012-07-19 12:46:52 AM
Damn, I guess my use of Poe really WAS terrible. :D
 
2012-07-19 01:42:18 AM
www.choicematters.org

Marcy?
/Wow you farkers fail.
 
2012-07-19 03:20:15 AM

Martstar: Everyone's focusing on the Austen and Bronte stuff, but nobody's picking up on the Holmes/Watson affair thing? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but do we really need to be doing this to the classics? If so, why stop there?

I'm sure we can come up with some other ways to sex up the classics. What were Huck and Jim up to on that raft? They were naked the whole time. How about Moby Dick? Hallelujah, it's raining men, on a BOAT! Personally I'd like more info on how Hester got that scarlet letter, if you know what I mean.


Sexy time with Sancho Panza.
 
2012-07-19 04:00:48 AM
Clearly there are other classics deserving a similar treatment.
Tarzan the Ape Man
Tarzan moved deeper into the foliage of the tree he was in gazing down on the strange creature below. She was very pale skinned with yellow hair. She had removed the odd coverings she had on and was now naked entering into the pool just below the tree Tarzan was in. Her body was trim but she had large breasts that showed clearly because of her lack of body hair.
Tarzan looked at her and pondered her appearance. Then he thought 'She is really grotesque.' And his thoughts slipped to Mooga, the gorgeous ape who had seemed so attracted to him. Mooga was so like the mother who had raised him, covered in dark fur with small protruding dugs, a beautiful inward sloping chin, dark beady eyes with no ugly whites around them and long arms reaching her shins. Mooga was so much more beautiful than this hairless, ill proportioned creature.
Then a faint smell struck him, Tarzan sniffed the air and Yes! Mooga was coming in season. He turned his back on the odd female below him and moved swiftly though the trees, Already he was growing aroused.
[Since Fark is very much a tasteful, family oriented site we regret to inform our readers that the rest of this passage was been censored. If you to read the rest of this passage please contact me via my email. You will need to prove you are over 18, this can be done by a suitable amount of money or BIE.]
 
2012-07-19 04:50:25 AM
Why is everyone assuming that Jane would be the submissive in a BDSM version of Jane Eyre? She was hired help, true, but she rejected the submissive role. And after Rochester was crippled in the fire she literally led him around.

Besides, from what I've gleaned from people involved in that world, it's often the super-alpha-male types that like being dominated.
 
2012-07-19 10:35:46 AM
Look, you farkers, I came in here for hot, smokin' pictures of Colin Firth. 129 comments and there's ONE image that was not worth the amount of times I had to hit "Page Down."

... I am disappoint.
 
2012-07-19 11:01:30 AM
It is a well known fact that a single gentleman of a certain age, possessed of an emormous-

Reader, I bonked him!
 
2012-07-19 11:22:08 AM
No mention of the Bible??

/lots of opportunities to sex it up
 
2012-07-19 11:26:44 AM

fnordest: No mention of the Bible??

/lots of opportunities to sex it up


Song of Solomon was done a long time ago. Long time.


50 Shades of Gilligan's Island?
50 Shades of The Munsters?
50 Shades of The Meese Commission Report, 1986?
 
2012-07-19 07:42:54 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: fnordest: No mention of the Bible??

/lots of opportunities to sex it up

Song of Solomon was done a long time ago. Long time.


50 Shades of Gilligan's Island?
50 Shades of The Munsters?
50 Shades of The Meese Commission Report, 1986?


50 Shades of H.R. Puffenstuff

/ magic flute, indeed!
 
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