I was bullied in junior high. Badly. death threats, pushed on the stairs, people threatened to bomb my house(I didn't know if they had the resources or not)kicked, shoved, had rocks thrown at me (that only happened once) called ugly, hideous, a monster,made to feel like a freak and an outcast on every possible occasion. I was bullied in some way or other by many, many people, although most didn't do much, there were about a dozen that did these things. For 3 years. By the end of the first year I stopped wanting them to accept me, and started wanting them to stop trying to hurt me. if it had just been taunts I'd have been okay, but I was literally in terror for my life. Worse I had a toddler brother and was worried he might get hurt if they did something to the house.I developed a horrible anxiety disorder later and suffered from crippling panic attacks. I only got through that by taking a job where I don't have to deal with very many people.

Gosling: It doesn't matter whether the bully remembers, pbjrfym. What matters is that the bullied person remembers.

Let's put it this way. The Philippines still remembers all the stuff the United States did to them in a side battle of the Spanish-American War. Iran still remembers the whole Shah overthrow. Central America still remembers a guy named William Walker from Tennessee who tried to take over the whole region.

Does the average American remember any of that? Hell no. Doesn't mean it doesn't still have an effect.

That's actually a pretty epic set of examples.

^ I should add that I would never threaten the people who did things to me now. I'm sure some don't realize how horrible it was for me, and others probably aren;t proud of it. It's over now, and life isn't about revenge. Hopefully they teach their kids how to be nicer than they were.

-1


/no hero

dv-ous: MadCat221: AverageAmericanGuy: That's pretty sad. 20 years is a long time to hold on to that kind of anger.

I take it you weren't a chronic bullying victim in the awkward years?

I was.

I don't even remember the names of the people involved, and it's only been 13 years.

Living well is the best revenge. Not because you get to rub anybody's nose in it, but because, well, you stop giving a shiat. There's other stuff to do.

If I thought of High School as my "glory years" well, that'd be something else. I'd probably feel bitter about somebody who "ruined" them. But I feel pretty sorry for anybody who peaked in HS.

This bears repeating.jpeg

For me, HS was over 20 years ago; not only have I forgotten the names of people that did me wrong, I've also forgotten some people I actually liked...

/ I sound old

MadCat221: AverageAmericanGuy: That's pretty sad. 20 years is a long time to hold on to that kind of anger.

I take it you weren't a chronic bullying victim in the awkward years?

I was. I can still say though that a lot of us grew the fark up. Kids are assholes at that age. I got pushed around, got called names, and had the entire contents of my backpack emptied on more than one occasion. I see those kids every once and a while. Some are successful, some are not. But the thing is: I'm not a scared 16 year old nerd anymore. No more than they are jock assholes. We're grownups now. Time to move on from petty labels like that, because its a sad person that dwells on it.

kisseswookies: I was. I can still say though that a lot of us grew the fark up. Kids are assholes at that age. I got pushed around, got called names, and had the entire contents of my backpack emptied on more than one occasion. I see those kids every once and a while. Some are successful, some are not. But the thing is: I'm not a scared 16 year old nerd anymore. No more than they are jock assholes. We're grownups now. Time to move on from petty labels like that, because its a sad person that dwells on it.

Wow. Your backpack was emptied. That must've been really traumatic for you. I'm so glad you were able to get over such abuse and it didn't ruin your life. I'm sure it took a great deal of time and therapy to put that behind you.

How is this Guy a "Hero" subs? How, exactly did he get revenge?

It seems to me a better way to get revenge is to show up at your 20yr reunion a well rounded, successful person who didn't let the bullying consume their lives. This guy just proved to his bullies that they are still winning and that they still have power over him.

My revenge was leaving leaving hicksville, getting a good paying job and having a full head of hair.

Savage Belief: It seems to me a better way to get revenge is to show up at your 20yr reunion a well rounded, successful person who didn't let the bullying consume their lives.

That may be a good response to the situation, but how can you say it's a better way to get revenge? It's way worse. A better way would be to arrange a really elaborate maze of death and make them all go through it, only to find out that there's no exit and it's on fire. Now, before you disagree with me, take a second to think of each of our scenarios as an action movie, and ask yourself: Which movie would you rather see?

I love the thread full of people saying "I got the best revenge over those assholes! I grew up well rounded and handsome and screw those douchebag, loser, fat people! Ha ha! I got over it!!"

Yeah, you all got over it

What is his Fark handle?

Public Savant: What the hell is wrong with the american schools and high schools?!

I haven't experienced anything as severe as what is being described in this thread.
Sure I've been picked on a bit and so has every one else, but the levels of physical violence described here seems quite harsh compared to danish standards.

WTF are you guys doing wrong?

I never experienced anything worse than name-calling in HS, but as for the violence that some people have suffered, I have no explanation other than acknowledging that the USA has a lot of farked-up people.

/ many of us are descended from Europe's cast-offs
// ...I wonder why Australia isn't as screwed up as the US is ( at least when it comes to bullying)

I will also join the ranks of those decrying the use of the "hero" tag.

Idle threats, ultimately unfulfilled, do not constitute a meaningful act of vengeance deserving of such a tag.

untaken_name: Savage Belief: It seems to me a better way to get revenge is to show up at your 20yr reunion a well rounded, successful person who didn't let the bullying consume their lives.

That may be a good response to the situation, but how can you say it's a better way to get revenge? It's way worse. A better way would be to arrange a really elaborate maze of death and make them all go through it, only to find out that there's no exit and it's on fire. Now, before you disagree with me, take a second to think of each of our scenarios as an action movie, and ask yourself: Which movie would you rather see?

Any plan for revenge that results in the subject being dead, rather than being alive and facing years -- if not decades -- of living with crippling disfigurement, is not a properly arranged plan.

Got bullied all throughout childhood - dirt poor, rail-thin, stuttered, and had the social skills of a boy raised by wolves. Then in late high school, through sports, I somehow became popular and a minor bully. Really ashamed of it now. I regret bullying a lot more than being bullied. This guy needs to move on.

Savage Belief: How is this Guy a "Hero" subs? How, exactly did he get revenge?

It seems to me a better way to get revenge is to show up at your 20yr reunion a well rounded, successful person who didn't let the bullying consume their lives. This guy just proved to his bullies that they are still winning and that they still have power over him.

This.

Really?

Look, I don't like bullies, either, but if you didn't deal with them then (by delivering their violence back on them two-fold), or just GTF over it like a rational adult, you're not going to feel better by seeking "vengeance" 20 years later.

You're going to end up in jail, and you'll get to relive that high school bullying all over again - this time, a lot more rapey.

Dimensio: untaken_name: Savage Belief: It seems to me a better way to get revenge is to show up at your 20yr reunion a well rounded, successful person who didn't let the bullying consume their lives.

That may be a good response to the situation, but how can you say it's a better way to get revenge? It's way worse. A better way would be to arrange a really elaborate maze of death and make them all go through it, only to find out that there's no exit and it's on fire. Now, before you disagree with me, take a second to think of each of our scenarios as an action movie, and ask yourself: Which movie would you rather see?

Any plan for revenge that results in the subject being dead, rather than being alive and facing years -- if not decades -- of living with crippling disfigurement, is not a properly arranged plan.

To the pain, then?

Forbidden Doughnut: Public Savant: What the hell is wrong with the american schools and high schools?!

I haven't experienced anything as severe as what is being described in this thread.
Sure I've been picked on a bit and so has every one else, but the levels of physical violence described here seems quite harsh compared to danish standards.

WTF are you guys doing wrong?

I never experienced anything worse than name-calling in HS, but as for the violence that some people have suffered, I have no explanation other than acknowledging that the USA has a lot of farked-up people.

/ many of us are descended from Europe's cast-offs
// ...I wonder why Australia isn't as screwed up as the US is ( at least when it comes to bullying)

The European "cast-offs" in the United States were often religious fanatics. The "cast-offs" in Australia were merely criminals.

untaken_name: Dimensio: untaken_name: Savage Belief: It seems to me a better way to get revenge is to show up at your 20yr reunion a well rounded, successful person who didn't let the bullying consume their lives.

That may be a good response to the situation, but how can you say it's a better way to get revenge? It's way worse. A better way would be to arrange a really elaborate maze of death and make them all go through it, only to find out that there's no exit and it's on fire. Now, before you disagree with me, take a second to think of each of our scenarios as an action movie, and ask yourself: Which movie would you rather see?

Any plan for revenge that results in the subject being dead, rather than being alive and facing years -- if not decades -- of living with crippling disfigurement, is not a properly arranged plan.

To the pain, then?

Draw. Your. Sword.

untaken_name: That may be a good response to the situation, but how can you say it's a better way to get revenge? It's way worse. A better way would be to arrange a really elaborate maze of death and make them all go through it, only to find out that there's no exit and it's on fire. Now, before you disagree with me, take a second to think of each of our scenarios as an action movie, and ask yourself: Which movie would you rather see?

I think the "get revenge by living well" is an attempt to use the hurt, anger and pain to build something positive. It's a way to try to channel it into a constructive force rather than continue the path of destruction.

It's never really worked for me, because I don't want to get revenge on anyone for anything. I want to live well and be happy because that's what I want for myself, not to spite anyone else.

I will say, however, that in high school, one of the bullies from elementary was in a bad car accident. He ended up with brain damage and was off school for several years. While I don't wish terrible things on anyone, it did bring a smile to my face at the time. Karma's a biatch.

MagSeven: ExperianScaresCthulhu: [ww2.hdnux.com image 376x471] [1.bp.blogspot.com image 320x240] That dude ain't gonna hurt nobody. I mean, read the message folks got in a tizzy about.


The "I'm still seeking vengeance" line that was preceded by the Columbine talk might have raised a few eyebrows among the alumni.

"Oh noes, the kid drew a rocket launcher with flames coming out of it and aimed it towards the school, arrest the kid!"

No. Eyebrows raised or not, 'I'm still seeking vengeance' really means 'I'm still seeking acceptance'. Dude wanted those who tormented him to not only apologize, but to feel such remorse that they begged forgiveness. If he was really seeking violent vengeance, he would have just shown up and got things popping. He didn't.

But like in Gosling's historical examples above, there are two types of bullies: those who get off on it, and those who don't see themselves as bullying or the bullying they did as mattering at all. The bullied person is traumatized and wants closure, but the bully can't give it because the bully doesn't see anything wrong. For this dude in the article, he wanted something which was never going to be given to him by his former classmates.

He had no one to speak up for him during his high school years, and no one is willing to speak up for him afterwards. He still feels the pain, but everyone else has 'gotten over it' because there's nothing for them to get over. His pain is irrelevant to their lives. Now, where his pain intersects with possible pain inflicted on their own lives, yeah, suddenly it matters.

But no one is speaking up for this dude. No one acknowledges his pain. He is punished for saying 'this still matters to me'. This article does not interview or acknowledge anyone who says 'I remember him' or 'I remember what he went through'. No one is standing up for him or beside him or with him. He was treated as a monster back then, and he's treated as a monster now.

This dude needs help, yes. And he went about askin for what he really wanted, in the wrong way. But that doesn't change that he was really asking for remorse and acknowledgement of what he went through........... and didn't get it.

I feel bad for this dude. I feel bad because there were several ways this was handled. I feel bad because I understand why the nuclear 'Call the Police and the Attorneys' option was utilized. And I feel bad because the eyebrow raisers are probably the very ones who did the most damage back then turning him into what he is now. Just a feelin'.

You guys are armatures. I got beat up by three different highschools and I never even went to school.

Acharne: ontariolightning: McBatt: When I was 16, I remember being pissed off about something, so I beat a kid up. He was kinda the school punching bag already, and he wasn't helping matters - that particular day, he was bragging that he was wearing a cup, so no one could hurt him. he was actually telling people to kick him in the balls. So instead I went for his stomach, and caught him in the jaw as he crumbled forward, knocking him off his feet backwards. He was already crying before he go up, and just kept asking why I'd hit him, which I had no answer for, really. I later found out it was his 18th birthday.

So even though there had to be two dozen other guys in my class that had done the same thing, the whole thing bothered me for years. I eventually ran into him at a bar 5 years after graduation on one of my rar visits back to that part of the world, and was drunk enough to issue like a 20 minute apology. He had been beaten up so many times that he apparently genuinely didn't remember the particular time I was apologizing for, but seemed to appreciate it.

What kind of dick head punches people for no reason? unless its self defense or someones beating up a defensess person, you have no right hitting anyone
who raised you to hit defenseless people? whats your address tough guy?

I'm taken aback that someone would respond thusly to a post like that. McBatt isn't defending his actions, he is showing remorse and an attempt to make amends. You're replying to him like he is still in high school and just hit the guy yesterday.

he's attempting to mitigate what he did: "So even though there had to be two dozen other guys in my class that had done the same thing"
it's likely mcbatt still carries this sadistic trait. he did this when he was close to 18 years of age.
there is no requirement society forgive a confirmed sociopath who gets pleasure from inflicting violence on the weak.
mcbatt antisocial tendencies undoubtedly are still there, but manifest themselves in other ways. f*ck mcbatt.

radiovox: Oh boo farking hoo! Grow the fark up and move on with your life. You weren't the first and certainly won't the last kid to be picked on in high school. For someone to carry that much of a grudge for 20 years and then post that kind of message on Facebook has serious mental issues. And no, it's not as a result of being picked on. This guy is just a nut case.

I'm glad you were able to make a proper psychiatric diagnosis from the few sentences in the article. Where did you go to medical school again?

And by the way, most (not all) but most of the kids who get picked on are usually the little assholes who talk shiat and are the most annoying little fark sticks in the school. There's a reason no one every stood up for this guy and it's most likely because he was one of those unbearable socially retarded asswipes who everyone hated.

Yeah, and everyone knows the reasonable treatment for annoying assholes is to beat the fark out of them and taunt them daily until they learn their lesson and fall in line with everyone else.

BurnShrike: kisseswookies: I was. I can still say though that a lot of us grew the fark up. Kids are assholes at that age. I got pushed around, got called names, and had the entire contents of my backpack emptied on more than one occasion. I see those kids every once and a while. Some are successful, some are not. But the thing is: I'm not a scared 16 year old nerd anymore. No more than they are jock assholes. We're grownups now. Time to move on from petty labels like that, because its a sad person that dwells on it.

Wow. Your backpack was emptied. That must've been really traumatic for you. I'm so glad you were able to get over such abuse and it didn't ruin your life. I'm sure it took a great deal of time and therapy to put that behind you.

Upper -middle class suburban oppression, life is hard at 16. Not so much at 26.

/could it be? Did I not post the entirety of my bullied past in a thread? Naw, I must have had it easy.

I wonder which was worst, getting called Jughead, Dumbo or fivehead. Nice pencil neck too. He probably had people handing him feathers all the time or grabbing his ears. I wonder if he smoked so much that he's given himself some kind of COPD and then blames that on the tobacco companies. Interstate transmission of a threat is a federal felony and his California classmates can have him prosecuted for making a "terrorist threat" also a felony. If he didn't care for highschool he's really not going to like PMITA prison.

BurnShrike: untaken_name: That may be a good response to the situation, but how can you say it's a better way to get revenge? It's way worse. A better way would be to arrange a really elaborate maze of death and make them all go through it, only to find out that there's no exit and it's on fire. Now, before you disagree with me, take a second to think of each of our scenarios as an action movie, and ask yourself: Which movie would you rather see?

I think the "get revenge by living well" is an attempt to use the hurt, anger and pain to build something positive. It's a way to try to channel it into a constructive force rather than continue the path of destruction.

It's never really worked for me, because I don't want to get revenge on anyone for anything. I want to live well and be happy because that's what I want for myself, not to spite anyone else.

I will say, however, that in high school, one of the bullies from elementary was in a bad car accident. He ended up with brain damage and was off school for several years. While I don't wish terrible things on anyone, it did bring a smile to my face at the time. Karma's a biatch.

Elementary school? You smiled and think it's karma someone got brain damage over something someone did to you in elementary school? Everyone's a twat in elementary school. Kids can hardly wipe their ass in elementary school let alone concieve anything about bullying. Sounds like you deserved to get bullied a hell of a lot more than you did.

Forbidden Doughnut: dv-ous: MadCat221: AverageAmericanGuy: That's pretty sad. 20 years is a long time to hold on to that kind of anger.

I take it you weren't a chronic bullying victim in the awkward years?

I was.

I don't even remember the names of the people involved, and it's only been 13 years.

Living well is the best revenge. Not because you get to rub anybody's nose in it, but because, well, you stop giving a shiat. There's other stuff to do.

If I thought of High School as my "glory years" well, that'd be something else. I'd probably feel bitter about somebody who "ruined" them. But I feel pretty sorry for anybody who peaked in HS.

This bears repeating.jpeg

For me, HS was over 20 years ago; not only have I forgotten the names of people that did me wrong, I've also forgotten some people I actually liked...

/ I sound old

It stopped mattering to you, because there was something to take its place. It didn't stop mattering to either one of you because you were that much stronger. You both filled your cups with something else. in your own example, the people you'd forgotten that you actually liked weren't people you really liked. They were people who didn't negatively impact your day.................but they didn't really make a deep impression on your life. They were acquaintances, faceless back then in spite of seeing them every day, and faceless right now.

They might as well have been co-workers (which is why I always feel badly about folks who treat their jobs and their co-workers as family. How many people remember anyone at their jobs who doesn't immediately represent a means to networking to somewhere else? if you don't represent something to someone else, you are forgotten........ which is why it's a big deal when someone like a Patton remembers everyone's name. It just does not happen in real life. It can't).

But those people and incidents which did matter to you, you do remember. That also just happens in life. Again, it's not because you are stronger or better able to deal with shiat. The shiat didn't matter to you in the first place. Or you replaced those incidents and people in your head, with other incidents and people in your head.

It's the one thing I like about the failed 'It Gets Better' movement. (Failed because of so many suicides reported after the fact.) It's supposed to get better because the cup is always able to be refilled with something else. But if you don't give people to tools to refill that cup.. you know what I mean? you can't tell someone to put the cup down when there is nothing to refill the cup with. That's bullshiat, and a cruelty all by itself.

I'm in no way condoning violence, but some people have never learned that actions generally have consequences..

SnakeLee: I bullied the shiat out of this kid when I was younger and I feel pretty bad about it. Writing him on Facebook seems so corny though

I think you should do it anyway.

If one of the kids who bullied me back in the day just came out of the past to apologize, I would sincerely think of it as a very classy act.

People do change as they grow up.

MagSeven: Never said it didn't happen. Just not particularly, as in regularly or often.

If it wasn't regular and often, it wasn't bullying.

I suspect he wasn't "bullied", it's just everyone treated him like crap because he came across as creepy and unhinged, and apparently still is.

Something that is missing from a lot of this bullying talk is that did you ever think that some people who were shunned and belittled in high school were actually people who were deserving of it?

I'm sorry, if you post talk of Columbine and seeking "revenge" - 20 years after the fact - then that makes you just as bad as the perceived bullying you got.

Some people get bullied for the wrong reasons - being gay, being fat, being ugly. Other people are just wired wrong and even if you're nice to them they are still wired wrong.

I find it fascinating that people harbor so much hate for people who bullied them in school. I had my social issues too, but I attributed that to the more likely source.. my parents. If you're a socially awkward failure who cant deal with these things, its because your parents did a shiat job of raising you.

Dont do a shiat job of raising your children.

Lernaeus: Look, I don't like bullies, either, but if you didn't deal with them then (by delivering their violence back on them two-fold), or just GTF over it like a rational adult, you're not going to feel better by seeking "vengeance" 20 years later.

The problem with trauma like this is that you're not a "rational adult". It farks you in the head. It changes your thinking of yourself, the world, and your place in it. It's not a case of "GTF over it". It takes time, and a lot of work.


PC LOAD LETTER: If you can't get over it after 20 years, please seek professional psychological help.

I agree with this. The problem is, how do you get help? There aren't a lot of ways to get the help you need. I'm assuming that his anxiety/depression result in him not being able to work, or working a low-end job, so benefits are out of the question. I doubt he has much money to pay out of his own pocket. So how exactly does he go about getting the help he needs?

As much as we have medical care for everyone (I'm talking about the civilized world here, although the US is catching up on that front), we still have a disturbing lack of support for mental issues. They can be just as limiting, and perhaps more debilitating than physical injuries, yet for the most part we don't give people the help they need.

I was bullied a lot in elementary school. I transferred to a different high school and finally found my niche,
I only remember being bullied once in Grade 9, by a kid from my old elementary school. He was a couple years older than me, but in my math class. The idiot thought it would be fun to "egg" a bunch of niners.. then brag about it in class. Moron. Wonder what jail he is in these days.

O'Doyle Rules!

That seemed kinda vague as a threat, what did they arrest the guy on?

MadCat221: AverageAmericanGuy: That's pretty sad. 20 years is a long time to hold on to that kind of anger.

I take it you weren't a chronic bullying victim in the awkward years?

He's right. Most people gain perspective in twenty years and realize it's not worth obsessing over. I had my share of it and I survived. I'd be willing to bet today that not one of my bullies would give me shiat. Not just because I'm not the kid I was then but because the vast majority of them eventually matured as well. The ones that didn't would probably be incarcerated anyway.

I didn't have a great high school experience. Part of that was on me, because I was too immature.

I don't see it as "boo hoo hoo I was picked on/bullied/excluded", etc. I freely admit that some of it was my own fault.

Incidentally, I got my invite for my 20 year high school reunion last week.

I've been thinking long and hard about going. I went to my 10 year, and I didn't really get anything out of it, outside of a girl drunkenly telling me that she wanted to marry a guy like me.

I mean, what's the point? Reunions are to relive good times, and I didn't have a lot in high school. I don't need to show anyone up, "look at me, I've got a beautiful wife, look at me, I've got a beautiful kid, look at me, I've got a stable job I like."