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(Fox News)   Starbucks is going to open a store inside a South Carolina funeral home. Because nothing stirs up a powerful thirst for a venti half-caf espresso like a long afternoon of staring at your loved one's corpse   (foxnews.com ) divider line
    More: Weird, South Carolina, Starbucks, South Carolina funeral home, espressos, Easley, corpses  
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1570 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Jul 2012 at 11:05 AM (4 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments     (+0 »)
 
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2012-07-12 11:08:19 AM  
Great and some jackass will get the idea to give a coffee to a corpse and we'll have zombies before you know it.
 
2012-07-12 11:08:40 AM  
Funeral homes have already stripped the dignity of a long life with wilted flowers that cost as much as printer ink and coffins so pricey they should have 4-wheel drive and OnStar. Why not throw in coffee that's worse than what they've been serving out of their percolator that's older than the dead body in the room?
 
2012-07-12 11:11:52 AM  
I remember visiting the Starbucks in Beijing's Forbidden City palace. It has since closed, I guess because of the extreme tackiness, but I rule out no location for a Starbucks after that.

/was upset that no McDonald's on the section of the great wall I visited. They did have a nice luge.
 
2012-07-12 11:15:34 AM  
Those stores spread like weeds anyway, so it's hardly surprising this is the next step.
 
2012-07-12 11:16:58 AM  
Hiring for that location is going to be interesting.
 
2012-07-12 11:23:25 AM  
This is just to ensure they get those last few dollars out of your pocket.

If they did open a McDonalds they could serve a MaCabre Salad.
 
2012-07-12 11:23:47 AM  
The Funeral Industry in general is the biggest scam out there right now.

I have no desire to be pumped full of formalin and displayed in makeup to allow my relatives to pretend I'm really not dead, while they pretend my life was perfect and nothing bad should be said about me. I have no desire to be dressed up in a suit, and be made to look like Grandma ethel with Makeup and spiked plastic caps keeping my eyes and mouth shut while my anus is sealed with cotton to keep from leaking.

You know what? fark that.

Donate my body to medical science. Take any organ you can that can help someone else, and let medical students learn on the rest.

Even in death, let me be able to make someone's life better.

And at my funeral, laugh. I want it to be said I was flawed. That I was the biggest asshole you knew. Don't embelish my life with trivial details, and weep because I'm gone. Celebrate the legacy that I left behind, and the moments we had together.
 
2012-07-12 11:32:02 AM  

BronyMedic: The Funeral Industry in general is the biggest scam out there right now.

I have no desire to be pumped full of formalin and displayed in makeup to allow my relatives to pretend I'm really not dead, while they pretend my life was perfect and nothing bad should be said about me. I have no desire to be dressed up in a suit, and be made to look like Grandma ethel with Makeup and spiked plastic caps keeping my eyes and mouth shut while my anus is sealed with cotton to keep from leaking.

You know what? fark that.

Donate my body to medical science. Take any organ you can that can help someone else, and let medical students learn on the rest.

Even in death, let me be able to make someone's life better.

And at my funeral, laugh. I want it to be said I was flawed. That I was the biggest asshole you knew. Don't embelish my life with trivial details, and weep because I'm gone. Celebrate the legacy that I left behind, and the moments we had together.


THIS.
 
2012-07-12 11:36:22 AM  
The Woodlawn Memorial Park outside of Orlando already has a Starbucks in theirs. It was a bit creepy.
 
2012-07-12 11:39:52 AM  
apachevoyeur SmartestFunniest 2012-07-12 11:11:52 AM


I remember visiting the Starbucks in Beijing's Forbidden City palace. It has since closed, I guess because of the extreme tackiness, but I rule out no location for a Starbucks after that.

/was upset that no McDonald's on the section of the great wall I visited. They did have a nice luge.


There is also Starbucks in the US embassy in Beijing. Not across the street or next to it, but actually inside the complex and past the Marine guards and security contractors.

So if you are a political defector and are trapped in the US embassy for a long period of time while everyone negotiates you getting out of the country, be assured you still can have your venti size coffee of the day.
 
2012-07-12 11:45:38 AM  
I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around this.

Really folks...in a funeral home?

We are certainly living in the end times.
 
2012-07-12 11:46:01 AM  
So this isn't a funeral home with integrated crematorium right? Hope?
 
2012-07-12 11:46:46 AM  
Jeebus Crisco, how much traffic does that funeral home have?
 
2012-07-12 11:48:51 AM  
i said the corner coffee shop, not the coroner coffee shop.

got nuthin'
 
2012-07-12 11:50:37 AM  
texdent: Great and some jackass will get the idea to give a coffee to a corpse and we'll have zombies before you know it.

Done in one.

Clemkadidlefark: Jeebus Crisco, how much traffic does that funeral home have?

I've been in funeral-home viewing waiting lines as long as 3.5 hours (local civil servant with lots of contacts but not in a position of political power per se). It can happen, especially given that someone able to attract a line of viewers that long is likely to have a lot of overlap between his/her friends and relatives and the typical Starbucks clientele.
 
2012-07-12 11:51:47 AM  
Dying just keeps on getting more expensive.
 
2012-07-12 11:58:22 AM  
She does come off as being a bit kinky.
/I'd frak it.
 
2012-07-12 11:59:40 AM  
gives new meaning to the "morbidly" obese
 
2012-07-12 12:00:38 PM  
If Starbucks runs out of coffee grounds, they can use the extra cremated-remains ashes.
See if anyone notices the difference.
 
2012-07-12 12:01:14 PM  
Damn, can you even imagine working there? I wonder how many times you'd hear "Boy, this place sure is dead!".
 
2012-07-12 12:08:57 PM  
Plus, the Starbucks won't be open only to the mourning families, or closed while services are going on.

There you are for Grannies funeral, everyone's sobbing and hugging each other then you hear the squealing laughter of some high school girls while they're enjoying their crapichinno after school lets out.

Loverly.
 
2012-07-12 12:10:38 PM  
emrl.com

Won't be long now
 
2012-07-12 12:12:53 PM  
Evil Mackerel :She does come off as being a bit kinky.
/I'd frak it.


Dude, way wrong thread.

Last funeral I was at entailed standing around at the funeral home for ~4 hours. I guess standing in line for coffee, so you can stay awake listening to the slow music in the warm room, isn't such a bad idea.
 
2012-07-12 12:17:10 PM  

DanZero: [emrl.com image 458x246]

Won't be long now


Does that mean they'll be offering body shots at those locations?
 
2012-07-12 12:18:16 PM  

NotARocketScientist: Evil Mackerel :She does come off as being a bit kinky.
/I'd frak it.

Dude, way wrong thread.

Last funeral I was at entailed standing around at the funeral home for ~4 hours. I guess standing in line for coffee, so you can stay awake listening to the slow music in the warm room, isn't such a bad idea.


Not a BSG fan I take it.
 
2012-07-12 12:45:14 PM  
Am I the only one who dislikes open-casket funerals? I have photos of when the person was alive, I don't want to remember them by how they looked when they were dead.
 
2012-07-12 01:18:31 PM  

Do the needful: If they did open a McDonalds they could serve a MaCabre Salad.


colon_pow: i said the corner coffee shop, not the coroner coffee shop.


i98.photobucket.com
 
2012-07-12 01:39:29 PM  
Now it's even possible to get a venti mocha latte chai tea with non-fat soy foam in the afterlife.
 
2012-07-12 01:42:11 PM  

BronyMedic: The Funeral Industry in general is the biggest scam out there right now.

I have no desire to be pumped full of formalin and displayed in makeup to allow my relatives to pretend I'm really not dead, while they pretend my life was perfect and nothing bad should be said about me. I have no desire to be dressed up in a suit, and be made to look like Grandma ethel with Makeup and spiked plastic caps keeping my eyes and mouth shut while my anus is sealed with cotton to keep from leaking.

You know what? fark that.

Donate my body to medical science. Take any organ you can that can help someone else, and let medical students learn on the rest.

Even in death, let me be able to make someone's life better.

And at my funeral, laugh. I want it to be said I was flawed. That I was the biggest asshole you knew. Don't embelish my life with trivial details, and weep because I'm gone. Celebrate the legacy that I left behind, and the moments we had together.


Your words have moved me, dear sir. Please enjoy your cyan 3 color, and the "awesome" title along with it.
 
2012-07-12 01:46:21 PM  

Need_MindBleach: Am I the only one who dislikes open-casket funerals? I have photos of when the person was alive, I don't want to remember them by how they looked when they were dead.


Funerals are for the living. I think if the dead had their way they'd be events filled with much less sadness.

As someone said before, don't pump my cadaver full of chemicals and trot me out in an overpriced box. Go cheap. Then take some of the rest and put it into having an event in my honor where no single attendee is sober enough to get themselves home.
 
2012-07-12 01:57:32 PM  
Feh. It makes sense to me. I've grieved at funerals too... but heck if the minister wasn't dry enough to cause dust to fall asleep.
 
2012-07-12 01:58:36 PM  
My coffin is going to have onstar with 4 wheel drive AND and airbag....in case of a crash Ill at least I wont get killed.....Its also gonna have racing stripes to make it look like im racing around the 'yard....(and to impress the chicks). I cant wait till im dead...its gonna be so cool.
OH! Its also gonna have a coffee holder
 
2012-07-12 02:08:25 PM  
commondatastorage.googleapis.com

They'll still have the salad bar though right?
 
2012-07-12 02:18:52 PM  

Sergeant Angle: I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around this.

Really folks...in a funeral home?

We are certainly living in the end times.


During the five days I was in Indiana for my grandmother's funeral, I slept about four hours a night because of all the chaos. This includes the drive out, and the drive back, about 10 hours each, having to discuss everything with my sisters, going to the funeral home, the funeral itself, and the drive to the cemetery which was a big deal because we got the police escort (in retrospect seems like a waste of money). She had a lot of friends though so it was a big funeral anyway.

Any way, I'd have killed for a handy Starbucks, since Indianapolis seems to have been laid out by a drunk. Maybe not IN the funeral home, but right next to it would have been great.
 
2012-07-12 03:08:53 PM  
images.buddytv.com

Approves
 
2012-07-12 04:34:10 PM  
I'm going to specify in my will that my ashes be placed in a venti cup. So that I can be latte to my own funeral.
 
2012-07-12 07:48:17 PM  

RonQuixote: So that I can be latte to my own funeral.


LOL
 
2012-07-13 05:21:41 AM  

colon_pow: i said the corner coffee shop, not the coroner coffee shop.

got nuthin'


Not true, sir. That was a substantial contribution, IMHO. You can take your well deserved coffee break now.
 
2012-07-13 07:46:55 AM  
I just figured their new advertising would be "...and because Starbucks is good enough to wake the dead."
 
2012-07-13 12:50:24 PM  
As Springsteen says....my home town....yeeeesssshhhh
 
2012-07-13 03:47:05 PM  
Isn't there a Southern custom called "sitting with the dead"? All I know is if I'm going to be in a room w/ a corpse in it for very long I'll want a supply of caffeine. {and Wi-Fi...}
 
2012-07-13 04:18:13 PM  
You guys don't understand: I'm from this town. Currently, if you want a Starbucks coffee (and they do), you've got to drive 1.5 hours round-trip in one direction to Greenville, or 1.5 hours the other direction to Clemson. They'd let Starbucks put a kiosk in one of the churches if Starbucks asked.
 
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