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(WTKR)   Pentagon looks for ways to honor drone pilots, besides a 1-UP   ( divider line
    More: Interesting, combat operations, honor drone  
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3093 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jul 2012 at 10:23 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-07-13 11:05:35 AM  
3 votes:
Lt. Col Harry "Hard Ass" Bomblaster groaned. The pin head flight crew of his drone did not install his seat cushion. He had clearly requested it in his pre-flight check list. It would be a tough flight today.

Harry sat down and tried to get comfortable but his butt cheeks quickly warmed. He would be very uncomfortable. He began his preflight checklist. His Throttle Control was sticky. Captain James "Slouchy" Fennermaker was probably the last pilot here. He alway flew with a couple of donuts and the controls were covered in sugar glaze. Harry looked up at the big sign he had installed. "Please wipe down the equipment Post Flight!". "Kids these days," he thought to himself. "They never read."

Continuing with his preflight, he was dismayed to find the cup holder had been given a red X. Someone had tried to put their 64 oz Sooper Slurper in it and it broke. Normally, that would keep this control system from being operational but every system was being used these days. A technician taped it closed with 100 mile an hour tape. A few years ago, there would have been three new cup holders installed to replace it. "Thanks a lot, Obama." Harry muttered.

Pre flight done and the drone powered up, Harry began the flight. Trouble started almost immediately. Someone had touched the screen. There was a big finger print right on the horizon and Harry tried to avoid what he thought was an approaching plane several times. His butt continued to bother him. The burning was now getting itchy. How hard could it be to get a simple cushion installed?

As his drone flew over central Afghanistan looking for Taliban Weddings to bomb, Harry tried to clean the controls and get some of the donut glaze off the primary systems. It proved to be impossible and dangerous. As he picked off a piece of crusty sugar, he nearly dumped his weapons stores. If all his missiles, bombs and guns had fallen off, what would he drop on the Taliban bride and groom?

Halfway through the mission, the fan quit. Not the fan that blew air across the top of the room, but the little fan that kept he feet cool. Harry almost bailed out of the simulator. Harry was now solely dependent on the room's air conditioning. If that quit, god help him.

The entire mission was a disaster. Harry only found and bombed seven suspected Taliban weddings that day. His butt developed a rash but he had already received a Purple Heart for a Butt rash in theater so he couldn't apply for another P Heart. He landed his drone and shut down the system muttering that he could not serve his country to his best under these conditions.

He left the system and went to the Commanding Officer to complain about the conditions in which he flew. The CO listened patiently to Harry and suggested Harry should transfer to the C-130s. The Eastern European Whisper Jets were always looking for warfighters. Maybe a year in the sandbox dumping MREs out the back would make Harry appreciate his current job.

Harry stormed out of the CO's office. That chair jockey had no idea what Harry did in the service of his country! He went back to his desk, put himself in for a Silver Star. After all, he spent the day facing down an 'unseen enemy'. They'd probably kick it down to a Bronze again but it was better than nothing. Harry submitted the FormFlow file for his award. "Sheesh! He had to do everything today. What kind of war was this?
2012-07-13 10:57:27 AM  
3 votes:
i.imgur.comView Full Size
2012-07-13 10:37:59 AM  
3 votes:
If they do a good job, they can enter their initials into the Hall of Fame.
2012-07-13 10:51:50 AM  
2 votes:
Do they not already have a campaign ribbon to celebrate being inducted into the The Order of The Hemorrhoid?
2012-07-13 10:33:29 AM  
2 votes:
drone pilots significantly and directly impact combat operations.

It's their job - why do they need a medal? They also get flight pay although the only time they get off the ground is skipping out to their cars after quitting time.
2012-07-13 10:31:45 AM  
2 votes:
Have they thought of medals? Some countries reward their military members with colorful ribbons with coin sized metal ornaments they allow their members to wear on their uniforms. They often will go out of their way to collect as many of these as they can. This is analogous to certain birds that gather shiny objects to ornament their nests.
2012-07-13 11:14:29 AM  
1 vote:

What kind of medal do you give a desk jockey that kills people and breaks things in support of the war effort but is not himself in any danger?

The White House?
2012-07-13 11:13:19 AM  
1 vote:
Medals to be virtually lobbed onto wrong chests from air-conditioned trailers in U.S
2012-07-13 10:58:41 AM  
1 vote:
I've played this game. They awarded me with a harrier call in, and some AC 130 control. It was pretty sweet.
2012-07-13 10:51:26 AM  
1 vote:
A twelve pack of Code Red and Family size bag of Cheeto's?
2012-07-13 10:49:08 AM  
1 vote:
Howabout a disappointing scroll that credits each engineer and designer behind the making of that particular model of drone?
2012-07-13 10:33:37 AM  
1 vote:
Give them a free premium account, or at least queue priority.
2012-07-13 10:31:05 AM  
1 vote:
demotivationalposters.orgView Full Size
2012-07-13 10:30:41 AM  
1 vote:

Just come out in the OPEN!
2012-07-13 10:27:30 AM  
1 vote:
Achievement Unlocked
2012-07-13 10:26:50 AM  
1 vote:
As long as we dock bonus points from their score for civilian deaths, I dont see the issue.
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