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(ABC 27)   "Since, I am going to die soon, I want to confess that it was a mistake that I got a doctorate from the University of Utah because of a paperwork mistake and I stole a safe 41 years ago as well"   (abc27.com) divider line 35
    More: Sappy, Utah Man, University of Utah, Utah, Outer Banks, Ambassador Bridge, head and neck cancer, military officials, doctorates  
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11818 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jul 2012 at 11:20 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



35 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-07-17 11:22:46 AM
His wife was Mary Jane also? This guy sounds like he'd have been interesting to have a beer with.
 
2012-07-17 11:23:17 AM
Pricipal Caught sayof
 
2012-07-17 11:25:38 AM
So are they gonna let the black guy they arrested for stealing that safe out of jail now?
 
2012-07-17 11:28:06 AM
There's a link to his whole obit - read it, it's awesome.

"Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again. To Disneyland - you can now throw away that "Banned for Life" file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this."
 
2012-07-17 11:28:20 AM
Now to that really mean Park Ranger; after all, it was me that rolled those rocks into your geyser and ruined it. I did notice a few years later that you did get Old Faithful working again. To Disneyland - you can now throw away that "Banned for Life" file you have on me, I'm not a problem anymore - and SeaWorld San Diego, too, if you read this.

I have serious doubts about the rest of his obit.
 
2012-07-17 11:29:48 AM
Since I am going to die soon, I would like to join the Tea Party. Better one of those basterds should die.
 
2012-07-17 11:30:17 AM
Wish I'd known him.
 
2012-07-17 11:37:51 AM

one small post for man: So are they gonna let the black guy they arrested for stealing that safe out of jail now?


Yeah, like police will admit they made a mistake.
 
2012-07-17 11:38:58 AM
Great now the widow will be sued for recovery of what was in that safe he stole plus interest.
Then she will get a letter from his former employers retirement fund stating that he signed a truth form regarding his education and in light of these falsehoods he has forfeited his retirement and the forwarding of it to surviving spouse.

Have a nice day asshat...just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you???
 
2012-07-17 11:39:06 AM
Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I close my eyes, but I can still see her tits bouncing...
 
2012-07-17 11:42:00 AM
I think Mary Jane his wife was the cause for his Throat Cancer
 
2012-07-17 11:42:29 AM
me and some friends were playing with matches one time and burned down part of the high school.
 
2012-07-17 11:44:22 AM

KimNorth: Great now the widow will be sued for recovery of what was in that safe he stole plus interest.
Then she will get a letter from his former employers retirement fund stating that he signed a truth form regarding his education and in light of these falsehoods he has forfeited his retirement and the forwarding of it to surviving spouse.

Have a nice day asshat...just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you???


He's just an Obit troll - don't feed the dead.
 
2012-07-17 11:44:29 AM

KimNorth: Great now the widow will be sued for recovery of what was in that safe he stole plus interest.
Then she will get a letter from his former employers retirement fund stating that he signed a truth form regarding his education and in light of these falsehoods he has forfeited his retirement and the forwarding of it to surviving spouse.

Have a nice day asshat...just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you???


Sounds like you could argue satire, really. This wasn't a deathbed confession, it was a Dave Barry confession.
 
2012-07-17 11:45:24 AM

roblarky: Pricipal Caught sayof


I have to say nothing has moved me quite like your reaction to this story.
 
2012-07-17 11:45:52 AM

Solid Muldoon: Since I am going to die soon, I would like to join the Tea Party. Better one of those basterds should die.


He's obviously already a member. You can tell because he actually pays his bills.

From the linked Obit:
"I really am NOT a PhD. What happened was that the day I went to pay off my college student loan at the U of U..."
 
2012-07-17 11:47:20 AM
I loved this obit, but I feel like it's a prank or an inside joke rather than a true confession. He was obviously a funny guy, and going to the grave by telling people "I did all these comical, but terrible things" is quite a way to go. (Makes you wonder if he was a Fark user.)

I mean, how do you take this part seriously, given that Mary Jane is rarely the name of a person and more often the name of something else?

But, the one special thing that made my spirit whole, is my long love and friendship with my remarkable wife, my beloved Mary Jane. I loved her more than I have words to express. Every moment spent with my Mary Jane was time spent wisely. Over time, I became one with her, inseparable, happy, fulfilled. I enjoyed one good life.

And yet, the funeral parlor has a picture of Mr. Patterson with a woman who does actually seem to be named Mary Jane if you read the condolences. So maybe this is all true?
 
2012-07-17 11:48:06 AM

KimNorth: Great now the widow will be sued for recovery of what was in that safe he stole plus interest.
Then she will get a letter from his former employers retirement fund stating that he signed a truth form regarding his education and in light of these falsehoods he has forfeited his retirement and the forwarding of it to surviving spouse.

Have a nice day asshat...just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you???


Actually, technically the degree was given to him. So he did not lie about having it. He lied about how he got it. Instead of going to school for it. He was given it through an error in paperwork. So when he said he had that degree, we was not lying about it.

The safe I think is pass the Statute of limitations and they can not seek legal action against his widow. But I do not know for sure.
 
2012-07-17 11:48:52 AM

Solid Muldoon: Since I am going to die soon, I would like to join the Tea Party. Better one of those basterds should die.


Ah, yes.
Yet another 'tolerant liberal' who hates people that disagree with him politically.


As for the article: Interesting but it sounds like he was kind of a dick. vandal, thief, liar and should have been imprisoned.

He might have had fun but then self-centered azzholes who act-out with no impulse control and 'screw the consequences' usually do.
 
2012-07-17 11:51:49 AM

KimNorth: Great now the widow will be sued for recovery of what was in that safe he stole plus interest.
Then she will get a letter from his former employers retirement fund stating that he signed a truth form regarding his education and in light of these falsehoods he has forfeited his retirement and the forwarding of it to surviving spouse.

Have a nice day asshat...just couldn't keep your mouth shut could you???


This. On the other hand, just claiming to have or displaying a diploma would never had stood up to the most basic employer scrutiny (like calling the registrar's office), so his employers deserved what they got.
 
2012-07-17 11:58:11 AM

davidphogan: His wife was Mary Jane also? This guy sounds like he'd have been interesting to have a beer with.


www.davidwygant.com
Only if he's drinking Dos Equis
 
2012-07-17 12:02:07 PM
If you want to live forever, then don't stop breathing, like I did.

A celebration of life will be held on Sunday, July 22nd from 4:00 to 6:00 pm at Starks Funeral Parlor, 3651 South 900 East, Salt Lake City, casual dress is encouraged.
 
2012-07-17 12:02:56 PM
Have fun or die tryin'.
 
2012-07-17 12:04:34 PM

bhcompy: Sounds like you could argue satire, really. This wasn't a deathbed confession, it was a Dave Barry confession.


www.memehumor.com
 
2012-07-17 12:06:45 PM

Evil Twin Skippy: Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stole her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I close my eyes, but I can still see her tits bouncing...


www.comicsbulletin.com
Approves
 
2012-07-17 12:17:58 PM
At least some of his obit if obviously a joke.

With regards to the part, if any, that's true, death bed confessions are for cowards.
 
2012-07-17 12:29:02 PM

douchebag/hater: Solid Muldoon: Since I am going to die soon, I would like to join the Tea Party. Better one of those basterds should die.

Ah, yes.
Yet another 'tolerant liberal' who hates people that disagree with him politically.


As for the article: Interesting but it sounds like he was kind of a dick. vandal, thief, liar and should have been imprisoned.

He might have had fun but then self-centered azzholes who act-out with no impulse control and 'screw the consequences' usually do.


I wouldn't have a problem with the Tea Party, if they knew their leadership was full of so many lying, ignorant and dangerous people funded by a massive corporation with no interest in the "common man". To me. the Tea Party feels like a lynch mob that can't wait to run on mass and tie a rope around the first neck they can find, then repeat that thousands of times.

For citations, use google.
 
2012-07-17 07:03:18 PM

secularsage: I loved this obit, but I feel like it's a prank or an inside joke rather than a true confession. He was obviously a funny guy, and going to the grave by telling people "I did all these comical, but terrible things" is quite a way to go. (Makes you wonder if he was a Fark user.)

I mean, how do you take this part seriously, given that Mary Jane is rarely the name of a person and more often the name of something else?

But, the one special thing that made my spirit whole, is my long love and friendship with my remarkable wife, my beloved Mary Jane. I loved her more than I have words to express. Every moment spent with my Mary Jane was time spent wisely. Over time, I became one with her, inseparable, happy, fulfilled. I enjoyed one good life.

And yet, the funeral parlor has a picture of Mr. Patterson with a woman who does actually seem to be named Mary Jane if you read the condolences. So maybe this is all true?


"Sorry you are unable to visit our website. We are experiencing an overwhelming amount of web traffic. To view the Val Patterson memorial video and obituary, visit us on Facebook at www.facebook.com/starksfuneralparlor"
 
2012-07-17 07:42:54 PM

alabasterblack: douchebag/hater: Solid Muldoon: Since I am going to die soon, I would like to join the Tea Party. Better one of those basterds should die.

Ah, yes.
Yet another 'tolerant liberal' who hates people that disagree with him politically.


As for the article: Interesting but it sounds like he was kind of a dick. vandal, thief, liar and should have been imprisoned.

He might have had fun but then self-centered azzholes who act-out with no impulse control and 'screw the consequences' usually do.

I wouldn't have a problem with the Tea Party, if they knew their leadership was full of so many lying, ignorant and dangerous people funded by a massive corporation with no interest in the "common man". To me. the Tea Party feels like a lynch mob that can't wait to run on mass and tie a rope around the first neck they can find, then repeat that thousands of times.

For citations, use google.


Give it a farking rest. I have ZERO interest in your thoughts on the TEA party.
Get back to me when you can prove ONE thing they have been accused of such as racism.
Yet there are many liberal Farkers here who have no problem calling Justice Thomas an 'Uncle Sam' (racism) or talking about what a '*unt' Sarah Palin is (oppresion of women) or how 'stupid' Bush is (an out-and-out lie based on his higher test scores than Kerry) and yet believe themselves to be the 'candle in the darkenss' for tolerance and understanding.

Yeah, until someone disagrees with them as you and that other azzfark show.

So take it to 'Politics' tab, Obama-boy and let the adults enjoy the other pages.
 
2012-07-17 09:21:36 PM

alabasterblack: I wouldn't have a problem with the Tea Party, if they knew their leadership was full of so many lying, ignorant and dangerous people funded by a massive corporation with no interest in the "common man". To me. the Tea Party feels like a lynch mob that can't wait to run on mass and tie a rope around the first neck they can find, then repeat that thousands of times.

For citations, use google.


Did you even read his name before feeding him?
 
2012-07-17 10:26:08 PM
I kept thinking about Chunk from The Goonies, and when he confessed all of his crimes to Ma Fratelli.
 
2012-07-18 12:00:30 AM
Pathetic. A real man doesn't wait until fear of eternal torment compels him to admit his sins. A real man owns up to it while he's still able to answer for his crimes on earth.
 
2012-07-18 12:03:46 AM

secularsage: I loved this obit, but I feel like it's a prank or an inside joke rather than a true confession. He was obviously a funny guy, and going to the grave by telling people "I did all these comical, but terrible things" is quite a way to go. (Makes you wonder if he was a Fark user.)

I mean, how do you take this part seriously, given that Mary Jane is rarely the name of a person and more often the name of something else?

But, the one special thing that made my spirit whole, is my long love and friendship with my remarkable wife, my beloved Mary Jane. I loved her more than I have words to express. Every moment spent with my Mary Jane was time spent wisely. Over time, I became one with her, inseparable, happy, fulfilled. I enjoyed one good life.

And yet, the funeral parlor has a picture of Mr. Patterson with a woman who does actually seem to be named Mary Jane if you read the condolences. So maybe this is all true?


I work with public records. Mary Jane is a much more common name than you think. I don't know why, and we could speculate, but it's a fact.

If it's a joke, it's kind of stupid one, don't you think? If people have to wonder if you're joking, then that's not much of a joke.
 
2012-07-18 12:52:46 AM
The degree mix up happened to me I earned a BS in Business Administration a guy with the same first and last name but different middle initial as me earned a MS of Computer Science the same year. I got his sheepskin in the mail with my full name on it.
 
2012-07-18 01:46:52 AM

foxyshadis: alabas


It had been a long day....
 
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