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(LA Weekly)   The truth about broken penises about how to WAIT WHAT?   (blogs.laweekly.com) divider line 109
    More: Interesting, broadcast delay, penis, bloody hell, truth, Google Images  
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16636 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2012 at 7:06 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-02 07:52:50 PM  

t3knomanser: From another old EMT I knew, there's the incident. See, this idiot drummer (but I repeat myself) and his girlfriend discovered "sounding". And they tried it with a drumstick. And then they had sex while the drumstick was still... sounding.


There are a dozen reasons why this should be physically impossible. The fark?
 
2012-07-02 07:53:16 PM  

Erix: Haha.. no, there was no loss of anything in that regard. But I have to tell you, when you're in the hospital and the fourth male doctor has handled your poor damaged junk like a novelty key chain, and they tell you they can either skin it like a banana (they call it "degloving" it) or you risk never getting another boner again, you lose a good chunk of dignity and psychological well-being. Everything is back to normal now though, amazingly.

Sorry, no pics. Like I'd share with you vultures anyways..


You just.... you just made me cry :(
 
2012-07-02 07:56:38 PM  

t3knomanser: styckx: Yeah pulling your dick out and tossing it back in from 6 inches away all in one fell swoop is going to eventually result in some farking painful shiat..

Dude, that sort of shiat is going to make your partner turn around and kick your ass way faster than it'll break your dick. Unless he's got a well-conditioned, flexible, anus, anyway. If you're trying that shiat on someone with a vagina, she'll beat your ass if she has any sense. That might result in a broken dick, but hopefully she's got better sense than that.

From another old EMT I knew, there's the incident. See, this idiot drummer (but I repeat myself) and his girlfriend discovered "sounding". And they tried it with a drumstick. And then they had sex while the drumstick was still... sounding. And then the drumstick broke. The punchline to the story is that he ended up in the ER with a bucket under his junk to catch the blood.


you know what i'm just leaving this thread.
 
2012-07-02 07:58:06 PM  

Lurk sober post drunk: t3knomanser: styckx: Yeah pulling your dick out and tossing it back in from 6 inches away all in one fell swoop is going to eventually result in some farking painful shiat..

Dude, that sort of shiat is going to make your partner turn around and kick your ass way faster than it'll break your dick. Unless he's got a well-conditioned, flexible, anus, anyway. If you're trying that shiat on someone with a vagina, she'll beat your ass if she has any sense. That might result in a broken dick, but hopefully she's got better sense than that.

From another old EMT I knew, there's the incident. See, this idiot drummer (but I repeat myself) and his girlfriend discovered "sounding". And they tried it with a drumstick. And then they had sex while the drumstick was still... sounding. And then the drumstick broke. The punchline to the story is that he ended up in the ER with a bucket under his junk to catch the blood.

you know what i'm just leaving this thread.


Oh, come on. I'm sure there's lots of other awesome penis-injury related stories you'll miss out on if you leave now.
 
2012-07-02 07:58:56 PM  

fusillade762: [www.glamour.com image 448x316]

"You know what? know this. you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I have a broken penis."


That story arc was absolutely hilarious. I giggled like a little girl. That show has really grown on me.
 
2012-07-02 08:05:07 PM  
Bloody Hell! Just reading about it traumatized me!! I highly prize my favorite tool.
 
2012-07-02 08:06:37 PM  
Hmmm....I often get the "knuckle pop" sensation when Mrs. Croesius is on top. It isn't the most pleasant feel, but I've never had the immediate flaccidity or bruising/surgery side effects. Am I doing something wrong, or maybe it's a throwback to some previous injury, like having a "trick knee" that will occasionally go out?

/trick dick
 
2012-07-02 08:09:46 PM  

Erix: casual disregard: Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.

So, no lie - did you lose any size through the ordeal? It's Fark and we farken want to know.

/before and after (and during) pics may or may not aid this scientific discourse

Haha.. no, there was no loss of anything in that regard. But I have to tell you, when you're in the hospital and the fourth male doctor has handled your poor damaged junk like a novelty key chain, and they tell you they can either skin it like a banana (they call it "degloving" it) or you risk never getting another boner again, you lose a good chunk of dignity and psychological well-being. Everything is back to normal now though, amazingly.

Sorry, no pics. Like I'd share with you vultures anyways..


I bet the real pain was when you starting sexy times again. You were probably farking slower than old people fark out of fear of it happening again.
 
2012-07-02 08:11:14 PM  
Diary of a man with a broken penis Link

www.theawl.com
 
2012-07-02 08:16:38 PM  
Erix: casual disregard: Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.

So, no lie - did you lose any size through the ordeal? It's Fark and we farken want to know.

/before and after (and during) pics may or may not aid this scientific discourse

Haha.. no, there was no loss of anything in that regard. But I have to tell you, when you're in the hospital and the fourth male doctor has handled your poor damaged junk like a novelty key chain, and they tell you they can either skin it like a banana (they call it "degloving" it) or you risk never getting another boner again, you lose a good chunk of dignity and psychological well-being. Everything is back to normal now though, amazingly.

Sorry, no pics. Like I'd share with you vultures anyways..


I know you got pics. Your kind always do.

/i'm going to have to go ahead and favorite you as "broken penis dude"
 
2012-07-02 08:17:01 PM  
AAAAHHHHHHHHH! AAAHHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! AAAHHHHHHHAAAAAH!
*gassssp*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

I do believe that article gave me the heebie-BeeGees.
 
2012-07-02 08:22:26 PM  

Optimal_Illusion: AAAAHHHHHHHHH! AAAHHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! AAAHHHHHHHAAAAAH!
*gassssp*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

I do believe that article gave me the heebie-BeeGees.


I didn't know the Gibbs were jewish?
 
2012-07-02 08:28:00 PM  

casual disregard: Erix: casual disregard: Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.

So, no lie - did you lose any size through the ordeal? It's Fark and we farken want to know.

/before and after (and during) pics may or may not aid this scientific discourse

Haha.. no, there was no loss of anything in that regard. But I have to tell you, when you're in the hospital and the fourth male doctor has handled your poor damaged junk like a novelty key chain, and they tell you they can either skin it like a banana (they call it "degloving" it) or you risk never getting another boner again, you lose a good chunk of dignity and psychological well-being. Everything is back to normal now though, amazingly.

Sorry, no pics. Like I'd share with you vultures anyways..

I know you got pics. Your kind always do.

/i'm going to have to go ahead and favorite you as "broken penis dude"


Nope, no pics. Don't need them when the image is seared forever into my brain.

/what color did you favorite me in? Broken-penis purple?
 
2012-07-02 08:36:05 PM  
A GIS of penile fracture is something that I wished I never, ever did...
 
2012-07-02 08:39:02 PM  
littletts, I believe, once fractured her SO. I've come (heh) close a couple times, usually when she's on top and a little too enthusiastic.
 
2012-07-02 08:40:00 PM  
Ow.
Just... ow.
 
2012-07-02 08:48:15 PM  

cwick: littletts, I believe, once fractured her SO. I've come (heh) close a couple times, usually when she's on top and a little too enthusiastic.


Not hard enough, then?

;)
 
2012-07-02 08:50:39 PM  
subby DIAF for bringing that up.

corksucker
 
2012-07-02 08:50:41 PM  
that happened to me once, so i'm cringing double for this. you see me and my girl friend were having some particularly acrobatic sex. we were both gymnasts. and well, you can imagine.... and then all the sudden 'POP' it was awful. its never been the same since. the only thing that helps is bie and pie.

/please help
//eip
/// :-)
 
2012-07-02 08:52:05 PM  
So very scared.

PS: AAAaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhh!!!!
 
2012-07-02 08:52:14 PM  

warthogbrewingco: that happened to me once, so i'm cringing double for this. you see me and my girl friend were having some particularly acrobatic sex. we were both gymnasts. and well, you can imagine.... and then all the sudden 'POP' it was awful. its never been the same since. the only thing that helps is bie and pie.

/please help
//eip
/// :-)


ya'll heard the fella, he wants broken penis in his email
 
2012-07-02 08:52:53 PM  

GypsyJoker: So very scared.

PS: AAAaaaaaaaggggggghhhhhhh!!!!


if the chair captured your balls and broke your penis, you may just want to finish the job and get castrated
 
2012-07-02 08:55:31 PM  
Nevermind that. Look at the side bar. Some japanese guy has been declared the champion masturbator!!! Clearly white people are falling behind in their masturbation marathons!!!
 
2012-07-02 08:56:57 PM  
I only score 10% on that nightmare test from a link yesterday, for some reason I think it'll be higher when I try again tomorrow.

Thanks Subby.
 
2012-07-02 08:57:22 PM  

Gergesa: Nevermind that. Look at the side bar. Some japanese guy has been declared the champion masturbator!!! Clearly white people are falling behind in their masturbation marathons!!!


don't worry, i'm sure one of us will beat his record and keep it up longer
 
2012-07-02 09:11:58 PM  

Ed Finnerty: I had a minor one of these many years back.

Morning wood + sheets wrapped around me + rolling onto my stomach = "pop"

I checked my little friend and he cried a single tear OF BLOOD.

After a few days of overly tender care, it seemed okay and has functioned ever since.

But man, that is a horrible sound/sensation. It wasn't an "ow that hurts" feeling, it was like something moved that shouldn't and some magical penis knuckle had been cracked.


I did pretty much the same thing. Fortunately there was no (external) bleeding, but my sack looked like a purple and green grapefruit for a week.

Most awkward emergency room visit I ever had by a long shot.
 
2012-07-02 09:21:34 PM  
This thread horrifies me but you'd think otherwise from the laughter.
 
2012-07-02 09:30:12 PM  
I'm thinking not many farkers will have any problem with this anyway.

/unless you can do it fapping
 
2012-07-02 09:33:25 PM  

Jument: fusillade762: [www.glamour.com image 448x316]

"You know what? know this. you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I have a broken penis."

That story arc was absolutely hilarious. I giggled like a little girl. That show has really grown on me.


What show is that?
 
2012-07-02 09:33:50 PM  
Well, my penis just retracted into my body like a turtle's head.

Thanks, thread!
 
2012-07-02 09:37:56 PM  
media.heavy.com
 
2012-07-02 09:43:19 PM  

Kit Fister: Jument: fusillade762: [www.glamour.com image 448x316]

"You know what? know this. you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I have a broken penis."

That story arc was absolutely hilarious. I giggled like a little girl. That show has really grown on me.

What show is that?


"New Girl".

Not to be confused with "2 Broke Girls", "Lost Girl" or "Girls".
 
2012-07-02 09:51:16 PM  
Living the fantasy of being that guy that all the ladies want to ride, I can say that I long ago heard of this medical condition. I've been in the hospital 3 times with injuries sustained during awesome sex.

Yep. I love women and their gossip. Their husbands and boyfriends hate me though.
 
2012-07-02 10:23:14 PM  
I did this last Jan. It wasn't fully at attention, but the mind was willing. Heard a pop, didn't think much about it, but the next day, and every day for the next 3 months I thought I had glass shards in my junk. It sucked so much.
 
2012-07-02 10:29:46 PM  
-1000000 for subby for making me extreme grimace.

/crushed the monster on some taint recently and had a minor scare.
//have stopped playing speed metal during sweet love making
 
2012-07-02 10:47:48 PM  

Earguy: Diary of a man with a broken penis Link

[www.theawl.com image 375x250]



Damn.

/i hope i never pop my pee-pee.
 
2012-07-02 11:13:25 PM  
Okay, I'll say it, then:

When your GF or "significant other" is on the heavier side, this is an all too real fear when she's on top.

/the thought goes through my mind every time we're in one of those positions
//ultimately leads to, "turn over"
 
2012-07-02 11:14:51 PM  
That's why I always wear protection:
photos.igougo.com
 
2012-07-02 11:16:45 PM  
My intestines are cramping and I'm about to vomit.
 
2012-07-02 11:36:12 PM  
Btdt. He missed reentry and pain resulted. And then blood. No man should ever have that much blood coming out of his penis. A trip to the ER, emergency surgery, 40+ stitches to the skinned banana, and it healed in the shape of a candy cane anyway.

Then the prick dumped me for being a condescending, arrogant *itch. But, hell-o, broken penis. I win.
 
2012-07-03 12:00:23 AM  
Don't name your sins Benedict
 
2012-07-03 12:01:12 AM  
One of the advantages to being underendowed, my friends.

Its harder to break when there is less to get caught up on stuff.

/or so ive been TOLD...
 
2012-07-03 01:02:16 AM  
I'll be in the fetal position in the corner sucking my thumb now after reading this article.

/hold me.
/The horror. The horror.
 
2012-07-03 01:03:11 AM  

Ed Finnerty: I had a minor one of these many years back.

Morning wood + sheets wrapped around me + rolling onto my stomach = "pop"

I checked my little friend and he cried a single tear OF BLOOD.

After a few days of overly tender care, it seemed okay and has functioned ever since.

But man, that is a horrible sound/sensation. It wasn't an "ow that hurts" feeling, it was like something moved that shouldn't and some magical penis knuckle had been cracked.


Shared pain. I was getting fast and furious a few years back with my lady and all of a sudden "pop" and I immediately rolled over in agony and it frankly freaked out me and my partner. I went to the doc the next day and he basically said leave it alone for a few days and all will be well. Thanks be to god he was right. Always cringe just thinking about it.
 
2012-07-03 01:06:07 AM  

dotvincent: Btdt. He missed reentry and pain resulted. And then blood. No man should ever have that much blood coming out of his penis. A trip to the ER, emergency surgery, 40+ stitches to the skinned banana, and it healed in the shape of a candy cane anyway.

Then the prick dumped me for being a condescending, arrogant *itch. But, hell-o, broken penis. I win.


um...so how you doin'?
 
2012-07-03 01:29:25 AM  
 
2012-07-03 01:30:46 AM  

casual disregard: Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.

So, no lie - did you lose any size through the ordeal? It's Fark and we farken want to know.

/before and after (and during) pics may or may not aid this scientific discourse


I want to know, by show of hands, how many of you would voluntarily do it if your dick might end up bigger.
 
2012-07-03 01:44:19 AM  

apachevoyeur: -1000000 for subby for making me extreme grimace.

/crushed the monster on some taint recently and had a minor scare.
//have stopped playing speed metal during sweet love making


Doesn't the guitar get in the way?
 
2012-07-03 02:15:06 AM  
The GIS note wasn't a dare.
 
2012-07-03 02:55:42 AM  

Mutt Farkinov: apachevoyeur: -1000000 for subby for making me extreme grimace.

/crushed the monster on some taint recently and had a minor scare.
//have stopped playing speed metal during sweet love making

Doesn't the guitar get in the way?


images.gamebanana.com

Well done, well done.
 
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