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(Fox News)   Since the iPad is clearly the work of the devil and you can watch porn on it, I give you the Holy iPad Slayer, the world's first Christian tablet   (foxnews.com) divider line 206
    More: Stupid, iPads, Kindle Fire, Christian radio, the devils, digital copy, porn  
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16249 clicks; posted to Main » on 11 Jul 2012 at 10:47 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-11 09:42:40 PM
FTA: Nor is it technically the first religious tablet. That honor, of course, goes to Moses and the Jews.

OK, I lol'd.
 
2012-07-11 09:44:14 PM
The Android-based tablet is manufactured by South Korean firm Cydle, and sports a resistive touch screen (480x800 resolution), 512MB of RAM, and 8GB of expandable storage. If it sounds like the Kindle Fire, it should: Honorable said the company has Amazon squarely in its sights.

"We basically stacked it up to [Amazon's] Kindle Fire," Honorable said. "Only theirs is $199.99. Ours is $149.99. The battery is actually stronger than everybody else out there on the market."


An underpowered tablet with a resistive touch screen that won't be able to access squat for content is sure to be a success. Because it's $50 bucks cheaper than the Kindle Fire.
 
2012-07-11 09:44:56 PM
I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.
 
2012-07-11 10:05:37 PM
When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

So this... you know... it's a "Christian Tablet." Whatever.
 
2012-07-11 10:05:54 PM
You know what's funny? They're running this tablet on Android - from the company that announced last week that it's going to use its lobbying power to push for same sex marriage and legalization of same-sex relationships.
 
2012-07-11 10:20:54 PM
I thought "Stryper" was the Christian band masquerading as a metal band.
 
2012-07-11 10:24:50 PM

RexTalionis: You know what's funny?


Christians who need Christian-whatever because normal-whatever isn't godly enough?
 
2012-07-11 10:50:11 PM
1.bp.blogspot.com

Now don't drop this one!
 
2012-07-11 10:50:51 PM
Sure, it's cheap tablet, but you can only type in ten lines at any give time. That'll never catch on.
 
2012-07-11 10:52:07 PM
Puh-leeze.
 
2012-07-11 10:52:20 PM
It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com
 
2012-07-11 10:53:15 PM
Silly christians, magical beings are for kids.
 
2012-07-11 10:53:20 PM
upload.wikimedia.org
 
2012-07-11 10:53:27 PM
The sad thing is there are people who will buy this. A lot of them.

If I didn't have a conscience I'd be a multi-millionaire. Fleecing the flock is a time-honored path to financial success.
 
2012-07-11 10:53:32 PM
Meth addiction is pretty high in jesusland, right?

Because you gotta be high as f*ck to buy one of these.
 
2012-07-11 10:54:08 PM
> "We wanted to be able to offer our customers the ability to use our Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible," Honorable told FoxNews.com in an interview.

What is wrong with these people? Why do they need 27 versions of the same thing?
 
2012-07-11 10:54:38 PM

unlikely: When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.


I was with you until the last one. Private schools (including religious ones) routinely outperform their public "normal-people" counterparts. The causes are up for debate, but the numbers are what they are.
 
2012-07-11 10:55:30 PM

clyph: The sad thing is there are people who will buy this. A lot of them.

If I didn't have a conscience I'd be a multi-millionaire. Fleecing the flock is a time-honored path to financial success.


Money isn't everything?
 
2012-07-11 10:55:52 PM
But it's not a cult.
But it's not a cult.
But it's not a cult.
 
2012-07-11 10:55:55 PM

unlikely: When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

So this... you know... it's a "Christian Tablet." Whatever.


At least they're copying culture and not dictating it.
 
2012-07-11 10:56:46 PM
Ya know, a few minutes with Handbrake and a bittorrent client and you can put porn on anything. Heck, a few screen caps and my box of 5165 shipping labels and a quick pass through my color laser printer and you could put porn on EVERYTHING!
 
2012-07-11 10:56:59 PM
...but but but, Alan Turing makes computers devil machines full of teh ghey. How can there be a christian tablet computer without them being tainted by teh ghey?
 
2012-07-11 10:57:16 PM
Does it forgive them for being pretentious douchebags?
 
2012-07-11 10:57:22 PM
Lets put it to test, give it to a child and see what happens.
 
2012-07-11 10:59:14 PM
So it's going to molest your iPhone, then get a bunch of its buddies together an beat the shiat out of a Zune?
 
2012-07-11 10:59:39 PM
FTFA: Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible

But remember, the bible is the exact word of god. And the way this passage is phrased here in this particular variant means that you're a filthy sinner. Praise Jebus and bless your heart.
 
2012-07-11 11:01:55 PM

Impasse: It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

[blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 550x366]


Tom Araya was raised Catholic. The more you know.

One of my favorite interview moments ever:
"You were raised Catholic?"
"Yes, sir."
"So... Your Album.... The title... 'God Hates Us All?'"
"God doesn't hate."
"But... the title?"
"It's a farking cool album title."
 
2012-07-11 11:02:07 PM
blogs.ocweekly.com

Really Fark? This far in and not one post of this pic? You're slipping....


\hot
 
2012-07-11 11:02:12 PM

Indubitably: Money isn't everything?


That's something poor people tell themselves to feel better.

Money may not buy you love, but it can rent a reasonable facsimile by the hour.

Seriously though, I've never been wealthy; I've been broke and I've been comfortable. Comfortable sucks less than broke; evidence would indicate wealthy sucks even less.
 
2012-07-11 11:02:26 PM

Ghastly: I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.


What's hentai?
 
2012-07-11 11:02:42 PM

svenge: I was with you until the last one. Private schools (including religious ones) routinely outperform their public "normal-people" counterparts. The causes are up for debate, but the numbers are what they are.


The causes aren't really up for debate, kids from well to do families tend to do better than kids from poor families. My rich kid public school outperformed all the other schools that let in the mud people in town. (Incidentally, in that suburb the private christian schools underperformed because they were pretty much for the farkups who got kicked out of normal school for shooting heroin... ahh the joys of rich suburban bubbles)
 
2012-07-11 11:03:10 PM
Cool, a $149 tablet. I wonder how fast you can jailbreak it?

Is it just a uSD card like the Nook Color?
 
2012-07-11 11:03:44 PM
SithLord: This far in and not one post of this pic?

We were all waiting for you to post it.
 
2012-07-11 11:03:45 PM

Don't Troll Me Bro!: Impasse: It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

[blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 550x366]

Tom Araya was raised Catholic. The more you know.


Thanks.

\already knew that
 
2012-07-11 11:04:30 PM

Mambo Bananapatch: > "We wanted to be able to offer our customers the ability to use our Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible," Honorable told FoxNews.com in an interview.

What is wrong with these people? Why do they need 27 versions of the same thing?


Because it can be informative and, dare I say, insightful to read different efforts to translate Hebrew, Greek, or whatever into English, particularly at different historical periods (and as the English langauge evolved, too).

/Everybody knows it's better in the original Klingon, though
//Not everybody who reads religious texts is necessarily an idiot
///Unfortunately the people who will buy this tablet product probably tend more toward the idiot end of the scale
 
2012-07-11 11:04:54 PM
Ned Flanders approves!
 
2012-07-11 11:05:13 PM

Mambo Bananapatch: > "We wanted to be able to offer our customers the ability to use our Holy Bible application, which has 27 different English translations of the Bible," Honorable told FoxNews.com in an interview.

What is wrong with these people? Why do they need 27 versions of the same thing?


Don't look at me. I have three Game Boy Advances and two DSs, and waiting for the 3DS XL to come out.
 
2012-07-11 11:05:38 PM
Remember, you're not really a Christian unless you buy a bunch of shiat you don't need and cut yourself off from reality as much as possible.

Just like Jesus would have done.
 
2012-07-11 11:05:39 PM
Here's a fact:

The disparity between the "haves" and the "have-nots" has increased.

America is more robber-baron now than it ever was bootstrappy, currently.

Reevaluate, no?

Heh.

I got the message.

G'bye.
 
2012-07-11 11:06:18 PM
I'm constantly amazed how so many Christians can profess to be of such great faith, but fail to acknowledge their own weakness in faith they experience every day constantly. The kind of faith that makes people need things like this. The kind of faith that's so shallow that if they're exposed to a single tit or cuss word they've surrendered to the devil and will start backsliding immediately. I'll never understand how they can call that strength in Christ.
 
2012-07-11 11:06:23 PM

Impasse: Don't Troll Me Bro!: Impasse: It comes with Slayer? Sweet!

[blogs.phoenixnewtimes.com image 550x366]

Tom Araya was raised Catholic. The more you know.

Thanks.

\already knew that


Figured you did, but it gave me a chance to tell everyone that.

/Great interview, that was.
 
2012-07-11 11:07:07 PM
If this thing will turn water into wine, I'll buy it.
 
2012-07-11 11:07:59 PM

Yuri Futanari: Ghastly: I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.

What's hentai?


static.desktopnexus.com

/Your username, etc.
 
2012-07-11 11:08:17 PM
Taking bets on how long it takes to "crack" this to be able to view porn. My bet is before it hits the "christian" stores.
 
2012-07-11 11:08:32 PM
This is just a f*cking advertisement. Oh and:

It also comes with movie-watching capabilities, Christian radio stations, and even a web browser with built-in "safe search," so the tablet is safe for the whole family. "We put that on there just in case it was given as a gift to a child, so they wouldn't have access to things they shouldn't have access to," said Honorable. "We definitely had to tailor it to our customers."

That will last all of 5 seconds.
 
2012-07-11 11:09:20 PM
according to Brian Honorable

Somehow I get the feeling I can trust this man.


Surool: ...but but but, Alan Turing makes computers devil machines full of teh ghey. How can there be a christian tablet computer without them being tainted by teh ghey?


www.xsoftwrite.com

/oblig
 
2012-07-11 11:09:33 PM

svenge: Private schools (including religious ones) routinely outperform their public "normal-people" counterparts


My girlfriend went to a private Christian school and learned that there are seven races of which the white race is god's chosen, and that the world is 5000 years old, that evil-lution is a devil trap and that speaking in tongues was required for healthy spirituality.

I'm sticking with "suckier than normal people school."
 
2012-07-11 11:10:58 PM

unlikely: When I was a kid there was "Christian Rock" that was kind of like normal-people rock but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Comic Books" that were kind of like normal-people comic books but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Cartoons" that were kind of like normal-people cartoons but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were "Christian Kids' Shows" that were kind of like normal-people kids' shows but more sucky.
When I was a kid there were"Christian Schools" that were kind of like normal-people schools but more sucky.

So this... you know... it's a "Christian Tablet." Whatever.


Don't forget Vacation Bible School, which was just a bible school during your vacation. That's just mean.
 
2012-07-11 11:11:40 PM

Yuri Futanari: Ghastly: I want to get one of those and load it up with enough hentai to choke a dick. But it only has 8gb of storage.

What's hentai?


The stuff wet dreams are made of.
 
2012-07-11 11:11:54 PM
Christian plumbers.

Think about that one.

I understand there are rumours going around that "Christian" businesses tend to be run worse than normal businesses.

Anyone else have a thought on this?
 
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