FARK.com: (7208410) Since the iPad is clearly the work of the devil and you can watch porn on it, I give you the Holy iPad Slayer, the world's first Christian tablet

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		Since the iPad is clearly the work of the devil and you can watch porn on it, I give you the Holy iPad Slayer, the world's first Christian tablet (foxnews.com)		206
		More: Stupid, iPads, Kindle Fire, Christian radio, the devils, digital copy, porn

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16225 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jul 2012 at 10:47 PM | Favorite | share:

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MasterThief		2012-07-11 09:42:40 PM

FTA: Nor is it technically the first religious tablet. That honor, of course, goes to Moses and the Jews.

OK, I lol'd.

cmunic8r99		2012-07-11 09:44:14 PM

The Android-based tablet is manufactured by South Korean firm Cydle, and sports a resistive touch screen (480x800 resolution), 512MB of RAM, and 8GB of expandable storage. If it sounds like the Kindle Fire, it should: Honorable said the company has Amazon squarely in its sights.

"We basically stacked it up to [Amazon's] Kindle Fire," Honorable said. "Only theirs is $199.99. Ours is $149.99. The battery is actually stronger than everybody else out there on the market."

An underpowered tablet with a resistive touch screen that won't be able to access squat for content is sure to be a success. Because it's $50 bucks cheaper than the Kindle Fire.

Ghastly		2012-07-11 09:44:56 PM

I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.

unlikely		2012-07-11 10:05:37 PM

When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

So this... you know... it's a "Christian Tablet." Whatever.

RexTalionis		2012-07-11 10:05:54 PM

You know what's funny? They're running this tablet on Android - from the company that announced last week that it's going to use its lobbying power to push for same sex marriage and legalization of same-sex relationships.

jaylectricity		2012-07-11 10:20:54 PM

I thought "Stryper" was the Christian band masquerading as a metal band.

unlikely		2012-07-11 10:24:50 PM

RexTalionis: You know what's funny?

Christians who need Christian-whatever because normal-whatever isn't godly enough?

Gyrfalcon		2012-07-11 10:50:11 PM

Now don't drop this one!

AR 15-6		2012-07-11 10:50:51 PM

Sure, it's cheap tablet, but you can only type in ten lines at any give time. That'll never catch on.

Indubitably		2012-07-11 10:52:07 PM

Puh-leeze.

Impasse		2012-07-11 10:52:20 PM

It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com

lisarenee3505		2012-07-11 10:53:15 PM

Silly christians, magical beings are for kids.

INTERTRON		2012-07-11 10:53:20 PM

clyph		2012-07-11 10:53:27 PM

The sad thing is there are people who will buy this. A lot of them.

If I didn't have a conscience I'd be a multi-millionaire. Fleecing the flock is a time-honored path to financial success.

TimonC346		2012-07-11 10:53:32 PM

Meth addiction is pretty high in jesusland, right?

Because you gotta be high as f*ck to buy one of these.

Mambo Bananapatch		2012-07-11 10:54:08 PM

> "We wanted to be able to offer our customers the ability to use our Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible," Honorable told FoxNews.com in an interview.

What is wrong with these people? Why do they need 27 versions of the same thing?

svenge		2012-07-11 10:54:38 PM

unlikely: When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

I was with you until the last one. Private schools (including religious ones) routinely outperform their public "normal-people" counterparts. The causes are up for debate, but the numbers are what they are.

Indubitably		2012-07-11 10:55:30 PM

clyph: The sad thing is there are people who will buy this. A lot of them.

If I didn't have a conscience I'd be a multi-millionaire. Fleecing the flock is a time-honored path to financial success.

Money isn't everything?

Sgygus		2012-07-11 10:55:52 PM

But it's not a cult.
But it's not a cult.
But it's not a cult.

12349876		2012-07-11 10:55:55 PM

unlikely: When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

So this... you know... it's a "Christian Tablet." Whatever.

At least they're copying culture and not dictating it.

wildcardjack		2012-07-11 10:56:46 PM

Ya know, a few minutes with Handbrake and a bittorrent client and you can put porn on anything. Heck, a few screen caps and my box of 5165 shipping labels and a quick pass through my color laser printer and you could put porn on EVERYTHING!

Surool		2012-07-11 10:56:59 PM

...but but but, Alan Turing makes computers devil machines full of teh ghey. How can there be a christian tablet computer without them being tainted by teh ghey?

Trucker		2012-07-11 10:57:16 PM

Does it forgive them for being pretentious douchebags?

mayIFark		2012-07-11 10:57:22 PM

Lets put it to test, give it to a child and see what happens.

BigLuca		2012-07-11 10:59:14 PM

So it's going to molest your iPhone, then get a bunch of its buddies together an beat the shiat out of a Zune?

TotesCrayCray		2012-07-11 10:59:39 PM

FTFA: Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible

But remember, the bible is the exact word of god. And the way this passage is phrased here in this particular variant means that you're a filthy sinner. Praise Jebus and bless your heart.

Don't Troll Me Bro!		2012-07-11 11:01:55 PM

Impasse: It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

[blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 550x366]

Tom Araya was raised Catholic. The more you know.

One of my favorite interview moments ever:
"You were raised Catholic?"
"Yes, sir."
"So... Your Album.... The title... 'God Hates Us All?'"
"God doesn't hate."
"But... the title?"
"It's a farking cool album title."

SithLord		2012-07-11 11:02:07 PM

Really Fark? This far in and not one post of this pic? You're slipping....

\hot

clyph		2012-07-11 11:02:12 PM

Indubitably: Money isn't everything?

That's something poor people tell themselves to feel better.

Money may not buy you love, but it can rent a reasonable facsimile by the hour.

Seriously though, I've never been wealthy; I've been broke and I've been comfortable. Comfortable sucks less than broke; evidence would indicate wealthy sucks even less.

Yuri Futanari		2012-07-11 11:02:26 PM

Ghastly: I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.

What's hentai?

lilplatinum		2012-07-11 11:02:42 PM

svenge: I was with you until the last one. Private schools (including religious ones) routinely outperform their public "normal-people" counterparts. The causes are up for debate, but the numbers are what they are.

The causes aren't really up for debate, kids from well to do families tend to do better than kids from poor families. My rich kid public school outperformed all the other schools that let in the mud people in town. (Incidentally, in that suburb the private christian schools underperformed because they were pretty much for the farkups who got kicked out of normal school for shooting heroin... ahh the joys of rich suburban bubbles)

TheGreatGazoo		2012-07-11 11:03:10 PM

Cool, a $149 tablet. I wonder how fast you can jailbreak it?

Is it just a uSD card like the Nook Color?

Sgygus		2012-07-11 11:03:44 PM

SithLord: This far in and not one post of this pic?

We were all waiting for you to post it.

Impasse		2012-07-11 11:03:45 PM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Impasse: It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

[blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 550x366]

Tom Araya was raised Catholic. The more you know.

Thanks.

\already knew that

Oreamnos		2012-07-11 11:04:30 PM

Mambo Bananapatch: > "We wanted to be able to offer our customers the ability to use our Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible," Honorable told FoxNews.com in an interview.

What is wrong with these people? Why do they need 27 versions of the same thing?

Because it can be informative and, dare I say, insightful to read different efforts to translate Hebrew, Greek, or whatever into English, particularly at different historical periods (and as the English langauge evolved, too).

/Everybody knows it's better in the original Klingon, though
//Not everybody who reads religious texts is necessarily an idiot
///Unfortunately the people who will buy this tablet product probably tend more toward the idiot end of the scale

Bigglesworth III		2012-07-11 11:04:54 PM

Ned Flanders approves!

Optimal_Illusion		2012-07-11 11:05:13 PM

MrEricSir		2012-07-11 11:05:38 PM

Remember, you're not really a Christian unless you buy a bunch of shiat you don't need and cut yourself off from reality as much as possible.

Just like Jesus would have done.

Indubitably		2012-07-11 11:05:39 PM

Here's a fact:

The disparity between the "haves" and the "have-nots" has increased.

America is more robber-baron now than it ever was bootstrappy, currently.

Reevaluate, no?

Heh.

I got the message.

G'bye.

RealAmericanHero		2012-07-11 11:06:18 PM

I'm constantly amazed how so many Christians can profess to be of such great faith, but fail to acknowledge their own weakness in faith they experience every day constantly. The kind of faith that makes people need things like this. The kind of faith that's so shallow that if they're exposed to a single tit or cuss word they've surrendered to the devil and will start backsliding immediately. I'll never understand how they can call that strength in Christ.

Don't Troll Me Bro!		2012-07-11 11:06:23 PM

Impasse: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Impasse: It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

[blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 550x366]

Tom Araya was raised Catholic. The more you know.

Thanks.

\already knew that

Figured you did, but it gave me a chance to tell everyone that.

/Great interview, that was.

MrHappyRotter		2012-07-11 11:07:07 PM

If this thing will turn water into wine, I'll buy it.

CtrlAltDestroy		2012-07-11 11:07:59 PM

Yuri Futanari: Ghastly: I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.

What's hentai?

static.desktopnexus.com

/Your username, etc.

TheCore		2012-07-11 11:08:17 PM

Taking bets on how long it takes to "crack" this to be able to view porn. My bet is before it hits the "christian" stores.

PanicMan		2012-07-11 11:08:32 PM

This is just a f*cking advertisement. Oh and:

It also comes with movie-watching capabilities, Christian radio stations, and even a web browser with built-in "safe search," so the tablet is safe for the whole family. "We put that on there just in case it was given as a gift to a child, so they wouldn't have access to things they shouldn't have access to," said Honorable. "We definitely had to tailor it to our customers."

That will last all of 5 seconds.

fusillade762		2012-07-11 11:09:20 PM

according to Brian Honorable

Somehow I get the feeling I can trust this man.

Surool: ...but but but, Alan Turing makes computers devil machines full of teh ghey. How can there be a christian tablet computer without them being tainted by teh ghey?

www.xsoftwrite.com

/oblig

unlikely		2012-07-11 11:09:33 PM

svenge: Private schools (including religious ones) routinely outperform their public "normal-people" counterparts

My girlfriend went to a private Christian school and learned that there are seven races of which the white race is god's chosen, and that the world is 5000 years old, that evil-lution is a devil trap and that speaking in tongues was required for healthy spirituality.

I'm sticking with "suckier than normal people school."

CalamitousCrasher		2012-07-11 11:10:58 PM

unlikely: When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

So this... you know... it's a "Christian Tablet." Whatever.

Don't forget Vacation Bible School, which was just a bible school during your vacation. That's just mean.

Ghastly		2012-07-11 11:11:40 PM

Yuri Futanari: Ghastly: I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.

What's hentai?

The stuff wet dreams are made of.

Kittypie070		2012-07-11 11:11:54 PM

Christian plumbers.

Think about that one.

I understand there are rumours going around that "Christian" businesses tend to be run worse than normal businesses.

Anyone else have a thought on this?

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