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(Mental Floss)   Napoleon was the original overly attached girlfriend   (mentalfloss.com) divider line 47
    More: Amusing, Napoleon Bonaparte, girlfriend  
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11190 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2012 at 12:44 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-12 12:47:18 PM  
Well, that's just dynamite.
 
2012-07-12 12:49:47 PM  
Pretty sure Napoleon is a guy.
 
2012-07-12 12:50:06 PM  
Talk about old news.
 
2012-07-12 12:51:21 PM  
I'll just leave this here.
 
2012-07-12 12:52:26 PM  
Napoleon is famous for......ice cream and waterloo :)
 
2012-07-12 12:53:19 PM  
A little hawte with poultry breath can drive a guy wild.
 
2012-07-12 12:54:21 PM  
FTFA:

"5. "I write you, me beloved one, very often, and you write very little. You are wicked and naughty, very naughty, as much as you are fickle. It is unfaithful so to deceive a poor husband, a tender lover!" "

He subtly puts her down while calling her a hot little thing, and plays the wounded bird card all at the same time!?

farm8.staticflickr.com

a0.twimg.com
Mad props Bro.
 
2012-07-12 12:55:49 PM  
It's like the guy had some kind of complex or something...
 
2012-07-12 12:59:36 PM  
Napoleon was a narcissistic ego-maniac with sociopathic and bi-polar tendencies? You don't say.
 
2012-07-12 01:02:57 PM  
pussy make a man crazy. film at 11.
 
2012-07-12 01:03:17 PM  
www.harkavagrant.com
 
2012-07-12 01:03:41 PM  
p.twimg.com
 
2012-07-12 01:04:20 PM  
Gosh
 
2012-07-12 01:04:46 PM  
"I don't love you, not at all; on the contrary I detest you - You're a naughty, gawky, foolish slut."... "I hope before long to crush you in my arms and cover you with a million kisses burning as though beneath the equator."

Seriously, this sounds like the same shiat I got from my ex-psycho.
 
2012-07-12 01:10:27 PM  
He is the inspiration for Peppy LePew.
 
2012-07-12 01:11:00 PM  
He also enjoyed little things hitting each other. That's what he liked!
 
2012-07-12 01:15:01 PM  
Sounds like he had some kind of complex.
 
2012-07-12 01:17:06 PM  
ZIGGY PIGGY!

/ziggy piggy
//ziggy piggy.
 
2012-07-12 01:23:13 PM  
Artillery skills... strategy skills... nation conquering skills... Girls only want boyfriends who have great skills.

/Do the Imperial Eagles have large talons?
 
2012-07-12 01:27:38 PM  

PYROY: He also enjoyed little things hitting each other. That's what he liked!


*Capers about singing "Me and My Shadow."

pixhost.me

/Hot as summer on St. Helena Island
 
2012-07-12 01:32:51 PM  
Meh. He just loved filthy talk and nasty sex. I seem to remember him also mentioning in his letters that he wanted Jo to wear the same undies for a long time and save them for him.

/I know nothing about such things
 
2012-07-12 01:34:15 PM  
After dealing with my boyfriend's crazy ex, this helps put it in perspective.
 
2012-07-12 01:40:32 PM  

MadameX: Meh. He just loved filthy talk and nasty sex. I seem to remember him also mentioning in his letters that he wanted Jo to wear the same undies for a long time and save them for him.

/I know nothing about such things


He often implored her not to bathe before he returned home from extended trips.
 
2012-07-12 01:44:01 PM  

ashinmytomatoes: PYROY: He also enjoyed little things hitting each other. That's what he liked!

*Capers about singing "Me and My Shadow."



/Hot as summer on St. Helena Island


I finally got my fiancée to watch that flick, and she didn't like it. I damn near called off the whole thing.
 
2012-07-12 01:45:40 PM  
www.bitsbybob.com
 
2012-07-12 01:48:57 PM  
List fails without "I will be home in three days. Do not wash".
 
2012-07-12 01:51:35 PM  

Bob The Nob:


Are you mental? We broke up 3 months ago!
 
2012-07-12 01:54:50 PM  
I'd bet it sounds hotter in French.

1. «Je ne vous aime pas, pas du tout, au contraire je vous déteste - Vous êtes un méchant, dégingandé, salope stupide."

2. "J'espère que d'ici peu de vous écraser dans mes bras et je te couvrirai d'un million de baisers brûlants comme sous l'équateur."

3. «Je serai seul et loin, très loin. Mais vous venez, n'est-ce pas? Vous allez être ici à côté de moi, dans mes bras, sur mon sein, sur ma bouche? Prenez l'aile et viens, viens ... Un baiser sur ton coeur, et un beaucoup plus bas, beaucoup plus faible! "

4. Napoléon continue à la douche de compliments dans une lettre Juillet: "Tes larmes me voler de la raison, et d'enflammer mon sang. Croyez-moi, il n'est pas en mon pouvoir pour avoir une pensée unique qui n'est pas de toi, ou un souhait, je ne pouvait pas révéler à toi. "

5. "Je vous écris, moi une bien-aimée, très souvent, et vous écrivez très peu. Vous êtes méchant et vilain, très vilain, autant que vous êtes volage. Il est infidèle afin de tromper un pauvre mari, un amant tendre! "

6. "Sans sa Joséphine, sans l'assurance de son amour, ce qui est laissé sur la terre? Que peut-il faire? "

7. "Vous n'écrivez pas du tout à moi, vous n'aimez pas votre mari, vous savez quel bonheur de vos lettres lui font, et vous n'avez pas lui écrire six lignes de bêtises ..."

8. "Comment je serais heureux si je pouvais vous aider à votre déshabiller, la poitrine ferme peu de blanc, le visage adorable, les cheveux noués dans un foulard créole la."
 
2012-07-12 02:00:37 PM  
www.harkavagrant.com
 
2012-07-12 02:02:37 PM  
So Napoleon was whipped. Whoda thunk it?
 
2012-07-12 02:05:39 PM  

kellynoel: MadameX: Meh. He just loved filthy talk and nasty sex. I seem to remember him also mentioning in his letters that he wanted Jo to wear the same undies for a long time and save them for him.

/I know nothing about such things

He often implored her not to bathe before he returned home from extended trips.


Commonly said, but apocryphal, as far as my googling has turned up.
 
2012-07-12 02:16:42 PM  
Pointless fact of the day: René Auberjonois, the actor who played Odo on ST:DS9, is apparently a great-great-great-grandson of one of Napoleon's sisters.
 
2012-07-12 02:20:01 PM  

Misconduc: Napoleon is famous for......ice cream and waterloo :)


Ice Cream?

Did you mean this stuff...
upload.wikimedia.org
Neapolitan Ice cream.

Or this:
www.grahamdavies.net
Napoleon, the delicious pastry?

/he's also famous for brandy!
 
2012-07-12 02:23:40 PM  
Napoleon kept his hand in his shirt to play with his manboobs. (Froehlich's Syndrome)
 
2012-07-12 02:25:32 PM  
media4.onsugar.com
 
2012-07-12 02:38:36 PM  
"Shall we...to the bed?"

"Shall we what to the bed?"

pixhost.me

/you must be don francisco's sister
//no, it's a greater pleasure for me
 
2012-07-12 02:39:06 PM  
photo.goodreads.com

The sections detailing Napoleon's life with Josephine were some of the best in the book. She basically manipulated the fears and insecurities of the world's most powerful man, turning him from a conquerer into the conquered.

/hot
 
oy
2012-07-12 02:44:33 PM  
He's got nothing on her: Link

I smell like beer :(
 
2012-07-12 02:52:48 PM  
Love is a mental illness.
 
2012-07-12 03:30:24 PM  

Isildur: Pointless fact of the day: René Auberjonois, the actor who played Odo on ST:DS9, is apparently a great-great-great-grandson of one of Napoleon's sisters.


Web's full of corroboration although I can't judge how serious they are, and WP has no citations for this.
 
2012-07-12 03:57:49 PM  

Posh Naranek: Isildur: Pointless fact of the day: René Auberjonois, the actor who played Odo on ST:DS9, is apparently a great-great-great-grandson of one of Napoleon's sisters.

Web's full of corroboration although I can't judge how serious they are, and WP has no citations for this.


There is a collapsible Ancestry section in there that links it somehow. Can't tell if you missed it or want more to back it up.
 
2012-07-12 05:16:36 PM  
I read it this way:

1. In a letter to Katie a few months after they married, Tom wrote, "I don't love you, not at all; on the contrary I detest you - You're a naughty, gawky, foolish slut." And that was just the first sentence.

2. He ends the same letter by saying, "I hope before long to crush you in my arms and cover you with a million kisses burning as though beneath the equator."

3. In April 2006, Tom begs Katie to join him in Milan when he wrote, "I shall be alone and far, far away. But you are coming, aren't you? You are going to be here beside me, in my arms, on my breast, on my mouth? Take wing and come, come... A kiss on your heart, and one much lower down, much lower!" It's 18th-century sexting.

4. Tom continues to shower her with compliments in a July letter: "Your tears rob me of reason, and inflame my blood. Believe me it is not in my power to have a single thought which is not of thee, or a wish I could not reveal to thee." A little clingy.

5. "I write you, me beloved one, very often, and you write very little. You are wicked and naughty, very naughty, as much as you are fickle. It is unfaithful so to deceive a poor husband, a tender lover!" Now the jealous husband is in full force, and playing the sympathy card.

6. Tom goes on to let her know that he is nothing without her. "Without his Kate, without the assurance of her love, what is left him upon earth? What can he do?" We should note that he was the Emperor of almost all of Europe.

7. After not receiving word from Katie, Tom goes nuts. "You don't write to me at all; you don't love your husband; you know how happy your letters make him, and you don't write him six lines of nonsense..."

8. Back to the dirty talk! "How happy I would be if I could assist you at your undressing, the little firm white breast, the adorable face, the hair tied up in a scarf a la creole."

9. Just like a jealous husband or boyfriend, Tom threatens Katie that he will "surprise" her one day, "Adieu, adorable Kate; one of these nights your door will open with a great noise; as a jealous person, and you will find me on your arms."

10. Tom wrote to his sister of his failing love for Katie. "The veil is torn...It is sad when one and the same heart is torn by such conflicting feelings for one person... I need to be alone. I am tired of grandeur; all my feelings have dried up. I no longer care about my glory. At fifty I have exhausted everything."
 
2012-07-12 05:47:48 PM  

x Mogwai x: [photo.goodreads.com image 346x500]

The sections detailing Napoleon's life with Josephine were some of the best in the book. She basically manipulated the fears and insecurities of the world's most powerful man, turning him from a conquerer into the conquered.

/hot


But she could only control him as long as he didn't feel the hand of ol' Father Time and didn't have a pressing need for an heir. Once that happened, Josie's Only for Demonstration Purposes vajayjay lost its appeal for Nappy who, as per usual amongst the one per cent males, wanted some sweet young controllable thing that could drop out crotchfruit on a regular basis to pass on the family name to.
 
2012-07-12 05:59:28 PM  
Yeah, but he dumped her ass after she couldn't bear him any children to produce an heir to the throne. So much for "overly attached."
 
2012-07-12 09:38:50 PM  

Infernal Wedgie: I'd bet it sounds hotter in French.

1. «Je ne vous aime pas, pas du tout, au contraire je vous déteste - Vous êtes un méchant, dégingandé, salope stupide."

2. "J'espère que d'ici peu de vous écraser dans mes bras et je te couvrirai d'un million de baisers brûlants comme sous l'équateur."

3. «Je serai seul et loin, très loin. Mais vous venez, n'est-ce pas? Vous allez être ici à côté de moi, dans mes bras, sur mon sein, sur ma bouche? Prenez l'aile et viens, viens ... Un baiser sur ton coeur, et un beaucoup plus bas, beaucoup plus faible! "

4. Napoléon continue à la douche de compliments dans une lettre Juillet: "Tes larmes me voler de la raison, et d'enflammer mon sang. Croyez-moi, il n'est pas en mon pouvoir pour avoir une pensée unique qui n'est pas de toi, ou un souhait, je ne pouvait pas révéler à toi. "

5. "Je vous écris, moi une bien-aimée, très souvent, et vous écrivez très peu. Vous êtes méchant et vilain, très vilain, autant que vous êtes volage. Il est infidèle afin de tromper un pauvre mari, un amant tendre! "

6. "Sans sa Joséphine, sans l'assurance de son amour, ce qui est laissé sur la terre? Que peut-il faire? "

7. "Vous n'écrivez pas du tout à moi, vous n'aimez pas votre mari, vous savez quel bonheur de vos lettres lui font, et vous n'avez pas lui écrire six lignes de bêtises ..."

8. "Comment je serais heureux si je pouvais vous aider à votre déshabiller, la poitrine ferme peu de blanc, le visage adorable, les cheveux noués dans un foulard créole la."



I would if the genders weren't all messed up (grammatically) and the syntax gone through a meat grinder.
But nice try, Mr.Google.

Anyway, there's something people seem to fail to understand when it comes to communicating in an era when snail mail was still propelled by actual animals: you couldn't actually "buzz" your correspondent after 30 oppressing seconds of emote deprived silence.

Try that for size: you're desperately in love with someone, you're at war with mostly everybody, you won't put your trust in anybody but that very person and she... is in a galaxy far, far away.
So you receive a letter, right? A nice handwritten letter with cursive writing, with a couple of pit hairs enclosed for gusto, you read it and you're happy... then you realize that from the moment she actually sent that letter to the moment you actually received it, two and a half centuries have passed because the goddamn horses broke an axle or something.

In that interval, anything could have happened to her. She writes "Your previous missive finds me in the most excellent health"? Well BOOM, plague! She's all swollen and stinky just like your middle school baseball coach, just, more dead. She writes "The first month on my pregnancy is going well"? You won't find respite until her next letter arrives, then you will learn that the OCTUPLETS you are now fathering are doing sooooo well in school.

So go ahead, mock Napoleon, please do! But next time you're ruling Europe I'll be laughing when you complain about your significant other not replying your texts within the hour! HAH!
 
2012-07-13 12:05:44 AM  

MBooda: "Shall we...to the bed?"

"Shall we what to the bed?"

[pixhost.me image 450x245]

/you must be don francisco's sister
//no, it's a greater pleasure for me


Fun movie, good reference. But it's a greater honor for me, I believe.
 
2012-07-13 01:55:25 AM  
Bakano -> article
 
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