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(LA Weekly)   The truth about broken penises about how to WAIT WHAT?   (blogs.laweekly.com) divider line 109
    More: Interesting, broadcast delay, penis, bloody hell, truth, Google Images  
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16624 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Jul 2012 at 7:06 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-02 04:39:41 PM
A thousand cockpunches upon your head subby - article is too painful to even read...
 
2012-07-02 05:58:17 PM
I try to avoid anything preceded by the word "traumatic", particularly coitus.

/This is news to dudes? Really?!
 
2012-07-02 06:41:07 PM
First off, the image gives me castration nightmares, and I'm female.

FTA: "This can occur accidentally during intercourse, usually in the cowgirl or doggy positions, when the penis misses the partner's opening and slams against the partner's body. Sometimes one hears a "pop." There is always significant swelling and bruising."

If you do it right there should be significant swelling anyway.
 
2012-07-02 06:49:53 PM
In Iran, only 8% of the cases were attributed to sexual intercourse; the remaining cases were due to self-manipulation and potentially fabricated events, such as a donkey bite to the erect penis

I question the judgment of anyone who thinks it is somehow less scandalous to say some lifestock nommed on your wang than that you hurt it bangin' a lady.

I mean, unless it's actually true, and the donkey was getting some revenge for, uh, non-consenting relations.
 
2012-07-02 06:55:31 PM
img607.imageshack.us
 
2012-07-02 07:09:23 PM
I had a minor one of these many years back.

Morning wood + sheets wrapped around me + rolling onto my stomach = "pop"

I checked my little friend and he cried a single tear OF BLOOD.

After a few days of overly tender care, it seemed okay and has functioned ever since.

But man, that is a horrible sound/sensation. It wasn't an "ow that hurts" feeling, it was like something moved that shouldn't and some magical penis knuckle had been cracked.
 
2012-07-02 07:09:42 PM

Tziva: I mean, unless it's actually true, and the donkey was getting some revenge for, uh, non-consenting relations.


southparkstudios-intl.mtvnimages.com
 
2012-07-02 07:11:50 PM

Ed Finnerty: I had a minor one of these many years back.

Morning wood + sheets wrapped around me + rolling onto my stomach = "pop"

I checked my little friend and he cried a single tear OF BLOOD.

After a few days of overly tender care, it seemed okay and has functioned ever since.

But man, that is a horrible sound/sensation. It wasn't an "ow that hurts" feeling, it was like something moved that shouldn't and some magical penis knuckle had been cracked.


Thanks a fark of a lot for that story. I won't sleep well tonight...if at all.
 
2012-07-02 07:12:47 PM
Somebody do a GIS for 'penis fracture", I dare you. I didn't do it and there's no way I'm going to.
 
2012-07-02 07:13:01 PM
I did not need to read that.
 
2012-07-02 07:14:37 PM
Who was the TFette that did this to some poor guy once ?

Somebody has her farkied for it
 
2012-07-02 07:15:04 PM
So I shouldn't break her off a lil' somethin'?
 
2012-07-02 07:16:05 PM
Had a friend who had that happen to him. He thinks its funny that he always pee's to the left.
 
2012-07-02 07:16:19 PM
I once had a girlfriend that had the bad habit of laying all the way back when she was on top. I kept having to remind her that it don't bend that way!
 
2012-07-02 07:16:37 PM
DAMN IT, NOT THE COWGIRL AND DOGGY POSITIONS!!!!
 
2012-07-02 07:17:22 PM
PE
NIS
 
2012-07-02 07:17:56 PM

consider this: Somebody do a GIS for 'penis fracture", I dare you. I didn't do it and there's no way I'm going to.


www.scientificamerican.com
 
2012-07-02 07:19:14 PM
Not sure if SFW, prolly not?
Link
 
2012-07-02 07:19:15 PM
So you can fall off a mountain and land on your erect penis and fracture it. That's what happened to me, really.
 
2012-07-02 07:21:10 PM
This is why I am always a bit more cautious when the girl is on top. I really don't want the date to end with me saying "I think you just broke my penis".
 
2012-07-02 07:21:21 PM
In Iran, only 8% of the cases were attributed to sexual intercourse; the remaining cases were due to self-manipulation and potentially fabricated events, such as a donkey bite to the erect penis, a man falling from a mountain onto his erect penis, and a brick falling onto an erect penis.

Ah .. laughed so hard i think i broke something. NO NOT THAT!
 
2012-07-02 07:21:53 PM
www.jokespalace.com

Sometimes the penis NOT mightier
 
2012-07-02 07:22:11 PM

Ed Finnerty: I had a minor one of these many years back.

Morning wood + sheets wrapped around me + rolling onto my stomach = "pop"

I checked my little friend and he cried a single tear OF BLOOD.

After a few days of overly tender care, it seemed okay and has functioned ever since.

But man, that is a horrible sound/sensation. It wasn't an "ow that hurts" feeling, it was like something moved that shouldn't and some magical penis knuckle had been cracked.


AAAAAHHHHH...but seriously it seems like i'm constantly grabbing my gf's hips and pushing her around when she's on top because...come on...my dick has certain directional preferences...
 
2012-07-02 07:22:43 PM
blogs.laweekly.com
2.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-07-02 07:22:48 PM
In college, I once roomed with an EMT. A female friend of mine (not that kind of female friend) dropped by, and they got to chatting. The conversation ended with the two of them flipping through one of those EMT injury guides and discussing penis fractures.

I'm pretty sure my roommate was gay. I'm sorry, but if you're comfortable showing pictures of penis fractures to a chick and don't try and get some of that... oh, wait. No, y'know, never mind. It's been like a decade, but I just figured out his strategy.
 
2012-07-02 07:23:00 PM

Random Bastage: This is why I am always a bit more cautious when the girl is on top. I really don't want the date to end with me saying "I think you just broke my penis".


Brokeback Mounting?
 
2012-07-02 07:24:21 PM

skinink: Brokeback Mounting?


More like brokecock mountless
 
2012-07-02 07:25:06 PM
Reverse cowgirl can get way out of hand. That's the only time I thought it was going to break off.
 
2012-07-02 07:25:47 PM
That Guy in the Dos Equis Commercials:

Isn't that... interesting.
 
2012-07-02 07:28:27 PM
I'm still cringing.
 
2012-07-02 07:28:59 PM
I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.
 
2012-07-02 07:31:15 PM
You can do all the normal shiat without risk. Anyone who has a broken dick probably thought they were a porn star and started mimicking dumb shiat say saw on PornHub.. Yeah pulling your dick out and tossing it back in from 6 inches away all in one fell swoop is going to eventually result in some farking painful shiat..
 
2012-07-02 07:32:09 PM
Blunt words from a urologist are frequently too hard to receive.
 
2012-07-02 07:32:38 PM
So do you use a sling or just splint it ?
 
2012-07-02 07:33:38 PM

Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.


You poor bastard.
 
2012-07-02 07:34:48 PM

styckx: You can do all the normal shiat without risk. Anyone who has a broken dick probably thought they were a porn star and started mimicking dumb shiat say saw on PornHub.. Yeah pulling your dick out and tossing it back in from 6 inches away all in one fell swoop is going to eventually result in some farking painful shiat..


Is that so? Here I thought it was because my gf got a little too wild, but I guess it was just me porning it up. From underneath.
 
2012-07-02 07:36:38 PM

Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.


So, no lie - did you lose any size through the ordeal? It's Fark and we farken want to know.

/before and after (and during) pics may or may not aid this scientific discourse
 
2012-07-02 07:36:41 PM
In conclusion, don't donk the donkey.
 
2012-07-02 07:36:43 PM
Go slower, take shorter strokes.
 
2012-07-02 07:37:13 PM

styckx: Yeah pulling your dick out and tossing it back in from 6 inches away all in one fell swoop is going to eventually result in some farking painful shiat..


Dude, that sort of shiat is going to make your partner turn around and kick your ass way faster than it'll break your dick. Unless he's got a well-conditioned, flexible, anus, anyway. If you're trying that shiat on someone with a vagina, she'll beat your ass if she has any sense. That might result in a broken dick, but hopefully she's got better sense than that.

From another old EMT I knew, there's the incident. See, this idiot drummer (but I repeat myself) and his girlfriend discovered "sounding". And they tried it with a drumstick. And then they had sex while the drumstick was still... sounding. And then the drumstick broke. The punchline to the story is that he ended up in the ER with a bucket under his junk to catch the blood.
 
2012-07-02 07:37:32 PM
Broken penis is not-funny but-funny...

;)
 
2012-07-02 07:45:59 PM
I doubt this happens very often with BJ's.
 
2012-07-02 07:46:36 PM

casual disregard: Erix: I'll say it. It happened to me. Just this past December I almost got de-membered during a nice evening of mildly drunken fun. I can't convey the pain and the horror, but I spent about 10 minutes in the fetal position before I could start to work through what the hell just happened. The morning light showed the true extent of the carnage, and led to immediate ER visit. They do terrible things, TERRIBLE THINGS to repair the damage. Took about 3 months to really heal the physical trauma, and another month or so before it went back to simply sexy-time instead of sexy-but-oh-so-scary-and-full-of-dread-time. Really, it's not fun. Don't do it.

So, no lie - did you lose any size through the ordeal? It's Fark and we farken want to know.

/before and after (and during) pics may or may not aid this scientific discourse


Haha.. no, there was no loss of anything in that regard. But I have to tell you, when you're in the hospital and the fourth male doctor has handled your poor damaged junk like a novelty key chain, and they tell you they can either skin it like a banana (they call it "degloving" it) or you risk never getting another boner again, you lose a good chunk of dignity and psychological well-being. Everything is back to normal now though, amazingly.

Sorry, no pics. Like I'd share with you vultures anyways..
 
2012-07-02 07:48:00 PM

t3knomanser: styckx: Yeah pulling your dick out and tossing it back in from 6 inches away all in one fell swoop is going to eventually result in some farking painful shiat..

Dude, that sort of shiat is going to make your partner turn around and kick your ass way faster than it'll break your dick. Unless he's got a well-conditioned, flexible, anus, anyway. If you're trying that shiat on someone with a vagina, she'll beat your ass if she has any sense. That might result in a broken dick, but hopefully she's got better sense than that.

From another old EMT I knew, there's the incident. See, this idiot drummer (but I repeat myself) and his girlfriend discovered "sounding". And they tried it with a drumstick. And then they had sex while the drumstick was still... sounding. And then the drumstick broke. The punchline to the story is that he ended up in the ER with a bucket under his junk to catch the blood.


Goddammitsomuch
 
2012-07-02 07:48:03 PM

kidsizedcoffin: I doubt this happens very often with BJ's.


No, but would you like to have a conversation about the relative strength of the human jaw and biting related injuries? I THINK YOU DO!
 
2012-07-02 07:49:17 PM
www.glamour.com

"You know what? know this. you're not the only one that's hurting here, Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying, movies are pretty much all sequels now, and I have a broken penis."
 
2012-07-02 07:49:36 PM
I wouldn't wish that on a broke-dick dog
 
2012-07-02 07:50:44 PM
I read an article that broken units happen more during acts of infidelity than with a significant other. The reasoning was that during acts of infidelity the male is more likely to (a) be engaged in greater risk activities, and/or (b) be in a rush.
 
2012-07-02 07:51:42 PM
I know all about this topic.
 
2012-07-02 07:52:30 PM
Broke-dick-chicks are bestest.

Wiener is no longer sad?

;)
 
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