FARK.com: Blog (Unfreakable): Better late than never: Fark's Headlines of the Week for 7/1

Better late than never: Fark's Headlines of the Week for 7/1 - 7/7
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-07-12 6:41:33 PM (14 comments) | Permalink

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Way late this week, totally spaced it after Monday. Here you go.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-07-01 to Sat 2012-07-07:

President declares Ohio and West Virginia to be disaster areas. Oh, and they're suffering from widespread power outages, as well

Anderson Cooper comes out in favor of individual man date

27,000 undiagnosed cases of dementia estimated in Wales, as no one can tell the difference between demented babbling and the local accent

IKEA criticized for clear-cutting Russian old-growth forests. I didn't even know Russia had particleboard trees

Man survives harrowing ordeal after getting lost in the Ontario wilderness. For 15 HOURS he subsisted on nothing but fresh water and a warm fire. FIFTEEN HOURS

Conga protest leaves two dead, future in limbo

Mountain hiker, a stranger to Switzerland, raises alarm and is found by police after five fellow hikers fell to their deaths. Now do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?

Fireworks explode while man attempts to light homemade cannon. "It's no big deal" he said offhandedly

Hey, does anybody want to try a bite of this new environmentally friendly snack bar made from insects? Anybody? *crickets*

Vapors blamed for man's death--but only after the apothecary ruled out consumption, ague, scrivener's palsy, lumbago, the French pox, scrofula, dropsy, mortification, and impetigo

Bomb found at golf course. No word on whether it was shaped like the harmless squirrel or the friendly rabbit

Sports:

Ray Allen replaces George Zimmerman as deadliest shooter in Florida

Sagan wins Tour de France's 6th stage, wants to see you learn

Bad news Vikings fans; Adrian Peterson was arrested. Good news Vikings fans: It took multiple cops to tackle him

Geek:

Scientists now say what you see as blue, I might see as red... Can I buy some pot from you?

Sugar, used in fermenting alcohol, can now be used to grow artificial livers. And the cycle is complete

Mozilla gives up on Thunderbird, decides to give MD 20/20 a try

Entertainment:

Tom Cruise once again using the same lawyer he has for his previous divorces, mostly to get another punch on his loyalty card so the next one will be free

Five wrappers you should be listening to right now. Yeah, the correct term is rappers, but these five are recycled, paper thin and disposable

31 years later, Natalie Wood's death certificate now changed from 'accident' to 'undetermined'. C'mon, now they're really going overboard

Politics:

Gov. Christie calls reporter "stupid" for asking inconvenient questions, feeds him to the Rancor

Obamas skip summer vacation this year, singlehandedly saving taxpayers billions

Romney describes lemonade: "Lemon. Wet. Good." The Onion: "Oh COME ON"

Business:

GM to decide on new Facebook business partnership, immediately updates its relationship status to "It's complicated"

Alec Baldwin gives New York Philharmonic $1 million gift to promote more sax and violins

Sales miss Target

· · ·

(view entire blog)

14 Comments (+0 »)

Unfreakable		2012-07-12 06:42:40 PM

I blame copious amounts of alcohol

martissimo		2012-07-12 06:46:39 PM

Unfreakable: I blame copious amounts of alcohol

I hear ya, do love the "man date" one though

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener		2012-07-12 06:49:11 PM

Bad news Vikings fans; Adrian Peterson was arrested. Good news Vikings fans: It took multiple cops to tackle him

LOVED IT.

DORMAMU		2012-07-12 06:51:51 PM

I do honestly feel for those at the onion. After this election, how are they gonna spoof real lufe politically?

Can it even be done?

NateAsbestos		2012-07-12 06:59:44 PM

Oh come on, the "wrappers" one was awful

NateAsbestos		2012-07-12 07:00:24 PM

DORMAMU: I do honestly feel for those at the onion. After this election, how are they gonna spoof real lufe politically?

Can it even be done?

Spoof real lufe... My brain refuses to process this phrase

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener		2012-07-12 07:02:39 PM

NateAsbestos: Oh come on, the "wrappers" one was awful

Not a fan of that one, either.

WhoIsWillo		2012-07-12 07:36:22 PM

martissimo: I hear ya, do love the "man date" one though

Thanks! :D

xant		2012-07-12 07:50:35 PM

I didn't need to read any further than "Individual man date" to know that no other headline in this list was going to match that level of wit.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener		2012-07-12 08:07:56 PM

WhoIsWillo: martissimo: I hear ya, do love the "man date" one though

Thanks! :D

That was yours? Congratulations! :D

WhoIsWillo		2012-07-12 08:11:19 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: That was yours? Congratulations! :D

Thanks, TMLO. I'm closing in on the Top 100 alltime submitters list, which means I need to get a life one of these days.

NateAsbestos		2012-07-12 08:12:59 PM

WhoIsWillo: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: That was yours? Congratulations! :D

Thanks, TMLO. I'm closing in on the Top 100 alltime submitters list, which means I need to get a life one of these days.

Nicely done! I'm still holding steady at 0 approved links.

/farking liters

Representative of the unwashed masses		2012-07-12 11:53:21 PM

Sweet this is the second time one of my headlines made the cut...

15 Hours!

Myria		2012-07-13 12:12:36 AM

The "man date" blows all the others here out of the water.

/Still sad that "that's amoeba" from the previous week didn't make that week's cut... =(

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