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(Topless Robot)   Five superheroes who are great at their day jobs, and five who suck at their day jobs. And pretty much their superhero antics too   (toplessrobot.com) divider line 61
    More: Obvious, Daily Planets, police scanner, Obadiah Stane, J. Jonah Jameson  
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8882 clicks; posted to Geek » on 02 Jul 2012 at 11:16 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-07-02 09:51:54 AM
Oh look, another article where a reporter tells us all how hard it is to be a reporter.
 
2012-07-02 10:45:41 AM
Site has a few things wrong though:
Peter Parker no longer works at the Bugle
Xavier no longer runs the school
 
2012-07-02 11:02:44 AM
Lois Lane has to be the worst reporter ever. She can't even figure out that Clark Kent is just Superman in a pair of cheap glasses.
 
2012-07-02 11:05:48 AM
Clark Kent is terrible at his job? Doesn't he have a canon Pulitzer Prize?
 
2012-07-02 11:13:57 AM

ArkAngel: Clark Kent is terrible at his job? Doesn't he have a canon Pulitzer Prize?


He doesn't do "months of research and interviewing" he just does combat reporting and then flies back and types it up at super speed. During his Red/Blue time he was joking about how much directly interfacing with the computer was saving the Daily Planet on keyboards.

All in all he is the ultimate reporter. He can get back to the computer faster than the speed of sound and he types faster than the computer can process.
 
2012-07-02 11:19:22 AM
Dr. Blake is a really good physician, I just wish he'd stop calling me "Puny mortal!" whenever I tell him what's wrong.
 
2012-07-02 11:27:36 AM

ArkAngel: Clark Kent is terrible at his job? Doesn't he have a canon Pulitzer Prize?


Don't know if he still has it in the reboot.
 
2012-07-02 11:31:16 AM
Remember when Clark Kent was a TV Reporter?
 
2012-07-02 11:36:16 AM
The Savage Dragon was not a very good police officer, IIRC. You can't punch all of your problems away, Savage Dragon.
 
2012-07-02 11:42:01 AM
"he's a very good businessman"

img535.imageshack.us

He is, but he doesn't want anyone to know about it.
 
2012-07-02 11:43:02 AM

Subdue their bellies: The Savage Dragon was not a very good police officer, IIRC. You can't punch all of your problems away, Savage Dragon.


True, but he sure as hell wouldn't be drawn kicking anybody.
 
2012-07-02 11:44:08 AM

EyeballKid: True, but he sure as hell wouldn't be drawn kicking anybody.


Larson can draw feet. You're thinking of Liefeld.
 
2012-07-02 11:47:27 AM
not a super-hero but if you want hardcore not good at his day job (and mucho chuckles) do check out 'Reid Fleming, World's Toughest Milkman'. there was also a one-shot called 'Devil Chef' 12(?) years back with major appeal for the cook.
 
2012-07-02 11:48:55 AM
Thinking to myself "Wonder woman had a job?" is probably a hint that she sucked at it.

/you'd think superman would be too busy for his day job.
/being CEO (wayne,stark) means no one cares if you never punch in.
 
2012-07-02 11:49:21 AM

texdent: Don't know if he still has it in the reboot.


He doesn't even work for the Daily Planet in the reboot AND Superman just "killed off" Clark Kent because he felt too many people were starting to piece it together.

I'm sure that won't stick but as for now, he's just some punk kid from Smallville who works at a local rag (though he DID have an interview at the Daily Planet, he 'blew up' before he could get there)
 
2012-07-02 11:49:33 AM
Meh,
Booster Gold beats them all. Booster Golds day job is being a Super Hero.
 
2012-07-02 11:56:19 AM
You know who does the worst job of anyone in comics ever?! The guy who runs Arkham Asylum! Not Hugo, he was trying to be evil. I'm talking the guy before Hugo, you know the guy who was trying to keep them in? Notice how I used the word trying.
 
2012-07-02 12:03:09 PM

Slaves2Darkness: Meh,
Booster Gold beats them all. Booster Golds day job is being a Super Hero.


Booster was a janitor, at least before he got demoted to being a canadian.
 
2012-07-02 12:13:32 PM
If Shane Black does a good job with Iron Man 3, I'd love to see him do a She-Hulk movie.
 
2012-07-02 12:17:15 PM
Nobody does a better job than Tony Stark's lawyer. Everyone knows Tony's Iron Man, yet Stark Industries hasn't been sued into a fine mist for all the property damage.
 
2012-07-02 12:17:44 PM

way south: /being CEO (wayne,stark) means no one cares if you never punch in.


90% of what Iron Man does is protecting Stark IP. The argument could be made that being a superhero is an integral part of his day job.
 
2012-07-02 12:19:46 PM
She-Hulk instead of Daredevil for lawyer, eh...
 
2012-07-02 12:25:17 PM

FirstNationalBastard: Lois Lane has to be the worst reporter ever. She can't even figure out that Clark Kent is just Superman in a pair of cheap glasses.


He even told her, in no uncertain terms, that he is Superman (in one episode of the animated series).

She thought he was just being sarcastic.
 
2012-07-02 12:25:43 PM

wippit: She-Hulk instead of Daredevil for lawyer, eh...


Daredevil is a horrible lawyer. He gets paid in chickens for fark sake.
 
2012-07-02 12:32:07 PM

Subdue their bellies: The Savage Dragon was not a very good police officer, IIRC. You can't punch all of your problems away, Savage Dragon.


The PUNCHMASTER disagrees!!
 
2012-07-02 12:36:17 PM
So three of the "Best at their job" are men who inherited vast fortunes and the two worst at their job are women who work as secretaries.
 
2012-07-02 12:38:50 PM
Supposed this superheroine was a secretary as her day job,but I have to think she's picking up extra cash starring in alien bukkake films:
www.toplessrobot.com
 
2012-07-02 12:43:30 PM

King Something: FirstNationalBastard: Lois Lane has to be the worst reporter ever. She can't even figure out that Clark Kent is just Superman in a pair of cheap glasses.

He even told her, in no uncertain terms, that he is Superman (in one episode of the animated series).

She thought he was just being sarcastic.


In her defense, he kinda was. I forget how it went exactly, but it was something like Lois asked Clark how he got all the good Superman stories, and Clark replied something along the lines of, "Well, if you must know, I actually am Superman, and I just pose as Clark Kent so I can steal the byline from you." To which Lois paused for a second, and then said, "You're a sick man, Smallville."
 
2012-07-02 12:47:31 PM

Magorn: Supposed this superheroine was a secretary as her day job,but I have to think she's picking up extra cash starring in alien bukkake films:
[www.toplessrobot.com image 300x383]


Nah.

She's just a horrible mother trying to re-live her youth by pushing her teenaged daughter to be a super hero.
 
2012-07-02 12:52:38 PM

salvador.hardin: So three of the "Best at their job" are men who inherited vast fortunes and the two worst at their job are women who work as secretaries.


Yes. It's almost as though people who are born to rich parents have access to the education, contacts, and resources that contribute to successful careers and being an administrative assistant is actually a hard enough job that one can't just half-ass it while running around as a superhero and hope to do a good job.
 
2012-07-02 12:55:28 PM

Arachnophobe: Subdue their bellies: The Savage Dragon was not a very good police officer, IIRC. You can't punch all of your problems away, Savage Dragon.

The PUNCHMASTER disagrees!!


I stand corrected, and I have a new role model. Thanks for that.

How about Gambit? Does professional thief/gambler count as a day job? It sounds like a sweet gig to me.
 
2012-07-02 01:05:32 PM

meanmutton: Yes. It's almost as though people who are born to rich parents have access to the education, contacts, and resources that contribute to successful careers and being an administrative assistant is actually a hard enough job that one can't just half-ass it while running around as a superhero and hope to do a good job.


In comic books.....

In truth anyone who looked like this:
img832.imageshack.us


Wouldn't need to work as a secretary
 
2012-07-02 01:05:51 PM

Subdue their bellies: Arachnophobe: Subdue their bellies: The Savage Dragon was not a very good police officer, IIRC. You can't punch all of your problems away, Savage Dragon.

The PUNCHMASTER disagrees!!

I stand corrected, and I have a new role model. Thanks for that.

How about Gambit? Does professional thief/gambler count as a day job? It sounds like a sweet gig to me.


Then enjoy PART TWO, MAN-BELIEVER!
 
2012-07-02 01:23:48 PM

likefunbutnot: EyeballKid: True, but he sure as hell wouldn't be drawn kicking anybody.

Larson can draw feet. You're thinking of Liefeld.


Ooops. I was thinking of the guy who got hired on at Marvel to replace a popular artist of a popular title, shat the bed, and then went on to make unreadable Marvel rip-offs for Image.

/No, seriously, I was thinking Liefeld, just wanted to throw some snark in.
 
2012-07-02 01:28:12 PM
Missing from the list: Axe Cop.

Not sure which list he is missing from, though...
 
2012-07-02 01:59:56 PM
How the fark can you possibly claim Peter Parker is better at his day job than Bruce Wayne? Wayne may have started out rich, but he's continued to run the business very successfully... Meanwhile, Peter has trouble paying rent.
 
2012-07-02 02:00:32 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: wippit: She-Hulk instead of Daredevil for lawyer, eh...

Daredevil is a horrible lawyer. He gets paid in chickens for fark sake.


IIRC he was suspended(?) from practicing due to him = Daredevil.
 
2012-07-02 02:01:00 PM
Spawn is pretty bad at being a soldier of hell. Or at least he was, i don't know really.. I haven't read that comic since issue #10.
 
2012-07-02 02:01:44 PM

HeartBurnKid: King Something: FirstNationalBastard: Lois Lane has to be the worst reporter ever. She can't even figure out that Clark Kent is just Superman in a pair of cheap glasses.

He even told her, in no uncertain terms, that he is Superman (in one episode of the animated series).

She thought he was just being sarcastic.

In her defense, he kinda was. I forget how it went exactly, but it was something like Lois asked Clark how he got all the good Superman stories, and Clark replied something along the lines of, "Well, if you must know, I actually am Superman, and I just pose as Clark Kent so I can steal the byline from you." To which Lois paused for a second, and then said, "You're a sick man, Smallville."


lulz.
 
2012-07-02 02:03:43 PM
I'll just leave this here...
reddogreport.com

..and grab some popcorn.
 
2012-07-02 02:04:35 PM

EyeballKid: likefunbutnot: EyeballKid: True, but he sure as hell wouldn't be drawn kicking anybody.

Larson can draw feet. You're thinking of Liefeld.

Ooops. I was thinking of the guy who got hired on at Marvel to replace a popular artist of a popular title, shat the bed, and then went on to make unreadable Marvel rip-offs for Image.

/No, seriously, I was thinking Liefeld, just wanted to throw some snark in.


Hell, Liefield can't even draw people doing *anything* while simply standing! Almost always has them as if their ballet-dancing or somethin'.
 
2012-07-02 02:11:32 PM
I thought the prevailing fan theory on the whole "Superman + glasses = Clark Kent," and nobody notices was that Superman utilized some sort of "mass hypnosis" mind power which tricked everyone into not realizing his ruse.
 
2012-07-02 02:20:38 PM

spcMike: Slaves2Darkness: Meh,
Booster Gold beats them all. Booster Golds day job is being a Super Hero.

Booster was a janitor, at least before he got demoted to being a canadian.


Booster wan't a janitor he was a night watchman. The real reason he sucked at at his day job was that he was hired to guard precious artifacts and instead decided to steal them.
 
2012-07-02 02:26:58 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: In comic books.....

In truth anyone who looked like this:



Wouldn't need to work as a secretary


Except many many of the world's secretaries are that hot. Heck, sometimes it's even a requirement to look that good.
 
2012-07-02 02:29:33 PM

schattenteufel: I thought the prevailing fan theory on the whole "Superman + glasses = Clark Kent," and nobody notices was that Superman utilized some sort of "mass hypnosis" mind power which tricked everyone into not realizing his ruse.


If Clark Kent had a "mass hypnosis" mind power, he could convince everyone that there really is a Superman saving the day when, in reality, there isn't. Maybe the supervillain attacks are just figments of his mind control - or maybe the attacks are real and Metropolis' surviving population is living in a smoking ruin without realizing it.
 
2012-07-02 02:49:11 PM

lasercannon: spcMike: Slaves2Darkness: Meh,
Booster Gold beats them all. Booster Golds day job is being a Super Hero.

Booster was a janitor, at least before he got demoted to being a canadian.

Booster wan't a janitor he was a night watchman. The real reason he sucked at at his day job was that he was hired to guard precious artifacts and instead decided to steal them.


Besides that was his job before he became a Super Hero. I'm not sure it counts, because this was an article about Super Hero's who sucked at their day jobs.
 
2012-07-02 02:59:27 PM

lemurs: schattenteufel: I thought the prevailing fan theory on the whole "Superman + glasses = Clark Kent," and nobody notices was that Superman utilized some sort of "mass hypnosis" mind power which tricked everyone into not realizing his ruse.

If Clark Kent had a "mass hypnosis" mind power, he could convince everyone that there really is a Superman saving the day when, in reality, there isn't. Maybe the supervillain attacks are just figments of his mind control - or maybe the attacks are real and Metropolis' surviving population is living in a smoking ruin without realizing it.


That would be awesome.
 
2012-07-02 03:00:44 PM

schattenteufel: I'll just leave this here...
[reddogreport.com image 622x479]

..and grab some popcorn.


I've never seen goatse drawn like that. Interesting.
 
2012-07-02 03:23:36 PM

Honest Bender: How the fark can you possibly claim Peter Parker is better at his day job than Bruce Wayne? Wayne may have started out rich, but he's continued to run the business very successfully... Meanwhile, Peter has trouble paying rent.


Yes, that is totally nothing like the career trajectory of the huge number of people employed as journalists over the last twenty years or so.

In the meantime, Batman has benefited from the Luthor (and Prez before him) administration fiscal policies as well as international trends in outsourcing and Asian-based logistics chains.
 
2012-07-02 04:02:52 PM
"As a current member of the Superhuman Law division of the law firm of Goodman, Lieber, Kurtzberg & Holliway, Jennifer Walters is one of the best criminal defense lawyers out there."

Did she ever get her law license back after she punched her own client through a courthouse wall? They disbarred her and she spent at least a few issues as a skip tracer before they cancelled that run. I think that was back in 2009. She hasn't had an on-going title since.
 
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