If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Onion)   Joe Paterno's name to remain on the Joe Paterno Center for Covering Up Child Abuse   (theonion.com) divider line 72
    More: Satire, Joe Paterno  
•       •       •

2073 clicks; posted to Sports » on 16 Jul 2012 at 10:17 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



72 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-07-16 06:45:03 PM
The Center has an adorable mascot.

i45.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-16 09:28:04 PM
i48.tinypic.com
 
2012-07-16 10:19:25 PM
Was he the bad guy in The Matrix?
 
2012-07-16 10:21:50 PM
I just dug this off of my bookshelf. If I recall it was a big Ped State dick sucking marathon but it would be interesting to read now that Paterno and his clean program have been exposed as a fraud.

Link
 
2012-07-16 10:22:44 PM
I failed with the link: Link
 
2012-07-16 10:35:33 PM

WhoIsWillo: The Center has an adorable mascot.

[i45.photobucket.com image 250x405]


hahahaha
 
2012-07-16 10:47:16 PM

orangehat: I failed with the link: Link


What I wouldn't give for someone to let Pocket Ninja out of his cage and point him in that page's direction.
 
2012-07-16 11:02:54 PM
media.caglecartoons.com
 
2012-07-16 11:06:42 PM
Joe Paterno developed more young men in 50 years than anyone.

He was a great man. You armchair critics should be ashamed.
 
2012-07-16 11:08:52 PM

mc_madness: Joe Paterno developed more young men in 50 years than anyone.


Is developed the new term for "rape"?
 
2012-07-16 11:17:17 PM

mc_madness: Joe Paterno developed more young men in 50 years than anyone.

He was a great man. You armchair critics should be ashamed.


Did you mean to make a shower joke and forget?
 
2012-07-16 11:24:13 PM

mc_madness: Joe Paterno developed more young men in 50 years than anyone.

He was a great man. You armchair critics should be ashamed.


I'm sure that when he picked "Enabling Pedophiles" as his one and only weakness, he figured, "Eh, that'll probably never come up."

/A shame, really.
 
2012-07-16 11:26:33 PM
How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?
 
2012-07-16 11:27:52 PM
When this whole thing started, I was all "let the process work." I never thought it would work out like this. What a bunch of farktards.
 
2012-07-16 11:31:21 PM

dookdookdook: Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq

Plus:

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be
 
2012-07-16 11:37:45 PM

dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


The Onion used to be funny. Trouble is, today, satire is pointless.
 
2012-07-16 11:37:59 PM
I fear this scandal is so extreme, pathetic and revolting that it's "Onion"-proof.

It's like when The Daily Show tries to spoof Republican social-policy talking points. They're already out there on the ledge. You can't make 'em dance.
 
2012-07-16 11:40:18 PM
NewportBarGuy:
Clinton Deploys Very Special Forces To Iraq

Plus:

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

Ah, well then let me revise and extend:

How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of two paragraphs explaining the obvious joke for the short-bus crowd followed by two dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!
 
2012-07-16 11:42:40 PM
And may I further add

th258.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-16 11:44:23 PM
Joe Paterno's focus was 110% FOOTBALL. He couldn't babysit what his coaches did off the field.

This scandal's the equivalent of a minor fudge stain.

JoePa can rest in peace knowing he was one of the greats.
 
2012-07-17 12:08:11 AM

mc_madness: Joe Paterno's focus was 110% FOOTBALL. He couldn't babysit what his coaches did off the field.

This scandal's the equivalent of a minor fudge stain.

JoePa can rest in peace knowing he was one of the greats.


Keep trying. Someone might bite.
 
2012-07-17 12:19:56 AM

dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


i think this video is hilarious, haven't seen much that great lately
 
2012-07-17 12:21:52 AM
Buncha gotdamned pedophile-enabling cultists in here.

//Or trolls. Could be trolls.
//Nuke Happy Valley from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.
 
2012-07-17 12:25:06 AM

Huck And Molly Ziegler: I fear this scandal is so extreme, pathetic and revolting that it's "Onion"-proof.

It's like when The Daily Show tries to spoof Republican social-policy talking points. They're already out there on the ledge. You can't make 'em dance.


Daniel Tosh might give it a whirl...
 
2012-07-17 12:27:04 AM

dookdookdook: Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


Just because it was never a great source of comedy doesn't mean it can't be hilarious at times. It's just a matter of taste. The Onion is one of those things that's been around for quite awhile and gets read enough to sustain itself.
 
2012-07-17 12:50:43 AM

dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


I always get a kick out of this one: Link
 
2012-07-17 12:53:44 AM

dookdookdook: Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


Today, yesterday, the day before...
 
2012-07-17 12:54:13 AM

dookdookdook: And may I further add

[th258.photobucket.com image 134x160]


So wait, you don't like JoePa or kiddie rape?
 
2012-07-17 01:06:09 AM

IntertubeUser: Buncha gotdamned pedophile-enabling cultists in here.

//Or trolls. Could be trolls.
//Nuke Happy Valley from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.


Trust me, at this point we are atleast at the 10 trolls per 1 defender ratio. By next week, it will be 100 trolls per 1 defender. By football season....it'll explode the server and we'll have to watch a video of the move
 
2012-07-17 01:10:35 AM

Olfin Bedwere: dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?

I always get a kick out of this one: Link


And let's not forget this one
 
2012-07-17 01:21:41 AM

dookdookdook: : Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?

The Onion used to be funny. Trouble is, today, satire is pointless.


Shut your whore mouth, hipster. Go buy an ironic shirt at Urban Outfitters and STFU.
 
2012-07-17 01:33:18 AM
Another goodie: Link
 
2012-07-17 01:35:29 AM

dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


28.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-07-17 02:10:45 AM

DammitIForgotMyLogin: Olfin Bedwere: dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?

I always get a kick out of this one: Link

And let's not forget this one


Or, these three:
one, two and three.
 
2012-07-17 02:14:04 AM

GreatGlavinsGhost: DammitIForgotMyLogin: Olfin Bedwere: dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?

I always get a kick out of this one: Link

And let's not forget this one

Or, these three:
one, two and three.


Oh crap, how could I have forgotten this one?
 
2012-07-17 03:30:46 AM

mc_madness: Joe Paterno's focus was 110% FOOTBALL. He couldn't babysit what his coaches did off the field.

This scandal's the equivalent of a minor fudge stain.

JoePa can rest in peace knowing he was one of the greats.


So can we retroactively take away one win for every count Sandusky got convicted of? That way we can have a guy whose staff committed collegiate level violations as the winning-est head coach.
 
2012-07-17 03:50:06 AM
I've noticed that all of the real apologists have sheltered themselves in penn state forums where anyone who writes an opposing viewpoint gets yelled at and kicked out. The current popular argument right now is that the Freeh report was inaccurate and biased (despite all of the evidence to the contrary), and that this is all somehow the board of trustees' fault. Just thought I'd give all prospective trolls some new talking points.
 
2012-07-17 04:56:33 AM
Nobody has ever profited off rape quite as much as Joe Paterno.



Well, maybe except for Daniel Tosh lately....
 
2012-07-17 05:40:41 AM

WhoIsWillo: The Center has an adorable mascot.

[i45.photobucket.com image 250x405]


For those of you that would like a t-shirt: click
 
2012-07-17 05:40:56 AM

dookdookdook: How to write an Onion article
Step 1) Come up with stupid, obvious, pointless joke about something in the news and write a headline about it.
Step 2) Write an "article" consisting of nothing but a dozen rephrasings of that same one joke.
Step 3) ???
Step 4) E-FAME!

Was there actually a time in history when The Onion was a great source of comedy?


Yeah. Back when regular news wasn't the great source of comedy.
 
2012-07-17 07:01:29 AM

bborchar: I've noticed that all of the real apologists have sheltered themselves in penn state forums where anyone who writes an opposing viewpoint gets yelled at and kicked out. The current popular argument right now is that the Freeh report was inaccurate and biased (despite all of the evidence to the contrary), and that this is all somehow the board of trustees' fault. Just thought I'd give all prospective trolls some new talking points.


I've seen Tom Corbett blamed as well.
 
2012-07-17 07:32:00 AM

WhoIsWillo: i45.photobucket.com


you're going right to Hell, you horrible, horrible bastard.

Jambalaya James: WhoIsWillo: The Center has an adorable mascot.

[i45.photobucket.com image 250x405]

For those of you that would like a t-shirt: click


you too.
 
2012-07-17 07:35:45 AM

mc_madness: JoePa can rest in peace knowing he was one of the greats.


If you can get to that, knowing you enabled a kiddy-diddler...

/what am I talking about, it was JOEPA
//he took his regrets with him to the grave
///it doesn't make him less guilty
 
2012-07-17 07:48:59 AM

Pavia_Resistance: bborchar: I've noticed that all of the real apologists have sheltered themselves in penn state forums where anyone who writes an opposing viewpoint gets yelled at and kicked out. The current popular argument right now is that the Freeh report was inaccurate and biased (despite all of the evidence to the contrary), and that this is all somehow the board of trustees' fault. Just thought I'd give all prospective trolls some new talking points.

I've seen Tom Corbett blamed as well.


My bad, forgot that one. I love that this isn't a big enough conspiracy for these people, they have to go and invent new ones.
 
2012-07-17 07:52:23 AM

bborchar: Pavia_Resistance: bborchar: I've noticed that all of the real apologists have sheltered themselves in penn state forums where anyone who writes an opposing viewpoint gets yelled at and kicked out. The current popular argument right now is that the Freeh report was inaccurate and biased (despite all of the evidence to the contrary), and that this is all somehow the board of trustees' fault. Just thought I'd give all prospective trolls some new talking points.

I've seen Tom Corbett blamed as well.

My bad, forgot that one. I love that this isn't a big enough conspiracy for these people, they have to go and invent new ones.


I reject your conspiracy, and substitute my own!
 
2012-07-17 07:59:51 AM

urban.derelict: you're going right to Hell, you horrible, horrible bastard.


Probably. I'll tell Joe hi for you.
 
2012-07-17 08:02:44 AM

orangehat: I failed with the link: Link


In light of more current events, the book is being reissued with the title "For The Glory Hole".
 
2012-07-17 08:05:27 AM

thunderbird8804: bborchar: Pavia_Resistance: bborchar: I've noticed that all of the real apologists have sheltered themselves in penn state forums where anyone who writes an opposing viewpoint gets yelled at and kicked out. The current popular argument right now is that the Freeh report was inaccurate and biased (despite all of the evidence to the contrary), and that this is all somehow the board of trustees' fault. Just thought I'd give all prospective trolls some new talking points.

I've seen Tom Corbett blamed as well.

My bad, forgot that one. I love that this isn't a big enough conspiracy for these people, they have to go and invent new ones.

I reject your conspiracy, and substitute my own!


Everything they were told it was safe to believe in, everything that they had to be proud of...washed away down a shower drain.

That it would all be OK for them if JooooooooPaaaaaaaaa wasn't involved shows how pathetic these people are. (15 years of covering up serial rape by the rest of the AD is OK, though). I'm curious what kind of farked up father figures these tools grew up with.
 
2012-07-17 08:22:56 AM

WhoIsWillo: Probably. I'll tell Joe hi for you.


No, please don't. I hope there is a hell and I hope he burns in it forever because of his implied consent; he knew about it in 2002 and pushed it out of his mind to concentrate on college football instead.

/college football sucks
//astounded by obedient servitude of footballers -- probably thought any complaints would lessen their chances to make the A-team -- until I started this sentence then I realized they'd never make it to pro ball and end up becoming pigs because they enjoy throwing their weight around, having badge to hide behind
///there's an old man sticking his dick up your anus, for christ sake! should have set off a few alarms
 
2012-07-17 08:23:25 AM
Burn in hell, "JoPa"
 
Displayed 50 of 72 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »





Report