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(Independent)   The London Olympics is gearing up to be as much fun as having your testicles crushed in a vice grip   (independent.co.uk) divider line 54
    More: Obvious, London Olympics, Olympic Park  
•       •       •

2633 clicks; posted to Sports » on 12 Jul 2012 at 12:15 PM (3 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-07-12 01:21:08 AM  
Those are not unreasonable, given that security is always tight and sponsors/area vendors have to get their cut.

I am impressed about the exception for Sikhs.
 
2012-07-12 01:26:49 AM  
In the proper context, having one's nuts crushed in a vice can be quite an enjoyable experience.

Who are you to judge?
 
2012-07-12 01:32:43 AM  

ksdanj: In the proper context, having one's nuts crushed in a vice can be quite an enjoyable experience.

Who are you to judge?


Ummm, I'll take your word for it.

/subby
//has never had testicles crushed in a vice grip
///basing assumption on experience of being kneed in the nuts
 
2012-07-12 04:07:32 AM  
I am done with the Olympics. Maybe it was my youthful innocence that I thought they were a great thing when I was younger. But now they are a money draining nightmare, and restrictions abound. It is now about advertising more than the adverts, and professionals are now highlighted.

Lets make it so that once you win gold, you can't compete in that event ever again. Give some new talent a chance.
 
2012-07-12 04:12:02 AM  

Teknowaffle: advertising more than the advertsaction


Derp.
 
2012-07-12 04:22:49 AM  
"London is hosting the Olympics in the same way as John Hurt hosted the Alien"
 
2012-07-12 12:24:51 PM  
Is it going to look like a 3rd world flea market like Atlanta?

I hope none of you are paying big bucks for vendor space or to rent out your flats for some ridiculous rent. That stuff is all scams. In Atlanta some were even official ones. They would sell space on sidewalks along streets that were closed to pedestrians.
 
2012-07-12 12:28:57 PM  
I think London should look into putting up some CCTV camera's around the city during the Olympics.
 
2012-07-12 12:44:43 PM  
After flying through heathrow this month you couldn't pay me enough to fly into London again and I won't be going to the Games. I had 3 hours and barely made my connection and had my carry on gone through 3 separate times. Instead of going to the Olympics we decided to stay in Paris solely because of their crappy airport.
 
2012-07-12 12:45:48 PM  
If this is how Olympics are going to be run.... I'd be fine never seeing them hosted in the US again. I don't want that mess here.
 
2012-07-12 12:55:26 PM  
No vuvuzelas? I think that's a pretty good ru-BBZZZBZBZZZZBZZZZZZZ
 
2012-07-12 01:14:25 PM  
25.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-07-12 01:17:32 PM  
What is up with the Camera in the photos of banned items??
 
2012-07-12 01:20:28 PM  
upload.wikimedia.org

www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org

i0.kym-cdn.com
 
2012-07-12 01:57:08 PM  
List made no mention of vice grips.
 
2012-07-12 02:18:38 PM  
ecx.images-amazon.com

That's Vise Grip, subby.

/Personally, I've found that the Irwin 23EL5 Vise Grip 8-Inch Locking Sheet Metal Tool
provides firm, and even pressure on both testicles, simultaneously.
 
2012-07-12 02:21:48 PM  
Don't knock it 'til you've tried it, friendo.
 
2012-07-12 02:56:42 PM  
reminds me of the classic dog vs vuvuzela
 
2012-07-12 02:58:50 PM  

ksdanj: In the proper context, having one's nuts crushed in a vice can be quite an enjoyable experience.

Who are you to judge?


I prefer to have them whipped with a rat-tail.
 
2012-07-12 03:00:59 PM  

Teknowaffle: I am done with the Olympics. Maybe it was my youthful innocence that I thought they were a great thing when I was younger. But now they are a money draining nightmare, and restrictions abound. It is now about advertising more than the adverts, and professionals are now highlighted.

Lets make it so that once you win gold, you can't compete in that event ever again. Give some new talent a chance.


Before we do that let's force the Olympics to go back to amateurs only. None of this dream team bullshiat or NHL pansies in the Olympics.
 
2012-07-12 03:04:36 PM  
I dunno, most of them make sense to me.
Bringing food is good, just not in a big-ass basket.
you can't bring in oversized bottles, but there will be plenty of free drinking water so you can refill your regular sized bottle.
No obnoxious noisemakers.
nothing that will obstruct the view for people behind you
nothing (frisbees, balls, etc) that can get knocked into the field of play and screw things up for the athletes.

for the most part, it's fine.

the marketing-related bullsh*t is just a sad fact we need to get used to. Everything is like that these days.
 
2012-07-12 03:27:10 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Before we do that let's force the Olympics to go back to amateurs only.


That way all the world's mediocre can compete!
 
2012-07-12 03:36:50 PM  
Yeah, I don't get this fascination with amateurs, the Olympics should be the best athletes in the world competing in their respective sports.
 
2012-07-12 03:42:07 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: What is up with the Camera in the photos of banned items??


Many crowd related events ban lenses over a certain size. The NCAA is actually more draconian and bans every DSLR, regardless of size or focal length.
 
2012-07-12 03:43:37 PM  

TheJoe03: Yeah, I don't get this fascination with amateurs, the Olympics should be the best athletes in the world competing in their respective sports.


I agree, however I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH BASKETBALL AT THE OLYMPICS

Screw the inclusions of typical sports like baseball and basketball. The Olympics are the only time that other sports get a minute in the lime light, and I don't give a flying fark about the NBA all star team.
 
2012-07-12 03:45:11 PM  

Mr Guy: SmellsLikePoo: What is up with the Camera in the photos of banned items??

Many crowd related events ban lenses over a certain size. The NCAA is actually more draconian and bans every DSLR, regardless of size or focal length.


Ok, so they aren't banning cameras, just cameras that can take half-way decent photos of the events... makes sense.
 
2012-07-12 03:50:44 PM  
Us London residents agree with you, Subby. I for one can't stand the idea of 1,000,000 extra people crowding my city for a fortnight. Stay home and watch it on TV, dammit!
 
2012-07-12 03:57:02 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: The Olympics are the only time that other sports get a minute in the lime light, and I don't give a flying fark about the NBA all star team.


And I don't give a flying f*ck about any of the other sports that don't matter for the rest of the time, either. So hey, apparently they have something for everyone and you can watch your sh*t sports that no one cares about and I can watch the one sport that matters during the Olympics.
 
2012-07-12 04:00:08 PM  

IAmRight: SmellsLikePoo: The Olympics are the only time that other sports get a minute in the lime light, and I don't give a flying fark about the NBA all star team.

And I don't give a flying f*ck about any of the other sports that don't matter for the rest of the time, either. So hey, apparently they have something for everyone and you can watch your sh*t sports that no one cares about and I can watch the one sport that matters during the Olympics.


I'm probably feeding a troll... but you're saying that Olympics Basketball matters?
 
2012-07-12 04:00:41 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: Mr Guy: SmellsLikePoo: What is up with the Camera in the photos of banned items??

Many crowd related events ban lenses over a certain size. The NCAA is actually more draconian and bans every DSLR, regardless of size or focal length.

Ok, so they aren't banning cameras, just cameras that can take half-way decent photos of the events... makes sense.


Pretty much. I fully admit there needs to be some kind of effort made so people aren't being like massive f1.8 L lenses into the stands and bonking people in the head constantly, but it's pretty stupid to not allow a consumer level DSLR as long as the physical extended length of the lens isn't unreasonable.

//As a Pentax guy, I solve it by putting a pancake lens on the camera, and sticking my zoom in my pocket.
///Often looks INCREDIBLY happy to see sporting events, but doesn't get hassled
 
2012-07-12 04:04:33 PM  
No frisbees, eh? How horrible.

At the Salt Lake Games, a soldier with a machine gun made my mom take off her hat in -30 degree weather and expose her post-chemo baldness to the elements.

To his credit, he looked like he wanted to shoot himself out of embarrassment, but don't tell me someone taking away a frisbee is ruining the Olympics.


/mind you, we still had a great time, but security is security.
 
2012-07-12 04:05:47 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: I'm probably feeding a troll... but you're saying that Olympics Basketball matters?


Not really, but more than the rest of the Olympics.
 
2012-07-12 04:11:38 PM  

Mr Guy: SmellsLikePoo: Mr Guy: SmellsLikePoo: What is up with the Camera in the photos of banned items??

Many crowd related events ban lenses over a certain size. The NCAA is actually more draconian and bans every DSLR, regardless of size or focal length.

Ok, so they aren't banning cameras, just cameras that can take half-way decent photos of the events... makes sense.

Pretty much. I fully admit there needs to be some kind of effort made so people aren't being like massive f1.8 L lenses into the stands and bonking people in the head constantly, but it's pretty stupid to not allow a consumer level DSLR as long as the physical extended length of the lens isn't unreasonable.

//As a Pentax guy, I solve it by putting a pancake lens on the camera, and sticking my zoom in my pocket.
///Often looks INCREDIBLY happy to see sporting events, but doesn't get hassled


A fellow Pentax, nice... I was given a hard time about that choice, but I don't get the doubters... I'm on the entry side of things, but still loving my K-r
 
2012-07-12 04:13:11 PM  

IAmRight: SmellsLikePoo: I'm probably feeding a troll... but you're saying that Olympics Basketball matters?

Not really, but more than the rest of the Olympics.


0.tqn.com

/clearly more important than basketball at the olympics
 
2012-07-12 04:17:37 PM  

SmellsLikePoo: but you're saying that Olympics Basketball matters?


I've said this before and I'll say it again, but as far as Americans are concerned the Olympics is the World Cup of basketball, since we don't care about the FIBA World championships. It's the only time our A team goes up against the rest of the world's A teams. That makes it matter to a lot of people, not to mention the 92 Dream Team is world renown and made basketball the 3rd most popular sport in the world.
 
2012-07-12 04:29:55 PM  
Guests may not carry in the following items:

Any bag larger than 16 inches by 16 inches by 8 inches
Briefcases, coolers or other hard-sided bags and containers
Glass, cans, aluminum bottles or thermoses
Laser pens
Video cameras and mono/tripods
Laptop computers
Firearms, knives or weapons of any kind
Illegal drugs or substances
Brooms, poles, staffs or sticks
Baseball bats of any size
Televisions
Animals (except service animals to aid Guests with disabilities)
Blow horns or other distracting noisemakers
Any other devices that may interfere with and/or distract any sports participant or performer, fellow Guest, audio or audio/visual telecast or recording of the game or event or any technology-related service provided in the Stadium
Masks or costumes
Projectiles (e.g., Frisbees, beach balls, etc.)
Aerosol cans (e.g., mace, pepper spray, hairspray, sunscreen, etc.)

So, what we're saying is "The Olympic Stadium" has basically the same rules as Yankee Stadium... or Foxboro or (pretty much any major sporting stadium in the UK or USA).

/ once turned away from seeing the A's at the Coliseum for having too many bags of Grateful Dead albums bought in Berkeley earlier in the day.
// Not a euphemism
 
2012-07-12 04:57:06 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: Teknowaffle: I am done with the Olympics. Maybe it was my youthful innocence that I thought they were a great thing when I was younger. But now they are a money draining nightmare, and restrictions abound. It is now about advertising more than the adverts, and professionals are now highlighted.

Lets make it so that once you win gold, you can't compete in that event ever again. Give some new talent a chance.

Before we do that let's force the Olympics to go back to amateurs only. None of this dream team bullshiat or NHL pansies in the Olympics.


Surely you don't think NCAA students played against amateur Soviet and Yugo players?
 
2012-07-12 05:50:41 PM  

Snarcoleptic_Hoosier: Those are not unreasonable, given that security is always tight and sponsors/area vendors have to get their cut.

I am impressed about the exception for Sikhs.


I'm perplexed that there isn't a similar exception for sgian dubhs.
 
2012-07-12 08:21:23 PM  
epicfails.net
 
2012-07-12 08:31:14 PM  

Mr. Potatoass: [ecx.images-amazon.com image 500x500]

That's Vise Grip, subby.

/Personally, I've found that the Irwin 23EL5 Vise Grip 8-Inch Locking Sheet Metal Tool
provides firm, and even pressure on both testicles, simultaneously.



Didn't know that. Feeling sheepish now.
 
2012-07-12 08:32:40 PM  

chixdiggit: Us London residents agree with you, Subby. I for one can't stand the idea of 1,000,000 extra people crowding my city for a fortnight. Stay home and watch it on TV, dammit!


You should rent out your place for the week for crazy money and bugger off to France for a few weeks.
 
2012-07-12 09:55:19 PM  
Oh, like Thursdays.
 
2012-07-12 11:11:37 PM  
But in the case of basketball, the US is going to win, so why watch? The only interesting outcome is if they lost, which is less than a 10% chance with this team.
 
2012-07-13 12:29:12 AM  
So I can bring my ceremonial dagger (for the ceremonies I will be performing in the stands), but no whistles? Got it. Oh, and mortgage my house to pay for the mandatory McDonalds I'll have to eat.

Fark off.
 
2012-07-13 12:32:06 AM  
I couldn't really care less about the other things, but the banning of "noisemakers such as hunting horns, air horns, klaxons, drums, vuvuzelas and whistles" is an excellent call.
 
2012-07-13 02:31:25 AM  

robbiex0r: If this is how Olympics are going to be run.... I'd be fine never seeing them hosted in the US again. I don't want that mess here.


From your fingers to God's eyes.
 
2012-07-13 03:32:19 AM  

beta_plus: [upload.wikimedia.org image 250x176]

[www.jewishvirtuallibrary.org image 450x286]

[i0.kym-cdn.com image 400x323]


This. No one wants another Munich.
 
2012-07-13 06:47:44 AM  
So London forgot the safeword, too, huh?
 
2012-07-13 09:11:02 AM  
No vuvuzelas? the horror!
 
2012-07-13 09:27:43 AM  

Incontinent_dog_and_monkey_rodeo: But in the case of basketball, the US is going to win, so why watch? The only interesting outcome is if they lost, which is less than a 10% chance with this team.


Because it's enjoyable to watch excellence.
 
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