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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 414
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3005 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-14 06:08:37 AM
you actually would not need to kill Hitler (or anybody for that matter), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner, when he was young, that caused him to become who he had become... The thing is, he killed a scientist that was about 14 years away from successfully developing a virus that would have killed all life on earth in a matter of 5 years. none of us would be here now, if it hadn't been for that...
 
2012-07-14 06:11:24 AM
I'd go back shortly before my parents got together and give my dad a book called
encrypted-tbn0.google.com

Oh! and make sure Biff was dead.



/And warn Michael J. Fox he is gonna have MS so he better fund a cure.
 
2012-07-14 06:16:02 AM
Would've mentioned to my relatives that unless they enjoy slave labor and having Germans get excited by their gold teeth, maybe it would be a good idea to leave Europe. That Hitler fellow seems to mean business.
 
2012-07-14 06:17:42 AM
Jeffery Maher doesn't fark with that fly ball. Gore wins Florida. L ron Hubbard dies shortly after birth. No one dies at V.T. in 2007.
 
2012-07-14 06:18:50 AM

Stile4aly: Prevent the publication of Ghazali's "The Incoherence of the Philosophers" which led to the closing of the ijtihad and the end of the Islamic golden age. Without this regression into anti-intellectualism, the Middle East would have grown alongside Europe into a group of modern secular democratic states.


Came to say this

/finally someone gets it
 
2012-07-14 06:21:26 AM
I'd have kept my grandmother, mother, dad, and everybody else in my immediate family from dying from cancer-- I had to watch everyone I loved die in the most excruciating way possible, and now I'm the last person in my family alive. I took care of them all, and I never minded doing it, but damn--the last 10 years have sucked.

/screw cancer
 
2012-07-14 06:25:55 AM
three more wishes

/rite?
 
2012-07-14 06:34:18 AM
I'm with everyone who said "kill homo sapiens before they become homo sapiens." Everyone who keeps saying "destroy religion" clearly has NO concept of human psychology. There will ALWAYS be something to fight over. If not... we'll invent it.
pbfcomics.com

Also, I really wish I were here for the oh-so-entertaining exchange with doglover, wizden and we'refromthesamestory... and I have to ask why the latter is even on Fark when her sensibilities and lack of sense of humor seem completely contrary to everything this website stands for. I mean to put doglover's lovable snark in the same category as, say, the politics tab trolls is just plain silly and shows a considerable lack of knowledge about the Fark culture. And considering I've seen her around for a while., that just leads me to say, HEY! Learn your social mores! When in Rome, act like a Roman... when on Fark, snark like a Farker.
 
2012-07-14 06:34:55 AM
I would go back in time to November 12, 1955.
 
2012-07-14 06:35:15 AM
Stop Christianity from getting it's claws into the Roman Empire?
 
2012-07-14 06:35:23 AM
I'd like to view and record some of the bigger moments in history. Someone mentioned seeing the Pyramids being build, but there are others as well. Getting the true story for these would be cool.

OTOH, just going back to age 13 with my memories in tack and actually banging my first girlfriend instead of being a wimp about it wouldn't be bad eitehr.

/ taking back a list of winning lottery numbers along with me...
 
2012-07-14 06:36:03 AM
I actually have a rather un-Farklike, and non-humorous answer for this.

Lead additives in gasoline screwed up the environment for decades, and who knows if it will ever be fixed. CFCs are even worse for the environment. And both are still being pumped into the atmosphere in 3rd world countries with reckless abandon. The real shame is that much of it is supported by American companies who simply moved the operations off shore where it's not illegal yet.

Both of these brilliant ideas were from one guy, Thomas Midgley, Jr. Let's undo him ever being allowed in a lab.

I wonder if Al Gore would even have anything to complain about if it weren't for him.
 
2012-07-14 06:38:09 AM
Make two left turns, stand on the gas pedal, never look back.
 
2012-07-14 06:43:13 AM

haemaker: I'd give Hero of Alexandria a steam engine.


He already had one. Actually he made several from the few accounts we have of his work. And he not only understood how to use increasing pressure to push against something, he understood how to use decreasing pressure to pull something. The man was only about 1600 years ahead of his time.

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,


Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then there's the Decree of Theodosious which ordered the Serapium library destroyed. And sure it would be easy to say that you might as well just go back to 48 BCE and save the contents of the libraries, problem is there's a ton of stuff you wouldn't save because it hadn't been written yet. Like the work of Heron of Alexandria. Or the work of Tacitus.
 
2012-07-14 06:45:34 AM

sleeper2995: I'd go back shortly before my parents got together and give my dad a book called


Oh! and make sure Biff was dead.



/And warn Michael J. Fox he is gonna have MS so he better fund a cure.


Parkinson's, not MS.

//mom has had Parkinsons for 7+ years, it is horrible.
//MS too
//hope they find a cure for both
 
2012-07-14 06:47:08 AM
Definitely would've worn a rubber!
 
2012-07-14 06:48:35 AM
Have Hitler take up the clarinet instead.
 
2012-07-14 06:50:53 AM

3rotor: ), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner,


Even better, keep the Allies from imposing the insanely draconian sanctions on Germany after WW1. Without them, Germany doesn't get hyper inflation and an economy in the shiatter and a bunch of other problems, that Hitler came to power on by promising to fix them and blaming the Jews for them. Sure if you change the path of Hitler's life you stop what he did, but you don't stop Germany from being utterly buttfarked after WW1 which was itself a huge problem. And given how bad things were and previous German history there's little reason to think someone else wouldn't have shown up who'd have been no more desirable than Hitler. One could argue that if Germany hadn't be so screwed by sanctions there'd never be any way for Hitler to have come to power since the conditions he relied on to come to power wouldn't have existed.
 
2012-07-14 06:51:30 AM
I'd go back and fix the typo in the headline.
 
2012-07-14 06:51:48 AM

we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression Shortage of books and no printing press does that...

 
2012-07-14 06:52:25 AM
Remove Dancing Days from Houses of the Holy - that shiat song had no business being on that album.
 
2012-07-14 07:03:03 AM

angrymacface: I'd stop the two puddles of goo from merging.


upload.wikimedia.org
sees what you did there....
 
2012-07-14 07:04:45 AM
For me personally it would be to not drink and drive.
 
2012-07-14 07:04:50 AM
I'd go to June 28th, 1914 and bring the arch duke a ballistic vest.
 
2012-07-14 07:09:36 AM

WhyteRaven74: haemaker: I'd give Hero of Alexandria a steam engine.

He already had one. Actually he made several from the few accounts we have of his work. And he not only understood how to use increasing pressure to push against something, he understood how to use decreasing pressure to pull something. The man was only about 1600 years ahead of his time.

Tyrion's Favorite Wench: To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

Funny thing about that, there were three libraries in Alexandria, the Royal Library aka the Ancient Library aka the Great Library, the library of the Serapium temple and the library of the Cesarion temple. And at least the Serapium library was apparently as well stocked as the Royal Library. What's more, the fire in 48 BCE doesn't appear to have touched any of the libraries. The accounts that say a library burned were all written after the fact and by people who weren't even alive at the time let alone there to see for themselves at the time. And on top of it, plenty of other accounts mention the temple complex where the Royal Library was as being as it had always been or being in great shape and make no mention of any sort of damage or rebuilding. Indeed Strabo, the only historian of note who was alive when the fire happened mentions that he went to Alexandria and that he couldn't find a map he'd seen there before, but he says nothing of it being lost in a fire. And indeed he says the Museon which was right next door to the Royal Library as being in good shape, no mention of fire damage to it or next to it or anything. There are further accounts that the Museon never stopped operating. So the fire of 48 BCE, quite certainly didn't destroy the Royal Library. So if you want back to then to save it, well you could get everything there and save it from future loss, but that there's the matter of when the books were lost. There are accounts to suggest that when Aurelian attacked Alexandria in 274 CE there was damage done to a library. And then th ...


I think that instead of going back into to save the Alexandria Library, I'd introduce the printing press instead.

The best way to save a book is to make sure that everybody has a copy.
 
2012-07-14 07:11:40 AM
I would love to go and visit my hobby - The World's Columbian Exposition (Chicago World's Fair of 1893), but I don't know what I would change.
 
2012-07-14 07:12:29 AM
Probably been sorta said already, but...

There was this episode of Doctor Who whose title pretty much sums it up "Let's Kill Hitler!"

Of course, the paradox thingie and all that. Still, it would be interesting to see what the world would be like without Der Fuhrer...
 
2012-07-14 07:17:25 AM
Kill Winston Churchill during the Boer war.
 
2012-07-14 07:19:00 AM
Not taking advantage of a drunk, smoking hot friend of mine when she wanted to fark. Seriously, this chick was supermodel hot and I'll never have a chance of scoring something that sexy again.

:(
 
2012-07-14 07:19:57 AM
I'd go back and convince Eve not to eat the apple. That way we would all be living in a Garden of Eden and everybody would be naked.
 
2012-07-14 07:22:50 AM
The invention of the cell phone

It is early 1970s and Amos E. Joel, Jr., a Bell Labs engineer steps outside the New York office and attempts to make the first self switching cell phone call. Unfortunately, he is struck by a falling window air conditioner. He doesn't die but he gives up the concept of the switching cell phone system and dedicates the rest of his life designing stronger window air conditioner shelves.

It is now 2012 and the biatch in front of me at the light has nothing to distract her from her driving. She doesn't sit through a green light waving her arm, talking on the phone and casually looking around to see why someone is honking.

Oh and then as soon as the light turns red, she takes off nearly causing an accident.
 
2012-07-14 07:24:38 AM
Save Atlantis
 
2012-07-14 07:24:54 AM
"And then the guy said to the priestess - hey, make me King and I'll keep everyone safe. Don't worry, it's just temporary until the invaders go away."
 
2012-07-14 07:26:33 AM

consider this: Not taking advantage of a drunk, smoking hot friend of mine when she wanted to fark. Seriously, this chick was supermodel hot and I'll never have a chance of scoring something that sexy again.

:(


Hey now, you made it to second base with me, so count your blessings.

: )
 
2012-07-14 07:29:11 AM

Kevin72: Smeggy Smurf: I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.

Jacques DeMolay, tempt us not too far! Art thou wholly a fool?


Jacques DeMolay and three of his Preceptors, Guy of Auvergne, Godfrey de Goneville, and Hughes de Peralde, who have been subjected to several previous trials and cast into dungeons because they have defied the commands of the Inquisition, and are now brought hither for judgment.
 
2012-07-14 07:29:57 AM

wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.


Pity we'll never know how many "pagan" books assholes like Savonarola burned.
Church apologists are like a guy who chainsaws all his neighbor's gardens, and then brags about how his petunias are the best...
 
2012-07-14 07:30:46 AM

maram500: Probably been sorta said already, but...

There was this episode of Doctor Who whose title pretty much sums it up "Let's Kill Hitler!"

Of course, the paradox thingie and all that. Still, it would be interesting to see what the world would be like without Der Fuhrer...


Oooohhh! Doctor Who.

Go back with a VCR and a decent television and record the first few seasons for posterity. :D

/ geek
 
2012-07-14 07:30:55 AM
I have to warn everyone about Hitler! And get to the ice cream store!
 
2012-07-14 07:32:18 AM

angrymacface: If I could turn back time....


I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.
 
2012-07-14 07:33:13 AM
there was this hot Italian blond exchange student who told me I had nice hands...nice hands...what a dolt I was...
or I would've been a left handed relief pitcher with a 99 mph cut fastball...
or a field goal kicker...
or, like most of us, simply wished I had used a condom before farking subby's mom so hard that subby was butt-born.
 
2012-07-14 07:34:39 AM

doglover: we'refromthesamestory: doglover: wizden: we'refromthesamestory: wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could actually read and write. It was pretty rare.

Oppression does that...

Goddammit learn to history.

Leave him wizen. The irony of how he clutches at his ignorance with an vice like grip and yet claims to be enlightened is making chuckle. I need a good chuckle.

I've been drinking... am I the he?

If so: PENIS GOES WHAR!?

I'm really getting tired of this. If you didn't mean me, ignore me.

Okay, you're a girl. Whatever. I don't click through profiles, I just use he until otherwise noted.

Basically the Dark Ages are a myth. The order brought by stable government changed, economics rose and fell, but overall there's steady progress in the sciences and arts throughout history. The "Renaissance" wasn't actually much of a leap in anything. It was just the rose bud finally opening after years of the roots and branches growing slow and steady.

And as for literature and literacy, that was an aristocratic art and the main guardians were in fact the monks at monasteries, who spent their lives preserving fragile books by faithfully copying them again and again and again. Without such people, entire epochs would be lost to us.


Rome fell BECAUSE of Christianity. A better virus wouldn't kill the host.
 
2012-07-14 07:37:24 AM

thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.


Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off
 
2012-07-14 07:39:54 AM

WhyteRaven74: 3rotor: ), you just had to go back far enough into time to stop him from getting into a situation with a Shop-owner,

Even better, keep the Allies from imposing the insanely draconian sanctions on Germany after WW1. Without them, Germany doesn't get hyper inflation and an economy in the shiatter and a bunch of other problems, that Hitler came to power on by promising to fix them and blaming the Jews for them. Sure if you change the path of Hitler's life you stop what he did, but you don't stop Germany from being utterly buttfarked after WW1 which was itself a huge problem. And given how bad things were and previous German history there's little reason to think someone else wouldn't have shown up who'd have been no more desirable than Hitler. One could argue that if Germany hadn't be so screwed by sanctions there'd never be any way for Hitler to have come to power since the conditions he relied on to come to power wouldn't have existed.


this post was totally relevant to my interests, so when i went to fave you, i was like "oh, no shiat!!", lolz. we're already frenz on another socnet site - i just dint know yer fark handle.

/SBean!
 
2012-07-14 07:40:45 AM

Grables'Daughter: thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.

Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off


She could have not already tried to start already doing it if she hasn't already (given that there's every possibility she wouldn't have done it when she did), not counting all the facts, which are beginning to look like they're also not split tips (or were).
 
2012-07-14 07:40:56 AM

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


Then who, exactly, would have gotten us through the aftermath of Nixon's disastrous Soviet-style price controls?

The Republicans?
 
2012-07-14 07:42:38 AM
we'refromthesamestory, for what it's worth, I'll somewhat vouch for doglover.

: )
 
2012-07-14 07:43:43 AM

wizden: xanadian: wizden: Oddly it also preserved the written word and eventually.. BAM. Thomas Aquinas.

I get the feeling the written word would've survived just fine without the bible and the church...

The monasteries of the time represented the vast majority of people who could
actually read and write. It was pretty rare.


And try not to confuse rote copying with meaningful reading and writing.
 
2012-07-14 07:46:31 AM

Grables'Daughter: thenewmissus: angrymacface: If I could turn back time....

I would get rid of Cher. And one of my daughter's boyfriend. He's an abusive jerk.

Then she has to get rid of him herself. No one can convince her of that. She has to have enough self-worth to see it herself, and hopefully that time will come when she figures that out.

/not threadjacking, just responding
//topic off


Excuse me ladies, this is the internet. Could you both kindly leave please. Thank you.
 
2012-07-14 07:48:53 AM

PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Oops, try again.


Eh, he might still be on to something. Communism flourished in Russia due to the feudal circumstances propped up by the Orthodox Church, and then spread to a China that had been kept in a similar condition with the help of good Christian opium cartels. Read up on the Opium Wars sometime.
 
2012-07-14 07:49:50 AM
Slavery. In all forms The first person who thought of it would die.

I wouldn't exist (thanks white people) but that's ok. It would be worth it so no child would ever have to be a sex worker, the Hebrews would have been just another people chilling and black folks could just be another skin color.

yeah, I'd end the motherfarker who came up with slavery
 
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