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Better late than never: Fark's Headlines of the Week for 7/1 - 7/7
Posted by Unfreakable at 2012-07-12 6:41:33 PM (14 comments) | Permalink
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1582 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2012 at 6:41 PM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Way late this week, totally spaced it after Monday. Here you go.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2012-07-01 to Sat 2012-07-07:

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  President declares Ohio and West Virginia to be disaster areas. Oh, and they're suffering from widespread power outages, as well    
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  Anderson Cooper comes out in favor of individual man date    
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  27,000 undiagnosed cases of dementia estimated in Wales, as no one can tell the difference between demented babbling and the local accent    
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  IKEA criticized for clear-cutting Russian old-growth forests. I didn't even know Russia had particleboard trees    
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  Man survives harrowing ordeal after getting lost in the Ontario wilderness. For 15 HOURS he subsisted on nothing but fresh water and a warm fire. FIFTEEN HOURS    
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  Conga protest leaves two dead, future in limbo    
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  Mountain hiker, a stranger to Switzerland, raises alarm and is found by police after five fellow hikers fell to their deaths. Now do you see what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps?    
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  Fireworks explode while man attempts to light homemade cannon. "It's no big deal" he said offhandedly    
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  Hey, does anybody want to try a bite of this new environmentally friendly snack bar made from insects? Anybody? *crickets*    
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  Vapors blamed for man's death--but only after the apothecary ruled out consumption, ague, scrivener's palsy, lumbago, the French pox, scrofula, dropsy, mortification, and impetigo    
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  Bomb found at golf course. No word on whether it was shaped like the harmless squirrel or the friendly rabbit    
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Sports:

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  Ray Allen replaces George Zimmerman as deadliest shooter in Florida    
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  Sagan wins Tour de France's 6th stage, wants to see you learn    
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  Bad news Vikings fans; Adrian Peterson was arrested. Good news Vikings fans: It took multiple cops to tackle him    
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Geek:

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  Scientists now say what you see as blue, I might see as red... Can I buy some pot from you?    
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  Sugar, used in fermenting alcohol, can now be used to grow artificial livers. And the cycle is complete    
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  Mozilla gives up on Thunderbird, decides to give MD 20/20 a try    
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Entertainment:

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  Tom Cruise once again using the same lawyer he has for his previous divorces, mostly to get another punch on his loyalty card so the next one will be free    
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  Five wrappers you should be listening to right now. Yeah, the correct term is rappers, but these five are recycled, paper thin and disposable    
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  31 years later, Natalie Wood's death certificate now changed from 'accident' to 'undetermined'. C'mon, now they're really going overboard    
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Politics:

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  Gov. Christie calls reporter "stupid" for asking inconvenient questions, feeds him to the Rancor    
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  Obamas skip summer vacation this year, singlehandedly saving taxpayers billions    
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  Romney describes lemonade: "Lemon. Wet. Good." The Onion: "Oh COME ON"    
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Business:

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  GM to decide on new Facebook business partnership, immediately updates its relationship status to "It's complicated"    
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  Alec Baldwin gives New York Philharmonic $1 million gift to promote more sax and violins    
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  Sales miss Target    
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· · ·

14 Comments     (+0 »)
 
 
2012-07-12 06:42:40 PM  
I blame copious amounts of alcohol
 
2012-07-12 06:46:39 PM  

Unfreakable: I blame copious amounts of alcohol


I hear ya, do love the "man date" one though
 
2012-07-12 06:49:11 PM  
Bad news Vikings fans; Adrian Peterson was arrested. Good news Vikings fans: It took multiple cops to tackle him

LOVED IT.
 
2012-07-12 06:51:51 PM  
I do honestly feel for those at the onion. After this election, how are they gonna spoof real lufe politically?

Can it even be done?
 
2012-07-12 06:59:44 PM  
Oh come on, the "wrappers" one was awful
 
2012-07-12 07:00:24 PM  

DORMAMU: I do honestly feel for those at the onion. After this election, how are they gonna spoof real lufe politically?

Can it even be done?


Spoof real lufe... My brain refuses to process this phrase
 
2012-07-12 07:02:39 PM  

NateAsbestos: Oh come on, the "wrappers" one was awful


Not a fan of that one, either.
 
2012-07-12 07:36:22 PM  

martissimo: I hear ya, do love the "man date" one though


Thanks! :D
 
2012-07-12 07:50:35 PM  
I didn't need to read any further than "Individual man date" to know that no other headline in this list was going to match that level of wit.
 
2012-07-12 08:07:56 PM  

WhoIsWillo: martissimo: I hear ya, do love the "man date" one though

Thanks! :D


That was yours? Congratulations! :D
 
2012-07-12 08:11:19 PM  

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: That was yours? Congratulations! :D


Thanks, TMLO. I'm closing in on the Top 100 alltime submitters list, which means I need to get a life one of these days.
 
2012-07-12 08:12:59 PM  

WhoIsWillo: Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: That was yours? Congratulations! :D

Thanks, TMLO. I'm closing in on the Top 100 alltime submitters list, which means I need to get a life one of these days.


Nicely done! I'm still holding steady at 0 approved links.

/farking liters
 
2012-07-12 11:53:21 PM  
Sweet this is the second time one of my headlines made the cut...


15 Hours!
 
2012-07-13 12:12:36 AM  
The "man date" blows all the others here out of the water.

/Still sad that "that's amoeba" from the previous week didn't make that week's cut... =(
 
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