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(Tofurkey)   Tofurky: PETA's answer to Thanksgiving turkey   ( divider line
    More: Scary  
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4308 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2001 at 5:20 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

362 Comments     (+0 »)

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2001-11-15 07:26:06 PM  
Whay don't they just sell a flippin brick of tofu? What's with the turkey? Are vegitarians so easily fooled by "gobbling" up this marketing campaign? I mean is tofu. What's the damn purpose of making it look like a turkey? Beats the crap out of me.
2001-11-15 07:28:39 PM  
This has nothing to do with Peta. I have been eating Tofurky for three years now. I am a vegetarian and for those of you who think it tastes like turkey, that is not at all the case. It is a good product and alternative for vegetarians on Thanksgiving. I cannot believe people would react so negatively to something that other people can enjoy. I don't like to eat dead things, end of story.
2001-11-15 07:29:03 PM  
"Squirrelfu" is good too. It's frightening how similar it is to the real thing.
2001-11-15 07:29:06 PM  
oh you guys have GOT to watch the "RealVideo" clips they've got, they are hilarious. These people consider these "glowing endorsements"?

Christ, if this is what vegetarians call victories, no wonder PETA is so screwed up.

Lemme give you a few edited transcripts:

--X-Files Movie Shoot
Actor playing a zombie: *takes a chomp of a dummy "victim"* BLAH! What is this...what the hell is this in my mouth, what did you make this dummy out of?
Director: Craft services, what is that shoulder made of?
Props manager: Um, turkey, sir. Just like you asked.
Actor: TURKEY!?! AUGH I said TOFURKEY! I'm a vegetarian, half the zombies are vegetarians! OH MY GOD I JUST TOOK A BITE OF TURKEY!!! *runs horrified from the set to wash his mouth out*

--Jay Leno Show:
Jay: So, you had a big party at your house?
Guest: Yeah, we had about 30 people at the house...big turkey and tofurkey, and...
*cut to shot of the two vegetarians watching the show on their TV*
Stupid grinning watcher: Hey, seems that Jay Leno is talking about Tofurkey!

and this one takes the prize! Demonstrating for certain the depth of their advertising penetration...
Alex Trebek: "Brand Names for 400: Brand Name of the tofu thanksgiving dish from Entrepreneur Seth Tibbott"
*five seconds tick away, NOBODY hits their buzzers. Not even an attempt!*
Alex: "It is toFURKey"

you HAVE to watch that one just to see how Alex pronounces it.
2001-11-15 07:29:41 PM  
I love meat, and except for infancy, have been eating it all my life. I shower daily, but sometimes I have a bath. It depends on my mood. I wax my legs. I won't be running a marathon in the next few months, but I'm healthy. I'm happy, which is more important to me. I think that PETA go way over the top. I wear makeup. However, I prefer to buy products which have not been tested on animals. I support the RSPCA.

I like Tim Tams. I've never tried Tofu, and I'd rather not thankyou. I don't want to try placenta stew. I don't like turkey, but we don't celebrate Thanksgiving, and Christmas dinner is usually seafood at the beach, depending on the weather.

Although I may not understand others "lifestyle" choices, I can respect them. All I would ask is that mine are similarly respected.

I have boobies.

I think that about covers it.
2001-11-15 07:30:27 PM  
Tofurkey? TOFURKEY? Heck, give me a good ol' fashioned Helmsturkey any day!

[image from too old to be available]
2001-11-15 07:35:52 PM  
How to vegetarians know it tastes like turkey or not?

When they come out with Tofurducken and John Madden eats some, I might be swayed a little bit better.
2001-11-15 07:36:19 PM  
2001-11-15 07:36:37 PM  
Come on Kylie you and Rebrane aren't even reading the same pamphlets. Rebrane says it 4 Lbs?

Buy a 300 Lbs feeder calf(has been recently weened, hasn't had much of a chance to eat grain). Feeding it on average 20 Lbs per day of grain(this is a bit high). With an average daily gain of 2.5 to 3 Lbs per day. Market weight of the animal being 1,200 Lbs. Feeding it for 300 days with 6,000 Lbs of grain would be about 5 Lbs of grain per pound of flesh.

So I guess Rebrane wins for being closest!

And I will never cave in! (unless tempted by alcohol and/or sex!)
2001-11-15 07:37:33 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2001-11-15 07:39:22 PM  
Grivas: Not all of us have been vegetarians all our lives. I have been for 10 years.

Bumjube: Good post, although I personally wish more people were aware of the conditions that meat gets produced in. That's my only beef. :)
2001-11-15 07:43:33 PM  
I eat meat. I love meat. However, I can't remember ever eating tofu I didn't like, and my family is big on tofu.
2001-11-15 07:45:27 PM  
Ans Salsa, your calculations are wrong. That comes out to closer to 7 lb of grain per pound.
2001-11-15 07:45:52 PM  
Mojo: Oh, you're missing out...
actually you probably ARE eating cow's ass, just not realizing it. It's called "round"...

and fish eggs? If you've got the right fish, it's delicious. Hit a sushi house sometime.

As for eating your own spit, I presume you still wouldn't spit in a glass in your free time and chug that down with your meal. So, that didn't make much sense. \

Also, eating a girl != eating a girl out, unless you're Hannibal Lecter. I'd do the latter(if one would let me) but not the former. Unless, o'course, I was stranded in the middle of a blizzard and...well we don't need to go there today. I wouldn't eat a squirrel OUT under any circumstances, although skinning and grilling one might be understandable.
2001-11-15 07:46:12 PM  
That should be Saulsa.
2001-11-15 07:46:15 PM  
CANDYPINK just looked at your pic. hummmmm I don't eat meat AND I exercise. I am in MUCH better shape than you, sweetheart.

Anyways, I would love to argue more about this but my plane is getting ready to to VEGAS baby!
2001-11-15 07:47:12 PM  
Doghell: that's your only what?

Oh, I get it, vegetarian humor :-)
2001-11-15 07:48:03 PM  
Beanz, please expound on that rather than just saying "Wrong"!
2001-11-15 07:48:52 PM  
Tofurkey sticks make great weapons!

[image from too old to be available]
2001-11-15 07:49:07 PM  
I do have an idea of what goes on when the animals are killed.. Yes, the conditions in some of these places are atrocious, but it hasn't stopped me eating meat. I don't think it will.. my only concession in life has been that I buy free range chickens and eggs.

Hypocritical, ignorant.. maybe so.. and I'm sure some will feel that way, but I'm honest about it.
2001-11-15 07:50:05 PM  
Kylie, easy for you to say when you don't have a pic posted.
2001-11-15 07:52:20 PM  
First of all you DONT need to eat meat to be healthy.

Thats right we don't NEED to eat meat. Just like you don't need to be married to raise a kid. That does not mean its not a good farking idea! Vegitarians are specialists and ask every bio teacher. Specialists are weak and waiting to fall out of the food chain.
2001-11-15 07:52:25 PM  
20 lb per day fed, 2.5 to 3 lb per day gained gives 6.7 to 8 lb of feed per pound of weight gained. Its just a division problem.
2001-11-15 07:53:42 PM  
Bumjube is right. She does have boobies.
2001-11-15 07:54:44 PM  
I didn't become a vegetarian until after my second open heart surgery. Don't think it can't happen to you. I'm 45 and in relatively good health. And forget about just croaking suddenly and then it's over. Some people get that luxury, but most linger on, deteriorating slowly day by day, sick as hell.

Tofurkey is great in a sandwich with lettuce, tomato, and a slice of red onion.
2001-11-15 07:56:42 PM  
Hmmm.. I just looked at CandyPinks pic, and I think she looks just fine. It's so easy for others to judge based on appearance alone. Hell, I'm pretty dumpy (read into that what you like), but I still manage to walk approximately 8km every morning, then do my usual daily routine without collapsing in a heap. I'll probably do more now that I've given up smoking. But I'll never give up my steak!
2001-11-15 07:57:00 PM  
A friend of mine once made some sort of tofu dish that was absolutely wonderful...tasted like chicken in a curry sauce. As far as why the compulsion to eat veggie products that taste/are shaped like animal products.....well, shiat, if I can get a little healthier, cut my fat intake, and "save" an animal (it was gonna get killed regardless if I ate it or not) by creatively imagining what I'm eating is meat, then why not? Its not as twisted as making your dogs wear fuzzy sweaters or anything.
2001-11-15 07:58:30 PM  
Shanrick: it's even better in a sandwich with: bacon, lettuce, tomato, no tofurkey and mayo.
2001-11-15 08:00:05 PM  
If meat is murder... then yoghurt must be burglary.

Man, that is so excellent.
2001-11-15 08:00:45 PM  
First off - Grivas, the Tofurducken comment is money. I might have to use it this Thanksgiving, which leads me to...

Second off - I saw a few too many posts of guys saying that their wives/fiancees/girlfriends made them go veggie. Does this mean I have to be afraid of those adverse effects in my girlfriend, who works for the Humane Society? Please say no...
2001-11-15 08:02:53 PM  
For those wondering why the vitrol--for those who are choosing vegetarianism for health reasons, cool, even proposing it can lead to a discussion about relative values. Even issues like food efficiency are discussable. But when it comes down to "eating meat is murder", there is no opportunity for discussion. Only a lot of shouting.
2001-11-15 08:03:09 PM  
Will one of you veggie-people please explain the logic behind fake meat? You don't eat meat, you think meat is gross, so you don't do it, but by God, you're into *pretending* to eat meat?

"hey, Dave! Check this out! You know how eating human feces is just disgusting and morally wrong? Well, I got FAKE TURDS made out of tofu! Yeah baby! Now we can finally do it! Bring on the To-poo!"

When they make what looks like a human corpse out of tofu, that's when I'll grab my fork and dive in.
2001-11-15 08:04:25 PM  

*finds a quiet corner to laugh hysterically in*
2001-11-15 08:04:33 PM  
Beanz, I should have assumed you would twist the numbers to your favor.

A weaned calf 300 Lbs, has not been eating grain up til that time. Feeding it 20 Lbs of grain a day for 300 days gets it to a market weight of 1200 Lbs. Sure while it is in the process of gaining weight it using 6.7 to 8 Lbs, but it had a 300 Lb head start. Getting the calf to market weight took 6,000 Lbs of grain(see above numbers) divided by market weight of 1,200 is 5 Lbs of grain producing 1 pound on the hoof.

But considering that an animal dresses out at 75 to 80% of live weight there is 900 to 960 Lbs of "meat" so that brings it to 6.25 to 6.7 Grain to flesh ratio.

So I was wrong, but so were you.
2001-11-15 08:08:14 PM  
So you're assuming that the calf doesn't eat anything before you get it? Dont think so. And both the numbers you just proposed are closer to 7 than 5.
2001-11-15 08:08:31 PM  
Gumby never underestimate a woman's powers! Sex can be a powerful tool, But No Sex is even stronger!
2001-11-15 08:10:10 PM  
Forget the bird,I'm having piggy for Thanksgiving this year!
2001-11-15 08:15:35 PM  
hmmm.. not being a big fan of turkey myself, I'm waiting
for the first PORKurkey - or maybe PORKEY - you know,
turkey shaped thingy made out of pork! this tofurkey guy
has the right idea, except instead of tofu, he should use
2001-11-15 08:16:04 PM  
Beans calf's, being the mammals that they are, consume milk after they are born. And continue to nurse for several months, gaining considerable weight while doing so. They will eat some grass, but not much. How much tofu did you eat before your first birthday?

And both the numbers you just proposed are closer to 7 than 5.

And 6 is one half of 12. So... You were wrong because you are ignorant about the things you speak of (cattle). Hell, I even threw you a bone by including the carcass weight!
2001-11-15 08:17:10 PM  
My God. Even if you buy one of these Topoopies in a store, it's gonna run you 26 bucks for 3 1/4 pounds (If you order it online, there's a $28 shipping charge for that $26 pseudo-food. Vegetarians are anti-mail as well)

Right now, Safeway's got 16-24 pound turkeys for 23 cents a pound. We picked up a 19-pounder for under 5 bucks. Stuffing will only run you a few bucks more.

Vegetarians, it's not too late to convert.
2001-11-15 08:17:57 PM  
Ok... a couple of facts here.
The human gastro instinal system is much like that of a primarily carrion eater. We evolved from berry and carrion eating simians. The human being has quite a few traits like that of your average carrion eater, like hyenas and coyotes. The most noticeable of which is that our meat befouls quickly and tastes very bad to most predators. We also smell awful, as more of a deterent to predators, another common trait that we have with the majority of carrion eating animals.

So it is not really natural for us NOT to eat meat.
2001-11-15 08:19:36 PM  
bumjube, candypink

You are both beautiful women. Seriously.
2001-11-15 08:20:38 PM  
kylie can talk all she wants, but she hasn't posted any pics, has she.
2001-11-15 08:21:27 PM  
I would argue that the weight gain is more an indicator of the efficiency of feeding with grain than the overall weight. No matter how you'd like to play with the numbers, meat is still quite inefficient. And I'm not a vego, never have been, probably never will be. Meat is too good to give up.
2001-11-15 08:22:01 PM  
Tofu is just no substitute.

[image from too old to be available]

Would you rather have Tofoobies instead?

I think not.
2001-11-15 08:23:04 PM  
Lbo, I must agree with you on that too.

(You beat me to it. I'm always a day late and a dollar short.)
2001-11-15 08:24:40 PM  
You're too kind...

2001-11-15 08:26:43 PM  
Damn! All this time I've been argueing with a hypocrite, and been missing the boobies!

Beanz, I would rather eat one pound of steak, than 6.25-6.7 Lbs of grain anyday! Barbeque at my place!
2001-11-15 08:27:11 PM  
I would prefer it if these assholes would stop hounding us and our beef.

That whole thing about eating meat and getting sick is ridiculous. Notice tribes and indigenous people across this planet have been eating meat for thousands of years. Why aren't they dropping like flies? I try to eat a well rounded meal and I have only gotten really sick maybe twice in the last 7 years.

haha I just read an article a while back about how plants are indeed truly living creatures. Not in the sense that we think of but they have abilities to warn each other of incoming danger. so in turn are you vegetarians committing vegetable genocide?

You know. I wouldn't be surprised if some extremist animal rights group such as peta would start infecting our cattle with some sort of hoof and mouth disease. Its bound to happen at some point.
2001-11-15 08:27:26 PM  
Bumjube, please understand I hold them in the highest regard, or would certainly try to after a coupla Fosters ;)
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