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(The Indy Channel)   God gives child brain cancer but at least has mercy enough to smite him in the head with a kickball so the doctors find it early   (theindychannel.com) divider line 105
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6041 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2012 at 10:31 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-17 07:18:02 PM  
Wrong subby, it's getting hit in the head that gave him the cancer and is clearly why children should do nothing but sit quietly inside, in the air conditioning all day.
 
2012-07-17 09:17:51 PM  
www.jatfq.com
 
2012-07-17 10:13:50 PM  
When he began to vomit and have severe headaches a few days later, his parents to him to a hospital, where doctors made an alarming discovery.

"He said, 'There's no trauma from being hit...


So, um, it sounds like the ball-hitting didn't really have a whole lot to do with it. You know, unless you would just otherwise shrug off your kid's vomiting and headaches as not a big deal.
 
2012-07-17 10:38:00 PM  
The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away (farking brain cancer)
 
2012-07-17 10:40:53 PM  
Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?
 
2012-07-17 10:41:00 PM  
That G-d..what a prankster.
 
2012-07-17 10:42:38 PM  

poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?


Best. Fark Handle. Ever.
 
2012-07-17 10:43:04 PM  
They ask for donation. Let me guess they are going broke trying to pay for the operation.

Now the kid has a prexisting condition and republicants want to take away his health insurance.
 
2012-07-17 10:43:47 PM  
What's the opposite of a helicopter parent? It'd have to be something that destroys helicopters so ... rocket launcher parent?

The point is, good thing that dodgeball hit him in the head. And fark helicopter parents.
 
2012-07-17 10:45:02 PM  
Wrong subby, God doesn't cause cancer, not reading your bible causes cancer.
 
2012-07-17 10:45:36 PM  

poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?


{frynotsureifseriousjpeg.}
 
2012-07-17 10:49:46 PM  
Meanwhile, The Man in the Sky continues to give AIDS to babies.
 
2012-07-17 10:49:54 PM  
BOMBARDMENT!
 
2012-07-17 10:50:51 PM  

crazyeddie: poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?

Best. Fark Handle. Ever.


This.
 
2012-07-17 10:51:10 PM  
God doesn't give you cancer, Fark gives you cancer and not the kind of Fark you want to do with your sister, but the kind of Fark you're doing now. And maybe that sister thing to you sick Fark.

/Fark
 
2012-07-17 10:51:43 PM  

poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?


well, poe_zlaw, I don't--

Oh.
 
2012-07-17 10:51:51 PM  

serial_crusher: When he began to vomit and have severe headaches a few days later, his parents to him to a hospital, where doctors made an alarming discovery.

"He said, 'There's no trauma from being hit...

So, um, it sounds like the ball-hitting didn't really have a whole lot to do with it. You know, unless you would just otherwise shrug off your kid's vomiting and headaches as not a big deal.


getting hit in the head with the ball might have shifted the tumor or made it move in such a way that it induced headaches and nausea.
 
2012-07-17 10:52:56 PM  

tjsands1118: Wrong subby, God doesn't cause cancer, not reading your bible causes cancer.


Hahahahaha
+1
 
2012-07-17 10:53:32 PM  
In the meantime, an outpouring of support brings the family comfort... and even autographs from Jacob's favorite Christian band.

Petra?

4.bp.blogspot.com

I'll bet it's Petra.
 
2012-07-17 10:55:00 PM  

cretinbob: Wrong subby, it's getting hit in the head that gave him the cancer and is clearly why children should do nothing but sit quietly inside, in the air conditioning all day watching television


ftfy
 
2012-07-17 10:55:10 PM  

pounddawg: That G-d..what a prankster.


Why bother with the dash?
 
2012-07-17 10:55:31 PM  
How can anyone be blessed if no one is damned?
 
2012-07-17 10:56:26 PM  
i tried to give tumors to all the kids every game of kickball.
Not saying i am God. Just sayin' a good bell ringer can do wonders.
One might call it 'Cognitive Recalibration'.
 
2012-07-17 10:57:43 PM  
Dawkins_shoopdawhoop.jpg
 
2012-07-17 10:59:34 PM  
I can't find the humor here. Brain cancer is serious shiat. My parents died of brain cancer and I likely have the gene that causes it. I can only hope that my son hasn't inherited it. He's just 7 now and enjoying school and spends his free time dancing. He's adorable, and I can't imagine what it would be like if this little dancing machine were ever struck down with cancer.
 
2012-07-17 10:59:37 PM  
Praise be, the Lord giveth, and the Lord is an evil sociopath.
 
2012-07-17 11:01:22 PM  

Counter_Intelligent: pounddawg: That G-d..what a prankster.

Why bother with the dash?


Because the Jewish version of the sky wizard will kill you if you use the name the germanic peoples gave to oh fark it.

Tatsuma! Get your ass in here! We're bored.
 
2012-07-17 11:02:41 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: Counter_Intelligent: pounddawg: That G-d..what a prankster.

Why bother with the dash?

Because the Jewish version of the sky wizard will kill you if you use the name the germanic peoples gave to oh fark it.

Tatsuma! Get your ass in here! We're bored.


But poking fun's okay? Is it like the hole in the sheet?
 
2012-07-17 11:02:43 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I can't find the humor here. Brain cancer is serious shiat. My parents died of brain cancer and I likely have the gene that causes it. I can only hope that my son hasn't inherited it. He's just 7 now and enjoying school and spends his free time dancing. He's adorable, and I can't imagine what it would be like if this little dancing machine were ever struck down with cancer.


Hit him in the head with a kickball.
 
2012-07-17 11:06:30 PM  

omnibus_necanda_sunt: AverageAmericanGuy: I can't find the humor here. Brain cancer is serious shiat. My parents died of brain cancer and I likely have the gene that causes it. I can only hope that my son hasn't inherited it. He's just 7 now and enjoying school and spends his free time dancing. He's adorable, and I can't imagine what it would be like if this little dancing machine were ever struck down with cancer.

Hit him in the head with a kickball.


And pray REALLY hard
 
2012-07-17 11:08:58 PM  
"We have faith in God. He's in control all the way," said Andy Hamilton, Jacob's father. "If he hadn't gotten hit, we wouldn't have found out."

I really do find this sentiment so goddamn offensive. Either God could have NOT put the tumor in the kid's head in the first place - what with being all-powerful AND all-loving - or he could have let you know without inflicting a concussion - again, what with being all-powerful AND all-loving.

I mean, people can call each other racial slurs, spew the most vile hate-speech, or even be a lawyer and I still just get mildly annoying without being really offended. But expressing that particular sentiment - that something sh*tty happened only to discover something even sh*ttier in time to make it less sh*tty - really and truly offends every moral and intellectual fiber of my being.

I know no one really cares about the theodicy issue, but to me that's kind of a huge thing I have with monotheistic religions. It makes not a goddamn lick of sense and then deliberately tries to taunt anyone who wants to try and make sense of it.
 
2012-07-17 11:13:47 PM  

Kome: "We have faith in God. He's in control all the way," said Andy Hamilton, Jacob's father. "If he hadn't gotten hit, we wouldn't have found out."

I really do find this sentiment so goddamn offensive. Either God could have NOT put the tumor in the kid's head in the first place - what with being all-powerful AND all-loving - or he could have let you know without inflicting a concussion - again, what with being all-powerful AND all-loving.

I mean, people can call each other racial slurs, spew the most vile hate-speech, or even be a lawyer and I still just get mildly annoying without being really offended. But expressing that particular sentiment - that something sh*tty happened only to discover something even sh*ttier in time to make it less sh*tty - really and truly offends every moral and intellectual fiber of my being.

I know no one really cares about the theodicy issue, but to me that's kind of a huge thing I have with monotheistic religions. It makes not a goddamn lick of sense and then deliberately tries to taunt anyone who wants to try and make sense of it.


Dude...
 
2012-07-17 11:14:18 PM  

Kome: "We have faith in God. He's in control all the way," said Andy Hamilton, Jacob's father. "If he hadn't gotten hit, we wouldn't have found out."

I really do find this sentiment so goddamn offensive. Either God could have NOT put the tumor in the kid's head in the first place - what with being all-powerful AND all-loving - or he could have let you know without inflicting a concussion - again, what with being all-powerful AND all-loving.

I mean, people can call each other racial slurs, spew the most vile hate-speech, or even be a lawyer and I still just get mildly annoying without being really offended. But expressing that particular sentiment - that something sh*tty happened only to discover something even sh*ttier in time to make it less sh*tty - really and truly offends every moral and intellectual fiber of my being.

I know no one really cares about the theodicy issue, but to me that's kind of a huge thing I have with monotheistic religions. It makes not a goddamn lick of sense and then deliberately tries to taunt anyone who wants to try and make sense of it.


Not sure if you're serious or really that obtuse.
 
2012-07-17 11:14:53 PM  
from TFA "Doctors suspect the mass is benign", which is to say, NOT cancer.

Subby should have gone with "God gives child brain tumor...."

/Lost friends and family to GBM, nasty shiat.
 
2012-07-17 11:15:17 PM  
t2.gstatic.com

/mildly impressed
 
2012-07-17 11:15:50 PM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I can't find the humor here. Brain cancer is serious shiat. My parents died of brain cancer and I likely have the gene that causes it. I can only hope that my son hasn't inherited it. He's just 7 now and enjoying school and spends his free time dancing. He's adorable, and I can't imagine what it would be like if this little dancing machine were ever struck down with cancer.


i was not cancerous, just a tumor. benign but they will irradiate it anyway.
 
2012-07-17 11:22:02 PM  
cafewitteveen.files.wordpress.com

/you can trade out the little starving boy with little cancer boy.
 
2012-07-17 11:26:12 PM  

poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?


Easy, I can reason. Pre-Science story is old.
 
2012-07-17 11:27:16 PM  
subby i'm told all good things are of God. He isn't responsible for generation after generation of humans creating a plethora of wonderful inventions that have ruined the very nature of our planet and our beings. mankind is to thank for decimating our land, air and water.

it's going to get worse, not better. we're too mutated. we all should have been dead long ago.
 
2012-07-17 11:28:45 PM  
Don't let your monotheism blinders keep you from seeing the menace of the God of Cancers and the valiant struggle of the Goddess of Balls. This is just another of their epic battles within our realm. They fight on regardless of your ignorance.
 
2012-07-17 11:29:33 PM  

Counter_Intelligent: pounddawg: That G-d..what a prankster.

Why bother with the dash?


The full word is a pretty offensive concept. Same reason we say "the 'N' word" instead of ni-

-+-+-+-CARRIER LOST-+-+-+-
 
2012-07-17 11:33:45 PM  

poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?


Did this higher power kick the ball?
 
2012-07-17 11:36:35 PM  
tjsands1118: Wrong subby, God doesn't cause cancer, not reading your bible causes cancer.

Damn. There's a lot of cancerous Christians out there then,..
 
2012-07-17 11:39:06 PM  
Because the dash get a response from farkers
 
2012-07-17 11:39:17 PM  

Linkster: poe_zlaw: Seriously-- how can people read a story like this and not believe in a higher power?

Easy, I can reason. Pre-Science story is old.


Look up Poe's Law and then look at the user name of the guy you responded to.
 
2012-07-17 11:41:24 PM  
My Flying Spaghetti Monster, the comments in TFA are nauseating.
 
2012-07-17 11:41:31 PM  
Take away the mechanisms that allow mutation and you would still be floating is primordial goo, flogging your flagella.
 
2012-07-17 11:42:28 PM  
My mom died in 2009 from cancer at the age of 64 and one night on the phone she told me that "God had spoke to her in her kitchen and told her he was healing her cancer"

Seems that God is a real jokester too.

/atheist
 
2012-07-17 11:44:33 PM  

Pollexter: Goddess of Balls


I want in.
 
2012-07-17 11:44:39 PM  

apachevoyeur: Take away the mechanisms that allow mutation and you would still be floating is primordial goo, flogging your flagella.


Flogging my flagella usually leads to primordial goo.
 
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