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(LA Weekly)   One woman cooks her way through greasy professional food taster Guy Fieri's cookbook, including such dishes as No Can Beato This Taquito and Tequila Turkey. "Remember Julie & Julia? This is like that but with more Sammy Hagar"   (blogs.laweekly.com) divider line 47
    More: Amusing, Guy Fieri, cookbooks, beauty, food taster  
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10829 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2012 at 1:45 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2012-07-03 01:48:59 PM  
10 votes:

WTF Indeed: brigid_fitch: I don't get this guy's appeal. He's annoying, doesn't seem to show any cooking finesse, and acts like a complete tool. Someone described him as looking like he's playing the Sun in a grade-school play and I can't shake that image.

First off, he's on Food Network. No matter what the show is about, there will always be a viewership of obese people dreaming about food when they aren't stuffing their face with it. Second, the show is geared toward Boomers who are nostalgic about a history the majority of them never engaged in. Finally, he is the physical embodiedment of this classic TV icon:

[images.wikia.com image 460x570]


I can't remember who said this a while back, but it's pretty apt: "Guy Fieri is proof that Ed Hardy has started manufacturing actual human beings".
2012-07-03 01:51:42 PM  
9 votes:

brigid_fitch: My husband made the garlic tortilla cake last week after watching an episode w/Guy. I refused to touch it. It looked awful and then I read the ingredients: a cup of oil, 1/4 cup of mayo, 3/4 cup of garlic (recipe specified it should be from a jar). No way in hell I was going anywhere near it OR him. And the kitchen reeked for DAYS.


That's off the hook bananas. You missed the train to Flavortown.
2012-07-03 11:13:26 AM  
7 votes:

brigid_fitch: I don't get this guy's appeal. He's annoying, doesn't seem to show any cooking finesse, and acts like a complete tool. Someone described him as looking like he's playing the Sun in a grade-school play and I can't shake that image.


He looks like someone picked him up by his feet and dipped him head first into a deep fryer.

The first thing I thought when I first saw Guy Fieri on television was "I wonder how many jet skis this guy owns."
2012-07-03 02:20:12 PM  
5 votes:
You know, I'd watch a show that is nothing but Anthony Bourdain cooks Guy Fieri dishes while mocking every single choice Guy makes in the dish.

At the end rather than tasting it, he throws it through a window.

Sure it would be formulaic, but it could probably go two seasons.
2012-07-03 02:09:56 PM  
5 votes:
My favorite tweets from @nedroid on the subject:

Guy Fieri makes another mark on the scroll. 418 marks, one for each year he's been alive. Guy Fieri sighs. He is so tired.

Guy Fieri dons his armor, woven of dancing flames. The serpent-wolf is waiting. "We're rolling out," whispers Guy to his falcon.

Guy Fieri stands at the edge of the abyss and gazes into the great unblinking eye. "Triple D," he says. "Death, Destruction... and Destiny."

Hi, I'm Guy Fieri. I wear my sunglasses on the back of my head to block out the past which is always haunting me.

Hi I'm Guy Fieri. Look at me. Hey. Watch me. Watch me, mom. Mom watch me. Mom you're not watching

Hi, you're Guy Fieri. The mantle has been passed. Finally, I can die.
2012-07-03 10:56:52 AM  
4 votes:
My husband made the garlic tortilla cake last week after watching an episode w/Guy. I refused to touch it. It looked awful and then I read the ingredients: a cup of oil, 1/4 cup of mayo, 3/4 cup of garlic (recipe specified it should be from a jar). No way in hell I was going anywhere near it OR him. And the kitchen reeked for DAYS.

I don't get this guy's appeal. He's annoying, doesn't seem to show any cooking finesse, and acts like a complete tool. Someone described him as looking like he's playing the Sun in a grade-school play and I can't shake that image.
2012-07-03 02:35:33 PM  
3 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Cheeseburger on ciabatta with spinach and chips in a bowl? I bet they're servers actually have recommendations on which craft beers go best with which burgers. Pretentious post-hipster bullshiat. Ha.


pichars.org
2012-07-03 02:19:30 PM  
3 votes:

Cheron: InfamousBLT: Guy Fieri is a great entertainer, but I don't think he knows much about food.

a product. I a few years some one will put on a clip of him and we will all cringe and think, "that is what passed for cool." Those pictures of your parents (grandparents) in bell bottom jeans is what Guy will be in a few years. Just a marketing trend.


Wait till the signal reaches Omicron Persei 8.
2012-07-03 03:16:05 PM  
2 votes:
I seem to have cut myself rather badly...

www.corbisimages.com
2012-07-03 02:56:11 PM  
2 votes:
If Guy Fieri weren't on TV, where would I go to see a fat man loudly declare that fried food is awesome?
2012-07-03 02:52:07 PM  
2 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Pretentious post-hipster bullshiat.


Could anything be more pretentious than using the phrase "post-hipster" while describing something as pretentious?
2012-07-03 02:50:43 PM  
2 votes:
Gay Fiery looks like a death-row inmate who survived the electric chair. Watching his shows is like slamming your nuts with an oven door
2012-07-03 02:29:40 PM  
2 votes:
Step 1: Buy life insurance on hubby
Step 2: Feed him every dish in that cookbook
Step 3: Profit


I did like that documentary series HBO aired about him, Eastbound and Down.
2012-07-03 02:23:43 PM  
2 votes:

TheManofPA: You know, I'd watch a show that is nothing but Anthony Bourdain cooks Guy Fieri dishes while mocking every single choice Guy makes in the dish.

At the end rather than tasting it, he throws it through a window.

Sure it would be formulaic, but it could probably go two seasons.


Only if he did a shot every time he had to change the dish.

I'm pretty sure his liver can survive at least 2 seasons. The man lives off Coffee, Vodka, and Cigarettes like a crab fishing captain.

2.bp.blogspot.com
2012-07-03 02:23:13 PM  
2 votes:

Ambitwistor: HotWingConspiracy: Yeah I think he actually does know how to cook and was trained in France.

Wikipedia:

"Although Fieri has no training as a chef, he worked at various restaurants during high school, and then went on to manage and own restaurants. After graduation in 1987, he went to work for Stouffer's, developing restaurant concepts in Southern California and managing their flagship restaurant in Long Beach, California. After three years, he became District Manager of Louise's Trattoria, managing six locations along with recruiting and training for the restaurants. Fieri attended the University of Nevada, Las Vegas and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Hotel Management in 1990."

"In the fall of 1996, Fieri and business partner Steve Gruber opened Johnny Garlic's, an Italian restaurant in Santa Rosa, California. A second location opened in Windsor in 1999, a third in Petaluma in 2000 or 2001 (since closed), and a fourth in Roseville in late 2008. Subsequently they developed Tex Wasabi's (barbecue and sushi) in 2003 in Santa Rosa, adding a second location in Sacramento's Arden-Arcade area in 2007. An additional Johnny Garlic's was opened in Dublin, CA in 2011."


Hahaha

Maybe Stouffer's is a prominent French cooking school?
2012-07-03 02:18:13 PM  
2 votes:
Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives can be an interesting show, but mainly because of the restaurants being featured rather than the host. Sometimes you can see a bit of contempt in the eyes of the cooks who are showing him their cooking techniques, as he inserts a little tidbit of knowledge into their presentation.

Talented cook: "And then we add some dried chipotle peppers into the sauce and we..."
Guy: "Now, you need to let that simmer for a couple of hours right? And really draw out the flavors!"
Talented cook: (Sigh) "Yes, that's right."
2012-07-03 01:57:14 PM  
2 votes:

Timmy the Tumor: When I see an episode of Diners, Drive-ins and Dives where he tastes something and says "Wow, this tastes horrible. How much money did you pay the asshole who recommended your restaurant for an episode of the show? Thanks for wasting my time." I'll take him seriously.


My mother believes everything she sees on TV. Last time I was up there in Wisconsin, she wanted to go to a breakfast diner in Racine that was featured by some TV chef. It was supposed to be amazing. The food was just OK, but the air was completely saturated with greasy spoon miasma. It latched onto my clothes, and I reeked, yet I had to go directly to the airport to make my flight back home. After we boarded, they discovered that the flight was over-loaded (or something like that) and offered free tickets if someone volunteered to get bumped to the next flight. The guy sitting next to me leaped at the offer like a drowning man grabbing a life ring. I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
2012-07-03 01:39:03 PM  
2 votes:
Did it turn her into a douchebag too?
2012-07-03 12:28:44 PM  
2 votes:
Here is SNL's take on him. Pretty accurate.

Also, this:

foodnetworkhumor.com

He actually kinda sounds like a Farker.
2012-07-03 11:38:02 AM  
2 votes:

brigid_fitch: I don't get this guy's appeal. He's annoying, doesn't seem to show any cooking finesse, and acts like a complete tool. Someone described him as looking like he's playing the Sun in a grade-school play and I can't shake that image.


First off, he's on Food Network. No matter what the show is about, there will always be a viewership of obese people dreaming about food when they aren't stuffing their face with it. Second, the show is geared toward Boomers who are nostalgic about a history the majority of them never engaged in. Finally, he is the physical embodiedment of this classic TV icon:

images.wikia.com
2012-07-03 11:08:06 AM  
2 votes:

InfamousBLT: Guy Fieri is a great entertainer, but I don't think he knows much about food.


He knows that "_______ IS THE GREATEST ________ I'VE EVER TASTED!!11!1!11" wherever he may be, and whatever he is consuming. That takes years of training.
2012-07-03 04:28:28 PM  
1 votes:

thismomentinblackhistory:
I'll take him over that red onion hating dipshiat.


I wish I were good enough to get onto Chopped JUST so I could serve Scott Conant an overflowing plateful of fresh onions for the appetizer.
2012-07-03 04:26:10 PM  
1 votes:

MattyFridays: Wow, suddenly you're getting awfully defensive when people are using generalizations about a personality you like. SEE WHAT I DID THERE?


No matter how hard you white knight for Guy Fieri on the internet, he's not going to fark you with upside-down sunglasses draped behind his neck.
2012-07-03 03:56:20 PM  
1 votes:

The Homer Tax: rustypouch: More like 'this is what out of touch corporations thought was cool.'

But it will still be a combination of hilarious and regretful.

Can I side rant about "The Next Food Network Star" (where we go Guy Fieri from) for a second? Yes, I admit to watching it, and no, I'm not proud. It fascinates and infuriates me for some reason. First of all, I think we're over-saturated with "Food Network Stars" I don't know that we need a contest to find the "Next" one every farking year.

Second, the whole notion of having a "story" or whatever is over-done, hacky, and pointless. Maybe I'm completely out of touch, or maybe the Food Network suits are - but farking one of us are. If I hear another contrived story about "Grandma's favorite [food conveniently at the center of this challenge, weird]" or "The time mom and I conviently[utilized the cooking method of this challenge, funny that]" I'm going to barf. It's obviously so made up and so contrived that no one could possibly think it's real, right?

I don't know, maybe I'm just bitter because the booted the one chick on this show who I actually found interesting in favor of one who "dedicated this [burger] to [my baby sister] for [some obviously contrived reason]"


1000% that. I hate how Bob Tush-lover and Suzy with the just-been-f*cked-hair keep telling the contestants to focus on these hackneyed "backstories". Screw that - the food should the focus. I don't give 4 1/2 f*cks if you were born with two vaginas and raised by garden gnomes. All I care is that you can show me how to cook something new, inexpensive and awesome. That's it. Everything else is just vanity.
2012-07-03 03:35:05 PM  
1 votes:

buckler: I love anything with Jaques Pepin. His recipe shows are great, but my favorite thing was when he hosted a show that focused on technique, not recipes. "Here's how to use a Chef's knife. Here's how to use a fillet knife and paring knife. He's how to know when to use a stock pot vs. a Dutch oven" and so on. That show taught me a lot.



My wife and I love watching Pepin's show with his daughter. She had this way of screwing up everything he did, and he maintained this straight-faced level of annoyance mixed with "my god, I'm a failure as a parent". His shows with Julia were great as well.

Surprised nobody posted this gem yet
2012-07-03 03:33:30 PM  
1 votes:

maram500: you too can read local reviews of local restaurants without the pretentious douchebaggery of an overpaid assclown


I live and work in San Francisco, so no, I can't.
2012-07-03 03:26:40 PM  
1 votes:

shivashakti: I've been to three of the places featured on his show and they were all excellent.


Somehow I read this as:

I've been to three of the places featured on his show and they were all excrement.

/Freudian
2012-07-03 03:06:42 PM  
1 votes:

swaxhog: A multi-layer New York/New England-themed dip, with alternating layers of regional delicacies. The ingredients include a layer of Manhattan clam chowder, a layer of New England clam chowder, a layer of twelve dollar soft pretzels, a stupid amount of Vermont maple syrup, half a street knish, two live lobsters who do not get along, a paper plate with some cheese left on it. Then, it's all served in a toilet bowl.


That's money.
2012-07-03 03:04:24 PM  
1 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: That's off the hook bananas. You missed the train bus to Flavortown.


Pretentious piece of crap drives a goddamn bus. Has no one introduced him to, say, a McLaren? It'll get you to this mythical Oz of Flavortown pretty farking quick.
2012-07-03 02:58:21 PM  
1 votes:

This Looks Fun: Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Pretentious post-hipster bullshiat.

Could anything be more pretentious than using the phrase "post-hipster" while describing something as pretentious?




They are a post-post-Hipster Hipster, though. They are completely and non-ironically pretentious in an ironic way.
2012-07-03 02:41:02 PM  
1 votes:
Diners Drive-ins and Dives went to a place near my apartment (Tommy's Joynt) a hofbrau I've been going to since I was a child(30 plus years). Not one of the regular employees was on the episode. The old Mexican guys behind the counter were replaced by family member of the owner I've never seen before.
2012-07-03 02:37:49 PM  
1 votes:

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Oh, and they have pizza to go, and they use generic red, white and green pizza delivery boxes, but they turn them inside out so its plain brown cardboard. Because... Well, it looks cooler? I guess?



What kind of hipster shiat is that?
2012-07-03 02:34:49 PM  
1 votes:

Fish in a Barrel: I used to watch "Yan can Cook" (and so can you!) all the time as a kid, too. That dude was pure charisma.


Stir fry, no stir sit!
2012-07-03 02:32:38 PM  
1 votes:

Vacation Bible School: HotWingConspiracy: brigid_fitch: My husband made the garlic tortilla cake last week after watching an episode w/Guy. I refused to touch it. It looked awful and then I read the ingredients: a cup of oil, 1/4 cup of mayo, 3/4 cup of garlic (recipe specified it should be from a jar). No way in hell I was going anywhere near it OR him. And the kitchen reeked for DAYS.

That's off the hook bananas. You missed the train to Flavortown.

You should try putting it on a flip-flop next time.



zao.jp
That doesn't sound good at all.
2012-07-03 02:25:43 PM  
1 votes:
I have an idea, instead of sh*tting all over Guy, which is way too easy, how about we just throw out our favorite unknowns from our city, so that I can refer to this thread later if I'm ever in your town. Because the only thing I really care about in life is food.

I'll start:

blacknewmedia.com

Goodfriend beer garden in dallas. IS the sh*t.
2012-07-03 02:22:09 PM  
1 votes:

brigid_fitch: My husband made the garlic tortilla cake last week after watching an episode w/Guy. I refused to touch it. It looked awful and then I read the ingredients: a cup of oil, 1/4 cup of mayo, 3/4 cup of garlic (recipe specified it should be from a jar). No way in hell I was going anywhere near it OR him. And the kitchen reeked for DAYS.


A multi-layer New York/New England-themed dip, with alternating layers of regional delicacies. The ingredients include a layer of Manhattan clam chowder, a layer of New England clam chowder, a layer of twelve dollar soft pretzels, a stupid amount of Vermont maple syrup, half a street knish, two live lobsters who do not get along, a paper plate with some cheese left on it. Then, it's all served in a toilet bowl.

cache.gawkerassets.com
2012-07-03 02:18:38 PM  
1 votes:
I always liked watching Jeff Smith back in the day. Thankfully he couldn't molest me through the television. Lot of his videos are on Youtube, or were a while back.

nakedwithcooking.com
2012-07-03 02:18:02 PM  
1 votes:
In interests of research and science, I took my family to "Johnny Garlic's™ A Guy Fieri Signature Restaurant ("GuY!®" signature logo)"

...which is the official real name of the restaurant...

1) Over the entrance, there is a giant TV blaring clips of Guy eating stuff and saying how awesome it is. Just in case, you know, you are not fully assured that Guy Fieri is a Food Network Celebrity and that you are about to experience and EXTREME OFF DA HOOK moment.

In the lobby, they sell souvenir T shirts. Alas, no "GuY!®" signature logo sunglasses or extra-large hawaiian shirts. Also, no fiberglass convertible pink Cadillacs for picture opportunities. Yet.

2) The restaurant is classic Applebee's, but with a red and black color scheme, and LOTS of Jack Daniel's tie-ins. So that makes it different, you see.

Alas, they do not serve Coke products. So you'll be having a "Tennessee Twang" cocktail of "Jack Daniels Old No 7 & Pepsi".

3) The food is classic Applebee's, but with more 3XTR33M3 names for the dishes. I am not making these up: "No Can Beato This Taquito" and "Lambda Lambda Lambda Sliders". (This is apparently a set of three ground-lamb mini-burgers. Not sure if the sorority has registered an opinion on this leering tribute.)

They do have Naples-style pizza ovens, in which they take Naples-style pizza dough and put chicken, bacon, and ranch dressing on it and top it with a blend of domestic cheeses. So it's not at all Naples-style pizza, but at least it's a pretty acceptable small pizza.

(They DO have gluten-free pizza, which might even not have leftover wheat flour from someone else's pizza on it.)

And, of course, damn near everything comes with garlic fries and Jack Daniels barbecue sauce. Substitute onion strings for $1.50!

4) The overpriced cocktails we had were tasty, but we avoided the scary-tini girl drinks. ("Artificially flavored Apple vodka with HFCS and artificial colors and artificial pomegranate flavor and guar gum for thickening.")

5) The wait staff was pleasant and helpful and were great with our two-year-old, who was only mildly terrible for the occasion.

In conclusion, given the choice between here and Denny's, if you have a two-year-old, go here. Otherwise, you're probably better off at Denny's.
2012-07-03 02:12:36 PM  
1 votes:

Edsel: I can't remember who said this a while back, but it's pretty apt: "Guy Fieri is proof that Ed Hardy has started manufacturing actual human beings".


A++++++ would LOL again.
2012-07-03 02:12:29 PM  
1 votes:

WTF Indeed: brigid_fitch: I don't get this guy's appeal. He's annoying, doesn't seem to show any cooking finesse, and acts like a complete tool. Someone described him as looking like he's playing the Sun in a grade-school play and I can't shake that image.

First off, he's on Food Network. No matter what the show is about, there will always be a viewership of obese people dreaming about food when they aren't stuffing their face with it. Second, the show is geared toward Boomers who are nostalgic about a history the majority of them never engaged in. Finally, he is the physical embodiedment of this classic TV icon:

[images.wikia.com image 460x570]


The third major Food Network viewership comes from all the people stuck at the gym who can't find the remote and don't want to watch The View on the other TV.
2012-07-03 02:11:09 PM  
1 votes:

BKITU: InfamousBLT: Guy Fieri is a great entertainer, but I don't think he knows much about food.

He knows that "_that__ IS THE GREATEST ___food__ I'VE EVER TASTED!!11!1!11" wherever he may be, and whatever he is consuming. That takes years of training.


/He may know flawless French, but his English is gooder!!
2012-07-03 02:08:50 PM  
1 votes:

thismomentinblackhistory: I met him once. He was actually really humble and nice.

Spolier alert to haters: he speaks flawless French!



But what if I don't like the French?
2012-07-03 01:54:12 PM  
1 votes:
Or you could get yourself an annoying haircut, dress like a teenager and eat at TGI Fridays every night.
2012-07-03 01:52:53 PM  
1 votes:
Some woman cooks some other guys recipes. This should be a news flash.
2012-07-03 11:09:04 AM  
1 votes:

mattharvest: She's through 3 of 150 recipes. Call me when she hits 50 or more.


If you work at Poison Control, she may be calling you a hell of a lot sooner than that.
2012-07-03 10:53:27 AM  
1 votes:
Why would you do this to yourself?
2012-07-03 10:51:14 AM  
1 votes:
Really? This is her blog? Her blog must suck.
 
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