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(Kinston Free Press)   Seven-fingered man still loves fireworks   (kinston.com) divider line 31
    More: Silly, basic skills, Kinston, hand signals, July 4th, loves fireworks  
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3049 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2012 at 9:57 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



31 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-07-03 10:00:29 AM
surbrook.devermore.net

Approves
 
2012-07-03 10:04:04 AM

Science_Guy_3.14159: [surbrook.devermore.net image 373x395]

Approves


Inigo Montoya quickly arrives at the scene... then leaves.

/beat me to it
 
2012-07-03 10:05:07 AM
"I'll bet you a Johnnycake most of the knucklehead teenagers at the fireworks display on Wednesday will have their heads buried in a Bill Berry or an Eye Phone during the whole thing."

www.lolwut.com
 
2012-07-03 10:06:25 AM
www.thebowlingapproach.com
 
2012-07-03 10:06:30 AM
"Local man can no longer count to 10" would have been my headline
 
2012-07-03 10:12:55 AM
Just glanced at the article, 'cuz i'm busy, but is the Kinston Free Press another Onion ? This appears to be satire.
 
2012-07-03 10:13:45 AM
usually pyromaniacs, like myself, have the most amazing respect for fire in all of its aspects.You only have to get slightly burned once to understand that fire has no mercy on stupidity.

[after Tommy told the story of how he got arrested]
Andy Dufresne: Maybe it's time for you to switch careers.
Tommy Williams: Huh?
Andy Dufresne: What I mean is, you don't seem to be a very good thief, maybe you should try something else
 
2012-07-03 10:14:30 AM
Man, there's so much material in this article, I don't know where to begin.

"Don Ho was visiting some old Ho he knew from my neighborhood in 1961."

Heh.
 
2012-07-03 10:14:34 AM
Done in one.
 
2012-07-03 10:14:45 AM
blogs.independent.co.uk

Seven fingers you say? How many toes?
 
2012-07-03 10:16:09 AM

danielscissorhands: Just glanced at the article, 'cuz i'm busy, but is the Kinston Free Press another Onion ? This appears to be satire.


I didn't consider the thought, but I hope you're right.
 
2012-07-03 10:16:28 AM

danielscissorhands: Just glanced at the article, 'cuz i'm busy, but is the Kinston Free Press another Onion ? This appears to be satire.


Ok, now that explains a lot. Looking at the author's other articles, I think that's a safe bet.
 
2012-07-03 10:16:51 AM
 
2012-07-03 10:17:49 AM
Apropos of nothing, Mrs. DaMoGan's aunt has 11 toes. I guess she should start playing with fire crackers on her feet. She can afford to lose one or two toes.
 
2012-07-03 10:18:39 AM

danielscissorhands: Just glanced at the article, 'cuz i'm busy, but is the Kinston Free Press another Onion ? This appears to be satire.


We'll just call you Sherlock from here on out.
 
2012-07-03 10:21:10 AM
"To all the young people out there, I just want to say: The world is your oyster," Payne said. "Unless you're allergic to seafood; then you're just in a mess."

That's not exactly the life lesson I took away from reading the article, but thanks!
 
2012-07-03 10:22:21 AM
Well, if he has seven fingers, he can lose two and still have the normal five, or four and a thumb if this is a trick question.
 
2012-07-03 10:23:54 AM
"And I am here to...aw, damn."
 
2012-07-03 10:24:00 AM

danielscissorhands: Just glanced at the article, 'cuz i'm busy, but is the Kinston Free Press another Onion ? This appears to be satire.


No, but that article kind of is. Kinston, NC is an actual place.. and I wouldn't doubt that the guy in the article and that story are real, but written for comic effect.
 
2012-07-03 10:24:37 AM
Wow, he blew off his fingers and still plays with fire works? Now that's a shocker.
 
2012-07-03 10:28:59 AM
LOL @ nub makers.
 
2012-07-03 10:29:32 AM

Science_Guy_3.14159: [surbrook.devermore.net image 373x395]

Approves


win, right there. done. lol
 
mhd
2012-07-03 10:51:01 AM
blackwindmetal.com

It *is* a great album.
 
2012-07-03 11:25:49 AM
July 3, 2013 - Four fingered man still loves fireworks.
 
2012-07-03 11:45:51 AM
www.rockstarpyro.com
 
2012-07-03 12:25:32 PM
"While Payne believes most teenagers should have to barn tobacco for at least one summer and wear a chastity belt until passing a basic skills test, he is concerned about their safety"

He might just be onto something there...
 
2012-07-03 01:10:06 PM
I'm so glad that we have a strong nanny-state government here in Massachusetts to protect me from myself.

Their is a guy running for state rep proposing legalizing sparklers in MA. But according to most of the talking head on TV everyone in Massachusetts is too stupid to even use sparklers without burning their fingers off. I'm surprised we're still allowed to have forks.
 
2012-07-03 01:34:28 PM
Next year "Six fingered man reconsiders fireworks" followup
 
2012-07-03 01:48:17 PM
Fireworks laws in this country are just plain stupid. It makes obvious sense to ban them in fire hazard areas, but the mishmash of laws that vary from state to state, plus extra restrictions at county or city levels, makes no sense. Just another thing that shows how far this country has deviated from the original vision of "freedom." Even celebrating what little freedom we have left has to have a zillion laws associated with it.

Locally, Huntington Beach legislators decided to re-legalize fireworks. Granted, they're the lame "safe and sane" ones that California allows, but at least it's a start.
 
2012-07-03 02:20:38 PM

blazemongr: "I'll bet you a Johnnycake most of the knucklehead teenagers at the fireworks display on Wednesday will have their heads buried in a Bill Berry or an Eye Phone during the whole thing."

[www.lolwut.com image 533x594]


You know, the Eye Phone:
i48.tinypic.com

/Not sure what R.E.M.'s former drummer has to do with it though
 
2012-07-03 03:47:28 PM
My dad used to give us firecrackers to blow them up with. And we knew they were safe because we had to drive across the state line to buy them from a guy with three fingers. Not on one hand, total 3 fingers. This guy couldn't operate a Bic lighter yet he was a demolitions expert. Jeff Foxworthy
 
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