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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 414
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3008 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-14 04:03:08 AM  

xanadian: I thought the bizarre adherence to the alleged dictations of a sky wizard did that.


Is it God or evolution, either way you need the Church:P
 
2012-07-14 04:04:20 AM  

rkane1: Purelilac: Abort my mom.

Not bang Purelilac's grandmother


Or maybe pull out and splooge on her taught, supple belly instead
 
2012-07-14 04:04:30 AM  

Gosling: Yipe. I am so, so sorry. That's just terrible. My absolute deepest sympathies.


Thanks. I probably shouldn't have even posted that. I rarely inject my personal life into an online post. It's just a bad coincidence that I had been thinking along this same subject due to the circumstances. I realize now I probably just crapped the whole thread.
 
2012-07-14 04:05:08 AM  

doglover: Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.

Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.


www.akimbocomics.com

I'm not really sure what your intention was doglover but that really sounded insensitive. I suppose you didn't post the 'Welcome to Fark' image for Do the needful, so you get some credit for not going overboard.
 
2012-07-14 04:06:05 AM  
4.bp.blogspot.com

/oblig
 
2012-07-14 04:07:06 AM  

Nadie_AZ: The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...


Yah, we'd simply remember Freddie Kahn instead. While there is a certain amount to be said for individual initiative, history is made by being the right person in the right place, at the right time. And there are always a lot of candidates for the right person. Particularly conquerors.
 
2012-07-14 04:07:52 AM  
As for me... I'd arrange to be born to rich parents.
 
2012-07-14 04:10:00 AM  
a to do list:

one less Godfather movie
one less Indiana Jones movie
multi-season Firefly where Wash and Zoe eventually settle down on a land Wash shall call: 'This Land'.
Fred lives - damn it. (Angel).

Release a 'thought' pathogen that gives ass cancer to anyone who thinks reality tv is a great idea.
 
2012-07-14 04:11:18 AM  
Completely destroy the American South. I'm sick to death of hearing about how the War of Northern Aggression was never finished, but only on hiatus.
 
2012-07-14 04:13:47 AM  

Smeggy Smurf: I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.


Jacques DeMolay, tempt us not too far! Art thou wholly a fool?
 
2012-07-14 04:14:04 AM  

Do the needful: Thanks. I probably shouldn't have even posted that. I rarely inject my personal life into an online post. It's just a bad coincidence that I had been thinking along this same subject due to the circumstances. I realize now I probably just crapped the whole thread.


I think you made it more human, less Fark. It is appreciated that you posted that. It came from an honest place. Please try not to regret the post at least. Anyways, I know you don't need advice from strangers, but I feel compelled to speak up.
 
2012-07-14 04:14:59 AM  
If we are talking what I'd do for myself personally. Hmm, I'd of taken school more seriously and gotten more out of high school. I'd of slapped the shiat out of myself and told younger me to grow up.

If we are talking bigger picture meanwhile, I'd fark your mom. All of them.
 
2012-07-14 04:16:36 AM  
"Hey, you're the ones writing Star Trek: X. Here's the finished version. Watch it and keep it as a reminder of what not to do when writing a better movie. And if you don't believe me, this movie was beaten it's opening weekend by a Jennifer Lopez movie."

"Hey George Lucas. That Episode 1 you're writing. Here it is, finished, from the future. Also, here is a guy named Plinket, he reviewed this movie in huge detail. Watch Episode 1, watch the Plinket review, TAKE NOTES, and listen to Plinket."

"Hey, I know you're wanting two more Matrix movies, but...no. Just no."

"Hey, Stephanie, let me help you get that Twilight manuscript to the publisher..." shoots her in the face, whites out her name, puts me name in it's place. "Hello 18 y.o. chicks with no life and MILFy Cougars!!!!"
 
2012-07-14 04:17:55 AM  
I'd inspire a Fifth Crusade, only both sides would have to fight with Nerf weapons.
 
2012-07-14 04:20:05 AM  
I'd either go back to eight grade and tell Jennifer how I felt about her.

Or I'd stop my wedding and let myself know about the girl I met back in October...
 
2012-07-14 04:23:21 AM  
Reverse 80's fashion
i242.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-14 04:24:00 AM  
Identical sextuplet Benjamin Franklins
 
2012-07-14 04:25:24 AM  
C-3PO: A golden, 24' tall robotic dinosaur covered in laser cannons, missile launchers, not gay or annoying
R2-D2: Female android, mostly naked, rides on top of C-3PO, chained around her neck to the neck of C-3PO.
Darth Vader: WAS NEVER called Annie in his life. Originally, before Darth Vader, he was named William.
 
2012-07-14 04:26:51 AM  

Ooba Tooba: Doglover is one of the good farkers, and smart.


No. No, he is not.
 
2012-07-14 04:26:53 AM  
I wouldn't change a thing. My life isn't the easiest life, it certainly isn't the hardest, but it's my life and I like it how it is.
 
2012-07-14 04:28:38 AM  
Write the Bible and include the page in front that explains that all the characters are fictional, and that any resemblance to real people is purely coincidental.
 
2012-07-14 04:30:25 AM  
I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.
 
2012-07-14 04:31:08 AM  
"And as a way of saying thank you
They offered to transport me back to
Any point in history that I would care to go

And so I had them send me back to last Thursday night
So I could pay my phone bill on time"

//Not obscure
 
2012-07-14 04:31:44 AM  
I'd give Hero of Alexandria a steam engine.

Imagine where we would be if the industrial revolution occurred in 100AD.
 
2012-07-14 04:33:41 AM  
3:30 a.m. where I R @. Drunky big-big so whole thread tl;dr so might be repeating, but that won't stop me from sharing my two cents:

Stop the library in Alexandria from being torched.

One and done. G'night bishes.
 
2012-07-14 04:38:42 AM  
I'd have given John Hinckley a .50 cal Deagle and shooting lessons.
 
2012-07-14 04:40:52 AM  
eastchestermiddlehighschoollib.wikispaces.com
 
2012-07-14 04:43:04 AM  
I'd convince Pilate to let Jesus go free.
 
2012-07-14 04:43:05 AM  

jso2897: I'd have given John Hinckley a .50 cal Deagle and shooting lessons.


Threats against the president are felonies, my man. Sure, you are threatening a dead president, but you are threatening a dead president in a time frame in which he was alive.

Might want to be careful with these threats.
 
2012-07-14 04:51:02 AM  
I'd stop the big bang.

Not only would it make my day, but I would have stopped ALL of the genocides!
 
2012-07-14 04:51:16 AM  
Stop the burning of the library at Alexandria. We'd have had a man on the moon by 1000 AD [or at least the movie technology to fake it ;) ]
 
2012-07-14 04:56:12 AM  
Be more adamant about my deceased girlfriend not wearing her seatbelt, and preventing her being thrown from her SUV.
 
2012-07-14 04:57:16 AM  

Great Janitor: "Hey, you're the ones writing Star Trek: X. Here's the finished version. Watch it and keep it as a reminder of what not to do when writing a better movie. And if you don't believe me, this movie was beaten it's opening weekend by a Jennifer Lopez movie."

"Hey George Lucas. That Episode 1 you're writing. Here it is, finished, from the future. Also, here is a guy named Plinket, he reviewed this movie in huge detail. Watch Episode 1, watch the Plinket review, TAKE NOTES, and listen to Plinket."

"Hey, I know you're wanting two more Matrix movies, but...no. Just no."

"Hey, Stephanie, let me help you get that Twilight manuscript to the publisher..." shoots her in the face, whites out her name, puts me name in it's place. "Hello 18 y.o. chicks with no life and MILFy Cougars!!!!"


All those things except exchange Star Trek X for Star Trek 2009. Then it would be perfect. At least for me, I'm perfectly aware people loved that movie. Your comment about Twilight was fantastic.
 
2012-07-14 04:57:52 AM  
Go back in time, and play with Annette Funicello's breasts.
 
2012-07-14 05:06:25 AM  
I'd want to save the Library of Alexandria. If not the building itself, then somehow it's contents.

I started watching Carl Sagan's Cosmos last night and it broke my heart watching that first episode where he talks about the vast amazing amounts of knowledge and progress lost to humanity because of the fire that consumed that building. So much that we knew about the world, universe, and ourselves THEN and could have carried on for generations were lost and we didn't gain such knowledge back for at least a thousand years. Who knows how different the world be? It would truly be a much more vibrant and understanding one. Or at least that's my hope.

I'm honestly really curious what all those other Aristophanes plays were about. That dude had serious style.
 
2012-07-14 05:08:48 AM  

Gosling: I have a gun, you have a time machine, let's kill Hitler.


At 14:57:44, SilverFox316 wrote:
Back from 1936 Berlin; incapacitated FreedomFighter69 before he could pull his little stunt. Freedomfighter69, as you are a new member, please read IATT Bulletin 1147 regarding the killing of Hitler before your next excursion. Failure to do so may result in your expulsion per Bylaw 223.

At 18:06:59, BigChill wrote:
Take it easy on the kid, SilverFox316; everybody kills Hitler on their first trip. I did. It always gets fixed within a few minutes, what's the harm?



11/21/2104
At 02:21:30, SneakyPete wrote:
Vienna, 1907: after numerous attempts, have infiltrated the Academy of Fine Arts and facilitated Adolf Hitler's admission to that institution. Goodbye, Hitler the dictator; hello, Hitler the modestly successful landscape artist! Brought back a few of his paintings as well, any buyers?

At 02:29:17, SilverFox316 wrote:
All right; that's it. Having just returned from 1907 Vienna where I secured the expulsion of Hitler from the Academy by means of an elaborate prank involving the Prefect, a goat, and a substantial quantity of olive oil, I now turn my attention to our newer brethren, who, despite rules to the contrary, seem to have no intention of reading Bulletin 1147 (nor its Addendum, Alternate Means of Subverting the Hitlerian Destiny, and here I'm looking at you, SneakyPete). Permit me to sum it up and save you the trouble: no Hitler means no Third Reich, no World War II, no rocketry programs, no electronics, no computers, no time travel. Get the picture?
 
2012-07-14 05:11:38 AM  
I would change history so that Tesla would have been properly funded, instead of getting properly shafted by his financiers.

I personally think that when JPM shot Tesla down, that THAT was one of the most single, destructive decisions ever wrought upon humanity. That's, just, like, my opinion man.
 
2012-07-14 05:11:56 AM  
I don't see how it's possible. Suppose I go back to prevent a diaster from happening. It seems like once I prevent that disaster from happening, then of course it doesn't happen. If it doesn't happen, what reason would I have to go back in time to start with?
 
2012-07-14 05:13:46 AM  
Would have banged that junior varsity cheerleader when I had the chance.....dammit.

Things needed for the trip back.

alcohol
condoms
confidence
 
2012-07-14 05:16:03 AM  
prevent obama being born
 
2012-07-14 05:24:48 AM  

Fish_Fight!: prevent obama being born


Obama has his own time machine. He might prevent you from being born.
 
2012-07-14 05:29:29 AM  
If I couldn't not change the things which weren't not changed before they could have or couldn't not happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that isn't not why it's not picking the tips but sure is not.

You wouldn't not do the same difference. The tips on the first hand however were the same.
 
2012-07-14 05:34:14 AM  

paulseta: If I couldn't not change the things which weren't not changed before they could have or couldn't not happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that isn't not why it's not picking the tips but sure is not.

You wouldn't not do the same difference. The tips on the first hand however were the same.


Hmmm. I'll try and translate this from the double negatives. "If I could change the things which were changed before they could have or could happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that is why it's not picking the tips but sure is not."

I think you must have Babelfished this or something because that really, really doesn't read like native English.
 
2012-07-14 05:48:36 AM  
I would write a detailed narrative of my own life up to this point along with noteworthy historical and financial events, then I'd deliver it to my younger self.
 
2012-07-14 05:50:00 AM  
I'd imagine a lot of people would choose to put a bullet between a young Hitler's eyes, but me? I'd stop the Library of Alexandria from being burned to ground and the loss of so much irreplacable ancient world technology and writings.
 
2012-07-14 05:57:31 AM  

Acharne: paulseta: If I couldn't not change the things which weren't not changed before they could have or couldn't not happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that isn't not why it's not picking the tips but sure is not.

You wouldn't not do the same difference. The tips on the first hand however were the same.

Hmmm. I'll try and translate this from the double negatives. "If I could change the things which were changed before they could have or could happen, then I was changed the tips to make both different same ones especially the other tops - that is why it's not picking the tips but sure is not."

I think you must have Babelfished this or something because that really, really doesn't read like native English.


What part of not doing the same difference wouldn't you not do given that there isn't the given that the tips on the first hand were the same: even if they weren't not? That was surely going to worry for them.
 
2012-07-14 05:58:53 AM  

To all you people that want to save the Alexandria Library,

I farking love you!


That's been my dream since I was like 10 years old and first learned of the tragedy. I remember this "if you went back in time, what would you change?" topic coming up a lot as a kid and near every kid always said they'd kill Hitler. But everyone looked at me like a farting mime dressed as a clown every time I mentioned this. Thank you all for once again making me believe I'm not so very alone in my wishes, fancies, hopes and dreams after all!
 
2012-07-14 06:03:14 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: I'd go back to around 100 A.D. and give the Romans steam power. It would spark an industrial revolution that would hopefully turn back the dark ages.


Heron of Alexandria figured out steam power a few decades before then. Thing is for the Romans with their abundant cheap labor, to say nothing of slave labor, there was no reason to find cheaper faster ways to do things. A couple centuries earlier Archimedes figured out integration, but no one had a clue as to what to do it or even really what it was getting at, so it was about 1800 years before anyone got back to it, and had to actually figure it out all over again.
 
2012-07-14 06:03:52 AM  
Watch them build the pyramids in Egypt.Then fly around on a magic carpet.
 
2012-07-14 06:05:25 AM  
I have no idea how I'd accomplish this, so a time machine wouldn't do me much good, but ... I'd go back to about 1900, and try to get all humans da fuq out of central Africa. Just leave it to the apes and monkeys. Leave that fetid incubator of viruses like Ebola and HIV to fester in peace. Build no highways into it, develop no farms, mine no minerals. Leave it alone. I'd even suggest napalming and/or Agent Orange'ing it into oblivion, except that would probably do evil things to the world's oxygen supply, as well as Africa's environment. No AIDS, no interesting little puzzles for epidemiologists to solve that simultaneously kill millions, including two close friends of mine. Honestly, I'm not sure if barring humans from central/equatorial Africa would work as a disease suppressant, but I'd be willing to try.

And yes, I realize that half of Africa's problems are the result of outsiders attempting to impose their will on its inhabitants, through the slave trade, through colonization, and through the manipulation of governments. I don't claim to be a genius. I'm sure that anything I could attempt would have some terrible unforeseen consequence. But is there any way, any way at all, to nip HIV/AIDS in the bud before it comes roaring through humanity?

And if I can't have that, well ... I'd go to 1950s San Bernardino, CA, to Mitla Cafe. I'd enjoy a lovely dish of tacos al pastor, and then I'd cross the street to Bell's Hamburgers and shoot Glenn Bell, founder of Taco Bell and thief (and subsequent bastardizer) of Mitla Cafe's recipes. "Created Mexican fast food," my ass.
 
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