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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 414
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3009 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-13 09:11:36 PM  
Abort my mom.
 
2012-07-13 09:12:35 PM  
Abort Purelilac's mom.
 
2012-07-13 09:12:44 PM  
Give my grandparents the balls to tell my mom off and keep us kids.
 
2012-07-13 09:13:25 PM  
I'd go back in time and stop the creation of a time machine...
 
2012-07-13 09:13:55 PM  
Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.
 
2012-07-13 09:14:30 PM  

bdub77: Abort Purelilac's mom.


Someone's on my side. Yay!
 
2012-07-13 09:14:41 PM  
Undo the Louisiana Purchase for the lulz
 
2012-07-13 09:15:03 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.


I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.
 
2012-07-13 09:15:05 PM  

redoctober65: I'd go back in time and stop the creation of a time machine...


This is why we can't have time machines. I argued this with my friend. The minute the knowledge became publicly available someone would inevitably go back in time and kill the inventor.
 
2012-07-13 09:15:30 PM  
Anita Bryant would've been strung up from the nearest tree. Her and Falwell. People like that have hijacked the everloving shiat out of the Republican Party, and America in general.
 
2012-07-13 09:15:38 PM  
I'd undo today's site design changes.
 
2012-07-13 09:16:23 PM  

Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.


Genocide is one thing. That's what I'm changing!
 
2012-07-13 09:17:25 PM  
I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.
 
2012-07-13 09:17:36 PM  

But Wait There's More: I'd undo today's site design changes.


I expected this to be the Boobies, fark is slipping
 
2012-07-13 09:17:59 PM  

wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.


Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?
 
2012-07-13 09:19:21 PM  
I wouldn't let that farking whorepig move in with me.
 
2012-07-13 09:22:14 PM  

Metalupis: But Wait There's More: I'd undo today's site design changes.

I expected this to be the Boobies, fark is slipping


It's all the redesign's fault.
 
2012-07-13 09:22:32 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?


Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.
 
2012-07-13 09:23:22 PM  
I'd stop the two puddles of goo from merging.
 
2012-07-13 09:23:56 PM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.


I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.
 
2012-07-13 09:24:02 PM  

wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.


I dunno... maybe without the cultural control aspects of the Dark Ages, we'd all be f*cking turtles by now.
 
2012-07-13 09:24:13 PM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.


When I read it's usually a book about science. How could Darwin teach me about the dark ages?
 
2012-07-13 09:24:40 PM  
I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.
 
2012-07-13 09:25:15 PM  
S. Plural.
 
2012-07-13 09:25:35 PM  

middleoftheday: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

I dunno... maybe without the cultural control aspects of the Dark Ages, we'd all be f*cking turtles by now.


Eh. Good way to end up with salmonella, I've heard...
 
2012-07-13 09:25:58 PM  

middleoftheday: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

I dunno... maybe without the cultural control aspects of the Dark Ages, we'd all be f*cking turtles by now.


That's what I'm talking about.
 
2012-07-13 09:26:42 PM  

kellynoel: I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.


I'd stop the first person who ever fished for compliments and hope it stops the trend from ever starting.
 
2012-07-13 09:27:19 PM  

xanadian: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.


Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.
 
2012-07-13 09:27:25 PM  

logistic: kellynoel: I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.

I'd stop the first person who ever fished for compliments and hope it stops the trend from ever starting.


That's not fishing for compliments.
 
2012-07-13 09:28:35 PM  

logistic: kellynoel: I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.

I'd stop the first person who ever fished for compliments and hope it stops the trend from ever starting.


nah, we like attention too much.
 
2012-07-13 09:31:29 PM  

wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.


I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...
 
2012-07-13 09:32:03 PM  
Hold her hand.
 
2012-07-13 09:36:21 PM  
The puddles were amino acids and they merged to form a protein.
 
2012-07-13 09:42:20 PM  

kellynoel: logistic: kellynoel: I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.

I'd stop the first person who ever fished for compliments and hope it stops the trend from ever starting.

That's not fishing for compliments.


I, for one, am happy you are here. The world is a better place with you in it.
 
2012-07-13 09:43:33 PM  
Probably some sort of stock purchase. As in, I'd make one.
 
2012-07-13 09:43:33 PM  
I'd go back to Muhamed and be like "God wants your women to wear those belly dancing outfits at all times. Here's a recipe for God's special anti sin oil the women should anoint themselves with daily (spf 45 sunblock). Also God wants you to encourage your youths to have premarital sex, but cum on the tits. God also likes drugs and alcohol. ktnxbye"
 
2012-07-13 09:43:46 PM  
The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.
 
2012-07-13 09:44:34 PM  

xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...


The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.
 
2012-07-13 09:44:53 PM  
The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...
 
2012-07-13 09:45:43 PM  

bighoss: kellynoel: logistic: kellynoel: I'd stop my parent from getting pregnant with me.

I'd stop the first person who ever fished for compliments and hope it stops the trend from ever starting.

That's not fishing for compliments.

I, for one, am happy you are here. The world is a better place with you in it.


That would have meant something three years or so ago.
 
2012-07-13 09:46:28 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

When I read it's usually a book about science. How could Darwin teach me about the dark ages?


Read Aristotle.
 
2012-07-13 09:48:02 PM  

wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.


Oppression does that...
 
2012-07-13 09:48:46 PM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

When I read it's usually a book about science. How could Darwin teach me about the dark ages?

Read Aristotle.


I did that once. He was even more boring then Darwin. I didn't think it was possible.
 
2012-07-13 09:49:56 PM  
If I could turn back time....
 
2012-07-13 09:50:54 PM  

we'refromthesamestory:
nah, we like attention too much.


Yeah but I doubt you have much of a problem getting attention :p
 
2012-07-13 09:52:32 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...


Goddammit learn to history.
 
2012-07-13 09:55:38 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

When I read it's usually a book about science. How could Darwin teach me about the dark ages?

Read Aristotle.

I did that once. He was even more boring then Darwin. I didn't think it was possible.


Actually, Aristotle was a lively writer who was wildly popular as a master of the art of writing. It's widely attested to in many surviving period texts.

The problem is, none of Aristotle's public publications are among the surviving texts. In fact, for a long time it was thought that Aristotle's work was gone completely until someone found a few old copies of some of his private books, like Nicomachean Ethics (a book written for his son, Nicomachus) in some Muslim repository somewhere during one of the Crusades... or something like that.

Basically Aristotle's works are to your mind what Marlyn Monroe's pussy is to you dick: something amazing, tantalizing, superbly famous, and entirely unknowable.
 
2012-07-13 09:58:09 PM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.


Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.
 
2012-07-13 09:59:31 PM  

doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.


We all need a good chuckle.
 
hng
2012-07-13 10:01:33 PM  

middleoftheday: Undo the Louisiana Purchase for the lulz


and think of the money we would've saved on Katrina.
 
2012-07-13 10:01:49 PM  

doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.


I've been drinking... am I the he?

If so: PENIS GOES WHAR!?

I'm really getting tired of this. If you didn't mean me, ignore me.
 
2012-07-13 10:03:46 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.

I've been drinking... am I the he?

If so: PENIS GOES WHAR!?

I'm really getting tired of this. If you didn't mean me, ignore me.


I think you know WHAR PENIS GOES.
 
2012-07-13 10:06:38 PM  

wizden: I think you know WHAR PENIS GOES.


AHAHA!

Well this is true..

HEY! Did you just call me a whore?
 
2012-07-13 10:07:42 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I think you know WHAR PENIS GOES.

AHAHA!

Well this is true..

HEY! Did you just call me a whore?


Well you are wearing the uniform....
 
2012-07-13 10:10:20 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.

I've been drinking... am I the he?

If so: PENIS GOES WHAR!?

I'm really getting tired of this. If you didn't mean me, ignore me.


Okay, you're a girl. Whatever. I don't click through profiles, I just use he until otherwise noted.

Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.
 
2012-07-13 10:10:41 PM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I think you know WHAR PENIS GOES.

AHAHA!

Well this is true..

HEY! Did you just call me a whore?

Well you are wearing the uniform....


Does this include having a vagina? 'Cause I'm wearing an O's tee, shorts, and hat.
 
2012-07-13 10:13:38 PM  

doglover: Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.


So they didn't force everyone to be farmers while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand years?

Good to know.
 
2012-07-13 10:17:23 PM  
Sigh...
 
2012-07-13 10:19:04 PM  

wizden: Sigh...


I've got nothin to do tonight. If you want to enlighten me, by all means, go for it.
 
2012-07-13 10:21:33 PM  
OK nevermind about my friend. He wouldn't want to be around for this thread.
 
2012-07-13 10:27:08 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: Sigh...

I've got nothin to do tonight. If you want to enlighten me, by all means, go for it.


I already have.
 
2012-07-13 10:29:02 PM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: Sigh...

I've got nothin to do tonight. If you want to enlighten me, by all means, go for it.

I already have.


fair...

Back to whiskey
 
2012-07-13 10:30:10 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: So they didn't force everyone to be farmers while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand years?


No they didn't.

You'd know this if you read books.
 
2012-07-13 10:31:41 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: Sigh...

I've got nothin to do tonight. If you want to enlighten me, by all means, go for it.

I already have.

fair...

Back to whiskey


Go to youtube, search for "Horrible Histories"

if you can't be learn-ed, at least be amused,
 
2012-07-13 10:35:35 PM  

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: So they didn't force everyone to be farmers while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand years?

No they didn't.

You'd know this if you read books.


As someone who assumes every one is male, I'd think about what you're saying. I'm just asking if what i learned in history class is true. You could be a little less rude. And by a little less rude I really do mean WOW you're an asshole.

/Also, I'm a science person, I only try to understand history so I can figure out who to vote for. Sadly, republicans are too against my rights as a female for me to consider it.
 
2012-07-13 10:38:48 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: As someone who assumes every one is male, I'd think about what you're saying. I'm just asking if what i learned in history class is true. You could be a little less rude. And by a little less rude I really do mean WOW you're an asshole.


i25.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-13 10:39:51 PM  
Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.
 
2012-07-13 10:46:24 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.


Aww
 
2012-07-13 10:53:48 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.


You must be new here. Doglover is one of the most insightful people here. Drunk yes. But insightful.

I think this explains it well.
 
2012-07-13 10:57:05 PM  

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.

Aww


Doglover is one of the good farkers, and smart. Just snarky at times. Goes with the site. I would guess he's not thrilled about making one of the few female farkers mad. I could be wrong however.
 
2012-07-13 10:57:24 PM  
Am I the only person in the world who can't stand most youtube videos?

/besides, I can't watch criminal minds while youtube is on yo.
 
2012-07-13 10:58:49 PM  
We accept doglover despite his foibles. Because beariot.
 
2012-07-13 10:59:44 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.


I can have a converstaion, but if you're trying to hold the position that 1000 years of history just kind of "nothing happened" that's insane. Empires rose and fell and many things happened and change was always the watchword in that era.

I'd type more but I'm actually working ATM. Skype commuting FTW.
 
2012-07-13 11:01:00 PM  
Hey Ididn't say I didn't like the guy, I just said that maybe instead of being rude towards me for asking if what I learned in history class is wrong, you could, you know, explain.

I am not watching any stupid you tube videos to get a point though. If you'd like to refer me to a netflix documentary we can talk.
 
hng
2012-07-13 11:01:04 PM  

middleoftheday: We accept doglover despite his foibles. Because beariot.


With that statement, I don't know who gets top billing on my ignore list: you or Doglover.
 
2012-07-13 11:07:35 PM  

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.

I can have a converstaion, but if you're trying to hold the position that 1000 years of history just kind of "nothing happened" that's insane. Empires rose and fell and many things happened and change was always the watchword in that era.

I'd type more but I'm actually working ATM. Skype commuting FTW.


Well what happened? What I learned in history class was that the church had everyone oppressed...

/May I add that this was a college level class... and OH YEAH! I'm a current student!
 
2012-07-13 11:07:47 PM  

we'refromthesamestory: I am not watching any stupid you tube videos to get a point though.


What point? It's a funny freakin' show with musical numbers and skits about history. They did up history's dark side and make it funny. There's a whole big parody of Stayin' Alive where Aztec priests explain "You Won't Survive"
 
2012-07-13 11:08:05 PM  
The United Colors of Benetton hng's ignore list: from America all the way to Japan!
 
2012-07-13 11:08:44 PM  

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: I am not watching any stupid you tube videos to get a point though.

What point? It's a funny freakin' show with musical numbers and skits about history. They did up history's dark side and make it funny. There's a whole big parody of Stayin' Alive where Aztec priests explain "You Won't Survive"


Sorry if that does not sound amusing to me.
 
hng
2012-07-13 11:09:29 PM  

middleoftheday: The United Colors of Benetton hng's ignore list: from America all the way to Japan!


My ignore list looks like a casting call for a Sunny-D commercial.
 
2012-07-13 11:12:00 PM  

middleoftheday: The United Colors of Benetton hng's ignore list: from America all the way to Japan!


His loss. The only people on my ignore list are the ones who kept calling bronies pedophiles, and that's only because it's cannon to send people you don't like to the moon so I ignored them with phrases like "on the moon.". I would take them off the ignore list if they ever posted in non-pony related threads but they don't.

It's like their sole purpose in life is to accuse cartoon watching nerds of pedophila. I mean really.
 
2012-07-13 11:20:53 PM  
Everyone should watch that TED talk.
 
2012-07-13 11:35:12 PM  

wizden: Everyone should watch that TED talk.


Which one?
 
2012-07-13 11:46:01 PM  

doglover: wizden: Everyone should watch that TED talk.

Which one?


The one I linked up there. Charlie Todd: The Shared Experience of Absurdity.
 
2012-07-13 11:47:31 PM  
Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.
 
2012-07-13 11:56:31 PM  

wizden: Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.


All people will see Horrible Histories:

William Wallace Song

British Empire Report

Viking Wife Swap

Aztec Priest Song
 
2012-07-14 12:02:16 AM  
I'd say stop 9/11, but having watched Family Guy, that might be bad. Although, it'd certainly stop the Iraq War since Bush wouldn't have had a blank check dated 9/11/01. He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president. The Tea Party wouldn't exist. Nobody outside of Alaska would've heard the name Sarah Palin. Fake... er, Fox News would probably be grouped with Alex Jones & Co. We'd have had President McCain in '08 (really, nobody would've re-elected President Kerry), but this would've been the John McCain that didn't sell his soul to the Republican Party and he would've ushered in a new era of Republicans: more moderate, less derp. OWS wouldn't have happened, since there'd be no need for it. Right now I'm sure we'd be electing a new President as McCain realized he'd die in term #2, and then we'd be right back to this point of Obama and Romney running neck-and-neck, although Obama would be a bit more seasoned in the Senate. Nobody would be questioning Obama's birthplace since McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, which no longer exists as a U.S. territory.
 
2012-07-14 12:03:20 AM  

doglover: wizden: Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.

All people will see Horrible Histories:

William Wallace Song

British Empire Report

Viking Wife Swap

Aztec Priest Song


Ok. I watched your video. Watch mine.
 
2012-07-14 12:03:55 AM  

wizden: doglover: wizden: Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.

All people will see Horrible Histories:

William Wallace Song

British Empire Report

Viking Wife Swap

Aztec Priest Song

Ok. I watched your video. Watch mine.


At 1:30 work ends. Then I can watch. Skype lessons, man.
 
2012-07-14 12:05:23 AM  

bluorangefyre: I'd say stop 9/11, but having watched Family Guy, that might be bad. Although, it'd certainly stop the Iraq War since Bush wouldn't have had a blank check dated 9/11/01. He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president. The Tea Party wouldn't exist. Nobody outside of Alaska would've heard the name Sarah Palin. Fake... er, Fox News would probably be grouped with Alex Jones & Co. We'd have had President McCain in '08 (really, nobody would've re-elected President Kerry), but this would've been the John McCain that didn't sell his soul to the Republican Party and he would've ushered in a new era of Republicans: more moderate, less derp. OWS wouldn't have happened, since there'd be no need for it. Right now I'm sure we'd be electing a new President as McCain realized he'd die in term #2, and then we'd be right back to this point of Obama and Romney running neck-and-neck, although Obama would be a bit more seasoned in the Senate. Nobody would be questioning Obama's birthplace since McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, which no longer exists as a U.S. territory.


I f*cking love cocaine.
 
2012-07-14 12:05:53 AM  
I'd tell that blonde guy with the mullet to stop gun running with strangers he meets from the classifieds.
 
2012-07-14 12:08:52 AM  

bluorangefyre: He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president.


I doubt that is still his legacy. It might be "the reasonable Bush" now.
 
2012-07-14 12:15:13 AM  

middleoftheday: bluorangefyre: He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president.

I doubt that is still his legacy. It might be "the reasonable Bush" now.


I missed this. Are we talking about Jeb?
 
2012-07-14 12:29:45 AM  

wizden: we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.

You must be new here. Doglover is one of the most insightful people here. Drunk yes. But insightful.

I think this explains it well.


I'm watchin' it.
 
2012-07-14 12:30:00 AM  
So that happened.
 
2012-07-14 12:30:07 AM  
I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.
 
2012-07-14 12:41:00 AM  

doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.

You must be new here. Doglover is one of the most insightful people here. Drunk yes. But insightful.

I think this explains it well.

I'm watchin' it.


Dunno.I'd like to be a part of what guys smoking.
 
2012-07-14 12:41:40 AM  

wizden: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.

You must be new here. Doglover is one of the most insightful people here. Drunk yes. But insightful.

I think this explains it well.

I'm watchin' it.

Dunno.I'd like to be a part of what guys smoking.


He's not smoking anything. He's doing improve. It's fun.
 
2012-07-14 12:46:43 AM  

doglover: wizden: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: Yup farkying you in as someone who cannot have an actual conversation.

You must be new here. Doglover is one of the most insightful people here. Drunk yes. But insightful.

I think this explains it well.

I'm watchin' it.

Dunno.I'd like to be a part of what guys smoking.

He's not smoking anything. He's doing improve. It's fun.


Seriously fun.

I got lost in that website.
 
2012-07-14 12:57:23 AM  

Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.


Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.
 
2012-07-14 12:58:14 AM  
Wear a condom while farking subbie's mom.
 
2012-07-14 01:46:27 AM  

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


Wow. Managed to win both the "Most trailer trash comment" and "Trolololiest Troll of the Day" medals in one sentence. Kudos.
 
2012-07-14 02:01:13 AM  
I would tell my mom she was about to get cancer and should get checked at least monthly.
 
2012-07-14 02:22:51 AM  
cdn.twentytwowords.com
 
2012-07-14 02:49:02 AM  
Go back to the day before Jesus gets arrested and tell him to run for the hills!
 
2012-07-14 02:57:25 AM  

wizden: I f*cking love cocaine.


Actual photo of wizden:

i1222.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-14 03:03:10 AM  

namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.


Oops, try again.
 
2012-07-14 03:03:20 AM  

PacManDreaming: wizden: I f*cking love cocaine.

Actual photo of wizden:

[i1222.photobucket.com image 328x257]


img.ponibooru.org
 
2012-07-14 03:06:41 AM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2012-07-14 03:07:30 AM  

namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.


Thank you, Mario, but your fallacy is in another castle.
 
2012-07-14 03:08:02 AM  
images.t-nation.com
 
2012-07-14 03:11:23 AM  
Choose the other one instead of the psycho hosebeast that became my ex-wife.
 
2012-07-14 03:11:35 AM  
i would change nothing
 
2012-07-14 03:12:17 AM  

PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Thank you, Mario, but your fallacy is in another castle.


You must an out and out idiot if you think religion causes genocide. Why bother trying to educate them? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it think.

Let's make this a happy thread for silly image macros,
 
2012-07-14 03:14:28 AM  
I would have nutted in Lisa's mouth
 
2012-07-14 03:15:47 AM  

Ooba Tooba: The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.


I'd tell my mom the cancer would come back and to get checked out at least six months before we found out it came back - and insist on a second/third/fourth opinion if they didn't believe her.
 
2012-07-14 03:16:53 AM  

Nadie_AZ: The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...


That's a good one.
 
2012-07-14 03:17:19 AM  
What good would it do, if you went back in time and changed something, some other idiot would inevitably go back and change it back or change something else that would screw up what you did anyway.
 
2012-07-14 03:20:06 AM  
imgs.xkcd.com

If you wanted steampunk and we were cleared to drop off a book I think my 1915 copy of Kent's Mechanical Engineering handbook is just low tech enough to put in the hands of a James Watt and get some results.

Yes, I really do own engineering handbooks that would feel comfortable in the Victorian era.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:30 AM  
Free condoms for Ronald Reagan's mom.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:33 AM  
The Spanish Inquisition. I would have had people expect it.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:40 AM  
I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:45 AM  

Nadie_AZ: The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...


Not really there's a good chance you wouldn't be born and wouldn't be around to go back in time and change history.
 
2012-07-14 03:22:37 AM  
I'd shoot Mitochondrial Eve before she had any kids just see how much of Space-Time ends up imploding.
 
2012-07-14 03:22:49 AM  
No, I wouldn't change the progression of civilization, it is what it is. I'm too much of a believer in Determinism and Lorentz to think that you could safely excise or affect any history.

I never would've started working graveyard shifts. The relationship that got me to start was not worth it, and I was young, dumb, and horny.
 
2012-07-14 03:23:56 AM  
I wouldn't have walked barefoot this afternoon for a mile on a rough track around a football field. Parts of my feet are now kind of shredded.

I would have also permanently disabled John Wilkes Booth before he shot the president.
 
2012-07-14 03:23:56 AM  

angrymacface: I'd stop the two puddles of goo from merging.


tng.trekcore.com
 
2012-07-14 03:24:28 AM  
I thought about this for quite a while and have decided the best choice is that George Lucas would be hit by a bus after Empire Strikes Back was released.
 
2012-07-14 03:25:58 AM  
Kill the emerging homo sapiens.
 
2012-07-14 03:29:09 AM  
I'd go back in time and give Prescott Bush sterilization drugs.
 
eon
2012-07-14 03:29:13 AM  
Kill / incapacitate Edison so Tesla would have been able to get even more cool shiat done and not die a pauper.
 
2012-07-14 03:37:53 AM  
Prevent the publication of Ghazali's "The Incoherence of the Philosophers" which led to the closing of the ijtihad and the end of the Islamic golden age. Without this regression into anti-intellectualism, the Middle East would have grown alongside Europe into a group of modern secular democratic states.
 
2012-07-14 03:38:21 AM  
I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.
 
2012-07-14 03:39:08 AM  

xanadian: Anita Bryant would've been strung up from the nearest tree. Her and Falwell. People like that have hijacked the everloving shiat out of the Republican Party, and America in general.


Fark you Farktard, libtard, gaysexual humpin' sunsabiatches. Anita was hot, so I would go back in time, and fark the shait out of that freaky pooper.
 
2012-07-14 03:41:43 AM  

middleoftheday: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

I dunno... maybe without the cultural control aspects of the Dark Ages, we'd all be f*cking turtles by now.


We're not supposed to fark turtles? I didn't get that memo.
 
2012-07-14 03:43:57 AM  
I'd have invested in Apple.
 
2012-07-14 03:45:56 AM  
Stop Constantine from converting!
 
2012-07-14 03:46:39 AM  
I have a gun, you have a time machine, let's kill Hitler.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:18 AM  
I would go back to 1990 and take pictures of Glenn Beck doing that thing to that girl.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:49 AM  
made Steve Jobs allow open access to his code so others could write spftware that ran on Macs and the PC would not dominate the market; either that, or stopped the time wasting internet from being invented.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:58 AM  

Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.


Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:59 AM  
I'd shoot JFK from the grassy knoll for the LOLs.

Commission a young German painter to do lots of works all around the world.

Deposit a breeding population of horses in North America circa 5000BC.

Artificially impregnate every virgin named Mary in that region around that time. Using the sperm of Wilt Chamberlain.

Introduce the idea of movable type at the Library of Alexandria 100BC. And coptic binding.

And while we're at it, could we just go back and grab a pack of wooly mammoths.
 
2012-07-14 03:49:08 AM  
(peers through thread)

Seriously? 142 comments and I had to make the Hitler joke myself?
 
2012-07-14 03:50:06 AM  
Go back to 1999 and tell myself the girl that wants me to nail her in the ass has diarrhea. I just want the nightmares to stop.
 
2012-07-14 03:52:52 AM  

doglover: Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.


It's only been a week... I am sure I will be my old crusty self at some point.
 
2012-07-14 03:53:16 AM  
Saul of Tarsus.

No, you don't know me. The locals said you come here a lot. Going on a road trip south I hear.

Yeah, I'm going that way too, as it happens. Why don't we travel together, you and I? Did you know there's safety in numbers? There's lots of danger on the road these days. I'll keep first watch.

You can thank me later. Everyone else will.
 
2012-07-14 03:56:18 AM  

Do the needful: doglover: Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.

It's only been a week... I am sure I will be my old crusty self at some point.


Yipe. I am so, so sorry. That's just terrible. My absolute deepest sympathies.
 
2012-07-14 03:58:54 AM  
Settle a bet I have going with myself that dinosaur meat tastes like chicken.
 
2012-07-14 04:01:55 AM  

Purelilac: Abort my mom.


Not bang Purelilac's grandmother
 
2012-07-14 04:03:03 AM  
No mentions of stopping a zombie Jesus?
 
2012-07-14 04:03:08 AM  

xanadian: I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.


Is it God or evolution, either way you need the Church:P
 
2012-07-14 04:04:20 AM  

rkane1: Purelilac: Abort my mom.

Not bang Purelilac's grandmother


Or maybe pull out and splooge on her taught, supple belly instead
 
2012-07-14 04:04:30 AM  

Gosling: Yipe. I am so, so sorry. That's just terrible. My absolute deepest sympathies.


Thanks. I probably shouldn't have even posted that. I rarely inject my personal life into an online post. It's just a bad coincidence that I had been thinking along this same subject due to the circumstances. I realize now I probably just crapped the whole thread.
 
2012-07-14 04:05:08 AM  

doglover: Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.

Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.


www.akimbocomics.com

I'm not really sure what your intention was doglover but that really sounded insensitive. I suppose you didn't post the 'Welcome to Fark' image for Do the needful, so you get some credit for not going overboard.
 
2012-07-14 04:06:05 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com

/oblig
 
2012-07-14 04:07:06 AM  

Nadie_AZ: The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...


Yah, we'd simply remember Freddie Kahn instead. While there is a certain amount to be said for individual initiative, history is made by being the right person in the right place, at the right time. And there are always a lot of candidates for the right person. Particularly conquerors.
 
2012-07-14 04:07:52 AM  
As for me... I'd arrange to be born to rich parents.
 
2012-07-14 04:10:00 AM  
a to do list:

one less Godfather movie
one less Indiana Jones movie
multi-season Firefly where Wash and Zoe eventually settle down on a land Wash shall call: 'This Land'.
Fred lives - damn it. (Angel).

Release a 'thought' pathogen that gives ass cancer to anyone who thinks reality tv is a great idea.
 
2012-07-14 04:11:18 AM  
Completely destroy the American South. I'm sick to death of hearing about how the War of Northern Aggression was never finished, but only on hiatus.
 
2012-07-14 04:13:47 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.


Jacques DeMolay, tempt us not too far! Art thou wholly a fool?
 
2012-07-14 04:14:04 AM  

Do the needful: Thanks. I probably shouldn't have even posted that. I rarely inject my personal life into an online post. It's just a bad coincidence that I had been thinking along this same subject due to the circumstances. I realize now I probably just crapped the whole thread.


I think you made it more human, less Fark. It is appreciated that you posted that. It came from an honest place. Please try not to regret the post at least. Anyways, I know you don't need advice from strangers, but I feel compelled to speak up.
 
2012-07-14 04:14:59 AM  
If we are talking what I'd do for myself personally. Hmm, I'd of taken school more seriously and gotten more out of high school. I'd of slapped the shiat out of myself and told younger me to grow up.

If we are talking bigger picture meanwhile, I'd fark your mom. All of them.
 
2012-07-14 04:16:36 AM  
"Hey, you're the ones writing Star Trek: X. Here's the finished version. Watch it and keep it as a reminder of what not to do when writing a better movie. And if you don't believe me, this movie was beaten it's opening weekend by a Jennifer Lopez movie."

"Hey George Lucas. That Episode 1 you're writing. Here it is, finished, from the future. Also, here is a guy named Plinket, he reviewed this movie in huge detail. Watch Episode 1, watch the Plinket review, TAKE NOTES, and listen to Plinket."

"Hey, I know you're wanting two more Matrix movies, but...no. Just no."

"Hey, Stephanie, let me help you get that Twilight manuscript to the publisher..." shoots her in the face, whites out her name, puts me name in it's place. "Hello 18 y.o. chicks with no life and MILFy Cougars!!!!"
 
2012-07-14 04:17:55 AM  
I'd inspire a Fifth Crusade, only both sides would have to fight with Nerf weapons.
 
2012-07-14 04:20:05 AM  
I'd either go back to eight grade and tell Jennifer how I felt about her.

Or I'd stop my wedding and let myself know about the girl I met back in October...
 
2012-07-14 04:23:21 AM  
Reverse 80's fashion
i242.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-14 04:24:00 AM  
Identical sextuplet Benjamin Franklins
 
2012-07-14 04:25:24 AM  
C-3PO: A golden, 24' tall robotic dinosaur covered in laser cannons, missile launchers, not gay or annoying
R2-D2: Female android, mostly naked, rides on top of C-3PO, chained around her neck to the neck of C-3PO.
Darth Vader: WAS NEVER called Annie in his life. Originally, before Darth Vader, he was named William.
 
2012-07-14 04:26:51 AM  

Ooba Tooba: Doglover is one of the good farkers, and smart.


No. No, he is not.
 
2012-07-14 04:26:53 AM  
I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't the easiest life, it certainly isn't the hardest, but it's my life and I like it how it is.
 
2012-07-14 04:28:38 AM  
Write the Bible and include the page in front that explains that all the characters are fictional, and that any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.
 
2012-07-14 04:30:25 AM  
I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.
 
2012-07-14 04:31:08 AM  
"And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time"

//Not obscure
 
2012-07-14 04:31:44 AM  
I'd give Hero of Alexandria a steam engine.

Imagine where we would be if the industrial revolution occurred in 100AD.
 
2012-07-14 04:33:41 AM  
3:30 a.m. where I R @. Drunky big-big so whole thread tl;dr so might be repeating, but that won't stop me from sharing my two cents:

Stop the library in Alexandria from being torched.

One and done. G'night bishes.
 
2012-07-14 04:38:42 AM  
I'd have given John Hinckley a .50 cal Deagle and shooting lessons.
 
2012-07-14 04:40:52 AM  
eastchestermiddlehighschoollib.wikispaces.com
 
2012-07-14 04:43:04 AM  
I'd convince Pilate to let Jesus go free.
 
2012-07-14 04:43:05 AM  

jso2897: I'd have given John Hinckley a .50 cal Deagle and shooting lessons.


Threats against the president are felonies, my man. Sure, you are threatening a dead president, but you are threatening a dead president in a time frame in which he was alive.

Might want to be careful with these threats.
 
2012-07-14 04:51:02 AM  
I'd stop the big bang.

Not only would it make my day, but I would have stopped ALL of the genocides!
 
2012-07-14 04:51:16 AM  
Stop the burning of the library at Alexandria. We'd have had a man on the moon by 1000 AD [or at least the movie technology to fake it ;) ]
 
2012-07-14 04:56:12 AM  
Be more adamant about my deceased girlfriend not wearing her seatbelt, and preventing her being thrown from her SUV.
 
2012-07-14 04:57:16 AM  

Great Janitor: "Hey, you're the ones writing Star Trek: X. Here's the finished version. Watch it and keep it as a reminder of what not to do when writing a better movie. And if you don't believe me, this movie was beaten it's opening weekend by a Jennifer Lopez movie."

"Hey George Lucas. That Episode 1 you're writing. Here it is, finished, from the future. Also, here is a guy named Plinket, he reviewed this movie in huge detail. Watch Episode 1, watch the Plinket review, TAKE NOTES, and listen to Plinket."

"Hey, I know you're wanting two more Matrix movies, but...no. Just no."

"Hey, Stephanie, let me help you get that Twilight manuscript to the publisher..." shoots her in the face, whites out her name, puts me name in it's place. "Hello 18 y.o. chicks with no life and MILFy Cougars!!!!"


All those things except exchange Star Trek X for Star Trek 2009. Then it would be perfect. At least for me, I'm perfectly aware people loved that movie. Your comment about Twilight was fantastic.
 
2012-07-14 04:57:52 AM  
Go back in time, and play with Annette Funicello's breasts.
 
2012-07-14 05:06:25 AM  
I'd want to save the Library of Alexandria. If not the building itself, then somehow it's contents.

I started watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos last night and it broke my heart watching that first episode where he talks about the vast amazing amounts of knowledge and progress lost to humanity because of the fire that consumed that building. So much that we knew about the world, universe, and ourselves THEN and could have carried on for generations were lost and we didn't gain such knowledge back for at least a thousand years. Who knows how different the world be? It would truly be a much more vibrant and understanding one. Or at least that's my hope.

I'm honestly really curious what all those other Aristophanes plays were about. That dude had serious style.
 
2012-07-14 05:08:48 AM  

Gosling: I have a gun, you have a time machine, let's kill Hitler.


At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?



11/21/2104
At 02:21:30, SneakyPete wrote:
Vienna, 1907: after numerous attempts, have infiltrated the Academy of Fine Arts and facilitated Adolf Hitler's admission to that institution. Goodbye, Hitler the dictator; hello, Hitler the modestly successful landscape artist! Brought back a few of his paintings as well, any buyers?

At 02:29:17, SilverFox316 wrote:
All right; that's it. Having just returned from 1907 Vienna where I secured the expulsion of Hitler from the Academy by means of an elaborate prank involving the Prefect, a goat, and a substantial quantity of olive oil, I now turn my attention to our newer brethren, who, despite rules to the contrary, seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny, and here I'm looking at you, SneakyPete). Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?
 
2012-07-14 05:11:38 AM  
I would change history so that Tesla would have been properly funded, instead of getting properly shafted by his financiers.

I personally think that when JPM shot Tesla down, that THAT was one of the most single, destructive decisions ever wrought upon humanity. That's, just, like, my opinion man.
 
2012-07-14 05:11:56 AM  
I don't see how it's possible. Suppose I go back to prevent a diaster from happening. It seems like once I prevent that disaster from happening, then of course it doesn't happen. If it doesn't happen, what reason would I have to go back in time to start with?
 
2012-07-14 05:13:46 AM  
Would have banged that junior varsity cheerleader when I had the chance.....dammit.

Things needed for the trip back.

alcohol
condoms
confidence
 
2012-07-14 05:16:03 AM  
prevent obama being born
 
2012-07-14 05:24:48 AM  

Fish_Fight!: prevent obama being born


Obama has his own time machine. He might prevent you from being born.
 
2012-07-14 05:29:29 AM  
If I couldn't not change the things which weren't not changed before they could have or couldn't not happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that isn't not why it's not picking the tips but sure is not.

You wouldn't not do the same difference. The tips on the first hand however were the same.
 
2012-07-14 05:34:14 AM  

paulseta: If I couldn't not change the things which weren't not changed before they could have or couldn't not happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that isn't not why it's not picking the tips but sure is not.

You wouldn't not do the same difference. The tips on the first hand however were the same.


Hmmm. I'll try and translate this from the double negatives. "If I could change the things which were changed before they could have or could happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that is why it's not picking the tips but sure is not."

I think you must have Babelfished this or something because that really, really doesn't read like native English.
 
2012-07-14 05:48:36 AM  
I would write a detailed narrative of my own life up to this point along with noteworthy historical and financial events, then I'd deliver it to my younger self.
 
2012-07-14 05:50:00 AM  
I'd imagine a lot of people would choose to put a bullet between a young Hitler's eyes, but me? I'd stop the Library of Alexandria from being burned to ground and the loss of so much irreplacable ancient world technology and writings.
 
2012-07-14 05:57:31 AM  

Acharne: paulseta: If I couldn't not change the things which weren't not changed before they could have or couldn't not happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that isn't not why it's not picking the tips but sure is not.

You wouldn't not do the same difference. The tips on the first hand however were the same.

Hmmm. I'll try and translate this from the double negatives. "If I could change the things which were changed before they could have or could happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that is why it's not picking the tips but sure is not."

I think you must have Babelfished this or something because that really, really doesn't read like native English.


What part of not doing the same difference wouldn't you not do given that there isn't the given that the tips on the first hand were the same: even if they weren't not? That was surely going to worry for them.
 
2012-07-14 05:58:53 AM  

To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!


That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!
 
2012-07-14 06:03:14 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.


Heron of Alexandria figured out steam power a few decades before then. Thing is for the Romans with their abundant cheap labor, to say nothing of slave labor, there was no reason to find cheaper faster ways to do things. A couple centuries earlier Archimedes figured out integration, but no one had a clue as to what to do it or even really what it was getting at, so it was about 1800 years before anyone got back to it, and had to actually figure it out all over again.
 
2012-07-14 06:03:52 AM  
Watch them build the pyramids in Egypt.Then fly around on a magic carpet.
 
2012-07-14 06:05:25 AM  
I have no idea how I'd accomplish this, so a time machine wouldn't do me much good, but ... I'd go back to about 1900, and try to get all humans da fuq out of central Africa. Just leave it to the apes and monkeys. Leave that fetid incubator of viruses like Ebola and HIV to fester in peace. Build no highways into it, develop no farms, mine no minerals. Leave it alone. I'd even suggest napalming and/or Agent Orange'ing it into oblivion, except that would probably do evil things to the world's oxygen supply, as well as Africa's environment. No AIDS, no interesting little puzzles for epidemiologists to solve that simultaneously kill millions, including two close friends of mine. Honestly, I'm not sure if barring humans from central/equatorial Africa would work as a disease suppressant, but I'd be willing to try.

And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?

And if I can't have that, well ... I'd go to 1950s San Bernardino, CA, to Mitla Cafe. I'd enjoy a lovely dish of tacos al pastor, and then I'd cross the street to Bell's Hamburgers and shoot Glenn Bell, founder of Taco Bell and thief (and subsequent bastardizer) of Mitla Cafe's recipes. "Created Mexican fast food," my ass.
 
2012-07-14 06:08:37 AM  
you actually would not need to kill Hitler (or anybody for that matter), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner, when he was young, that caused him to become who he had become... The thing is, he killed a scientist that was about 14 years away from successfully developing a virus that would have killed all life on earth in a matter of 5 years. none of us would be here now, if it hadn't been for that...
 
2012-07-14 06:11:24 AM  
I'd go back shortly before my parents got together and give my dad a book called
encrypted-tbn0.google.com

Oh! and make sure Biff was dead.



/And warn Michael J. Fox he is gonna have MS so he better fund a cure.
 
2012-07-14 06:16:02 AM  
Would've mentioned to my relatives that unless they enjoy slave labor and having Germans get excited by their gold teeth, maybe it would be a good idea to leave Europe. That Hitler fellow seems to mean business.
 
2012-07-14 06:17:42 AM  
Jeffery Maher doesn't fark with that fly ball. Gore wins Florida. L ron Hubbard dies shortly after birth. No one dies at V.T. in 2007.
 
2012-07-14 06:18:50 AM  

Stile4aly: Prevent the publication of Ghazali's "The Incoherence of the Philosophers" which led to the closing of the ijtihad and the end of the Islamic golden age. Without this regression into anti-intellectualism, the Middle East would have grown alongside Europe into a group of modern secular democratic states.


Came to say this

/finally someone gets it
 
2012-07-14 06:21:26 AM  
I'd have kept my grandmother, mother, dad, and everybody else in my immediate family from dying from cancer-- I had to watch everyone I loved die in the most excruciating way possible, and now I'm the last person in my family alive. I took care of them all, and I never minded doing it, but damn--the last 10 years have sucked.

/screw cancer
 
2012-07-14 06:25:55 AM  
three more wishes

/rite?
 
2012-07-14 06:34:18 AM  
I'm with everyone who said "kill homo sapiens before they become homo sapiens." Everyone who keeps saying "destroy religion" clearly has NO concept of human psychology. There will ALWAYS be something to fight over. If not... we'll invent it.
pbfcomics.com

Also, I really wish I were here for the oh-so-entertaining exchange with doglover, wizden and we'refromthesamestory... and I have to ask why the latter is even on Fark when her sensibilities and lack of sense of humor seem completely contrary to everything this website stands for. I mean to put doglover's lovable snark in the same category as, say, the politics tab trolls is just plain silly and shows a considerable lack of knowledge about the Fark culture. And considering I've seen her around for a while., that just leads me to say, HEY! Learn your social mores! When in Rome, act like a Roman... when on Fark, snark like a Farker.
 
2012-07-14 06:34:55 AM  
I would go back in time to November 12, 1955.
 
2012-07-14 06:35:15 AM  
Stop Christianity from getting it's claws into the Roman Empire?
 
2012-07-14 06:35:23 AM  
I'd like to view and record some of the bigger moments in history. Someone mentioned seeing the Pyramids being build, but there are others as well. Getting the true story for these would be cool.

OTOH, just going back to age 13 with my memories in tack and actually banging my first girlfriend instead of being a wimp about it wouldn't be bad eitehr.

/ taking back a list of winning lottery numbers along with me...
 
2012-07-14 06:36:03 AM  
I actually have a rather un-Farklike, and non-humorous answer for this.

Lead additives in gasoline screwed up the environment for decades, and who knows if it will ever be fixed. CFCs are even worse for the environment. And both are still being pumped into the atmosphere in 3rd world countries with reckless abandon. The real shame is that much of it is supported by American companies who simply moved the operations off shore where it's not illegal yet.

Both of these brilliant ideas were from one guy, Thomas Midgley, Jr. Let's undo him ever being allowed in a lab.

I wonder if Al Gore would even have anything to complain about if it weren't for him.
 
2012-07-14 06:38:09 AM  
Make two left turns, stand on the gas pedal, never look back.
 
2012-07-14 06:43:13 AM  

haemaker: I'd give Hero of Alexandria a steam engine.


He already had one. Actually he made several from the few accounts we have of his work. And he not only understood how to use increasing pressure to push against something, he understood how to use decreasing pressure to pull something. The man was only about 1600 years ahead of his time.

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,


Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then there's the Decree of Theodosious which ordered the Serapium library destroyed. And sure it would be easy to say that you might as well just go back to 48 BCE and save the contents of the libraries, problem is there's a ton of stuff you wouldn't save because it hadn't been written yet. Like the work of Heron of Alexandria. Or the work of Tacitus.
 
2012-07-14 06:45:34 AM  

sleeper2995: I'd go back shortly before my parents got together and give my dad a book called


Oh! and make sure Biff was dead.



/And warn Michael J. Fox he is gonna have MS so he better fund a cure.


Parkinson's, not MS.

//mom has had Parkinsons for 7+ years, it is horrible.
//MS too
//hope they find a cure for both
 
2012-07-14 06:47:08 AM  
Definitely would've worn a rubber!
 
2012-07-14 06:48:35 AM  
Have Hitler take up the clarinet instead.
 
2012-07-14 06:50:53 AM  

3rotor: ), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner,


Even better, keep the Allies from imposing the insanely draconian sanctions on Germany after WW1. Without them, Germany doesn't get hyper inflation and an economy in the shiatter and a bunch of other problems, that Hitler came to power on by promising to fix them and blaming the Jews for them. Sure if you change the path of Hitler's life you stop what he did, but you don't stop Germany from being utterly buttfarked after WW1 which was itself a huge problem. And given how bad things were and previous German history there's little reason to think someone else wouldn't have shown up who'd have been no more desirable than Hitler. One could argue that if Germany hadn't be so screwed by sanctions there'd never be any way for Hitler to have come to power since the conditions he relied on to come to power wouldn't have existed.
 
2012-07-14 06:51:30 AM  
I'd go back and fix the typo in the headline.
 
2012-07-14 06:51:48 AM  

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression Shortage of books and no printing press does that...

 
2012-07-14 06:52:25 AM  
Remove Dancing Days from Houses of the Holy - that shiat song had no business being on that album.
 
2012-07-14 07:03:03 AM  

angrymacface: I'd stop the two puddles of goo from merging.


upload.wikimedia.org
sees what you did there....
 
2012-07-14 07:04:45 AM  
For me personally it would be to not drink and drive.
 
2012-07-14 07:04:50 AM  
I'd go to June 28th, 1914 and bring the arch duke a ballistic vest.
 
2012-07-14 07:09:36 AM  

WhyteRaven74: haemaker: I'd give Hero of Alexandria a steam engine.

He already had one. Actually he made several from the few accounts we have of his work. And he not only understood how to use increasing pressure to push against something, he understood how to use decreasing pressure to pull something. The man was only about 1600 years ahead of his time.

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then th ...


I think that instead of going back into to save the Alexandria Library, I'd introduce the printing press instead.

The best way to save a book is to make sure that everybody has a copy.
 
2012-07-14 07:11:40 AM  
I would love to go and visit my hobby - The World's Columbian Exposition (Chicago World's Fair of 1893), but I don't know what I would change.
 
2012-07-14 07:12:29 AM  
Probably been sorta said already, but...

There was this episode of Doctor Who whose title pretty much sums it up "Let's Kill Hitler!"

Of course, the paradox thingie and all that. Still, it would be interesting to see what the world would be like without Der Fuhrer...
 
2012-07-14 07:17:25 AM  
Kill Winston Churchill during the Boer war.
 
2012-07-14 07:19:00 AM  
Not taking advantage of a drunk, smoking hot friend of mine when she wanted to fark. Seriously, this chick was supermodel hot and I'll never have a chance of scoring something that sexy again.

:(
 
2012-07-14 07:19:57 AM  
I'd go back and convince Eve not to eat the apple. That way we would all be living in a Garden of Eden and everybody would be naked.
 
2012-07-14 07:22:50 AM  
The invention of the cell phone

It is early 1970s and Amos E. Joel, Jr., a Bell Labs engineer steps outside the New York office and attempts to make the first self switching cell phone call. Unfortunately, he is struck by a falling window air conditioner. He doesn't die but he gives up the concept of the switching cell phone system and dedicates the rest of his life designing stronger window air conditioner shelves.

It is now 2012 and the biatch in front of me at the light has nothing to distract her from her driving. She doesn't sit through a green light waving her arm, talking on the phone and casually looking around to see why someone is honking.

Oh and then as soon as the light turns red, she takes off nearly causing an accident.
 
2012-07-14 07:24:38 AM  
Save Atlantis
 
2012-07-14 07:24:54 AM  
"And then the guy said to the priestess - hey, make me King and I'll keep everyone safe. Don't worry, it's just temporary until the invaders go away."
 
2012-07-14 07:26:33 AM  

consider this: Not taking advantage of a drunk, smoking hot friend of mine when she wanted to fark. Seriously, this chick was supermodel hot and I'll never have a chance of scoring something that sexy again.

:(


Hey now, you made it to second base with me, so count your blessings.

: )
 
2012-07-14 07:29:11 AM  

Kevin72: Smeggy Smurf: I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.

Jacques DeMolay, tempt us not too far! Art thou wholly a fool?


Jacques DeMolay and three of his Preceptors, Guy of Auvergne, Godfrey de Goneville, and Hughes de Peralde, who have been subjected to several previous trials and cast into dungeons because they have defied the commands of the Inquisition, and are now brought hither for judgment.
 
2012-07-14 07:29:57 AM  

wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.


Pity we'll never know how many "pagan" books assholes like Savonarola burned.
Church apologists are like a guy who chainsaws all his neighbor's gardens, and then brags about how his petunias are the best...
 
2012-07-14 07:30:46 AM  

maram500: Probably been sorta said already, but...

There was this episode of Doctor Who whose title pretty much sums it up "Let's Kill Hitler!"

Of course, the paradox thingie and all that. Still, it would be interesting to see what the world would be like without Der Fuhrer...


Oooohhh! Doctor Who.

Go back with a VCR and a decent television and record the first few seasons for posterity. :D

/ geek
 
2012-07-14 07:30:55 AM  
I have to warn everyone about Hitler! And get to the ice cream store!
 
2012-07-14 07:32:18 AM  

angrymacface: If I could turn back time....


I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.
 
2012-07-14 07:33:13 AM  
there was this hot Italian blond exchange student who told me I had nice hands...nice hands...what a dolt I was...
or I would've been a left handed relief pitcher with a 99 mph cut fastball...
or a field goal kicker...
or, like most of us, simply wished I had used a condom before farking subby's mom so hard that subby was butt-born.
 
2012-07-14 07:34:39 AM  

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.

I've been drinking... am I the he?

If so: PENIS GOES WHAR!?

I'm really getting tired of this. If you didn't mean me, ignore me.

Okay, you're a girl. Whatever. I don't click through profiles, I just use he until otherwise noted.

Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.


Rome fell BECAUSE of Christianity. A better virus wouldn't kill the host.
 
2012-07-14 07:37:24 AM  

thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.


Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off
 
2012-07-14 07:39:54 AM  

WhyteRaven74: 3rotor: ), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner,

Even better, keep the Allies from imposing the insanely draconian sanctions on Germany after WW1. Without them, Germany doesn't get hyper inflation and an economy in the shiatter and a bunch of other problems, that Hitler came to power on by promising to fix them and blaming the Jews for them. Sure if you change the path of Hitler's life you stop what he did, but you don't stop Germany from being utterly buttfarked after WW1 which was itself a huge problem. And given how bad things were and previous German history there's little reason to think someone else wouldn't have shown up who'd have been no more desirable than Hitler. One could argue that if Germany hadn't be so screwed by sanctions there'd never be any way for Hitler to have come to power since the conditions he relied on to come to power wouldn't have existed.


this post was totally relevant to my interests, so when i went to fave you, i was like "oh, no shiat!!", lolz. we're already frenz on another socnet site - i just dint know yer fark handle.

/SBean!
 
2012-07-14 07:40:45 AM  

Grables'Daughter: thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.

Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off


She could have not already tried to start already doing it if she hasn't already (given that there's every possibility she wouldn't have done it when she did), not counting all the facts, which are beginning to look like they're also not split tips (or were).
 
2012-07-14 07:40:56 AM  

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


Then who, exactly, would have gotten us through the aftermath of Nixon's disastrous Soviet-style price controls?

The Republicans?
 
2012-07-14 07:42:38 AM  
we'refromthesamestory, for what it's worth, I'll somewhat vouch for doglover.

: )
 
2012-07-14 07:43:43 AM  

wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could
actually read and write. It was pretty rare.


And try not to confuse rote copying with meaningful reading and writing.
 
2012-07-14 07:46:31 AM  

Grables'Daughter: thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.

Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off


Excuse me ladies, this is the internet. Could you both kindly leave please. Thank you.
 
2012-07-14 07:48:53 AM  

PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.


Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.
 
2012-07-14 07:49:50 AM  
Slavery. In all forms The first person who thought of it would die.

I wouldn't exist (thanks white people) but that's ok. It would be worth it so no child would ever have to be a sex worker, the Hebrews would have been just another people chilling and black folks could just be another skin color.

yeah, I'd end the motherfarker who came up with slavery
 
2012-07-14 07:51:33 AM  

Evil Twin Skippy: Yah, we'd simply remember Freddie Kahn instead. While there is a certain amount to be said for individual initiative, history is made by being the right person in the right place, at the right time. And there are always a lot of candidates for the right person. Particularly conquerors.


ecx.images-amazon.com
Link

/very entertaining read
 
2012-07-14 07:52:29 AM  

PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Thank you, Mario, but your fallacy is in another castle.


Stalin? Trained in a seminary. And the Great Purge had a little help from their good Christian neighbors to the west. OKW disinformation jackpot ftw.
 
2012-07-14 07:55:47 AM  

PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.


Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.
 
2012-07-14 07:56:08 AM  
http://www.fark.com/comments/2765382/Fark-redesign-notes-updates-from - Drew

Hi folks

Got a few emails on the redesign, several were helpful in nailing down some major design issues. We're still making changes, feel free to post suggestions in this thread.

To answer the main question I've been receiving: We will not be returning to the old Fark layout. That is off the table. We will however be working hard on this one to get it right.

Why the redesign? Websites have to evolve over time. Otherwise you end up with a layout anachronism like the Drudge Report. The old design was put into place years ago, over time changes were nailed on to the design like loose shingles on a leaky roof. It was time to reformat and remove a bunch of the clutter while trying to keep the core design intact. Many of you have noted that by shifting all of the ads to the right side of the page it makes them easier to ignore. Why yes, it does, ads are not the focus of our site. Attentive readers will see what we just did there.

Contrary to opinion we did consult with a subset of the readership, specifically in the PSAE forum and the TotalFark forum. There was unfortunately no way to contact everyone and procure opinions. The good news is we're still listening and making changes, so not to worry. Keep the comments coming.

In the meantime don't panic, there's nothing that can't be fixed.

In other news, Jeff posted a comment in the redesign thread that got people up in arms. My apologies for Jeff's comments. He was trying to defend Mike's hard work and effort that went into the redesign and got a little hot under the collar. That was uncalled-for and I have told him so. Jeff's views do not reflect the views of the site, we intend to work with the community going forward to fix issues like comment readability, contest formats, and so on. He submitted this apology to the readership:

"I'm sorry that I let the negative comments affect me as much as they did. I reacted too strongly with a snarky comment of my own. I shouldn't have done that. Don't take what I have said as a feeling that anyone on the back end of Fark also feels."

In the meantime, Jeff will be taking an extended break from modding/admining Fark

PS if for some reason this thread gets blown out of the water with response and starts dragging down the dbase like what happened last night we'll be closing it and probably openning another one.
 
2012-07-14 07:56:22 AM  

hng: middleoftheday: Undo the Louisiana Purchase for the lulz

and think of the money we would've saved on Katrina.


If there is a hell, I hope you go.
 
2012-07-14 07:57:29 AM  
New Coke
 
2012-07-14 07:58:21 AM  
Kill either Arron Spelling or that chick that took over SciFI
 
2012-07-14 07:59:46 AM  

we'refromthesamestory:

So they didn't force everyone to be farmers while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand years?

Good to know.


You do realize the church is what eventually wrestled the power away from dynastic monarchies right? People were always some rich warlords biatch since the beginning of time, it wasnt until we gave churches more power than Kings that we were able to break out of that.

So you should probably be thanking them.
 
2012-07-14 08:00:29 AM  

Shmopee: 3:30 a.m. where I R @. Drunky big-big so whole thread tl;dr so might be repeating, but that won't stop me from sharing my two cents:

Stop the library in Alexandria from being torched.

One and done. G'night bishes.


Dammit. That was mine. I'd also stop Hypatia from being flayed alive... And then flay her with something else if you know what I
Mean penis.
 
2012-07-14 08:01:53 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.


The Romans HAD steam power. Guess which church thought it was frivolous and delayed the Industrial Revolution by centuries?
 
2012-07-14 08:03:16 AM  
Find the person most responsible for the tattoo craze and stop them.
 
2012-07-14 08:04:19 AM  

Great Janitor: C-3PO: A golden, 24' tall robotic dinosaur covered in laser cannons, missile launchers, not gay or annoying
R2-D2: Female android, mostly naked, rides on top of C-3PO, chained around her neck to the neck of C-3PO.
Darth Vader: WAS NEVER called Annie in his life. Originally, before Darth Vader, he was named William.


I will donate to your time machine's Kickstarter fund...
 
2012-07-14 08:05:18 AM  

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.

Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.


Most of the progress at that time was being brought over from China by the Arabs, with the major exception being the waterwheel, a Roman invention preserved by monks. Wizden had said he'd stop the plague, but I'd argue it actually helped a great deal. For one, everyone suddenly had more money. The lower classes started buying linen, which became so cheap as to be somewhat disposable. The guy who used to go around collecting bones from people started collecting old linen so it could be mashed down in pulp (powered by the waterwheel), which made paper cheap. Problem was the plague killed off many of the trained people around. Educated became expensive while paper became cheap. Gutenberg modified the same press used to make linen paper (and previously wine) to make his printing press. His press made knowledge cheap and widely available. Within 50 years of Gutenberg's invention 20 million books had been printed.

If you have a love for history like me, check out James Burke's "Connections" (it was made in the 70's) and "The Day the Universe Changed". Especially check out this episode, where he shows how the waterwheel, women's (linen) underwear, and cloth making directly led to the modern computer. Also talks about how it was the church that preserved knowledge and communication in a post Roman fractured Europe. Funny how they later went to such lengths to suppress it.
 
2012-07-14 08:07:47 AM  
Abort Purelilac's mom.

Seriously though, I like some of my U.S. of A. culture, and wouldn't want to wake up in a 21st century where the heretics who don't believe in the Great Slobbering Yam are left in the desert covered in honey mustard for the scorpions to nosh on. Go read The Man Who Folded Himself for some additional insight.

Since I can only change one thing, I'm seriously pondering dropping a shiat ton of mines (self destructing after X years - X to be determined by people smarter than me who can figure out the consequences) all along the south Atlantic covering the slave trade route of the trade triangle.

It's going to cost innocent lives, but if we can somehow remove the taint of human slavery from U.S. history, I'd like to think there would be some positive consequences.

At the very least: No farking Civil War. Yeah, ok, Calhoun might still have been born, but it's kind of hard to get people that excited over a tariff versus getting them excited about losing their slaves or sources of new slaves.

I've had about 4 hours of sleep, so not going to be brilliant here, or even very linear. At one point though, I came up with a decent chain of events which went as follows. Smarter people can fill in the blanks or laugh at me, as desired.

No Civil War ::= No Great Depression (Big leap there, I know) ::= Reduced WWI ::= No Versailles ::= No WWII ::= No Hiroshima/Nagasaki

Additionally, somewhere in there, some bright boys would have eventually figured out how to make atomic power plants, and maybe held off on figuring out how to make an A-Bomb for a few more decades.

Anyway, I'm blathering, and I'm not sure how stable this house of cards I'm building is, so instead:

Abort Purelilac's mom.
 
2012-07-14 08:10:44 AM  
I would cause more magnetic monopoles and interesting spatial topological defects to be left over during the Big Bang's creation of the universe.
 
2012-07-14 08:12:03 AM  

Harry_Seldon: Go back in time, and play with Annette Funicello's breasts.


While she's hiding from the Nazis? You sick bastard...
 
2012-07-14 08:16:04 AM  
Make myself to go college instead of the Marines.

Then be friends with Drew for some free Total Fark.
 
2012-07-14 08:16:58 AM  

we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.


Abort mary. There goes alotta unnecessary killing
 
2012-07-14 08:17:33 AM  

JakeStone: Abort Purelilac's mom.

Seriously though, I like some of my U.S. of A. culture, and wouldn't want to wake up in a 21st century where the heretics who don't believe in the Great Slobbering Yam are left in the desert covered in honey mustard for the scorpions to nosh on. Go read The Man Who Folded Himself for some additional insight.

Since I can only change one thing, I'm seriously pondering dropping a shiat ton of mines (self destructing after X years - X to be determined by people smarter than me who can figure out the consequences) all along the south Atlantic covering the slave trade route of the trade triangle.

It's going to cost innocent lives, but if we can somehow remove the taint of human slavery from U.S. history, I'd like to think there would be some positive consequences.

At the very least: No farking Civil War. Yeah, ok, Calhoun might still have been born, but it's kind of hard to get people that excited over a tariff versus getting them excited about losing their slaves or sources of new slaves.

I've had about 4 hours of sleep, so not going to be brilliant here, or even very linear. At one point though, I came up with a decent chain of events which went as follows. Smarter people can fill in the blanks or laugh at me, as desired.

No Civil War ::= No Great Depression (Big leap there, I know) ::= Reduced WWI ::= No Versailles ::= No WWII ::= No Hiroshima/Nagasaki

Additionally, somewhere in there, some bright boys would have eventually figured out how to make atomic power plants, and maybe held off on figuring out how to make an A-Bomb for a few more decades.

Anyway, I'm blathering, and I'm not sure how stable this house of cards I'm building is, so instead:

Abort Purelilac's mom.


Crack is whack
 
2012-07-14 08:18:36 AM  
The addition of these sorts of polls to the main page.
 
2012-07-14 08:20:42 AM  
Prevent this thread going green.

/ and fix bush v gore /
 
2012-07-14 08:27:36 AM  

wildcardjack:
Introduce the idea of movable type at the Library of Alexandria 100BC. And coptic binding.


How about saving the library from destruction and its curator Hypatia from her murder by the order from the Catholic bishop Cyril (who later became a saint).

Or stop the Crusades.

Or somehow stop the European Dark Ages.

memearchive.net
 
2012-07-14 08:28:00 AM  

la_cyberchicana: I have no idea how I'd accomplish this, so a time machine wouldn't do me much good, but ... I'd go back to about 1900, and try to get all humans da fuq out of central Africa. Just leave it to the apes and monkeys. Leave that fetid incubator of viruses like Ebola and HIV to fester in peace. Build no highways into it, develop no farms, mine no minerals. Leave it alone. I'd even suggest napalming and/or Agent Orange'ing it into oblivion, except that would probably do evil things to the world's oxygen supply, as well as Africa's environment. No AIDS, no interesting little puzzles for epidemiologists to solve that simultaneously kill millions, including two close friends of mine. Honestly, I'm not sure if barring humans from central/equatorial Africa would work as a disease suppressant, but I'd be willing to try.

And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?

Sorry about your friends.
However..first, you'll have to back a LOT further than 1900 to reduce contact with Africa. And, AIDS isn't even a top ten killer afa human epidemics go. Lastly, if AIDS spurs us to actually figure out viral disease...it may have a silver lining.
 
2012-07-14 08:28:00 AM  
Stop my mother from taking up smoking. Cancer is a biatch. She was a great lady, and I'll love and miss her forever.
 
2012-07-14 08:28:38 AM  
I would arm the native American tribes with present-day armaments.
 
2012-07-14 08:31:31 AM  
Tie Obama's mother's tubes.
 
2012-07-14 08:35:02 AM  

WhyteRaven74: 3rotor: ), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner,

Even better, keep the Allies from imposing the insanely draconian sanctions on Germany after WW1. Without them, Germany doesn't get hyper inflation and an economy in the shiatter and a bunch of other problems, that Hitler came to power on by promising to fix them and blaming the Jews for them. Sure if you change the path of Hitler's life you stop what he did, but you don't stop Germany from being utterly buttfarked after WW1 which was itself a huge problem. And given how bad things were and previous German history there's little reason to think someone else wouldn't have shown up who'd have been no more desirable than Hitler. One could argue that if Germany hadn't be so screwed by sanctions there'd never be any way for Hitler to have come to power since the conditions he relied on to come to power wouldn't have existed.


Under your scenario, it is quite likely that Stalin takes Berlin AND Paris before 1950. Who's going to stop him? Italy?
 
2012-07-14 08:37:54 AM  
I would go back to 1993 and buy Joy that life-like dildo she wanted so much.
 
2012-07-14 08:38:53 AM  

FriarReb98: Find the person most responsible for the tattoo craze and stop them.


No. The more people who self-select out of the employment/advancement pool the better. Poor impulse control and lack of considering long-term consequences are not exactly marketing themselves for careers other than food carts or carnies.
 
2012-07-14 08:42:40 AM  
June 28 2001. I was bored at work so I went to the Yahoo - Yahoo being a major internet site at the time - site of the day. Typically the site of the day was good for five ten minutes of distraction but today it feature an up and coming site for weird news, Fark. If I hadn't gone to that site I'd be a rich VP now.
 
2012-07-14 08:43:05 AM  

Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.


My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.
 
2012-07-14 08:54:16 AM  
Convince Moses to settle in Mecca.
 
2012-07-14 08:54:26 AM  
"Mark... 2 feet to the left .She's the REAL phony ,Go ahead shoot Yoko"
 
2012-07-14 09:03:30 AM  
Teminate the baby Jesus
 
2012-07-14 09:06:53 AM  

Hermione_Granger: Slavery. In all forms The first person who thought of it would die.

I wouldn't exist (thanks white people) but that's ok. It would be worth it so no child would ever have to be a sex worker, the Hebrews would have been just another people chilling and black folks could just be another skin color.

yeah, I'd end the motherfarker who came up with slavery


Darn, you grabbed the one I wanted! :)

Okay, this time I am going to be more subtle.

First,

Jesus would change the "Sermon on the Mount" to the "Sermon on the Scientific Method."


Something like, "Do not seek the answers in the past, seek the questions for your future. For an unexamined life is not worth living, and an unexamined belief is not worth having. Satan hides his deceit as answers that may not be questioned, but all of God's truths may be questioned again and again without ever wavering. Those who demand unquestioned obedience based on ancient wisdom are fit only to lead the beasts of the field, not the sons and daughters of God..." & so on & so forth.

Second (I know the thread title said only one thing, but hey), Jesus should have given a few parables on the importance of good roads bringing people together every day of the week (infrastructure!), rather than fancy buildings to be used a few hours a week on the Sabbath. Can you imagine how different the world would be if all of the effort spent on creating fancy cathedrals had went instead into building the Vatican Way (to go with the Appian Way) stretching across Christendom, repaired, upgraded, expanded, and added to over the centuries?
 
2012-07-14 09:07:19 AM  
I'd go back and tell the god that if she's just gonna whap a coupla' handfuls o' mud together ... then, she'd damn well better stick around and look after it.
 
2012-07-14 09:08:39 AM  
Put out the fire at the Library of Alexandria and back that shiat up onto microfiche.
 
2012-07-14 09:09:19 AM  
I would kill Hilter.
 
2012-07-14 09:10:26 AM  
I shall now go for the lowest-hanging fruit:

Had I a time machine, I would go back in time such that I could be at the gymnasium not in 25 nor in 27 minutes, but in 26 minutes precisely. Because I have to be there.

/Did that work?
 
2012-07-14 09:11:30 AM  
I would have walked more slowly to the car that night thirty years ago. I would have assisted the accident victims when I arrived at the scene. And then, I would have gone home to my young wife and baby daughter.
 
2012-07-14 09:11:59 AM  
i would go back in time to the early 70s and somehow prevent bruce springsteen from ever writing the song "blinded by the light." because then manfred mann's band would never have recorded that terrible cover version, and i wouldn't have to hear that goddamn song every single night at work because the radio station we listen to only has 50 goddamn songs on its playlist. i hate that song, it's the worst song ever.

if i was unable to prevent springsteen from writing the song, then i'm afraid i would have to kill him. i know, it would be a terrible tragedy for music. but one of these days, i'm going to hear that song again and i'm gonna just snap and murder all of my coworkers. i would be killing one in order to save dozens.
 
2012-07-14 09:20:35 AM  
I would go back to last night and boink Scarlett Johansson
 
2012-07-14 09:24:12 AM  
Here's what I'd change:

Nothing.

Seriously, changing one thing makes it meaningless, since it can be changed. By extension, that means all things could be changed, and the significance of life itself becomes moot.
Anyone that goes to the past, I think will simply cease to exist through some mechanism built into the fabric of the universe, sort of like a space-temporal checksum. Yes, I think that the universe has a Reality ECC built in.
 
2012-07-14 09:24:53 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: Romans


Similarly, I would force China to remain a world player at the same time. Would we have nuked the planet in 980AD?
 
2012-07-14 09:36:37 AM  
Convince Obama's Dad that having 2 wives simultaneously is a bad idea.
 
2012-07-14 09:36:45 AM  
Come out to my best friend when he asked me to.
 
2012-07-14 09:40:44 AM  

PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.

My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.


Yes, I understand your point. You think communism was an alternative to an oppresive feudal system, though that's not historically accurate. After all, the economy in Russia was relatively fine at the rise communism and the majority of the population were extremly loyal to the czar as well. Communism rose in Russia due to aggitation from jewish followers of Marx, who used 'prolitariats' (young white collar workers. 'Office Space' types) to do the fighting and dying so jews could live in a society free of religion and culture.
 
2012-07-14 09:41:12 AM  

Ooba Tooba: The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.


So very sorry, sadness, tears here.
 
2012-07-14 09:45:29 AM  
Abort Jesus
 
2012-07-14 09:47:06 AM  
unit2-pic.twittweb.com

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.
 
2012-07-14 09:48:54 AM  
Oh, and tell my uncle not to re-up for Viet Nam.
 
2012-07-14 09:49:02 AM  
The invention of computers. That's when the world went to sh*t.
 
2012-07-14 09:49:13 AM  

jimjazz: Abort Jesus


This. Though I'd take it one step further and take out his followers too, just to be sure.
 
2012-07-14 09:49:31 AM  

Tyranicle: PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.

My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.

Yes, I understand your point. You think communism was an alternative to an oppresive feudal system, though that's not historically accurate. After all, the economy in Russia was relatively fine at the rise communism and the majority of the population were extremly loyal to the czar as well. Communism rose in Russia due to aggitation from jewish followers of Marx, who used 'prolitariats' (young white collar workers. 'Office Space' types) to do the fighting and dying so jews could live in a society free of religion and culture.


Ignorant and anti-Semitic is no way to go through life, son. And fact that quite a lot of people supported the Czarist status quo is just human nature...hell, lots of people in Russia missed Stalin when that bastard finally kicked.
 
2012-07-14 09:57:31 AM  

logistic: diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.

Wow. Managed to win both the "Most trailer trash comment" and "Trolololiest Troll of the Day" medals in one sentence. Kudos.


You mentioned trailer trash... I guess you DO know who Jimmy Carter is then.... so much for thinking you are infinitely ignorant.
 
2012-07-14 10:02:30 AM  

PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.

My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.

Yes, I understand your point. You think communism was an alternative to an oppresive feudal system, though that's not historically accurate. After all, the economy in Russia was relatively fine at the rise communism and the majority of the population were extremly loyal to the czar as well. Communism rose in Russia due to aggitation from jewish followers of Marx, who used 'prolitariats' (young white collar workers. 'Office Space' types) to do the fighting and dying so jews could live in a society free of religion and culture.

Ignorant and anti-Semitic is no way to go through life, son. And fact that quite a lot of people supported the Czarist status quo is just human nature...hell, lots of people in Russia missed Stalin when that bastard finally kicked.


Instead of telling people to pick up a book linking communism to the opium trade, perhaps you need to dig a little deeper yourself.
 
2012-07-14 10:11:37 AM  

Gosling: (peers through thread)

Seriously? 142 comments and I had to make the Hitler joke myself?


If you could have killed Hitler, another wannabe painter would have sprung up. Instead, go back a bit further and look at WW1 and the chain of events that led to Germany's nose being rubbed in the crap.
 
2012-07-14 10:26:19 AM  
I would stop the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs from hitting Earth. Seems that would solve all of the problems we came along and created later.
 
2012-07-14 10:28:03 AM  
If you think slavery is the doing of the White man.... think again.....

"What these records show is that the modern slave trade flourished in the early middle ages, as early as 869, especially between Muslim traders and western African kingdoms. For moralists, the most important aspect of that trade should be that Muslims were selling goods to the African kingdoms and the African kingdoms were paying with their own people"

it takes 2 to tango this dance, the Muslims did not demand slaves, they just did not deny them as fair payment for the goods they traded...

taken from here. Link

please be warned though, if you utterly want to believe that it is the While Man and only the White Man that should take blame for Slavery, then please do not read what is said there, as it will change your point of view on the matter irrevocable ...
 
2012-07-14 10:29:47 AM  
I would cut the blue wire.
 
2012-07-14 10:30:50 AM  
I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.
 
2012-07-14 10:31:50 AM  

Saberus Terras: Here's what I'd change:

Nothing.

Seriously, changing one thing makes it meaningless, since it can be changed. By extension, that means all things could be changed, and the significance of life itself becomes moot.
Anyone that goes to the past, I think will simply cease to exist through some mechanism built into the fabric of the universe, sort of like a space-temporal checksum. Yes, I think that the universe has a Reality ECC built in.



Stop hogging the joint.....
 
2012-07-14 10:33:29 AM  

Rich Cream: [unit2-pic.twittweb.com image 466x480]

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.


Exactly. Regardless if it were to be created in the past, now, or later, it would already be invented. Well, "real" time travel at least. Created 200 years in the future? Yep, Jesus would have been traveling the portals.
 
2012-07-14 10:35:26 AM  

Oznog: Gosling: I have a gun, you have a time machine, let's kill Hitler.

At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?



11/21/2104
At 02:21:30, SneakyPete wrote:
Vienna, 1907: after numerous attempts, have infiltrated the Academy of Fine Arts and facilitated Adolf Hitler's admission to that institution. Goodbye, Hitler the dictator; hello, Hitler the modestly successful landscape artist! Brought back a few of his paintings as well, any buyers?

At 02:29:17, SilverFox316 wrote:
All right; that's it. Having just returned from 1907 Vienna where I secured the expulsion of Hitler from the Academy by means of an elaborate prank involving the Prefect, a goat, and a substantial quantity of olive oil, I now turn my attention to our newer brethren, who, despite rules to the contrary, seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny, and here I'm looking at you, SneakyPete). Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?


your choice:

rockets, electronics computers

or

50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe
 
2012-07-14 10:40:49 AM  

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


who shiat in your wheaties this morning?
 
2012-07-14 10:42:49 AM  

chuckufarlie: your choice:

rockets, electronics computers or 50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe


What if: The 800 years of 'science is heresy' had not happened and science flourished? Would we still have Fark? How many of our relatives would have been killed due to bloodier and broader wars?

For those whoh think we would live in some sort of Utopia now, study history a little better.
 
2012-07-14 10:49:58 AM  
I would have zagged instead of zigging back in 1982.
 
2012-07-14 10:51:05 AM  

3rotor: If you think slavery is the doing of the White man.... think again.....

"What these records show is that the modern slave trade flourished in the early middle ages, as early as 869, especially between Muslim traders and western African kingdoms. For moralists, the most important aspect of that trade should be that Muslims were selling goods to the African kingdoms and the African kingdoms were paying with their own people"

it takes 2 to tango this dance, the Muslims did not demand slaves, they just did not deny them as fair payment for the goods they traded...

taken from here. Link

please be warned though, if you utterly want to believe that it is the While Man and only the White Man that should take blame for Slavery, then please do not read what is said there, as it will change your point of view on the matter irrevocable ...


I learned something today!

Thank you.
 
2012-07-14 10:55:00 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.


Tomorrow People?
 
2012-07-14 10:57:22 AM  
I wish that I could turn back time, 'cause now the guilt is all mine.
 
2012-07-14 11:01:21 AM  
Buy the first shares of Apple.
And on one ocassion,keep my dick in my pants.
 
2012-07-14 11:07:51 AM  
Well, Sheldon and Leonard already disproved this in the episode where they are signing the roommate covenant.

Sheldon Cooper: If either of us invent time travel, we agree that our first stop will be this meeting five seconds from now.
[Looks around]
Sheldon Cooper: Well, that was disappointing.

If I could change one thing, it would have been to not freak out when the girl across the street, my childhood sweetheart, farked that guy that night when her parents were away. I saw the walk of shame as he went out to his car, scraped a hole in the frost on his windshield and drove away hastily. Later, when she came over, probably to tell me the news, I should have said "Get in here and fark me, it's my turn" instead of turning her away.
 
2012-07-14 11:10:23 AM  
Prevent the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
 
2012-07-14 11:11:15 AM  

Rich Cream: [unit2-pic.twittweb.com image 466x480]

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.


According to Futurama, time travel is linear in one direction. Forward. We can't go back, we'd have to wait for the entropy death of the universe and then circle around again for another pass.
 
2012-07-14 11:16:34 AM  

diaphoresis: chuckufarlie: your choice:

rockets, electronics computers or 50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe

What if: The 800 years of 'science is heresy' had not happened and science flourished? Would we still have Fark? How many of our relatives would have been killed due to bloodier and broader wars?

For those whoh think we would live in some sort of Utopia now, study history a little better.



Not to mention there are a multitude of paths to any particular outcome. Assuming that 50 million people need to die and a continent needs to be torn apart so electronics and rockets can be developed is like saying without WWI, advances in aircraft would have never happened..

In 1792, the first iron-cased rockets were successfully developed and used by Hyder Ali and his son Tipu Sultan


Electronics in America were being developed for years before WWII

"Computers", in some form or another, were in use since the early 1800's. The first programmable computer was developed in Germany 1 year before the start of WWII.

/microchip happens either way
 
2012-07-14 11:18:10 AM  

we'refromthesamestory: Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.

Genocide is one thing. That's what I'm changing!


Genocide is an act, like murder or flying. One event would be one murder or one flight. Even if you did change all genocide, nothing would stop anyone from simply doing it again. Not saying its a bad idea, just impractical as I see it.
/imo
 
2012-07-14 11:26:50 AM  
When my niece was conceived I'd make my sister give her hubby a BJ instead of going full out.

/ she's a loser
// real drag on the family
/// refuse to have anything to do with her.
 
2012-07-14 11:27:40 AM  
Funny how we so wish we could change the past, when we are right here, in the present, having the ability to change the past of our own futures... in essence, we are all time-travelers, we just do not realize it...
 
2012-07-14 11:33:26 AM  
Torpedo the Mayflower
 
2012-07-14 11:35:05 AM  

we'refromthesamestory: doglover: Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.

So they didn't force everyone to be farmers slaves to the dollar while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand two hundred years?

Good to know.


FTFE.
 
2012-07-14 11:37:26 AM  

3rotor: Funny how we so wish we could change the past, when we are right here, in the present, having the ability to change the past of our own futures... in essence, we are all time-travelers, we just do not realize it...


Ah, wake and bake.
 
2012-07-14 11:38:16 AM  

doglover: Go to youtube, search for "Horrible Histories"

if you can't be learn-ed, at least be amused,


This sounds like a good idea.

I know the "religion kept science down through oppression and 'Because Jesus'" argument is used by militant atheists all the time. I mean, it makes sense to me, when you listen to the fundies in Texas wanting to keep evolution out of the text books (and stuff like that), but then again it could just be chalked up to something like Poe's law.
 
2012-07-14 11:40:19 AM  
I would kill the asshole who came up with the concept of compound interest.
 
2012-07-14 11:46:23 AM  
Oh, lessee what I missed after going out and getting my drunk on last night...

Tumunga: xanadian: Anita Bryant would've been strung up from the nearest tree. Her and Falwell. People like that have hijacked the everloving shiat out of the Republican Party, and America in general.

Fark you Farktard, libtard, gaysexual humpin' sunsabiatches. Anita was hot, so I would go back in time, and fark the shait out of that freaky pooper.


Yeah...I'd bet she was crazy in the sack, too.

doglover: if you can't be learn-ed, at least be amused,


Also: it's reasons like this why I pay that extra $5 per month.

we'refromthesamestory: As someone who assumes every one is male, I'd think about what you're saying. I'm just asking if what i learned in history class is true. You could be a little less rude. And by a little less rude I really do mean WOW you're an asshole.


Using "he" when the gender is unknown is a standard usage in English grammar.

Blame Strunk & White.

middleoftheday: The United Colors of Benetton hng's ignore list: from America all the way to Japan!


lawl.

wizden: Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.


Yeah, lessee if we can edumacate the filthy masses.
 
2012-07-14 11:49:39 AM  

leevis: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression Shortage of books and no printing press does that...


Well, if the religious leaders hadn't been busy oppressing everyone, they would've invented the printing press sooner.

So. There.
 
2012-07-14 11:49:59 AM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

"If I could turn back ti-ime..."
 
2012-07-14 11:51:10 AM  

Pfeist: and everybody would be naked.


*horrified face*
 
2012-07-14 11:54:17 AM  
nothing



/deep
 
2012-07-14 11:55:28 AM  
compound interest is just one of the gears in a system called Fractional Reserve... that system can run perfectly, without that one gear....
 
2012-07-14 11:58:45 AM  
Make sure Ayn Rand died in a Soviet purge or something before she could publish anything or come to the US
 
2012-07-14 12:00:29 PM  

lohphat: wildcardjack:
Introduce the idea of movable type at the Library of Alexandria 100BC. And coptic binding.


How about saving the library from destruction and its curator Hypatia from her murder by the order from the Catholic bishop Cyril (who later became a saint).

Or stop the Crusades.

Or somehow stop the European Dark Ages.

[memearchive.net image 600x407]


I always wondered how they came up with that graph. Is there actual scientific evidence and empirical facts that this is based off of? Known citations from well-versed scholars? Or did some wise guy decide, "hey, I can push my twisted view of religion by making a graph! Everyone believes graphs!"
 
2012-07-14 12:00:41 PM  
I would give Attila the Hun a rifle.
 
2012-07-14 12:09:10 PM  
Give the Knight's Hospitallers some more populous lands in central Europe and have the Papacy continue their support of them into at least the modern era.
 
2012-07-14 12:31:47 PM  
Let the South secede
 
2012-07-14 12:44:50 PM  

Urbn: Let the South secede


Substitute "the south" with "Quebec" and you've guessed 90% of Canada's wish.
 
2012-07-14 12:52:49 PM  

batcookie: I'm with everyone who said "kill homo sapiens before they become homo sapiens." Everyone who keeps saying "destroy religion" clearly has NO concept of human psychology. There will ALWAYS be something to fight over. If not... we'll invent it.
[pbfcomics.com image 850x283]

Also, I really wish I were here for the oh-so-entertaining exchange with doglover, wizden and we'refromthesamestory... and I have to ask why the latter is even on Fark when her sensibilities and lack of sense of humor seem completely contrary to everything this website stands for. I mean to put doglover's lovable snark in the same category as, say, the politics tab trolls is just plain silly and shows a considerable lack of knowledge about the Fark culture. And considering I've seen her around for a while., that just leads me to say, HEY! Learn your social mores! When in Rome, act like a Roman... when on Fark, snark like a Farker.


I hear Wal Mart has a great deal on Kleenex right now....you know, for all those tears you have on your face. Also, when you live as a giant pulsating vagina, do you just gush blood out of your body once a month? I'm confusion in my brainfleshes.
 
2012-07-14 12:53:31 PM  
teacher.scholastic.com
 
2012-07-14 12:58:27 PM  

treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.


They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.
 
2012-07-14 01:03:20 PM  

diaphoresis: chuckufarlie: your choice:

rockets, electronics computers or 50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe

What if: The 800 years of 'science is heresy' had not happened and science flourished? Would we still have Fark? How many of our relatives would have been killed due to bloodier and broader wars?

For those whoh think we would live in some sort of Utopia now, study history a little better.


I think that your tinfoil hat is a bit tight. Or are you just really, really stupid?
 
2012-07-14 01:28:39 PM  
Stop yesterdays changes!
 
2012-07-14 01:44:43 PM  
I'd tell Sonny not to make that last run.
 
2012-07-14 01:50:56 PM  

PacManDreaming: treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.

They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.


But they call it 'beef', 'chili' and 'refried beans'
 
2012-07-14 02:10:52 PM  

Saberus Terras: PacManDreaming: treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.

They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.

But they call it 'beef', 'chili' and 'refried beans'


Yep, now it's just a flour tortilla filled with little bits of gristle and some pasty, bean flavored glop.

The chili cheese burritos from the Taco Bell we frequented during my college days was nothing more than a tortilla filled with shredded cheese and their red chili sauce. Man, they were good. Especially after a good toke or a few of the .50 cent quarts of Miller High Life from our favorite watering hole.

/couldn't pay me to drink Miller High Life today
//but it was perfect for broke college students
 
2012-07-14 02:12:01 PM  
9.10.01. Think about it.

/ who knows if anyone would listen ... you'd have to be proactive ballistically.
 
2012-07-14 02:27:10 PM  

bluorangefyre: I'd say stop 9/11, but having watched Family Guy, that might be bad. Although, it'd certainly stop the Iraq War since Bush wouldn't have had a blank check dated 9/11/01. He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president. The Tea Party wouldn't exist. Nobody outside of Alaska would've heard the name Sarah Palin. Fake... er, Fox News would probably be grouped with Alex Jones & Co. We'd have had President McCain in '08 (really, nobody would've re-elected President Kerry), but this would've been the John McCain that didn't sell his soul to the Republican Party and he would've ushered in a new era of Republicans: more moderate, less derp. OWS wouldn't have happened, since there'd be no need for it. Right now I'm sure we'd be electing a new President as McCain realized he'd die in term #2, and then we'd be right back to this point of Obama and Romney running neck-and-neck, although Obama would be a bit more seasoned in the Senate. Nobody would be questioning Obama's birthplace since McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, which no longer exists as a U.S. territory.


Or better yet, you warn Al Gore about the 2000 election AND 9/11. Gore ramps up his efforts in Florida, which wins him the election. Then on 9/11, armed and trained undercover FBI agents posing as all the passengers are planted on the planes that were going to be hijacked. As soon as the Bin Laden's sleeper agents make a move, they get their asses taken down. Then after some "creative coersion", one of the terrorists crack and spill everything about Al-Queda, and the Navy SEALS are sent to swoop in and dismantle the whole thing before they can run and hide.

Thus, 9/11 never happens, Bin Laden gets shot in the face 10 years sooner, costly and unnecessary wars are averted and America doesn't circle drain for 8 long years.

A guy can dream, can't he?
 
2012-07-14 02:31:14 PM  

PacManDreaming: Saberus Terras: PacManDreaming: treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.

They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.

But they call it 'beef', 'chili' and 'refried beans'

Yep, now it's just a flour tortilla filled with little bits of gristle and some pasty, bean flavored glop.

The chili cheese burritos from the Taco Bell we frequented during my college days was nothing more than a tortilla filled with shredded cheese and their red chili sauce. Man, they were good. Especially after a good toke or a few of the .50 cent quarts of Miller High Life from our favorite watering hole.

/couldn't pay me to drink Miller High Life today
//but it was perfect for broke college students


I was aiming at the low-hanging fruit.
 
2012-07-14 02:34:44 PM  
That some southerners survived the civil war.
 
2012-07-14 02:36:19 PM  

namatad: Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.

Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.


Even better - go back to just before Johan Guttenberg printed the Bible. Insert "gays are cool, and lesbians are totally hot" and "fetuses are not babies, therefore abortion is not murder" in each chapter. Then go back to a future where Ted Haggard and Larry Craig had gay orgies on Fire Island, and nobody knows who the Duggars are because Michelle flushed her crotchfruit-to-be down the drain.
 
2012-07-14 02:56:18 PM  
I think I would show a clever little roman guy that that little steam ball curiosity is something to put a bit more thought into.
 
2012-07-14 02:56:26 PM  

la_cyberchicana: And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?


1) Find Gaetan Dugas (google Patient Zero) and put a bullet in his head.

2) Drop tons of condoms from a plane over San Franciso.

3) Invent an non-injectable version of Heroin

4) Tell the Red Cross to screen all donated blood.

5) Convince Rock Hudson to come out sooner and speak out about his HIV+ status.
 
2012-07-14 03:04:59 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

punch this guy in the balls hard enough so he could not have kids
 
2012-07-14 03:06:30 PM  

DogPurse: Reverse 80's fashion
[i242.photobucket.com image 850x477]


I just saw that episode last night on Crunchyroll. It was pretty good.
 
2012-07-14 03:15:44 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: la_cyberchicana: And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?

1) Find Gaetan Dugas (google Patient Zero) and put a bullet in his head.

2) Drop tons of condoms from a plane over San Franciso.

3) Invent an non-injectable version of Heroin

4) Tell the Red Cross to screen all donated blood.

5) Convince Rock Hudson to come out sooner and speak out about his HIV+ status.


1. except that they don't think he actually was "Patient 0"
2. getting people to use them is another thing
3. there is.....you can smoke it or snort it
4. yeah....good idea
5. meh...ok then
 
2012-07-14 03:17:32 PM  

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!

That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!


Not alone at all, count me among the save Alexandria brigade.

Make a pact, if any of us get ahold of a time machine we seek out the other Alexandrites and form an A-Team to go do it up right with state of the art defense and recording equipment.
 
2012-07-14 03:24:06 PM  
I would have Robert Kardashian sterilized.
 
2012-07-14 04:13:02 PM  
I would "talk" to the guy who came up with the idea of changing Fark's font size.
 
2012-07-14 04:48:18 PM  
I think Senator Obama is a fine politician, and it's a damn shame he's not eligible to run for the Presidency. So I'd go back to 1961 and plant an American birth certificate for him in Hawaii. Since photoshop didn't exist back then, no-one would suspect it was fake. Just in case anybody did question it, I'd place birth announcements in their newspapers too.
 
2012-07-14 05:09:17 PM  
Everyone is already doing it second-to-second. It's called your conscience, but in reality it is YOU in the distant future after you have died and are time dwelling through your "Book-of-Life" whispering into your mind to make the right move. After all, no one will love you and care about you more than you, especially now after you've died and KNOW what's on the "other side".
 
2012-07-14 05:13:02 PM  
Kill st paul
 
2012-07-14 05:24:06 PM  

AirborneBuckeye: Kevin72: Smeggy Smurf: I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.

Jacques DeMolay, tempt us not too far! Art thou wholly a fool?

Jacques DeMolay and three of his Preceptors, Guy of Auvergne, Godfrey de Goneville, and Hughes de Peralde, who have been subjected to several previous trials and cast into dungeons because they have defied the commands of the Inquisition, and are now brought hither for judgment.


Favorited, long-lost brother.
 
2012-07-14 05:32:19 PM  

cosmiquemuffin: Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!

That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!

Not alone at all, count me among the save Alexandria brigade.

Make a pact, if any of us get ahold of a time machine we seek out the other Alexandrites and form an A-Team to go do it up right with state of the art defense and recording equipment.


Have you ever seen the movie Agora? It's about Hypatia and the Library of Alexandria. I'm sure it's mostly fiction, but still very entertaining.
 
2012-07-14 05:42:39 PM  
I'm thinkin' I'd go with the gorgonzola on my burger at lunch today instead of the provolone.
 
2012-07-14 05:44:12 PM  
Have the council of Nicaea swing the other way.
Would have made a lot of things easier in the future to not have that anomaly.



/that or kill cartoon shows that are designed from the outset with the sole intent of merchandising.
 
2012-07-14 05:47:51 PM  

Snotnose: When my niece was conceived I'd make my sister give her hubby a BJ instead of going full out.

/ she's a loser
// real drag on the family
/// refuse to have anything to do with her.


Are you Cheryl, Linda or Kim? 'Cause you're one of my sisters, that's for sure.
 
2012-07-14 06:18:27 PM  
The Holocaust.
 
2012-07-14 06:42:06 PM  
Kill the guy who killed Hitler.
 
2012-07-14 06:42:47 PM  
save Phil Hartman.
 
2012-07-14 07:08:55 PM  

harmonyinohio: The Holocaust.


prevent the punitive parts of the treaty of versailles from ever happening.
no punishment, no hitler
 
2012-07-14 07:12:21 PM  

thelordofcheese: Kill the guy who killed Hitler.


and who do you think that was?
 
2012-07-14 07:33:03 PM  

Ooba Tooba: The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.


Sorry to hear about that but people who overdose generally have a pattern of behavior that will lead to that end eventually. Sure there are those who just get unlucky one of the few times they go overboard and maybe your friend was one of them but usually not. I've lost a few friends to overdose and I learned from their mistakes, I quit, I may have stopped a couple of them a couple of times but that pattern was there and they were committed to living it out.

tl/dr: don't feel bad, step over the bodies and keep on going.
 
2012-07-14 08:14:40 PM  
No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.
 
2012-07-14 08:48:41 PM  

timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.


So you could stop this thread from being posted....
 
2012-07-14 09:06:16 PM  

timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.


I read it. Feel better?
 
2012-07-14 09:27:39 PM  
I'd go back in time and make sure Obama got elected.
 
2012-07-14 10:50:58 PM  

jbezorg: timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.

So you could stop this thread from being posted....


How do you know I didn't go back to make sure it was, hmm?;)
 
2012-07-14 10:51:41 PM  

Harry_Seldon: timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.

I read it. Feel better?


It is the foundation of my relief;)
 
2012-07-14 10:58:54 PM  
I suppose I could take a bullet for John Lennon...
 
2012-07-14 11:00:39 PM  

ultraholland: save Phil Hartman.


I can actually go for that one, too
 
2012-07-14 11:03:22 PM  
The main problem with trying to stop things like 9-11 or the JFK Assasination is that beforehand, you're a nutcase -- and after, you're Prime Suspect because you know *way* too much about it.
 
2012-07-14 11:13:10 PM  

JonnyG: Rich Cream: [unit2-pic.twittweb.com image 466x480]

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.

Exactly. Regardless if it were to be created in the past, now, or later, it would already be invented. Well, "real" time travel at least. Created 200 years in the future? Yep, Jesus would have been traveling the portals.


I've read that Einstein didn't consider time travel as seen in movies to be possible, but did consider the possibility of "consciousness-shifting" -- e.g., right before you die, you shift to your earlier, younger self and get a "do-over". Kind of like Quantum Leap.
 
2012-07-14 11:15:44 PM  

The Dark Lord: Torpedo the Mayflower


Give the Native Americans machine guns and flame throwers.
 
2012-07-14 11:15:57 PM  
I'd want the life of Jesus Christ to be fully documented as it would allow more access to his wisdom.

Also, I'd want Mark David Chapman to have fixated on Gary Glitter instead of John Lennon.

I'd also want to prevent them taking the Wonka Scrunch Bar off of the market.
 
2012-07-14 11:29:06 PM  
Tell Lincoln to not go to Ford's Theatre.
 
2012-07-14 11:30:16 PM  

xanadian: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.


Mmmm..... to a significant extent, is was actually the monks of the sky wizard who kept knowledge alive in their fortified or hidden monasteries while jolly barbarians were roving around burning shiat, including books.

HISTORY! It's fun and educational!
 
2012-07-14 11:59:03 PM  

TastyEloi:

Make a pact, if any of us get ahold of a time machine we seek out the other Alexandrites and form an A-Team to go do it up right with state of the art defense and recording equipment.

Have you ever seen the movie Agora? It's about Hypatia and the Library of Alexandria. I'm sure it's mostly fiction, but still very entertaining.


Heh, A-Team. We could arrive in a large covered wooden wagon in ostentatious clothing, whistling the Doctor Who theme song, and one of our members would have a really weird hair cut. Ya know, just cuz.

Netflix recently suggested Agora to me. It has that hot chick from the Mummies movies in it. I should totally see it.
 
2012-07-15 12:13:21 AM  

WhyteRaven74: Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then th ...


If all that you say is true, then why is there such a strong, common misconception of what we all believe to be true? I can't tell you from what sources I gained my knowledge from. More than likely they were from encyclopedias or some kind of documentary, like how I mentioned Cosmos.

Is there a dominant source where lay people can access this account you gave us? Or can you provide the names of the specific authors of the accounts stating the fire did occurred in 48 BCE? I'm genuinely curious.

Is the problem that writers not present at the time of events they recounted were misinformed? And then later on the contemporary accounts were found and translated? Ancient history is always so fascinating to me. I'm always eager to learn more, if you can share anything.
 
2012-07-15 01:31:06 AM  

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: WhyteRaven74: Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then th ...

If all that you say is true, then why is there such a strong, common misconception of what we all believe to be true? I can't tell you from what sources I gained my knowledge from. More than likely they were from encyclopedias or some kind of documentary, like how I mentioned Cosmos.

Is there a dominant source where lay people can access this account you gave us? Or can you provide the names of the specific ...


I'm being lazy tonight, I found this on answer site. It does however sum up what was told to me when I was a kid...

Originally there were two section of the Great Library of Alexandria which was started by Ptlomey I and greatly built up by Ptolomey II. The SEPHORIUM(the arts, history and literally section)containing 400,000 volumes and the BOCCHORIUM(the scientific and technical section)containing 300,000 volumes. All told 700,000 volumes which made it the greatest library up till the zenith of the Roman Empire and was not matched, except for this, until the middle of the nineteenth century.

The first burning was accidental. When Caesar was fighting the Egyptian fleet, to preserve his two legions and fulfill Rome's contract with Egypt-a ship caught fire, fell on the shore and spread the fire to amongst other things, the great library. However Caesar organized fire fighters who saved almost all of it. The second burning was in the in the fifth century under the likes of fanatical Christians as Cyril of Alexandria and Peter the Reader(who led a band to murder the scholar Hypatia). This destroyed most of it. The second was in the seventh century when the Arabs conquered the country. When asked if they should spared the contents(that which was left) the reply was either they were of the Koran- and having the Koran-there was no need of them OR they were not of the Koran-therefore they were an abomination and had to be burnt. What was left of the contents of the great library after the first deliberate burning fueled the bath houses of Alexandria for months. Hence barbarians-one religious and one political-religious destroyed a great legacy.

In the arts/history section there were books (scrolled volumes) of the early history of Mesopotamia and the history before the flood(the Mesopotamians had a legend of the flood too). In the scientific section there were lost books on machines invented and theorized in the ancient world-machines that could have added much more development. There were scientific discourses and blueprints for such things as the steam engine. Yes, much was lost on a technical and scientific nature which could have improved development and given society much more advancement in the coming dark age after the fall of the roman empire. Much much more was lost in the history/arts category. Knowledge that we would have had about very ancient history. A wealth of knowledge. Also the wealth of plans and ideas of a technical and scientific nature was an invaluable and tragic loss to humanity as a whole. The east, after the fall of Rome, kept what it could and monks in the west faithfully copied what they could. However the knowledge(both scientific and literal) that has been lost ensured centuries of lost time in the progress of humanity. In the whole scheme of history(and history is pretty large) it is but a bump. But consider the few centuries we could be more advanced than we are now-today. It is significant to us. However, in the end knowledge and science always win. This is how we are made. It gives the great advantages. For ignorance and fanaticism can howl and cackle all it likes. But knowledge and civilization will win in the end and will bury ignorance and fanaticism in the rubbish pit of history where they belong. For ignorance and fanaticism are but a phase in the development of a species. But knowledge and civilization-have all the eras, epochs and aeons-all of history to come. Hope this helps.



/I'm sure there are inaccuracies but this is the gist as I remember it....

On topic, for the interested...

Link

Link

If you really want to know, I mean it's boring and some pages are missing but if you're really interested.....
 
2012-07-15 01:40:32 AM  
images.tvrage.com
Bring a Lee tank to The Little Bighorn.
 
2012-07-15 03:04:51 AM  

Avery614:

If you really want to know, I mean it's boring and some pages are missing but if you're really interested.....


Oh, wow! Thanks a bunch! I think I may try to find that book at a local college library thru library loan!
 
2012-07-15 05:13:04 AM  
I'd go back and read the article/comments before posting this.
 
2012-07-15 05:30:20 AM  

The Flexecutioner: [i.dailymail.co.uk image 306x423]

"If I could turn back ti-ime..."


"I'd figure out how to keep my man off the ski slope..."
 
2012-07-15 09:54:47 AM  

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: then why is there such a strong, common misconception of what we all believe to be true?


Same reason people think Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake" or that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Has to do with what's presented as history, isn't always based on fact. Like Vikings wearing helmets with horns. Or that Attila the Hun was some bloodthirsty savage.
 
2012-07-15 11:32:53 AM  

WhyteRaven74: Tyrion's Favorite Wench: then why is there such a strong, common misconception of what we all believe to be true?

Same reason people think Marie Antoinette said "Let them eat cake" or that Nero fiddled while Rome burned. Has to do with what's presented as history, isn't always based on fact. Like Vikings wearing helmets with horns. Or that Attila the Hun was some bloodthirsty savage.


This was a great funny show on the topic......
 
2012-07-15 11:54:30 AM  

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: Oh, wow! Thanks a bunch!


No problem! I think it's one of the most interesting topics in antiquity.
 
2012-07-15 02:57:24 PM  
The fall of the Roman Empire. Plunged us into the Dark Ages and dropped the advancement of man over a thousand years.
 
2012-07-15 02:58:17 PM  
assassinate Grover Cleveland
 
2012-07-15 05:31:27 PM  
Save the library at Alexandria
 
2012-07-15 05:45:08 PM  
I'd go back and stop the person who invented the Ask.com toolbar.
 
2012-07-15 11:39:34 PM  
Don't fight the Civil War.

Yes there, are some serious possible repercussions, the non-retarded part of the US, aka, the North, West Coast & much of the Mid-West would have to deal with a farktarded South that would've likely mirrored South Africa.

Also, I would be the South would've thrown in with Germany in WWII, another possible disaster. But you know what, to be rid of the pathetic, sad, vicious, cruel, moronic, assholish, politics that I now have to deal with as a Federal Republic that includes the stupidest human beings on the face of the planet (ie, southerners), I'd take my mother farking chances.
 
2012-07-16 02:01:04 AM  

Serious Post on Serious Thread: Don't fight the Civil War.

Yes there, are some serious possible repercussions, the non-retarded part of the US, aka, the North, West Coast & much of the Mid-West would have to deal with a farktarded South that would've likely mirrored South Africa.

Also, I would be the South would've thrown in with Germany in WWII, another possible disaster. But you know what, to be rid of the pathetic, sad, vicious, cruel, moronic, assholish, politics that I now have to deal with as a Federal Republic that includes the stupidest human beings on the face of the planet (ie, southerners), I'd take my mother farking chances.


You sound Canadian.
 
2012-07-16 07:28:55 AM  

Acharne: Serious Post on Serious Thread: Don't fight the Civil War.

Yes there, are some serious possible repercussions, the non-retarded part of the US, aka, the North, West Coast & much of the Mid-West would have to deal with a farktarded South that would've likely mirrored South Africa.

Also, I would be the South would've thrown in with Germany in WWII, another possible disaster. But you know what, to be rid of the pathetic, sad, vicious, cruel, moronic, assholish, politics that I now have to deal with as a Federal Republic that includes the stupidest human beings on the face of the planet (ie, southerners), I'd take my mother farking chances.

You sound Canadian.


Acharne: Serious Post on Serious Thread: Don't fight the Civil War.

Yes there, are some serious possible repercussions, the non-retarded part of the US, aka, the North, West Coast & much of the Mid-West would have to deal with a farktarded South that would've likely mirrored South Africa.

Also, I would be the South would've thrown in with Germany in WWII, another possible disaster. But you know what, to be rid of the pathetic, sad, vicious, cruel, moronic, assholish, politics that I now have to deal with as a Federal Republic that includes the stupidest human beings on the face of the planet (ie, southerners), I'd take my mother farking chances.

You sound Canadian.


Nah, New Yorker (upstate & city). Just farking can't deal with the war of southern aggressional stupidity.
 
2012-07-16 02:33:48 PM  

namatad: Go back to the day before Jesus gets arrested and tell him to run for the hills!


According to the Book of Judas, Jesus asked Judas to turn him in in order to complete his teachings and free him from the mortal body he was trapped in so he could return to heaven.

But this gospel and many others didn't win the "Nazareth's Got Talent" contest and get included in the bible some guys wanted everyone to see.


If I had my pick, I would prevent the burning of the Library of Alexandria.
 
2012-07-16 03:08:32 PM  

Serious Post on Serious Thread: Nah, New Yorker (upstate & city). Just farking can't deal with the war of southern aggressional stupidity.


Ya I know, :) I just liked your post frankly, though it is hard to tell on Fark since there are so many pricks quick on the quote button.
 
2012-07-16 03:49:32 PM  
Hey Mohammed, please add "Thou Shalt Not Kill" into the Koran, thanks!
 
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