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(Gizmodo)   Here's the 1st 'you'd totally hit it" ever uploaded to the internet   (gizmodo.com) divider line 71
    More: Amusing, Tim Berners-Lee  
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15365 clicks; posted to Geek » on 10 Jul 2012 at 3:14 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-10 01:10:05 PM  
The more things change...
 
2012-07-10 01:15:12 PM  
Meh... I used to fap to single pixels on my Amdek green-screen.
 
2012-07-10 01:22:52 PM  
To the Web, not the Internet, subby. There were plenty of pictures uploaded to Usenet, BBSs, etc. before 1992.
 
2012-07-10 01:27:15 PM  

markie_farkie: Meh... I used to fap to single pixels on my Amdek green-screen.


I remember being frustrated by some CD-ROM I bought at a porn store in the mid-90s. The only other option was to wait for my baud modem to render a photo I may or may not have wanted to jerk to, and it was already in my hand. So you kinda had to take what you could get. "I'm really not into some tiny girl being abused by two large black men, but I guess it's gonna have to do."

You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash. Think about your porn habits, and now try to imagine hiding that from people who live with you and rummage through your sh*t while you're at school or work.

Amateurs.
 
2012-07-10 01:32:05 PM  

dickfreckle: You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash. Think about your porn habits, and now try to imagine hiding that from people who live with you and rummage through your sh*t while you're at school or work.


And don't even get me started on ScrambleVision™.
 
2012-07-10 01:56:37 PM  

EatHam: And don't even get me started on ScrambleVision™


Dammit, I thought I'd put that chapter of my life behind me.

There's nothing more pathetic than some guy squinting to catch a scrambled Spice Channel movie while rubbing his dick. It's just...god the more I think of it the more I want to cry in shame.

Except:

YOU ALL DID IT, TOO.
 
2012-07-10 02:56:47 PM  
Oh, how far we've all come.
 
2012-07-10 03:03:01 PM  

EatHam: And don't even get me started on ScrambleVision™.


I remember having a friend that somehow knew how to unscramble channels you didn't get. Had something to do with opening the tuner and removing magnets or something. Don't quote me on that, I never knew how he did it... but it worked.
 
2012-07-10 03:18:18 PM  
The girl on the right has her bra edited out as well.
 
2012-07-10 03:18:57 PM  

Grables'Daughter: Oh, how far we've all come.


i see what you did there

/i need a cigarette
 
2012-07-10 03:24:44 PM  

dickfreckle:
You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash. Think about your porn habits, and now try to imagine hiding that from people who live with you and rummage through your sh*t while you're at school or work.

Amateurs.


"Y" here reporting in. My first nude image was accidental, sort of. I was a hormonally-driven 10 or 12 year-old and I wanted to know how to perform the rumored "Nude-ality" of Mortal Kombat 2, so I asked on either usenet or some Prodigy communication service (can't remember which).
Anyway, I received an answer and it was a slowly-loading image of a topless chick.

I still remember the image to this day, although I haven't bothered to search for it. It was some model named uhh... damn.. Nariya or something? Naria? Eh, whatever. It was some blonde, and from what I recall she was quite pretty.
 
2012-07-10 03:24:44 PM  

Grables'Daughter: Oh, how far we've all come.


and how much more we have to clean the carpets and sometimes the ceilings
 
2012-07-10 03:24:49 PM  

dickfreckle: You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash.


How about the fun of hand-stitching UUEncoded files together before decoding them into 8-bit binary files. Or looking at ASCII art. Or those horrid black and white MacPaint files...
 
2012-07-10 03:30:11 PM  
I feel this picture deserves a photoshop thread.
 
2012-07-10 03:32:55 PM  

dickfreckle: markie_farkie: Meh... I used to fap to single pixels on my Amdek green-screen.

I remember being frustrated by some CD-ROM I bought at a porn store in the mid-90s. The only other option was to wait for my baud modem to render a photo I may or may not have wanted to jerk to, and it was already in my hand. So you kinda had to take what you could get. "I'm really not into some tiny girl being abused by two large black men, but I guess it's gonna have to do."

You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash. Think about your porn habits, and now try to imagine hiding that from people who live with you and rummage through your sh*t while you're at school or work.

Amateurs.


Favorited because it's all so true!
 
2012-07-10 03:33:04 PM  

God-is-a-Taco: dickfreckle:
You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash. Think about your porn habits, and now try to imagine hiding that from people who live with you and rummage through your sh*t while you're at school or work.

Amateurs.

"Y" here reporting in. My first nude image was accidental, sort of. I was a hormonally-driven 10 or 12 year-old and I wanted to know how to perform the rumored "Nude-ality" of Mortal Kombat 2, so I asked on either usenet or some Prodigy communication service (can't remember which).
Anyway, I received an answer and it was a slowly-loading image of a topless chick.

I still remember the image to this day, although I haven't bothered to search for it. It was some model named uhh... damn.. Nariya or something? Naria? Eh, whatever. It was some blonde, and from what I recall she was quite pretty.


I remember the first nude I saw was a picture f a girl in a playboy that one of my cousins swiped from his dad. He only showed me one image, a brunette in a light mesh sweater and bikini bottom lifting her sweater with her right hand and exposing her bewbs... the vivid nature of that memory still kind of freaks me out. Searched all over my uncles house looking for more playboys, but couldn't find any... and from then on I was a perv and have never been happier...
 
2012-07-10 03:35:34 PM  
4, 2, 1,3
 
2012-07-10 03:39:57 PM  

asciibaron: Grables'Daughter: Oh, how far we've all come.

i see what you did there

/i need a cigarette


22 minutes.

Not too bad, I guess.

: )
 
2012-07-10 03:40:34 PM  

Strategeryz0r: I feel this picture deserves a photoshop thread.


I would love to be photoshopped into that picture.

: )
 
2012-07-10 03:40:57 PM  
And then I did it better:

img155.imageshack.us
 
2012-07-10 03:43:49 PM  

Grables'Daughter: Strategeryz0r: I feel this picture deserves a photoshop thread.

I would love to be photoshopped into that picture.

: )


Umm. Fark photoshop army: This must happen... for great justice.
 
2012-07-10 03:44:50 PM  

dickfreckle: You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer



You got that right good buddy. I'm 29 now, but I remember the plight of the mid-90's wanker like it was yesterday. The internet was a luxury not to be counted on, so most of us still had to rely on a stash of print outs or old magazines of shadowy origins. These had to be hidden somewhere, usually buried at the bottom of a rubbermaid tub of legos or between the pages of a Calvin and Hobbes anthology. My cousin lost a veritable treasure trove hidden in the woods during a rare summer rain storm.

I remember sneaking out of my bedroom to use the family computer in the living room after everyone else had gone to bed. Every creak of the floorboard sounded like a sonic boom announcing my intentions. Then the modem noise as we logged onto AOL was the loudest thing since the 4th of July. Do you kids today know how long a gallery of 12 pictures took to load on a 33.6k modem? DO YOU? Trying to find the best picture as fast as you could, knowing that at any moment, your mom could walk in as 50 pop-up pr0n windows exploded on your desktop and froze your computer?

That's not even taking into consideration that a video took 20 minutes to download a 6 second clip that was so pixilated that it might as well have been Scramblevision.

Kids today with their ipads. Can you imagine what we could have accomplished with an Ipad?
 
2012-07-10 03:44:59 PM  
img.gawkerassets.com

4, 3, 1, 2

Or more accuratley:

4, 3, 1 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>2
 
2012-07-10 03:47:59 PM  

kungfu jesus with a side of lime: God-is-a-Taco: dickfreckle:
You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash. Think about your porn habits, and now try to imagine hiding that from people who live with you and rummage through your sh*t while you're at school or work.

Amateurs.

"Y" here reporting in. My first nude image was accidental, sort of. I was a hormonally-driven 10 or 12 year-old and I wanted to know how to perform the rumored "Nude-ality" of Mortal Kombat 2, so I asked on either usenet or some Prodigy communication service (can't remember which).
Anyway, I received an answer and it was a slowly-loading image of a topless chick.

I still remember the image to this day, although I haven't bothered to search for it. It was some model named uhh... damn.. Nariya or something? Naria? Eh, whatever. It was some blonde, and from what I recall she was quite pretty.

I remember the first nude I saw was a picture f a girl in a playboy that one of my cousins swiped from his dad. He only showed me one image, a brunette in a light mesh sweater and bikini bottom lifting her sweater with her right hand and exposing her bewbs... the vivid nature of that memory still kind of freaks me out. Searched all over my uncles house looking for more playboys, but couldn't find any... and from then on I was a perv and have never been happier...


I can't remember my first pic, but I definitely remember my first video.

I was in grade 7 and my buddy stole one of his older brother's tapes. This was in the early 90s, so it was definitely hairy 80s porn. The sticking memory I have from that day was my confusion over why the girl never took her heels off. It seemed like it would've been much more comfortable that way.
 
2012-07-10 03:48:34 PM  

Magnanimous_J: dickfreckle: You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer


You got that right good buddy. I'm 29 now, but I remember the plight of the mid-90's wanker like it was yesterday. The internet was a luxury not to be counted on, so most of us still had to rely on a stash of print outs or old magazines of shadowy origins. These had to be hidden somewhere, usually buried at the bottom of a rubbermaid tub of legos or between the pages of a Calvin and Hobbes anthology. My cousin lost a veritable treasure trove hidden in the woods during a rare summer rain storm.

I remember sneaking out of my bedroom to use the family computer in the living room after everyone else had gone to bed. Every creak of the floorboard sounded like a sonic boom announcing my intentions. Then the modem noise as we logged onto AOL was the loudest thing since the 4th of July. Do you kids today know how long a gallery of 12 pictures took to load on a 33.6k modem? DO YOU? Trying to find the best picture as fast as you could, knowing that at any moment, your mom could walk in as 50 pop-up pr0n windows exploded on your desktop and froze your computer?

That's not even taking into consideration that a video took 20 minutes to download a 6 second clip that was so pixilated that it might as well have been Scramblevision.

Kids today with their ipads. Can you imagine what we could have accomplished with an Ipad?


Not much. I mean when the screen is covered in crusty white shiat it doesn't work too well.
 
2012-07-10 03:49:40 PM  

Ed Grubermann: dickfreckle: You kids today have no idea how Generation X (or older Generation Y) had to suffer to feed the spank bank. You just log on in your mom's basement. Dammit, we worked for it. Don't me started on hardcopies you had to stash.

How about the fun of hand-stitching UUEncoded files together before decoding them into 8-bit binary files. Or looking at ASCII art. Or those horrid black and white MacPaint files...


Ohhh man, I think I remember something like that. My usenet browser would show the gibberish text and I needed to copy and paste the chunks into Word (I think it was Word?) in order and then save the file as the type used by the emulator.
Damn. Kids really do it have it easy these days.
 
2012-07-10 03:49:44 PM  

dickfreckle: EatHam: And don't even get me started on ScrambleVision™

Dammit, I thought I'd put that chapter of my life behind me.

There's nothing more pathetic than some guy squinting to catch a scrambled Spice Channel movie while rubbing his dick. It's just...god the more I think of it the more I want to cry in shame.

Except:

YOU ALL DID IT, TOO.


I remember this one glorious day it came it almost perfect. It was black & white, and there was a frame line on the top, but the picture was really clear.
 
2012-07-10 03:51:35 PM  
Mr. Higgs is actually a catchy tune. I'll add it to my next beach party playlist. The Cernettes website says their final show is in a month.
 
2012-07-10 03:52:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Kids today with their ipads. Can you imagine what we could have accomplished with an Ipad?


The biggest difference between today and then is variety. I had to enjoy the same pics and same vids over and over. Scrambled porn was the only variation in my life, and a perfectly placed boob was all I needed because it was different.

Now I will barely ever watch the same video more than once. And pics? No chance. That's not even porn anymore. It's just a waste of time.
 
2012-07-10 03:52:41 PM  

God-is-a-Taco:
Ohhh man, I think I remember something like that. My usenet browser would show the gibberish text and I needed to copy and paste the chunks into Word (I think it was Word?) in order and then save the file as the type used by the emulator.
Damn. Kids really do it have it easy these days.


Oh, I forgot to mention that it was for video game ROMs. Super Nintendo, mostly.
 
2012-07-10 03:54:23 PM  

homarjr: I can't remember my first pic, but I definitely remember my first video.

I was in grade 7 and my buddy stole one of his older brother's tapes. This was in the early 90s, so it was definitely hairy 80s porn. The sticking memory I have from that day was my confusion over why the girl never took her heels off. It seemed like it would've been much more comfortable that way.


I actually remember the title of the first one I ever saw, Raw Talent. Of course, when one of the scenes is the main character going to the cafe's kitchen, humping a turkey carcass and using his jizz as mayo for an annoying female customer, it's pretty difficult to forget.

/Plus, it had the Hedgehog!
 
2012-07-10 03:58:45 PM  

homarjr: I was in grade 7 and my buddy stole one of his older brother's tapes. This was in the early 90s, so it was definitely hairy 80s porn. The sticking memory I have from that day was my confusion over why the girl never took her heels off. It seemed like it would've been much more comfortable that way.


So much this. I didn't have a brother, but was lucky that almost all my friends had brothers of legal porn-buying age.

And yeah, the heels thing always confused me.
 
2012-07-10 04:00:53 PM  

homarjr: And pics? No chance.


A lot of the time I like pictures better. They can capture a moment better than video. Your imagination fills in the blanks and you can give the situation a little more benefit of the doubt.

In video, it's much more obvious that its being shot in a dingy apartment in Panorama City and she'd really rather not be doing it.
 
2012-07-10 04:03:29 PM  
Wow... the pre-duckface era. I miss those days.
 
2012-07-10 04:03:30 PM  
"Les Horrible Cernettes" must be French for "sharp knees".
 
2012-07-10 04:04:24 PM  

kmmontandon: To the Web, not the Internet, subby.


Technically the "internet" came into existence when the Arpanet switched from NCP protocols to TCP/IP. In pre-TCP/IP days some of the first images made available via FTP may have been the famous SIGGRAPH examples "Lena" and "Mandrill":

design.osu.edudesign.osu.edu

though I think it hard to declare a "first image" when "uploading" in this case really means giving FTP access to a local directory of images encoded in uncompressed form (non of those fancy GIFs)
 
2012-07-10 04:06:55 PM  
If I read the article correctly, at least one of them is a man. Setting the norm for the web for decades.
 
2012-07-10 04:17:10 PM  

dickfreckle: EatHam: And don't even get me started on ScrambleVision™

Dammit, I thought I'd put that chapter of my life behind me.

There's nothing more pathetic than some guy squinting to catch a scrambled Spice Channel movie while rubbing his dick. It's just...god the more I think of it the more I want to cry in shame.

Except:

YOU ALL DID IT, TOO.


my theory is that it's like 'leaving something to the imagination'. i.e. hot chicks in sexy outfits are hotter than just butt naked chicks.

/don't necessarily believe this, but when it's either blurry cable channel or j.c. penny catalog - well...
 
2012-07-10 04:21:18 PM  
davekemp.ca

I used to knock a few out to this.
 
2012-07-10 04:23:26 PM  
"Hey, cool! Nude pics!"

*clicks 'download'*

[Ten minutes later...]

farm9.staticflickr.com
 
2012-07-10 04:24:00 PM  

wildcardjack: If I read the article correctly, at least one of them is a man. Setting the norm for the web for decades.


Nah. The real article that this article linked to (gotta give gizmodo traffic) says that the crossdressing guy was just a part of their theatre group. Thewomen in the picture are assistants or girlfriends.
The fact that he would crossdress is completely irrelevant. Sensationalist garbage.
 
2012-07-10 04:27:52 PM  
I remember that glorious time, when they still had all the sound. Then they neutered the sound into lame Muzak and only put the full audio on after 10PM. Sometimes you got lucky and the picture wasn't scrambled, but just inverted contrast. Like, the world's hottest Smurf porn. And then digital cable came and ruined all that. Luckily, it came about the same time as broadband, so it didn't really matter.
 
2012-07-10 04:29:25 PM  
i48.tinypic.com

So which one's the dude?
 
2012-07-10 04:31:52 PM  

Trocadero: I remember that glorious time, when they still had all the sound. Then they neutered the sound into lame Muzak and only put the full audio on after 10PM. Sometimes you got lucky and the picture wasn't scrambled, but just inverted contrast. Like, the world's hottest Smurf porn. And then digital cable came and ruined all that. Luckily, it came about the same time as broadband, so it didn't really matter.


Ahh, the days when switching from an unlocked channel to the Playboy channel would yield approximately .2 seconds of viewable picture, followed by a longer duration of swuiggly, contrast inverted nudity, then darkness.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-07-10 04:32:29 PM  
I remember the first porn I saw on a computer, around 1990. It was halftoned on a black and white monitor. The conservative guy next to me took several seconds to realize it was a dirty picture.
 
2012-07-10 04:37:20 PM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost:
I used to knock a few out to this.


A few? This was my childhood till 1996.
 
2012-07-10 04:54:06 PM  
I remember finding a box of Playboys in a relative's basement. 25 years later the smell of musty basement still brings back good memories.
 
2012-07-10 04:57:27 PM  

LDM90: I remember finding a box of Playboys in a relative's basement. 25 years later the smell of musty basement still brings back good memories.


I get a Pavlovian boner when I hear the old phone-modem-connecting screech and ping sound...
 
2012-07-10 05:16:16 PM  

downstairs: EatHam: And don't even get me started on ScrambleVision™.

I remember having a friend that somehow knew how to unscramble channels you didn't get. Had something to do with opening the tuner and removing magnets or something. Don't quote me on that, I never knew how he did it... but it worked.


CSB time

I had a tuner card in my PC (it was probably the most expensive part of my computer) and I could tune it to one scrambled channel. I couldn't fap to it but I had an idea. I captured the video, saved it to avi files with VirtualDub, and wrote a program that kinda unscrambled it. The algorithm was searching for the dark column that marks the edge of the visible area in every pixel line, and aligned the lines so that the images were not bent. Of course half the screen was lost and the colors were bad but it worked good enough.

And this is what I had to put up with.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2012-07-10 05:24:18 PM  
The algorithm was searching for the dark column that marks the edge of the visible area in every pixel line

I read an article a couple years ago crediting the diagonal "DRAFT" background on draft documents for helping spies reassemble shredded strips of secret documents. When you see where the fragment of the fixed background appears you know which column you have.
 
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