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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 414
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3008 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-14 09:48:54 AM  
Oh, and tell my uncle not to re-up for Viet Nam.
 
2012-07-14 09:49:02 AM  
The invention of computers. That's when the world went to sh*t.
 
2012-07-14 09:49:13 AM  

jimjazz: Abort Jesus


This. Though I'd take it one step further and take out his followers too, just to be sure.
 
2012-07-14 09:49:31 AM  

Tyranicle: PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.

My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.

Yes, I understand your point. You think communism was an alternative to an oppresive feudal system, though that's not historically accurate. After all, the economy in Russia was relatively fine at the rise communism and the majority of the population were extremly loyal to the czar as well. Communism rose in Russia due to aggitation from jewish followers of Marx, who used 'prolitariats' (young white collar workers. 'Office Space' types) to do the fighting and dying so jews could live in a society free of religion and culture.


Ignorant and anti-Semitic is no way to go through life, son. And fact that quite a lot of people supported the Czarist status quo is just human nature...hell, lots of people in Russia missed Stalin when that bastard finally kicked.
 
2012-07-14 09:57:31 AM  

logistic: diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.

Wow. Managed to win both the "Most trailer trash comment" and "Trolololiest Troll of the Day" medals in one sentence. Kudos.


You mentioned trailer trash... I guess you DO know who Jimmy Carter is then.... so much for thinking you are infinitely ignorant.
 
2012-07-14 10:02:30 AM  

PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: Tyranicle: PunGent: PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.

Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.

Communism 'flourished' in Russia was not due to feuadalism. The Czar and his entire family were captured and then slaughtered by communists. Communism and feudalism are two completely different things.

My point, I think you missed it. Yes, they ARE quite different. Communism only flourishes where the alternatives are worse...like in a feudal state where the overlords have the support of the Church. You know...like the Czar did.

Yes, I understand your point. You think communism was an alternative to an oppresive feudal system, though that's not historically accurate. After all, the economy in Russia was relatively fine at the rise communism and the majority of the population were extremly loyal to the czar as well. Communism rose in Russia due to aggitation from jewish followers of Marx, who used 'prolitariats' (young white collar workers. 'Office Space' types) to do the fighting and dying so jews could live in a society free of religion and culture.

Ignorant and anti-Semitic is no way to go through life, son. And fact that quite a lot of people supported the Czarist status quo is just human nature...hell, lots of people in Russia missed Stalin when that bastard finally kicked.


Instead of telling people to pick up a book linking communism to the opium trade, perhaps you need to dig a little deeper yourself.
 
2012-07-14 10:11:37 AM  

Gosling: (peers through thread)

Seriously? 142 comments and I had to make the Hitler joke myself?


If you could have killed Hitler, another wannabe painter would have sprung up. Instead, go back a bit further and look at WW1 and the chain of events that led to Germany's nose being rubbed in the crap.
 
2012-07-14 10:26:19 AM  
I would stop the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs from hitting Earth. Seems that would solve all of the problems we came along and created later.
 
2012-07-14 10:28:03 AM  
If you think slavery is the doing of the White man.... think again.....

"What these records show is that the modern slave trade flourished in the early middle ages, as early as 869, especially between Muslim traders and western African kingdoms. For moralists, the most important aspect of that trade should be that Muslims were selling goods to the African kingdoms and the African kingdoms were paying with their own people"

it takes 2 to tango this dance, the Muslims did not demand slaves, they just did not deny them as fair payment for the goods they traded...

taken from here. Link

please be warned though, if you utterly want to believe that it is the While Man and only the White Man that should take blame for Slavery, then please do not read what is said there, as it will change your point of view on the matter irrevocable ...
 
2012-07-14 10:29:47 AM  
I would cut the blue wire.
 
2012-07-14 10:30:50 AM  
I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.
 
2012-07-14 10:31:50 AM  

Saberus Terras: Here's what I'd change:

Nothing.

Seriously, changing one thing makes it meaningless, since it can be changed. By extension, that means all things could be changed, and the significance of life itself becomes moot.
Anyone that goes to the past, I think will simply cease to exist through some mechanism built into the fabric of the universe, sort of like a space-temporal checksum. Yes, I think that the universe has a Reality ECC built in.



Stop hogging the joint.....
 
2012-07-14 10:33:29 AM  

Rich Cream: [unit2-pic.twittweb.com image 466x480]

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.


Exactly. Regardless if it were to be created in the past, now, or later, it would already be invented. Well, "real" time travel at least. Created 200 years in the future? Yep, Jesus would have been traveling the portals.
 
2012-07-14 10:35:26 AM  

Oznog: Gosling: I have a gun, you have a time machine, let's kill Hitler.

At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?



11/21/2104
At 02:21:30, SneakyPete wrote:
Vienna, 1907: after numerous attempts, have infiltrated the Academy of Fine Arts and facilitated Adolf Hitler's admission to that institution. Goodbye, Hitler the dictator; hello, Hitler the modestly successful landscape artist! Brought back a few of his paintings as well, any buyers?

At 02:29:17, SilverFox316 wrote:
All right; that's it. Having just returned from 1907 Vienna where I secured the expulsion of Hitler from the Academy by means of an elaborate prank involving the Prefect, a goat, and a substantial quantity of olive oil, I now turn my attention to our newer brethren, who, despite rules to the contrary, seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny, and here I'm looking at you, SneakyPete). Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?


your choice:

rockets, electronics computers

or

50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe
 
2012-07-14 10:40:49 AM  

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


who shiat in your wheaties this morning?
 
2012-07-14 10:42:49 AM  

chuckufarlie: your choice:

rockets, electronics computers or 50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe


What if: The 800 years of 'science is heresy' had not happened and science flourished? Would we still have Fark? How many of our relatives would have been killed due to bloodier and broader wars?

For those whoh think we would live in some sort of Utopia now, study history a little better.
 
2012-07-14 10:49:58 AM  
I would have zagged instead of zigging back in 1982.
 
2012-07-14 10:51:05 AM  

3rotor: If you think slavery is the doing of the White man.... think again.....

"What these records show is that the modern slave trade flourished in the early middle ages, as early as 869, especially between Muslim traders and western African kingdoms. For moralists, the most important aspect of that trade should be that Muslims were selling goods to the African kingdoms and the African kingdoms were paying with their own people"

it takes 2 to tango this dance, the Muslims did not demand slaves, they just did not deny them as fair payment for the goods they traded...

taken from here. Link

please be warned though, if you utterly want to believe that it is the While Man and only the White Man that should take blame for Slavery, then please do not read what is said there, as it will change your point of view on the matter irrevocable ...


I learned something today!

Thank you.
 
2012-07-14 10:55:00 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.


Tomorrow People?
 
2012-07-14 10:57:22 AM  
I wish that I could turn back time, 'cause now the guilt is all mine.
 
2012-07-14 11:01:21 AM  
Buy the first shares of Apple.
And on one ocassion,keep my dick in my pants.
 
2012-07-14 11:07:51 AM  
Well, Sheldon and Leonard already disproved this in the episode where they are signing the roommate covenant.

Sheldon Cooper: If either of us invent time travel, we agree that our first stop will be this meeting five seconds from now.
[Looks around]
Sheldon Cooper: Well, that was disappointing.

If I could change one thing, it would have been to not freak out when the girl across the street, my childhood sweetheart, farked that guy that night when her parents were away. I saw the walk of shame as he went out to his car, scraped a hole in the frost on his windshield and drove away hastily. Later, when she came over, probably to tell me the news, I should have said "Get in here and fark me, it's my turn" instead of turning her away.
 
2012-07-14 11:10:23 AM  
Prevent the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand.
 
2012-07-14 11:11:15 AM  

Rich Cream: [unit2-pic.twittweb.com image 466x480]

If time travel is ever invented we would have already known about it. Or something like that.


According to Futurama, time travel is linear in one direction. Forward. We can't go back, we'd have to wait for the entropy death of the universe and then circle around again for another pass.
 
2012-07-14 11:16:34 AM  

diaphoresis: chuckufarlie: your choice:

rockets, electronics computers or 50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe

What if: The 800 years of 'science is heresy' had not happened and science flourished? Would we still have Fark? How many of our relatives would have been killed due to bloodier and broader wars?

For those whoh think we would live in some sort of Utopia now, study history a little better.



Not to mention there are a multitude of paths to any particular outcome. Assuming that 50 million people need to die and a continent needs to be torn apart so electronics and rockets can be developed is like saying without WWI, advances in aircraft would have never happened..

In 1792, the first iron-cased rockets were successfully developed and used by Hyder Ali and his son Tipu Sultan


Electronics in America were being developed for years before WWII

"Computers", in some form or another, were in use since the early 1800's. The first programmable computer was developed in Germany 1 year before the start of WWII.

/microchip happens either way
 
2012-07-14 11:18:10 AM  

we'refromthesamestory: Alpha Sierra Foxtrot: we'refromthesamestory: Genocide, all of them. Ever.

/I'm including the Armenian Genocide too
///Go ahead, hate.

I had that thought, but that's not really one thing...I mean, like, it's not just one event that you'd be stopping. I don't know which genocide I could possibly actually choose.

Genocide is one thing. That's what I'm changing!


Genocide is an act, like murder or flying. One event would be one murder or one flight. Even if you did change all genocide, nothing would stop anyone from simply doing it again. Not saying its a bad idea, just impractical as I see it.
/imo
 
2012-07-14 11:26:50 AM  
When my niece was conceived I'd make my sister give her hubby a BJ instead of going full out.

/ she's a loser
// real drag on the family
/// refuse to have anything to do with her.
 
2012-07-14 11:27:40 AM  
Funny how we so wish we could change the past, when we are right here, in the present, having the ability to change the past of our own futures... in essence, we are all time-travelers, we just do not realize it...
 
2012-07-14 11:33:26 AM  
Torpedo the Mayflower
 
2012-07-14 11:35:05 AM  

we'refromthesamestory: doglover: Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.

So they didn't force everyone to be farmers slaves to the dollar while they gained from their work using the fear of god to keep things the way they were for around one thousand two hundred years?

Good to know.


FTFE.
 
2012-07-14 11:37:26 AM  

3rotor: Funny how we so wish we could change the past, when we are right here, in the present, having the ability to change the past of our own futures... in essence, we are all time-travelers, we just do not realize it...


Ah, wake and bake.
 
2012-07-14 11:38:16 AM  

doglover: Go to youtube, search for "Horrible Histories"

if you can't be learn-ed, at least be amused,


This sounds like a good idea.

I know the "religion kept science down through oppression and 'Because Jesus'" argument is used by militant atheists all the time. I mean, it makes sense to me, when you listen to the fundies in Texas wanting to keep evolution out of the text books (and stuff like that), but then again it could just be chalked up to something like Poe's law.
 
2012-07-14 11:40:19 AM  
I would kill the asshole who came up with the concept of compound interest.
 
2012-07-14 11:46:23 AM  
Oh, lessee what I missed after going out and getting my drunk on last night...

Tumunga: xanadian: Anita Bryant would've been strung up from the nearest tree. Her and Falwell. People like that have hijacked the everloving shiat out of the Republican Party, and America in general.

Fark you Farktard, libtard, gaysexual humpin' sunsabiatches. Anita was hot, so I would go back in time, and fark the shait out of that freaky pooper.


Yeah...I'd bet she was crazy in the sack, too.

doglover: if you can't be learn-ed, at least be amused,


Also: it's reasons like this why I pay that extra $5 per month.

we'refromthesamestory: As someone who assumes every one is male, I'd think about what you're saying. I'm just asking if what i learned in history class is true. You could be a little less rude. And by a little less rude I really do mean WOW you're an asshole.


Using "he" when the gender is unknown is a standard usage in English grammar.

Blame Strunk & White.

middleoftheday: The United Colors of Benetton hng's ignore list: from America all the way to Japan!


lawl.

wizden: Ha! Green.

I think this one was a good call.


Yeah, lessee if we can edumacate the filthy masses.
 
2012-07-14 11:49:39 AM  

leevis: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression Shortage of books and no printing press does that...


Well, if the religious leaders hadn't been busy oppressing everyone, they would've invented the printing press sooner.

So. There.
 
2012-07-14 11:49:59 AM  
i.dailymail.co.uk

"If I could turn back ti-ime..."
 
2012-07-14 11:51:10 AM  

Pfeist: and everybody would be naked.


*horrified face*
 
2012-07-14 11:54:17 AM  
nothing



/deep
 
2012-07-14 11:55:28 AM  
compound interest is just one of the gears in a system called Fractional Reserve... that system can run perfectly, without that one gear....
 
2012-07-14 11:58:45 AM  
Make sure Ayn Rand died in a Soviet purge or something before she could publish anything or come to the US
 
2012-07-14 12:00:29 PM  

lohphat: wildcardjack:
Introduce the idea of movable type at the Library of Alexandria 100BC. And coptic binding.


How about saving the library from destruction and its curator Hypatia from her murder by the order from the Catholic bishop Cyril (who later became a saint).

Or stop the Crusades.

Or somehow stop the European Dark Ages.

[memearchive.net image 600x407]


I always wondered how they came up with that graph. Is there actual scientific evidence and empirical facts that this is based off of? Known citations from well-versed scholars? Or did some wise guy decide, "hey, I can push my twisted view of religion by making a graph! Everyone believes graphs!"
 
2012-07-14 12:00:41 PM  
I would give Attila the Hun a rifle.
 
2012-07-14 12:09:10 PM  
Give the Knight's Hospitallers some more populous lands in central Europe and have the Papacy continue their support of them into at least the modern era.
 
2012-07-14 12:31:47 PM  
Let the South secede
 
2012-07-14 12:44:50 PM  

Urbn: Let the South secede


Substitute "the south" with "Quebec" and you've guessed 90% of Canada's wish.
 
2012-07-14 12:52:49 PM  

batcookie: I'm with everyone who said "kill homo sapiens before they become homo sapiens." Everyone who keeps saying "destroy religion" clearly has NO concept of human psychology. There will ALWAYS be something to fight over. If not... we'll invent it.
[pbfcomics.com image 850x283]

Also, I really wish I were here for the oh-so-entertaining exchange with doglover, wizden and we'refromthesamestory... and I have to ask why the latter is even on Fark when her sensibilities and lack of sense of humor seem completely contrary to everything this website stands for. I mean to put doglover's lovable snark in the same category as, say, the politics tab trolls is just plain silly and shows a considerable lack of knowledge about the Fark culture. And considering I've seen her around for a while., that just leads me to say, HEY! Learn your social mores! When in Rome, act like a Roman... when on Fark, snark like a Farker.


I hear Wal Mart has a great deal on Kleenex right now....you know, for all those tears you have on your face. Also, when you live as a giant pulsating vagina, do you just gush blood out of your body once a month? I'm confusion in my brainfleshes.
 
2012-07-14 12:53:31 PM  
teacher.scholastic.com
 
2012-07-14 12:58:27 PM  

treesloth: I'd go back and stop Taco Bell from getting rid of the Chili Cheese Burrito.


They still have it, but it's current incarnation is total crap.
 
2012-07-14 01:03:20 PM  

diaphoresis: chuckufarlie: your choice:

rockets, electronics computers or 50 million people not killed and no destruction of much of Europe

What if: The 800 years of 'science is heresy' had not happened and science flourished? Would we still have Fark? How many of our relatives would have been killed due to bloodier and broader wars?

For those whoh think we would live in some sort of Utopia now, study history a little better.


I think that your tinfoil hat is a bit tight. Or are you just really, really stupid?
 
2012-07-14 01:28:39 PM  
Stop yesterdays changes!
 
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