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(Fark)   If you could go back in time and change any one thing in history, what would it be?   (fark.com) divider line 414
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3008 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Jul 2012 at 3:10 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-14 12:58:14 AM  
Wear a condom while farking subbie's mom.
 
2012-07-14 01:46:27 AM  

diaphoresis: I would have killed Jimmy Carter when he was a teenager.


Wow. Managed to win both the "Most trailer trash comment" and "Trolololiest Troll of the Day" medals in one sentence. Kudos.
 
2012-07-14 02:01:13 AM  
I would tell my mom she was about to get cancer and should get checked at least monthly.
 
2012-07-14 02:22:51 AM  
cdn.twentytwowords.com
 
2012-07-14 02:49:02 AM  
Go back to the day before Jesus gets arrested and tell him to run for the hills!
 
2012-07-14 02:57:25 AM  

wizden: I f*cking love cocaine.


Actual photo of wizden:

i1222.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-14 03:03:10 AM  

namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.


Oops, try again.
 
2012-07-14 03:03:20 AM  

PacManDreaming: wizden: I f*cking love cocaine.

Actual photo of wizden:

[i1222.photobucket.com image 328x257]


img.ponibooru.org
 
2012-07-14 03:06:41 AM  
media.tumblr.com
 
2012-07-14 03:07:30 AM  

namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.


Thank you, Mario, but your fallacy is in another castle.
 
2012-07-14 03:08:02 AM  
images.t-nation.com
 
2012-07-14 03:11:23 AM  
Choose the other one instead of the psycho hosebeast that became my ex-wife.
 
2012-07-14 03:11:35 AM  
i would change nothing
 
2012-07-14 03:12:17 AM  

PacManDreaming: namatad: Kill Abraham and end the 3 religions before they even start.
TADA
No more genocides.

Thank you, Mario, but your fallacy is in another castle.


You must an out and out idiot if you think religion causes genocide. Why bother trying to educate them? You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it think.

Let's make this a happy thread for silly image macros,
 
2012-07-14 03:14:28 AM  
I would have nutted in Lisa's mouth
 
2012-07-14 03:15:47 AM  

Ooba Tooba: The one single solitary night i said i wouldn't go out, he took too much and died, leaving a wife, and 2yr old twin girls, and a distraught best friend. Had i went, i would have told him to slow down, and he would still be here. Had plans to raise our girls together. Beers, barbeque. Shot to shiat. Pills alcohol and coke do not a good mix make.


I'd tell my mom the cancer would come back and to get checked out at least six months before we found out it came back - and insist on a second/third/fourth opinion if they didn't believe her.
 
2012-07-14 03:16:53 AM  

Nadie_AZ: The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...


That's a good one.
 
2012-07-14 03:17:19 AM  
What good would it do, if you went back in time and changed something, some other idiot would inevitably go back and change it back or change something else that would screw up what you did anyway.
 
2012-07-14 03:20:06 AM  
imgs.xkcd.com

If you wanted steampunk and we were cleared to drop off a book I think my 1915 copy of Kent's Mechanical Engineering handbook is just low tech enough to put in the hands of a James Watt and get some results.

Yes, I really do own engineering handbooks that would feel comfortable in the Victorian era.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:30 AM  
Free condoms for Ronald Reagan's mom.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:33 AM  
The Spanish Inquisition. I would have had people expect it.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:40 AM  
I'd help Jacques DeMolay escape capture and help him kill King Phillip IV.

Either that or assassinate Saladin before he could rape his first young boy.
 
2012-07-14 03:21:45 AM  

Nadie_AZ: The most impacting thing? One thing? Kill Genghis Kahn when he was a boy who had just been abandoned by his family. That'd change things ...


Not really there's a good chance you wouldn't be born and wouldn't be around to go back in time and change history.
 
2012-07-14 03:22:37 AM  
I'd shoot Mitochondrial Eve before she had any kids just see how much of Space-Time ends up imploding.
 
2012-07-14 03:22:49 AM  
No, I wouldn't change the progression of civilization, it is what it is. I'm too much of a believer in Determinism and Lorentz to think that you could safely excise or affect any history.

I never would've started working graveyard shifts. The relationship that got me to start was not worth it, and I was young, dumb, and horny.
 
2012-07-14 03:23:56 AM  
I wouldn't have walked barefoot this afternoon for a mile on a rough track around a football field. Parts of my feet are now kind of shredded.

I would have also permanently disabled John Wilkes Booth before he shot the president.
 
2012-07-14 03:23:56 AM  

angrymacface: I'd stop the two puddles of goo from merging.


tng.trekcore.com
 
2012-07-14 03:24:28 AM  
I thought about this for quite a while and have decided the best choice is that George Lucas would be hit by a bus after Empire Strikes Back was released.
 
2012-07-14 03:25:58 AM  
Kill the emerging homo sapiens.
 
2012-07-14 03:29:09 AM  
I'd go back in time and give Prescott Bush sterilization drugs.
 
eon
2012-07-14 03:29:13 AM  
Kill / incapacitate Edison so Tesla would have been able to get even more cool shiat done and not die a pauper.
 
2012-07-14 03:37:53 AM  
Prevent the publication of Ghazali's "The Incoherence of the Philosophers" which led to the closing of the ijtihad and the end of the Islamic golden age. Without this regression into anti-intellectualism, the Middle East would have grown alongside Europe into a group of modern secular democratic states.
 
2012-07-14 03:38:21 AM  
I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.
 
2012-07-14 03:39:08 AM  

xanadian: Anita Bryant would've been strung up from the nearest tree. Her and Falwell. People like that have hijacked the everloving shiat out of the Republican Party, and America in general.


Fark you Farktard, libtard, gaysexual humpin' sunsabiatches. Anita was hot, so I would go back in time, and fark the shait out of that freaky pooper.
 
2012-07-14 03:41:43 AM  

middleoftheday: wizden: I imagine stopping the plague and the dark ages would profoundly affect where we are now.

I dunno... maybe without the cultural control aspects of the Dark Ages, we'd all be f*cking turtles by now.


We're not supposed to fark turtles? I didn't get that memo.
 
2012-07-14 03:43:57 AM  
I'd have invested in Apple.
 
2012-07-14 03:45:56 AM  
Stop Constantine from converting!
 
2012-07-14 03:46:39 AM  
I have a gun, you have a time machine, let's kill Hitler.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:18 AM  
I would go back to 1990 and take pictures of Glenn Beck doing that thing to that girl.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:49 AM  
made Steve Jobs allow open access to his code so others could write spftware that ran on Macs and the PC would not dominate the market; either that, or stopped the time wasting internet from being invented.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:58 AM  

Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Or I would have not invited my Dad out to dinner the night his father passed away. Instead of him stopping to see Grandpa, I invited Dad out to eat. The plan was to pick grandpa up from the physical rehab center and take him to his home the next morning. Little did any of us know that night would be his last. I feel guilty as hell since my Dad didn't get to say goodbye that one last time. In fact I would probably go back and tell all of my deceased loved ones how much they meant to me one last time. I know that isn't changing one thing in history, but hell if I had that kind of power I might as well abuse it.

/I am not really fun at parties lately.


Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.
 
2012-07-14 03:47:59 AM  
I'd shoot JFK from the grassy knoll for the LOLs.

Commission a young German painter to do lots of works all around the world.

Deposit a breeding population of horses in North America circa 5000BC.

Artificially impregnate every virgin named Mary in that region around that time. Using the sperm of Wilt Chamberlain.

Introduce the idea of movable type at the Library of Alexandria 100BC. And coptic binding.

And while we're at it, could we just go back and grab a pack of wooly mammoths.
 
2012-07-14 03:49:08 AM  
(peers through thread)

Seriously? 142 comments and I had to make the Hitler joke myself?
 
2012-07-14 03:50:06 AM  
Go back to 1999 and tell myself the girl that wants me to nail her in the ass has diarrhea. I just want the nightmares to stop.
 
2012-07-14 03:52:52 AM  

doglover: Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.


It's only been a week... I am sure I will be my old crusty self at some point.
 
2012-07-14 03:53:16 AM  
Saul of Tarsus.

No, you don't know me. The locals said you come here a lot. Going on a road trip south I hear.

Yeah, I'm going that way too, as it happens. Why don't we travel together, you and I? Did you know there's safety in numbers? There's lots of danger on the road these days. I'll keep first watch.

You can thank me later. Everyone else will.
 
2012-07-14 03:56:18 AM  

Do the needful: doglover: Do the needful: I would use my one chance to save my granddaughter.

Get out of the past, man. People die. Sometimes unexpectedly. Yesterday's gone. Tomorrow's never coming. Life is for today.

It's only been a week... I am sure I will be my old crusty self at some point.


Yipe. I am so, so sorry. That's just terrible. My absolute deepest sympathies.
 
2012-07-14 03:58:54 AM  
Settle a bet I have going with myself that dinosaur meat tastes like chicken.
 
2012-07-14 04:01:55 AM  

Purelilac: Abort my mom.


Not bang Purelilac's grandmother
 
2012-07-14 04:03:03 AM  
No mentions of stopping a zombie Jesus?
 
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