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(The Citizen)   If you're an air hostess giving an emergency message, try not to cry on the loudspeaker. It scares the other passengers   (thelocal.se) divider line 49
    More: Scary, flight attendants, Eurovision Song Contest, Heavy Rain, swedish, passengers, emergency landing  
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12288 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Jul 2012 at 9:43 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-07-09 09:24:50 AM
There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?
 
2012-07-09 09:33:47 AM
"Hope the plane don't crash!"

"Hear hear!" And it was the pilot.
 
2012-07-09 09:44:23 AM
Good luck, were on all counting on you.
 
2012-07-09 09:45:06 AM
air hostess??
 
2012-07-09 09:45:37 AM
A plane crash is always better when the flight attendant is crying.
 
2012-07-09 09:47:46 AM
static8.businessinsider.com

Said stewardess...
 
2012-07-09 09:49:00 AM
I read that as Massage.
 
2012-07-09 09:49:11 AM

Ashtrey: A plane crash is always better when the flight attendant is crying.


I CAME...to post this....LOL!
 
2012-07-09 09:49:16 AM
Was on a flight with some severe turbulence a long while back. People were throwing up. Various items were being tossed about the cabin. The stewardess was sitting, strapped in back in the galley area talking to herself. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.

Really confidence inspiring there, Northwest Airlines.
 
2012-07-09 09:49:35 AM
It's an entirely different kind of flying.
 
2012-07-09 09:50:23 AM
Who cares, check out the link to "Midweek revelers" on that page, schwing!
 
2012-07-09 09:50:33 AM
A Møøse once bit my sister ... No realli!
 
2012-07-09 09:51:58 AM
img54.imageshack.us

Looks bad in the newspapers and upsets civilians at their breakfast.
 
2012-07-09 09:53:21 AM
Surely, the air hostess was trained to remain calm in an emergency.
 
2012-07-09 09:54:22 AM
This is your hostess. You've probably noticed the smoke coming from the cockpit. I would like to take this moment and publicly confess my sins. Forgive me, Father, it has been one week since my last confession. Since my last confession, I have had unmarried sex with four men and three women. One of the men is sitting right here in first class and it happened not ten minutes ago. He's the one sitting next to his wife. He just gave me a grope and pushed me in the toilet. I figured "Why not? It's not like these frozen dinners were getting any fresher."

I also stole from the carry on luggage and I lied when I told the maintenance guys that I checked the oxygen masks. Actually, I checked them and found they weren't operational.

Oh? Just a TV set failing? Oh good.

Well, Lord, forgive me for opening this aircraft door, depressurizing the plane and killing us all.

Amen
 
2012-07-09 09:55:11 AM
blogs.ktk985.com
 
gja [TotalFark]
2012-07-09 09:57:01 AM
/would offer to comfort ever-so-gently in private
//only if she was hot, which is a good bet 'cause shes Swedish donchaknow
 
2012-07-09 09:57:08 AM
While it turned out that it was a broken television that caused the smoke...

I don't blame them for making an emergency landing. Pilots don't like to fly without access to TV.
 
2012-07-09 10:02:38 AM
At least I have a husband.
 
2012-07-09 10:03:51 AM

egomann: I read that as Massage.


Same, and I was greatly confused...
 
2012-07-09 10:04:26 AM
I have only been told to "assume crash position" once... and that was one time too many.

Last flight into Pittsburgh during thunder snow.
"We are going to try and land on the runway." was the other gem from that flight.

1990 I think.
 
2012-07-09 10:05:30 AM

egomann: I read that as Massage.


i interpreted crying as orgasm
 
2012-07-09 10:10:55 AM

egomann: I read that as Massage.


Ditto
 
2012-07-09 10:20:53 AM
t1.gstatic.com
 
2012-07-09 10:31:13 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Was on a flight with some severe turbulence a long while back. People were throwing up. Various items were being tossed about the cabin. The stewardess was sitting, strapped in back in the galley area talking to herself. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.

Really confidence inspiring there, Northwest Airlines.


At least you didn't experience "extreme turbulence". Airlines never classify anything as "extreme turbulence" unless it leads to a crash. Otherwise they have to ground the plane for days for a full examination.
 
2012-07-09 10:35:50 AM
Are Air Hostesses the Ho Hos of the airplane world?
 
2012-07-09 10:41:40 AM

DrSticky: Are Air Hostesses the Ho Hos of the airplane world?


3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-07-09 10:42:45 AM

Ex_Parrot: I have only been told to "assume crash position" once... and that was one time too many.

Last flight into Pittsburgh during thunder snow.
"We are going to try and land on the runway." was the other gem from that flight.

1990 I think.



I was landing in Bangor, Maine in about 1989 on a small turbo prop commuter and the pilot came on and said "We are going to try and land in a really bad cross wind hang on this could get bad." That was the last time I flew Bar Harbor Airlines.
 
2012-07-09 10:44:26 AM
FTFA:
"It was total panic. People sat and screamed out that they didn't want to die. The man in the seat behind me fainted and got help with the oxygen from another passenger. I asked an air hostess if we would crash on water or land. All I could think was that I didn't want to drown - I wanted to die right away."

When the plane eventually landed safely in Mallorca, flight staff still did not explain to the passengers what had happened, but rather, "sat on a bench and cried" according to Sonngård.



Let me see if I'm reading this right... So the flight attendants told everyone they were making an emergency landing, then the passengers all completely wigged out. Then, after they landed and everyone was disembarking, the flight attendants were crying as everyone was walking past. Everyone they'd just seen completely flipping out.

Sounds like the passengers were what really frightened the flight attendants. Young and weren't prepared to see the ugly side of people maybe?
 
2012-07-09 10:45:18 AM
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress."

- Speedbirds - always cool
 
2012-07-09 10:46:08 AM
Air hostess? So we have to call them Flight Attendants here, but in progressive Europe that is legit? I'm going to start using that here.

In other news I actually had a hot Air hostess on a US flight. God damn did she have a sweet ass too. Only thing that made that shiatty flight good was watching that woman walk away down the isle.
 
2012-07-09 10:51:39 AM
This is beyond unprofessional and they ought to be canned. As flight attendants, they are the ones everyone will look to for cues on how to act. If you can't handle your responsibilities while conveying emergency instructions with grace and composure you have no business being a flight attendant. This is on par with a reporter keeping composure when reading a gut-wrenching headline without giggling.

Jesus Christ MAN UP WOMAN!
 
2012-07-09 10:53:24 AM
Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.
 
2012-07-09 11:01:55 AM

justanotherfarkinfarker: Air hostess? So we have to call them Flight Attendants here, but in progressive Europe that is legit? I'm going to start using that here.

In other news I actually had a hot Air hostess on a US flight. God damn did she have a sweet ass too. Only thing that made that shiatty flight good was watching that woman walk away down the isle.


I'm going to go in the opposite direction and start calling the hostesses in restaurants "eating attendants".
 
2012-07-09 11:02:33 AM
Was her name Shirley?

The Stealth Hippopotamus: air hostess??


I tried spinning this into an air guitar simile but came up blank.
Worse than blank actually, everything sucked.
 
2012-07-09 11:04:37 AM
Is it still okay to crap your pants when announcing emergencies?
 
2012-07-09 11:05:55 AM

inkydoo: Is it still okay to crap your pants when announcing emergencies?


Oh, shut up and go and change your armor.
 
2012-07-09 11:51:16 AM

Also on the page:

www.thelocal.se
"What's the fuzz with Jews?"


What's the fuzz, indeed?
 
2012-07-09 11:53:25 AM
Motherf**** ... that's the last thing I need after being sandwiched into a sardine tube with the socially defective great unwashed is a Stew who's openly weeping into the P.A.
 
2012-07-09 11:54:57 AM
ARTHUR: Here you are Skip - nice hot cup of coffee.

MARTIN: (sighs and slurps) Oh, it's cold.

ARTHUR: Nice cup of coffee.

MARTIN: It's horrible!

ARTHUR: Cup of coffee.

MARTIN: I'm not even sure it is coffee.

ARTHUR: Cup. How're you feeling?

MARTIN: Feeling? Feeling -I'm feeling - feeling fine, why- why do you ask, I'm absolutely fine, fine. How, er, how, how're you, sobered up? Have you?

ARTHUR: Yeah, I have actually. It turns out a really good cure for being drunk is when you're on a plane and then an engine explodes and you think you're gonna die.

MARTIN: Should write in to the British Medical Journal.
 
2012-07-09 11:56:25 AM
Wow I read the article and there are so many things wrong with those people on so many levels! The pilots don't have the humanity to tell the people in the plane that the problem isn't really dangerous....the passengers freak out big time....the stewardesses cry before and after (and during?) the emergency. What a planeload of basket cases!
 
2012-07-09 11:57:52 AM

AverageAmericanGuy: Was on a flight with some severe turbulence a long while back. People were throwing up. Various items were being tossed about the cabin. The stewardess was sitting, strapped in back in the galley area talking to herself. I don't want to die. I don't want to die.

Really confidence inspiring there, Northwest Airlines.


Really? EEEWWWWW!!
 
2012-07-09 12:01:49 PM
A long time ago, my wife was in an AirFrance 747 that had a bomb threat while over the Atlantic. Had to dump fuel and land at Shannon; got there a few minutes after the bomb was due to go off (it turned out to be a hoax). She said the stewardesses were useless and were in tears the whole time.
Said the maneuvers the jet did to get back in record time were pretty impressive, though.
 
2012-07-09 12:21:36 PM
one of the many passion plays of life.

nobody's worried about dying. it's always about pretending to care so you shed a tear. then pretending to care about the tear by pretending not to want to die.
 
2012-07-09 01:49:22 PM
i was on a delta flight from Atlanta to Norfolk and we were almost to Norfolk when the captain announced we would return to Atlanta because there was "a problem with the plane and the equipment to fix it was in Atlanta".

As we approached Atlanta, all the fire trucks were lined up along the runway.

After we touched down, the flight attendant yelled over the PA system with great enthusiasm "WE MADE IT!" We looked at her in stunned silence.

They never did tell us WTF was wrong, but the flight attendant was scared shiatless. They put us on another plane with a new crew and gave us a free beer.
 
2012-07-09 04:51:30 PM
"We took off from the Flagstaff Stockholm Airport, Hair Care and Tire Center..."
www.laughstub.com
 
2012-07-09 04:57:22 PM
i was on a delta flight from Atlanta to Norfolk and we were almost to Norfolk when the captain announced we would return to Atlanta because there was "a problem with the plane and the equipment to fix it was in Atlanta".

As we approached Atlanta, all the fire trucks were lined up along the runway.

After we touched down, the flight attendant yelled over the PA system with great enthusiasm "WE MADE IT!" We looked at her in stunned silence.

They never did tell us WTF was wrong, but the flight attendant was scared shiatless. They put us on another plane with a new crew and gave us a free beer.


LOL! That is f'd up. "WE MADE IT!"
 
2012-07-09 11:19:23 PM
Well did she cum, or what?
 
2012-07-10 09:16:32 AM

wambu: i was on a delta flight from Atlanta to Norfolk and we were almost to Norfolk when the captain announced we would return to Atlanta because there was "a problem with the plane and the equipment to fix it was in Atlanta".

As we approached Atlanta, all the fire trucks were lined up along the runway.

After we touched down, the flight attendant yelled over the PA system with great enthusiasm "WE MADE IT!" We looked at her in stunned silence.

They never did tell us WTF was wrong, but the flight attendant was scared shiatless. They put us on another plane with a new crew and gave us a free beer.


I had a pilot come on after an extremely rough landing with the announcement, "Well folks, I guess you guys thought you were going to be on the news tonight, but we're here safely, so I hope you don't mind too much." It actually went over pretty well.
 
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