If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Mail)   Tom Cruise is at an advanced stage of Scientology: Operating Thetan VII. He can move objects with his mind, leave his body at will and telepathically control the behavior of animals and human beings   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line 116
    More: Asinine, Tom Cruise, Operating Thetan VII, David Miscavige, Operating Thetan, silver screen, chairman of the board, Marty Rathbun, Scientology  
•       •       •

7731 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 11 Jul 2012 at 6:18 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



116 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-07-10 11:19:36 PM
BUT couldn't predict that his wife wanted to divorce him.

Maybe that's part of the next level.
 
2012-07-10 11:21:24 PM
Pull the other one

/telekinetically if necessary
 
2012-07-10 11:32:04 PM
In other new, Katie Holmes is an alien.
 
2012-07-10 11:32:50 PM
All those who believe Tom Cruise has telepathic powers, raise my hand.
 
2012-07-10 11:39:26 PM

cameroncrazy1984: All those who believe Tom Cruise has telepathic powers, raise my hand.


Did it work?

/maybe I'm doing it wrong
 
2012-07-10 11:45:21 PM
He's bulimic?
 
2012-07-10 11:55:54 PM
I can move things with my mind. I see something that needs to be moved, and I think to myself, "that thing needs to be moved." Then, as if by magic, my arm reaches out and my hand grabs the thing that needs to be moved. Then, I often use my mind to figure out where to put this farking thing I picked up.

Sometimes, my mind will step in and throw he thing I picked up at a Scientologist, and now, my mind has made someone bleed!

Then, my mind makes me run in the hopes of evading the police who are coming to charge me with assault.


/By the way, the best line I ever heard was between a drunk man and a woman at a bar one night years ago:
He: "I'm telekinetic. I can move things with my mind."
Her: "So what? I can get out of speeding tickets with my tits."

I still crack up at that.
 
2012-07-11 12:02:12 AM
well played, sir
 
2012-07-11 12:03:21 AM
Well that explains the whole Beckham thing...
 
2012-07-11 12:09:51 AM
telepathically control the behavior of animals and human beings

Doesn't seem to be working on Katie. Is it possible it is all b.s.?

/well, is it?
 
2012-07-11 12:10:40 AM

nvmac: cameroncrazy1984: All those who believe Tom Cruise has telepathic powers, raise my hand.

Did it work?

/maybe I'm doing it wrong


That was MY hand, jerk. Now you've gone and made a normal situation rather socially awkward. :(
 
2012-07-11 12:12:48 AM
He can pull a man's zipper down by batting his eyelashes.
 
2012-07-11 12:15:16 AM
Oh, yeah? Well, my power level is over 9,000.

I'm just Saiyan....
 
2012-07-11 12:15:41 AM
If only he could act, then he would be amazing.
 
2012-07-11 12:17:27 AM

Sgygus: telepathically control the behavior of animals and human beings

Doesn't seem to be working on Katie. Is it possible it is all b.s.?

/well, is it?


Well, did you ever stop to think that maybe Katie Holmes is not..... human?
 
2012-07-11 12:21:27 AM

tukatz: BUT couldn't predict that his wife wanted to divorce him.

Maybe that's part of the next level.


telepathic powers and he didnt know that his wife had spent months preparing for divorce??
bwhahahahahahahahahaha

I am a psychic, give me all your money and I will tell you the winning lottery numbers!!
 
2012-07-11 12:23:29 AM
ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Katie Holmes is an alien.

This is the solution that fits all the facts.

/Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
 
2012-07-11 12:24:45 AM

Tarkus: If only he could act, then he would be amazing.


Well, he was great in 'Taps'.

Unfortunately, they resurrected him and he made other things.
 
2012-07-11 12:35:27 AM

NewportBarGuy: Tarkus: If only he could act, then he would be amazing.

Well, he was great in 'Taps'.

Unfortunately, they resurrected him and he made other things.


He was awesome in Tropic Thunder, I'll give him that.
 
2012-07-11 12:37:00 AM
I dunno, I've seen him do some fantastic feats in movies.

How else could he defy the laws of physics like that?
 
2012-07-11 12:40:35 AM

RedPhoenix122: He was awesome in Tropic Thunder, I'll give him that.


Seriously, that made the movie for me. He was just awesome.

"You'll need a f*cking binding resolution from the United Nations to keep me from f*cking destroying you!"
 
2012-07-11 12:52:15 AM

Sgygus: telepathically control the behavior of animals and human beings

Doesn't seem to be working on Katie. Is it possible it is all b.s.?

/well, is it?


How can you be so glib? You're being glib. Glib.
 
2012-07-11 12:52:20 AM

NewportBarGuy: RedPhoenix122: He was awesome in Tropic Thunder, I'll give him that.

Seriously, that made the movie for me. He was just awesome.

"You'll need a f*cking binding resolution from the United Nations to keep me from f*cking destroying you!"


And it was honestly a bit hard to tell it was him at times, completely out of character.
 
2012-07-11 01:00:25 AM
that count von staufenburg movie was pretty awesome too. let's not forget that one.
 
2012-07-11 01:01:30 AM
Given these newly revealed telekinetic powers, why then did he not have Oprah's yellow couch jump up and down on him?
It would have made such an impact on the small screen.

Would really love to see him play Elmer Fudd in his next movie.

Better yet, let him play Kareem Abdul Jabar in a new Lakers Film.

So many possibilities, so short on Tom time.
 
2012-07-11 01:02:35 AM
I used to spend a lot of time in downtown Clearwater and I miss it now, I should get up there more often. But those people are just amazingly hilarious. They can seem pretty normal at first but when you interact with one you realize something is very wrong.

My favorite was watching a high-level member make me disappear. They are easy to spot, khaki pants and always clutching a manila folder. We were standing together at a stop light a couple blocks north of the Ft. Harrison, I nodded and smiled, and she made me disappear. No she really did. There was a power pole at the intersection, and she s-l-o-w-l-y moved behind it until it was between the two of us and I had vanished from existence entirely. It was a pretty nifty trick.

Then the light changed and I just went the other way anyway.
 
2012-07-11 01:03:56 AM
FTA: "Tom, who is understood to be at the advanced stage of OT VII, has practised the religion for 30 years and therefore has allegedly reached a rarefied state of enlightenment after travelling what is known as the Bridge to Total Freedom."

Actually, it looks like Katie traveled the Bridge to Total Freedom.
 
2012-07-11 01:07:28 AM
Yeah, well I used to wear magic underwear and it protected me from more than his super powers could do!
 
2012-07-11 01:14:36 AM
Wanna bet a year's salary on that Tom?
 
2012-07-11 01:22:05 AM
Through The Church of Scientology, Tom Cruise has reached a new level of awareness of the human condition, learning how to more fully accept men of all nationalities, and religions.


In his rectum.
 
2012-07-11 01:31:51 AM
Bullshiat, all he has to do is show it off and Scientology would get a billion followers.

Either that or he's a selfish asshole who wouldn't lift a finger to help out his religion.

/Or not lift a finger?
 
2012-07-11 01:33:00 AM

chestermania: Given these newly revealed telekinetic powers


Meh. Not really that new or revealed or secret. Scientology's own websites tell you all this junk per OT level and more. If you can get past the jargon--but its not hard to figure out what they are saying.
 
2012-07-11 01:33:07 AM
If Vinny and Maverick wed will they become Thetan Level Optimus Prime?
If he has these Super Powers, why did the Nuthouse buy him a $1 Million Dollar Bus???
Given the Looney Farm's stance on Gay Marriage, will Tom force John to get a Sex Change prior to the nuptials?
If they want everyone to be CLEAR, why does it cost over $180,000 to reach that level?
PT Barnum had a Thetan Prophecy when he said "There is a SUCKER born every minute!"
Welcome to Clearwater you mindless drone.
 
2012-07-11 01:37:35 AM
If I could read minds and move objects by looking at them, then man- I would act in so many movies.
 
2012-07-11 01:38:42 AM

Makh: Bullshiat, all he has to do is show it off and Scientology would get a billion followers.


i.imgur.com

Maybe he knows it would blow your muthafarkin' mind. Its all around you and you don't even know it. Magic everywhere in this biatch.
 
2012-07-11 01:58:17 AM
So he is like a 10th level monk.
 
2012-07-11 02:04:14 AM
The divorce has certainly got Scientology leaders rattled. TC has been lauded as their perfect poster boy who should be in TOTAL CONTROL of his life, yet here he is getting blindsided by someone with hardly any of the fabled superpowers at all. In fact they are SO rattled they have abandoned their usual instructions to the faithful to NEVER read anything about Scientology in the media - Instructions have gone out to every single Scientologist to complain about any negative comments attached to stories in the press about the breakup.
 
2012-07-11 02:17:37 AM
So if being Famous and have a GaZillion dollars gives legitimacy to a cause, then NAMBLA must be using Michael Jackson as a Poster Boy?
Columbia should have Billboards with John Belushi filling the country.
Electro-shock Therapy centers should have Bill Maher for the spokesperson.

Not sure why Nutscentology would want a bunch of Hollywood Narcissistic drones stumping the cause.

It does make me chuckle.
Hopefully the drones will keep maxing out the Credit Cards in search of CLEAR Thetan Level Friday the 13th!
Keep giving, keep losing...
 
2012-07-11 03:10:39 AM
Ever get this feeling when you're all alone and naked that someone is gently touching your junk? That's Tom Cruise telekinetically stroking your junk,
 
2012-07-11 04:21:15 AM
Here's hoping all the crazy will aid Katie Holmes in retaining full custody of her little girl -- and staying alive and healthy.
 
Skr
2012-07-11 06:33:27 AM
FTA "has practised the religion for 30 years"

Damn I didn't realize he had gotten into that when he was only 20 years old.
 
2012-07-11 06:33:58 AM

chestermania: If Vinny and Maverick wed will they become Thetan Level Optimus Prime?
If he has these Super Powers, why did the Nuthouse buy him a $1 Million Dollar Bus???
Given the Looney Farm's stance on Gay Marriage, will Tom force John to get a Sex Change prior to the nuptials?
If they want everyone to be CLEAR, why does it cost over $180,000 to reach that level?
PT Barnum had a Thetan Prophecy when he said "There is a SUCKER born every minute!"
Welcome to Clearwater you mindless drone.


Someone made a LOT of money off of him buying his way up the scientology ladder, not to mention that he was used in the same way a hunter uses a duck decoy to recruit more.people.
 
2012-07-11 06:36:54 AM

chestermania: Not sure why Nutscentology would want a bunch of Hollywood Narcissistic drones stumping the cause.


Because they're one part PR department, and one part Gulag.
 
2012-07-11 06:40:10 AM
 
2012-07-11 06:41:08 AM
I bet he's an expert at cloudbursting too.
 
2012-07-11 06:41:30 AM

suebhoney: I bet he's an expert at cloudbursting too.


lolwut
 
2012-07-11 06:45:41 AM
Is being an OT anything like being an OG...only for insane people?
 
2012-07-11 06:46:10 AM
Lets review the evidence:
All his marriages ended when his wife was 33.
Katie left him.
He may have psychic powers.

Holy crap. He made Katie leave him, thinking it was her idea. Maybe he is straight. The straightest man ever!

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled...
 
2012-07-11 06:54:42 AM

libranoelrose: suebhoney: I bet he's an expert at cloudbursting too.

lolwut


It's a "technique" where the "practitioner" makes a cloud move.

/ And no, that's pretty much all there is to it.
 
2012-07-11 07:02:04 AM

NewportBarGuy: He's bulimic?


Such a good movie.
 
Displayed 50 of 116 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report