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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 414
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3009 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-14 01:44:43 PM  
I'd tell Sonny not to make that last run.
 
2012-07-14 01:50:56 PM  

PacManDreaming: treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.

They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.


But they call it 'beef', 'chili' and 'refried beans'
 
2012-07-14 02:10:52 PM  

Saberus Terras: PacManDreaming: treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.

They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.

But they call it 'beef', 'chili' and 'refried beans'


Yep, now it's just a flour tortilla filled with little bits of gristle and some pasty, bean flavored glop.

The chili cheese burritos from the Taco Bell we frequented during my college days was nothing more than a tortilla filled with shredded cheese and their red chili sauce. Man, they were good. Especially after a good toke or a few of the .50 cent quarts of Miller High Life from our favorite watering hole.

/couldn't pay me to drink Miller High Life today
//but it was perfect for broke college students
 
2012-07-14 02:12:01 PM  
9.10.01. Think about it.

/ who knows if anyone would listen ... you'd have to be proactive ballistically.
 
2012-07-14 02:27:10 PM  

bluorangefyre: I'd say stop 9/11, but having watched Family Guy, that might be bad. Although, it'd certainly stop the Iraq War since Bush wouldn't have had a blank check dated 9/11/01. He'd have lived up to his father's legacy of being a one-term president. The Tea Party wouldn't exist. Nobody outside of Alaska would've heard the name Sarah Palin. Fake... er, Fox News would probably be grouped with Alex Jones & Co. We'd have had President McCain in '08 (really, nobody would've re-elected President Kerry), but this would've been the John McCain that didn't sell his soul to the Republican Party and he would've ushered in a new era of Republicans: more moderate, less derp. OWS wouldn't have happened, since there'd be no need for it. Right now I'm sure we'd be electing a new President as McCain realized he'd die in term #2, and then we'd be right back to this point of Obama and Romney running neck-and-neck, although Obama would be a bit more seasoned in the Senate. Nobody would be questioning Obama's birthplace since McCain was born in the Panama Canal Zone, which no longer exists as a U.S. territory.


Or better yet, you warn Al Gore about the 2000 election AND 9/11. Gore ramps up his efforts in Florida, which wins him the election. Then on 9/11, armed and trained undercover FBI agents posing as all the passengers are planted on the planes that were going to be hijacked. As soon as the Bin Laden's sleeper agents make a move, they get their asses taken down. Then after some "creative coersion", one of the terrorists crack and spill everything about Al-Queda, and the Navy SEALS are sent to swoop in and dismantle the whole thing before they can run and hide.

Thus, 9/11 never happens, Bin Laden gets shot in the face 10 years sooner, costly and unnecessary wars are averted and America doesn't circle drain for 8 long years.

A guy can dream, can't he?
 
2012-07-14 02:31:14 PM  

PacManDreaming: Saberus Terras: PacManDreaming: treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.

They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.

But they call it 'beef', 'chili' and 'refried beans'

Yep, now it's just a flour tortilla filled with little bits of gristle and some pasty, bean flavored glop.

The chili cheese burritos from the Taco Bell we frequented during my college days was nothing more than a tortilla filled with shredded cheese and their red chili sauce. Man, they were good. Especially after a good toke or a few of the .50 cent quarts of Miller High Life from our favorite watering hole.

/couldn't pay me to drink Miller High Life today
//but it was perfect for broke college students


I was aiming at the low-hanging fruit.
 
2012-07-14 02:34:44 PM  
That some southerners survived the civil war.
 
2012-07-14 02:36:19 PM  

namatad: Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.

Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.


Even better - go back to just before Johan Guttenberg printed the Bible. Insert "gays are cool, and lesbians are totally hot" and "fetuses are not babies, therefore abortion is not murder" in each chapter. Then go back to a future where Ted Haggard and Larry Craig had gay orgies on Fire Island, and nobody knows who the Duggars are because Michelle flushed her crotchfruit-to-be down the drain.
 
2012-07-14 02:56:18 PM  
I think I would show a clever little roman guy that that little steam ball curiosity is something to put a bit more thought into.
 
2012-07-14 02:56:26 PM  

la_cyberchicana: And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?


1) Find Gaetan Dugas (google Patient Zero) and put a bullet in his head.

2) Drop tons of condoms from a plane over San Franciso.

3) Invent an non-injectable version of Heroin

4) Tell the Red Cross to screen all donated blood.

5) Convince Rock Hudson to come out sooner and speak out about his HIV+ status.
 
2012-07-14 03:04:59 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

punch this guy in the balls hard enough so he could not have kids
 
2012-07-14 03:06:30 PM  

DogPurse: Reverse 80's fashion
[i242.photobucket.com image 850x477]


I just saw that episode last night on Crunchyroll. It was pretty good.
 
2012-07-14 03:15:44 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: la_cyberchicana: And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?

1) Find Gaetan Dugas (google Patient Zero) and put a bullet in his head.

2) Drop tons of condoms from a plane over San Franciso.

3) Invent an non-injectable version of Heroin

4) Tell the Red Cross to screen all donated blood.

5) Convince Rock Hudson to come out sooner and speak out about his HIV+ status.


1. except that they don't think he actually was "Patient 0"
2. getting people to use them is another thing
3. there is.....you can smoke it or snort it
4. yeah....good idea
5. meh...ok then
 
2012-07-14 03:17:32 PM  

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!

That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!


Not alone at all, count me among the save Alexandria brigade.

Make a pact, if any of us get ahold of a time machine we seek out the other Alexandrites and form an A-Team to go do it up right with state of the art defense and recording equipment.
 
2012-07-14 03:24:06 PM  
I would have Robert Kardashian sterilized.
 
2012-07-14 04:13:02 PM  
I would "talk" to the guy who came up with the idea of changing Fark's font size.
 
2012-07-14 04:48:18 PM  
I think Senator Obama is a fine politician, and it's a damn shame he's not eligible to run for the Presidency. So I'd go back to 1961 and plant an American birth certificate for him in Hawaii. Since photoshop didn't exist back then, no-one would suspect it was fake. Just in case anybody did question it, I'd place birth announcements in their newspapers too.
 
2012-07-14 05:09:17 PM  
Everyone is already doing it second-to-second. It's called your conscience, but in reality it is YOU in the distant future after you have died and are time dwelling through your "Book-of-Life" whispering into your mind to make the right move. After all, no one will love you and care about you more than you, especially now after you've died and KNOW what's on the "other side".
 
2012-07-14 05:13:02 PM  
Kill st paul
 
2012-07-14 05:24:06 PM  

AirborneBuckeye: Kevin72: Smeggy Smurf: I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.

Jacques DeMolay, tempt us not too far! Art thou wholly a fool?

Jacques DeMolay and three of his Preceptors, Guy of Auvergne, Godfrey de Goneville, and Hughes de Peralde, who have been subjected to several previous trials and cast into dungeons because they have defied the commands of the Inquisition, and are now brought hither for judgment.


Favorited, long-lost brother.
 
2012-07-14 05:32:19 PM  

cosmiquemuffin: Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!

That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!

Not alone at all, count me among the save Alexandria brigade.

Make a pact, if any of us get ahold of a time machine we seek out the other Alexandrites and form an A-Team to go do it up right with state of the art defense and recording equipment.


Have you ever seen the movie Agora? It's about Hypatia and the Library of Alexandria. I'm sure it's mostly fiction, but still very entertaining.
 
2012-07-14 05:42:39 PM  
I'm thinkin' I'd go with the gorgonzola on my burger at lunch today instead of the provolone.
 
2012-07-14 05:44:12 PM  
Have the council of Nicaea swing the other way.
Would have made a lot of things easier in the future to not have that anomaly.



/that or kill cartoon shows that are designed from the outset with the sole intent of merchandising.
 
2012-07-14 05:47:51 PM  

Snotnose: When my niece was conceived I'd make my sister give her hubby a BJ instead of going full out.

/ she's a loser
// real drag on the family
/// refuse to have anything to do with her.


Are you Cheryl, Linda or Kim? 'Cause you're one of my sisters, that's for sure.
 
2012-07-14 06:18:27 PM  
The Holocaust.
 
2012-07-14 06:42:06 PM  
Kill the guy who killed Hitler.
 
2012-07-14 06:42:47 PM  
save Phil Hartman.
 
2012-07-14 07:08:55 PM  

harmonyinohio: The Holocaust.


prevent the punitive parts of the treaty of versailles from ever happening.
no punishment, no hitler
 
2012-07-14 07:12:21 PM  

thelordofcheese: Kill the guy who killed Hitler.


and who do you think that was?
 
2012-07-14 07:33:03 PM  

Ooba Tooba: The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.


Sorry to hear about that but people who overdose generally have a pattern of behavior that will lead to that end eventually. Sure there are those who just get unlucky one of the few times they go overboard and maybe your friend was one of them but usually not. I've lost a few friends to overdose and I learned from their mistakes, I quit, I may have stopped a couple of them a couple of times but that pattern was there and they were committed to living it out.

tl/dr: don't feel bad, step over the bodies and keep on going.
 
2012-07-14 08:14:40 PM  
No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.
 
2012-07-14 08:48:41 PM  

timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.


So you could stop this thread from being posted....
 
2012-07-14 09:06:16 PM  

timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.


I read it. Feel better?
 
2012-07-14 09:27:39 PM  
I'd go back in time and make sure Obama got elected.
 
2012-07-14 10:50:58 PM  

jbezorg: timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.

So you could stop this thread from being posted....


How do you know I didn't go back to make sure it was, hmm?;)
 
2012-07-14 10:51:41 PM  

Harry_Seldon: timelady: No one will read this now, and that fine.

Non, rien de rien.

I would change nothing. All the pain has been worth it. Else I would not be me. I didn't always see or feel that way, but years bring wisdom.

I read it. Feel better?


It is the foundation of my relief;)
 
2012-07-14 10:58:54 PM  
I suppose I could take a bullet for John Lennon...
 
2012-07-14 11:00:39 PM  

ultraholland: save Phil Hartman.


I can actually go for that one, too
 
2012-07-14 11:03:22 PM  
The main problem with trying to stop things like 9-11 or the JFK Assasination is that beforehand, you're a nutcase -- and after, you're Prime Suspect because you know *way* too much about it.
 
2012-07-14 11:13:10 PM  

JonnyG: Rich Cream: [unit2-pic.twittweb.com image 466x480]

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.

Exactly. Regardless if it were to be created in the past, now, or later, it would already be invented. Well, "real" time travel at least. Created 200 years in the future? Yep, Jesus would have been traveling the portals.


I've read that Einstein didn't consider time travel as seen in movies to be possible, but did consider the possibility of "consciousness-shifting" -- e.g., right before you die, you shift to your earlier, younger self and get a "do-over". Kind of like Quantum Leap.
 
2012-07-14 11:15:44 PM  

The Dark Lord: Torpedo the Mayflower


Give the Native Americans machine guns and flame throwers.
 
2012-07-14 11:15:57 PM  
I'd want the life of Jesus Christ to be fully documented as it would allow more access to his wisdom.

Also, I'd want Mark David Chapman to have fixated on Gary Glitter instead of John Lennon.

I'd also want to prevent them taking the Wonka Scrunch Bar off of the market.
 
2012-07-14 11:29:06 PM  
Tell Lincoln to not go to Ford's Theatre.
 
2012-07-14 11:30:16 PM  

xanadian: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

Nah they were all ass backwards.

/Am I being too harsh with that?

Read MOAR.

That erased a shiatload of human progress.

I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.


Mmmm..... to a significant extent, is was actually the monks of the sky wizard who kept knowledge alive in their fortified or hidden monasteries while jolly barbarians were roving around burning shiat, including books.

HISTORY! It's fun and educational!
 
2012-07-14 11:59:03 PM  

TastyEloi:

Make a pact, if any of us get ahold of a time machine we seek out the other Alexandrites and form an A-Team to go do it up right with state of the art defense and recording equipment.

Have you ever seen the movie Agora? It's about Hypatia and the Library of Alexandria. I'm sure it's mostly fiction, but still very entertaining.


Heh, A-Team. We could arrive in a large covered wooden wagon in ostentatious clothing, whistling the Doctor Who theme song, and one of our members would have a really weird hair cut. Ya know, just cuz.

Netflix recently suggested Agora to me. It has that hot chick from the Mummies movies in it. I should totally see it.
 
2012-07-15 12:13:21 AM  

WhyteRaven74: Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then th ...


If all that you say is true, then why is there such a strong, common misconception of what we all believe to be true? I can't tell you from what sources I gained my knowledge from. More than likely they were from encyclopedias or some kind of documentary, like how I mentioned Cosmos.

Is there a dominant source where lay people can access this account you gave us? Or can you provide the names of the specific authors of the accounts stating the fire did occurred in 48 BCE? I'm genuinely curious.

Is the problem that writers not present at the time of events they recounted were misinformed? And then later on the contemporary accounts were found and translated? Ancient history is always so fascinating to me. I'm always eager to learn more, if you can share anything.
 
2012-07-15 01:31:06 AM  

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: WhyteRaven74: Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then th ...

If all that you say is true, then why is there such a strong, common misconception of what we all believe to be true? I can't tell you from what sources I gained my knowledge from. More than likely they were from encyclopedias or some kind of documentary, like how I mentioned Cosmos.

Is there a dominant source where lay people can access this account you gave us? Or can you provide the names of the specific ...


I'm being lazy tonight, I found this on answer site. It does however sum up what was told to me when I was a kid...

Originally there were two section of the Great Library of Alexandria which was started by Ptlomey I and greatly built up by Ptolomey II. The SEPHORIUM(the arts, history and literally section)containing 400,000 volumes and the BOCCHORIUM(the scientific and technical section)containing 300,000 volumes. All told 700,000 volumes which made it the greatest library up till the zenith of the Roman Empire and was not matched, except for this, until the middle of the nineteenth century.

The first burning was accidental. When Caesar was fighting the Egyptian fleet, to preserve his two legions and fulfill Rome's contract with Egypt-a ship caught fire, fell on the shore and spread the fire to amongst other things, the great library. However Caesar organized fire fighters who saved almost all of it. The second burning was in the in the fifth century under the likes of fanatical Christians as Cyril of Alexandria and Peter the Reader(who led a band to murder the scholar Hypatia). This destroyed most of it. The second was in the seventh century when the Arabs conquered the country. When asked if they should spared the contents(that which was left) the reply was either they were of the Koran- and having the Koran-there was no need of them OR they were not of the Koran-therefore they were an abomination and had to be burnt. What was left of the contents of the great library after the first deliberate burning fueled the bath houses of Alexandria for months. Hence barbarians-one religious and one political-religious destroyed a great legacy.

In the arts/history section there were books (scrolled volumes) of the early history of Mesopotamia and the history before the flood(the Mesopotamians had a legend of the flood too). In the scientific section there were lost books on machines invented and theorized in the ancient world-machines that could have added much more development. There were scientific discourses and blueprints for such things as the steam engine. Yes, much was lost on a technical and scientific nature which could have improved development and given society much more advancement in the coming dark age after the fall of the roman empire. Much much more was lost in the history/arts category. Knowledge that we would have had about very ancient history. A wealth of knowledge. Also the wealth of plans and ideas of a technical and scientific nature was an invaluable and tragic loss to humanity as a whole. The east, after the fall of Rome, kept what it could and monks in the west faithfully copied what they could. However the knowledge(both scientific and literal) that has been lost ensured centuries of lost time in the progress of humanity. In the whole scheme of history(and history is pretty large) it is but a bump. But consider the few centuries we could be more advanced than we are now-today. It is significant to us. However, in the end knowledge and science always win. This is how we are made. It gives the great advantages. For ignorance and fanaticism can howl and cackle all it likes. But knowledge and civilization will win in the end and will bury ignorance and fanaticism in the rubbish pit of history where they belong. For ignorance and fanaticism are but a phase in the development of a species. But knowledge and civilization-have all the eras, epochs and aeons-all of history to come. Hope this helps.



/I'm sure there are inaccuracies but this is the gist as I remember it....

On topic, for the interested...

Link

Link

If you really want to know, I mean it's boring and some pages are missing but if you're really interested.....
 
2012-07-15 01:40:32 AM  
images.tvrage.com
Bring a Lee tank to The Little Bighorn.
 
2012-07-15 03:04:51 AM  

Avery614:

If you really want to know, I mean it's boring and some pages are missing but if you're really interested.....


Oh, wow! Thanks a bunch! I think I may try to find that book at a local college library thru library loan!
 
2012-07-15 05:13:04 AM  
I'd go back and read the article/comments before posting this.
 
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