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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 80
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3005 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-07-13 09:15:38 PM
5 votes:
I'd undo today's site design changes.
2012-07-13 09:44:53 PM
4 votes:
The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...
2012-07-13 09:13:55 PM
4 votes:
Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.
2012-07-14 05:58:53 AM
3 votes:

To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!


That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!
2012-07-14 04:33:41 AM
3 votes:
3:30 a.m. where I R @. Drunky big-big so whole thread tl;dr so might be repeating, but that won't stop me from sharing my two cents:

Stop the library in Alexandria from being torched.

One and done. G'night bishes.
2012-07-13 09:32:03 PM
3 votes:
Hold her hand.
2012-07-13 09:13:25 PM
3 votes:
I'd go back in time and stop the creation of a time machine...
2012-07-14 06:42:47 PM
2 votes:
save Phil Hartman.
2012-07-14 04:40:52 AM
2 votes:
eastchestermiddlehighschoollib.wikispaces.com
2012-07-14 03:53:16 AM
2 votes:
Saul of Tarsus.

No, you don't know me. The locals said you come here a lot. Going on a road trip south I hear.

Yeah, I'm going that way too, as it happens. Why don't we travel together, you and I? Did you know there's safety in numbers? There's lots of danger on the road these days. I'll keep first watch.

You can thank me later. Everyone else will.
2012-07-14 03:37:53 AM
2 votes:
Prevent the publication of Ghazali's "The Incoherence of the Philosophers" which led to the closing of the ijtihad and the end of the Islamic golden age. Without this regression into anti-intellectualism, the Middle East would have grown alongside Europe into a group of modern secular democratic states.
2012-07-14 12:02:16 AM
2 votes:
I'd say stop 9/11, but having watched Family Guy, that might be bad. Although, it'd certainly stop the Iraq War since Bush wouldn't have had a blank check dated 9/11/01. He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president. The Tea Party wouldn't exist. Nobody outside of Alaska would've heard the name Sarah Palin. Fake... er, Fox News would probably be grouped with Alex Jones & Co. We'd have had President McCain in '08 (really, nobody would've re-elected President Kerry), but this would've been the John McCain that didn't sell his soul to the Republican Party and he would've ushered in a new era of Republicans: more moderate, less derp. OWS wouldn't have happened, since there'd be no need for it. Right now I'm sure we'd be electing a new President as McCain realized he'd die in term #2, and then we'd be right back to this point of Obama and Romney running neck-and-neck, although Obama would be a bit more seasoned in the Senate. Nobody would be questioning Obama's birthplace since McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, which no longer exists as a U.S. territory.
2012-07-13 09:43:33 PM
2 votes:
I'd go back to Muhamed and be like "God wants your women to wear those belly dancing outfits at all times. Here's a recipe for God's special anti sin oil the women should anoint themselves with daily (spf 45 sunblock). Also God wants you to encourage your youths to have premarital sex, but cum on the tits. God also likes drugs and alcohol. ktnxbye"
2012-07-13 09:43:33 PM
2 votes:
Probably some sort of stock purchase. As in, I'd make one.
2012-07-13 09:26:42 PM
2 votes:

kellynoel: I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.


I'd stop the first person who ever fished for compliments and hope it stops the trend from ever starting.
2012-07-13 09:17:25 PM
2 votes:
I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.
2012-07-13 09:15:30 PM
2 votes:
Anita Bryant would've been strung up from the nearest tree. Her and Falwell. People like that have hijacked the everloving shiat out of the Republican Party, and America in general.
2012-07-13 09:14:41 PM
2 votes:
Undo the Louisiana Purchase for the lulz
2012-07-15 11:39:34 PM
1 votes:
Don't fight the Civil War.

Yes there, are some serious possible repercussions, the non-retarded part of the US, aka, the North, West Coast & much of the Mid-West would have to deal with a farktarded South that would've likely mirrored South Africa.

Also, I would be the South would've thrown in with Germany in WWII, another possible disaster. But you know what, to be rid of the pathetic, sad, vicious, cruel, moronic, assholish, politics that I now have to deal with as a Federal Republic that includes the stupidest human beings on the face of the planet (ie, southerners), I'd take my mother farking chances.
2012-07-15 05:45:08 PM
1 votes:
I'd go back and stop the person who invented the Ask.com toolbar.
2012-07-14 11:30:16 PM
1 votes:

xanadian: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.


Mmmm..... to a significant extent, is was actually the monks of the sky wizard who kept knowledge alive in their fortified or hidden monasteries while jolly barbarians were roving around burning shiat, including books.

HISTORY! It's fun and educational!
2012-07-14 11:00:39 PM
1 votes:

ultraholland: save Phil Hartman.


I can actually go for that one, too
2012-07-14 10:58:54 PM
1 votes:
I suppose I could take a bullet for John Lennon...
2012-07-14 09:27:39 PM
1 votes:
I'd go back in time and make sure Obama got elected.
2012-07-14 09:06:16 PM
1 votes:

timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.


I read it. Feel better?
2012-07-14 08:14:40 PM
1 votes:
No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.
2012-07-14 05:13:02 PM
1 votes:
Kill st paul
2012-07-14 03:24:06 PM
1 votes:
I would have Robert Kardashian sterilized.
2012-07-14 03:04:59 PM
1 votes:
upload.wikimedia.org

punch this guy in the balls hard enough so he could not have kids
2012-07-14 02:27:10 PM
1 votes:

bluorangefyre: I'd say stop 9/11, but having watched Family Guy, that might be bad. Although, it'd certainly stop the Iraq War since Bush wouldn't have had a blank check dated 9/11/01. He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president. The Tea Party wouldn't exist. Nobody outside of Alaska would've heard the name Sarah Palin. Fake... er, Fox News would probably be grouped with Alex Jones & Co. We'd have had President McCain in '08 (really, nobody would've re-elected President Kerry), but this would've been the John McCain that didn't sell his soul to the Republican Party and he would've ushered in a new era of Republicans: more moderate, less derp. OWS wouldn't have happened, since there'd be no need for it. Right now I'm sure we'd be electing a new President as McCain realized he'd die in term #2, and then we'd be right back to this point of Obama and Romney running neck-and-neck, although Obama would be a bit more seasoned in the Senate. Nobody would be questioning Obama's birthplace since McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, which no longer exists as a U.S. territory.


Or better yet, you warn Al Gore about the 2000 election AND 9/11. Gore ramps up his efforts in Florida, which wins him the election. Then on 9/11, armed and trained undercover FBI agents posing as all the passengers are planted on the planes that were going to be hijacked. As soon as the Bin Laden's sleeper agents make a move, they get their asses taken down. Then after some "creative coersion", one of the terrorists crack and spill everything about Al-Queda, and the Navy SEALS are sent to swoop in and dismantle the whole thing before they can run and hide.

Thus, 9/11 never happens, Bin Laden gets shot in the face 10 years sooner, costly and unnecessary wars are averted and America doesn't circle drain for 8 long years.

A guy can dream, can't he?
2012-07-14 12:00:29 PM
1 votes:

lohphat: wildcardjack:
Introduce the idea of movable type at the Library of Alexandria 100BC. And coptic binding.


How about saving the library from destruction and its curator Hypatia from her murder by the order from the Catholic bishop Cyril (who later became a saint).

Or stop the Crusades.

Or somehow stop the European Dark Ages.

[memearchive.net image 600x407]


I always wondered how they came up with that graph. Is there actual scientific evidence and empirical facts that this is based off of? Known citations from well-versed scholars? Or did some wise guy decide, "hey, I can push my twisted view of religion by making a graph! Everyone believes graphs!"
2012-07-14 11:27:40 AM
1 votes:
Funny how we so wish we could change the past, when we are right here, in the present, having the ability to change the past of our own futures... in essence, we are all time-travelers, we just do not realize it...
2012-07-14 10:02:30 AM
1 votes:

PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.

My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.

Yes, I understand your point. You think communism was an alternative to an oppresive feudal system, though that's not historically accurate. After all, the economy in Russia was relatively fine at the rise communism and the majority of the population were extremly loyal to the czar as well. Communism rose in Russia due to aggitation from jewish followers of Marx, who used 'prolitariats' (young white collar workers. 'Office Space' types) to do the fighting and dying so jews could live in a society free of religion and culture.

Ignorant and anti-Semitic is no way to go through life, son. And fact that quite a lot of people supported the Czarist status quo is just human nature...hell, lots of people in Russia missed Stalin when that bastard finally kicked.


Instead of telling people to pick up a book linking communism to the opium trade, perhaps you need to dig a little deeper yourself.
2012-07-14 09:49:02 AM
1 votes:
The invention of computers. That's when the world went to sh*t.
2012-07-14 09:08:39 AM
1 votes:
Put out the fire at the Library of Alexandria and back that shiat up onto microfiche.
2012-07-14 08:54:26 AM
1 votes:
"Mark... 2 feet to the left .She's the REAL phony ,Go ahead shoot Yoko"
2012-07-14 08:28:38 AM
1 votes:
I would arm the native American tribes with present-day armaments.
2012-07-14 07:40:56 AM
1 votes:

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


Then who, exactly, would have gotten us through the aftermath of Nixon's disastrous Soviet-style price controls?

The Republicans?
2012-07-14 07:37:24 AM
1 votes:

thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.


Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off
2012-07-14 07:29:57 AM
1 votes:

wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.


Pity we'll never know how many "pagan" books assholes like Savonarola burned.
Church apologists are like a guy who chainsaws all his neighbor's gardens, and then brags about how his petunias are the best...
2012-07-14 07:17:25 AM
1 votes:
Kill Winston Churchill during the Boer war.
2012-07-14 06:35:15 AM
1 votes:
Stop Christianity from getting it's claws into the Roman Empire?
2012-07-14 06:34:18 AM
1 votes:
I'm with everyone who said "kill homo sapiens before they become homo sapiens." Everyone who keeps saying "destroy religion" clearly has NO concept of human psychology. There will ALWAYS be something to fight over. If not... we'll invent it.
pbfcomics.com

Also, I really wish I were here for the oh-so-entertaining exchange with doglover, wizden and we'refromthesamestory... and I have to ask why the latter is even on Fark when her sensibilities and lack of sense of humor seem completely contrary to everything this website stands for. I mean to put doglover's lovable snark in the same category as, say, the politics tab trolls is just plain silly and shows a considerable lack of knowledge about the Fark culture. And considering I've seen her around for a while., that just leads me to say, HEY! Learn your social mores! When in Rome, act like a Roman... when on Fark, snark like a Farker.
2012-07-14 05:48:36 AM
1 votes:
I would write a detailed narrative of my own life up to this point along with noteworthy historical and financial events, then I'd deliver it to my younger self.
2012-07-14 05:24:48 AM
1 votes:

Fish_Fight!: prevent obama being born


Obama has his own time machine. He might prevent you from being born.
2012-07-14 05:13:46 AM
1 votes:
Would have banged that junior varsity cheerleader when I had the chance.....dammit.

Things needed for the trip back.

alcohol
condoms
confidence
2012-07-14 04:57:52 AM
1 votes:
Go back in time, and play with Annette Funicello's breasts.
2012-07-14 04:51:16 AM
1 votes:
Stop the burning of the library at Alexandria. We'd have had a man on the moon by 1000 AD [or at least the movie technology to fake it ;) ]
2012-07-14 04:28:38 AM
1 votes:
Write the Bible and include the page in front that explains that all the characters are fictional, and that any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.
2012-07-14 04:26:53 AM
1 votes:
I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't the easiest life, it certainly isn't the hardest, but it's my life and I like it how it is.
2012-07-14 04:11:18 AM
1 votes:
Completely destroy the American South. I'm sick to death of hearing about how the War of Northern Aggression was never finished, but only on hiatus.
2012-07-14 03:58:54 AM
1 votes:
Settle a bet I have going with myself that dinosaur meat tastes like chicken.
2012-07-14 03:47:58 AM
1 votes:

Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.


Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.
2012-07-14 03:45:56 AM
1 votes:
Stop Constantine from converting!
2012-07-14 03:38:21 AM
1 votes:
I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.
eon
2012-07-14 03:29:13 AM
1 votes:
Kill / incapacitate Edison so Tesla would have been able to get even more cool shiat done and not die a pauper.
2012-07-14 03:29:09 AM
1 votes:
I'd go back in time and give Prescott Bush sterilization drugs.
2012-07-14 03:21:30 AM
1 votes:
Free condoms for Ronald Reagan's mom.
2012-07-14 03:14:28 AM
1 votes:
I would have nutted in Lisa's mouth
2012-07-14 12:57:23 AM
1 votes:

Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.


Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.
2012-07-14 12:08:52 AM
1 votes:

bluorangefyre: He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president.


I doubt that is still his legacy. It might be "the reasonable Bush" now.
2012-07-14 12:05:53 AM
1 votes:
I'd tell that blonde guy with the mullet to stop gun running with strangers he meets from the classifieds.
2012-07-13 11:56:31 PM
1 votes:

wizden: Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.


All people will see Horrible Histories:

William Wallace Song

British Empire Report

Viking Wife Swap

Aztec Priest Song
2012-07-13 10:35:35 PM
1 votes:

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: So they didn't force everyone to be farmers while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand years?

No they didn't.

You'd know this if you read books.


As someone who assumes every one is male, I'd think about what you're saying. I'm just asking if what i learned in history class is true. You could be a little less rude. And by a little less rude I really do mean WOW you're an asshole.

/Also, I'm a science person, I only try to understand history so I can figure out who to vote for. Sadly, republicans are too against my rights as a female for me to consider it.
2012-07-13 10:13:38 PM
1 votes:

doglover: Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.


So they didn't force everyone to be farmers while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand years?

Good to know.
2012-07-13 09:55:38 PM
1 votes:

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

When I read it's usually a book about science. How could Darwin teach me about the dark ages?

Read Aristotle.

I did that once. He was even more boring then Darwin. I didn't think it was possible.


Actually, Aristotle was a lively writer who was wildly popular as a master of the art of writing. It's widely attested to in many surviving period texts.

The problem is, none of Aristotle's public publications are among the surviving texts. In fact, for a long time it was thought that Aristotle's work was gone completely until someone found a few old copies of some of his private books, like Nicomachean Ethics (a book written for his son, Nicomachus) in some Muslim repository somewhere during one of the Crusades... or something like that.

Basically Aristotle's works are to your mind what Marlyn Monroe's pussy is to you dick: something amazing, tantalizing, superbly famous, and entirely unknowable.
2012-07-13 09:52:32 PM
1 votes:

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...


Goddammit learn to history.
2012-07-13 09:43:46 PM
1 votes:
The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.
2012-07-13 09:31:29 PM
1 votes:

wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.


I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...
2012-07-13 09:24:40 PM
1 votes:
I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.
2012-07-13 09:23:56 PM
1 votes:

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.


I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.
2012-07-13 09:23:22 PM
1 votes:
I'd stop the two puddles of goo from merging.
2012-07-13 09:22:14 PM
1 votes:

Metalupis: But Wait There's More: I'd undo today's site design changes.

I expected this to be the Boobies, fark is slipping


It's all the redesign's fault.
2012-07-13 09:19:21 PM
1 votes:
I wouldn't let that farking whorepig move in with me.
2012-07-13 09:16:23 PM
1 votes:

Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.


Genocide is one thing. That's what I'm changing!
2012-07-13 09:15:05 PM
1 votes:

redoctober65: I'd go back in time and stop the creation of a time machine...


This is why we can't have time machines. I argued this with my friend. The minute the knowledge became publicly available someone would inevitably go back in time and kill the inventor.
2012-07-13 09:14:30 PM
1 votes:

bdub77: Abort Purelilac's mom.


Someone's on my side. Yay!
2012-07-13 09:12:44 PM
1 votes:
Give my grandparents the balls to tell my mom off and keep us kids.
2012-07-13 09:12:35 PM
1 votes:
Abort Purelilac's mom.
2012-07-13 09:11:36 PM
1 votes:
Abort my mom.
 
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