Timely, obligatory, hotlinked Oatmeal

I never heckle movies. I do laugh at the most inapropriate times. The hero is crying over his gest buddy dieing.... ya that snorting laugh you just heard, yep that was me. The protaganist is waiting over his mother waiting for her to die of cancer and then unexpectantly she wakes up, says some sweet psycobable then dies.... yep me again. The car jumps over 30 semi's all the while the hero is keeping the girl from fly out of the car with one hand while the other wrestles the wheel.... guilty again. The one liner that brings down the house.... that zone of quiet... me again.

The best heckle I've ever experienced was a sustained 4 maybe 5 second burp from the back of the theater during Tokyo Drift. The fact that the audience uproariously laughed their approval is evidence of just how horrible that movie really was.

Mr. Chainsaw: old people talk during movies more than all the little kids and teenagers combined. In my experience, they're by far the most obnoxious movie patrons

My experience too -- "What did he say?" "Why did they do that?" "What's going on?" "Wait -- this isn't Matlock -- it's some sort of cartoon."

Mr. Chainsaw: Tax Boy: Timely, obligatory, hotlinked Oatmeal

That's great, but it has one huge flaw: old people talk during movies more than all the little kids and teenagers combined. In my experience, they're by far the most obnoxious movie patrons.



Then we won't sell them tickets.

BizarreMan: Best heckle I ever witnessed was back in college and it was totally unintentional. My buddies and I went to see "Greystoke: Legend of Tarzan of the Apes" and there is the scene where Greystoke is running around the castle looking for Jane, screaming "JANE, JANE, JANE" at the top of his lungs. At the moment when there is silence on the screen, one guy leans over to the next guy and in a voice that had been calibrated to be heard over all the noise, except now it's way too loud asks the question......."Is her name Jane?". Everybody for five or six rows around was rolling on the floor because it was so damn funny.

The sad part is he was legitimately asking the question because, he wasn't the smartest guy on the block.

I saw "Contact" in the cinema. Don't judge me. As you may recall Carl Sagan died shortly before the film's release. At the end of the film there is a simple, tasteful onscreen remembrance - the words "For Carl" appear briefly. For a moment the cinemagoers remember the man who created the story, the scientist who had devoted his career to bringing hope and knowledge to humanity.

Except the screening I attended, in which it was accompanied by a man in the audience shouting out "WHO THE HELL IS CARL?"

Gordon Bennett: Except the screening I attended, in which it was accompanied by a man in the audience shouting out "WHO THE HELL IS CARL?"

I think he's in the house. Oh, wait...

Gordon Bennett: Except the screening I attended, in which it was accompanied by a man in the audience shouting out "WHO THE HELL IS CARL?"

I'd cut him some slack. He was probably angry at sitting through that entire piece of shiat (and paying money to do so) and just looking to take it out on someone.

Like a random Carl.

CSB time: Only once have I heckled a movie, as generally I'm too respectful of other folks experience. But I got together three of my jerkiest, ballsiest friends and we got drunk beforehand and specifically went to The Passion of the Christ and heckled the living shiat out of that movie when it came out.

/Good times.

I remember going to see a midnight show of The Phantom Menace when it opened (oh god, why) and when the opening text came on "a long time ago..." a guy in the back shouted: "Fark. I've seen this already!"

Got the crowd rollin. Unfortunately was the only laugh that night.

Big Beef Burrito: Gordon Bennett: Except the screening I attended, in which it was accompanied by a man in the audience shouting out "WHO THE HELL IS CARL?"

I'd cut him some slack. He was probably angry at sitting through that entire piece of shiat (and paying money to do so) and just looking to take it out on someone.

Like a random Carl.



I sat through that movie for 2 hours to see some farking aliens, and at the end it was her father.

/hot carl

It seems unlikely, but I can't recall ever hearing someone heckle a movie. I've heard people talk to the movie in various ways "Don't go in there!", "That's not pudding!!", etc, but no amusing snark. I'm saddened and feel left out now.

Best heckle I've heard was during a viewing of Eye of the Beholder (awful awful movie). At one point this elderly gentleman stands up and shouts "This is like watching Stuart Little backwards!" Everyone laughed in agreement and he walked out.

It's rarely funny. The last heckle I laughed at was when watching that dreck "Crash" and when Sandra Bullock painfully acted her fall down the stairs some guy in the front started laughing hysterically which made everybody else laugh. Something about being beat over the head with that movie's super-deep and important message for 2 hours and everyone agreeing at once how contrived it was.

Mr. Chainsaw: Tax Boy: Timely, obligatory, hotlinked Oatmeal

That's great, but it has one huge flaw: old people talk during movies more than all the little kids and teenagers combined. In my experience, they're by far the most obnoxious movie patrons.

Who is he again?
What's happening?
Why is he saying that?
When did this happen?
That can't really happen, can it?

I used to think getting older meant you can't process as much information. Then I started seeing movies with friends in high school and in college. No, some people are just born retarded. Young people just know not to vocalize their inability to wait 10 seconds for the flashback or for the scene to end.

The worst is when old people watch SciFi movies. I get it, that as a nerd, I have 15 years worth of nerdy knowledge on how stuff works. Like clockwork, as soon as they press that button, and the screen goes fuzzy lights pop and vanish, you hear some one croaking in the back ground "What was that?". Not 2 seconds later does the protagonist explain they have a teleporter.

Please, old people. Just wait.

It's just a matter of opinion.

The first and only time I've ever heckled was at a showing of "Dancer in the Dark" back in 2000.

Everyone seemed to think I was damn funny. Pretty sure they were just happy to be laughing instead of bawling their eyes out.

*I* though the movie was funny, because it was so over-the-top. If you've never seen it, it's basically a machine designed to make you cry. Think "Graveyard of the Fireflies".

BizarreMan: there is the scene where Greystoke is running around the castle looking for Jane, screaming "JANE, JANE, JANE" at the top of his lungs.

...wasn't Greystoke the name of the castle?

The last movie I heckled was Tron: Legacy. I made a comment about Jeff Bridges' character being Obi Tron Lebowski.

For movies like Snakes on a Plane, is it more audience participation or heckling?

Tax Boy: Big Beef Burrito: Gordon Bennett: Except the screening I attended, in which it was accompanied by a man in the audience shouting out "WHO THE HELL IS CARL?"

I'd cut him some slack. He was probably angry at sitting through that entire piece of shiat (and paying money to do so) and just looking to take it out on someone.

Like a random Carl.

[unrealitymag.com image 320x240]

I sat through that movie for 2 hours to see some farking aliens, and at the end it was her goddamn father.

/hot carl

I sat through more hours of the book and it wasn't too much better. Not terrible, and a damn sight better than the movie, but not wonderful.

/also ftfy

Rapmaster2000: It's rarely funny. The last heckle I laughed at was when watching that dreck "Crash" and when Sandra Bullock painfully acted her fall down the stairs some guy in the front started laughing hysterically which made everybody else laugh. Something about being beat over the head with that movie's super-deep and important message for 2 hours and everyone agreeing at once how contrived it was.

I saw "Serial Mom" in the cinema. In one scene Kathleen Turner beats an annoying woman from the video store to death with a piece of meat while the screen shows the opening to "Annie" and the song about the sun coming out tomorrow can be heard.

I laughed. No one else did, but around me afterwards I did hear some quiet, very nervous laughter presumably from people who were frightened to be near a guy who laughs loudly at a particularly amusing murder.

Dickish movie heckling:



Heckler & Koch MP5

*ahem*

A former acquaintance tells of the time a few of his loony associates parked themselves a couple of rows behind a family near the front of a theatre. At some point (germane to the plot or not wasn't related) one emits a thunderous fart. He then stands up, leans across the vacant row ahead, and in a somber stage voice declares, "There, there, ma'am. I'll leave so everyone thinks I did it" and departs.

I'd enjoy people heckling the movie more if they followed the rules of the article. People can be really, REALLY funny at times. But yeah.... they usually suck.

My experience:
Went to see "Alien 3" (what a suck ass film). Right from the start, I knew I was with a fun crowd when the title came up and someone shouted "What the f*ck? Alien cubed?" When someone in a different section shouted "No, Alien to the third power!" and someone in another section shouted "Idiots! It's Alien Alien Alien!"

A bunch of people laughed, and fortunately the only two or three other heckles they shouted later on were also good (although I forgot those).

Best crowd participation of all time I witnessed was during the Avengers movie when Loki stabbed someone (You know exactly where I'm talking about)

The theatrer exploded "fark" "NOOOOO" "fark THIS shiat" "Bull shiat" "No no no no no" "WTF why him?" "fark YOU"

My one and only theatrical flick heckle: Mad Max III: Beyond Thunderdome, one of the first showings in my area.

Do we really need a Spoiler Warning for this? But, just in case:

After Mad Max defeated Master Blaster and revealed that Auntie Entity had dealt deceptively with him, Auntie said to the city that right or wrong, they had a deal, and the law was: "Queer a Deal, Face the Wheel."

The Wheel turned out to be a metal pie plate balanced on a pin, and cut into unequal-sized wedges, so that it could spin. There was a pointer. The largest wedge was marked "Auntie's Choice," with other large ones marked "Death by ..." followed by various unpleasant means of execution. A smaller one was "Gulag." The tiniest wedge was "Acquittal" (A. Entity apparently wanted there to be at least the appearance of somewhat "fair" "justice" in Bartertown).

The wheel was spun. First, it was spinning quite rapidly, then as it lost rotational momentum, it slowed more and more. The tension in the nearly packed theater built and built. Just as it was getting quite slow, and the tension was at its maximum, with most of the audience outright holding their breaths (you literally could've heard a pin drop), I couldn't resist, and said in a casual voice:

"I'd like to buy a vowel."

The whole place busted into guffaws that did not die down for well over a minute.

Saw Titanic with my girlfriend when it came out. During the scene where Jack is freezing to death, 2-3 girls sitting behind us are sobbing uncontrollably. As Jack sinks into the deep and the sobs continue, my girlfriend who was usually pretty sensitive, let's out a pretty silent, but well delivered "Give me a break." I lost my shiat. Like when Jerry placed the Pez dispenser on Elaine's lap. It didn't stop and she milked it for a few minutes. Tears rolling down my face, my sides were hurting, I was laughing uncontrollable. Titanic, who figured? One of the best laughs I ever had.

people need to get their panties untwisted. a crap movie is a crap movie and should be heckled. don't by any means go to heckle, but if it is crap i'm going to say so.
now i do get pissed when people have personal conversations in the theater. they can go f themselves. i don't care if your boyfriend is cheating on you or if you smoked a fat blunt before you came in to the theater. stfu and take that outside.

Tax Boy: Mr. Chainsaw: old people talk during movies more than all the little kids and teenagers combined. In my experience, they're by far the most obnoxious movie patrons

My experience too -- "What did he say?" "Why did they do that?" "What's going on?" "Wait -- this isn't Matlock -- it's some sort of cartoon."

During Troy: Some old lady in the balcony seat felt the need to narrate the ENTIRE MOVIE to her elderly companion. To this day my sister and I routinely randomly shout "THERE'S THE HORSE!" to each other.

Clash of the Titans: Not sure if it was an old person or not, but someone whisper shouted "It's ZEUS!" at the screen at one point, something else we have adopted to saying whenever Liam Neeson pops up.

There are only two times I can remember actually laughing at someone heckling a movie, but both times they were movies I knew would be awful before I went.

The Dungeons & Dragons movie - There's a scene with all the wizard council people or whatever the fark they are, and the character played by Jeremy Irons says "Are we going to talk, or are we going to act?" Someone in the back of the theater yelled "YES! Please, for the love of god, START ACTING!" The whole theater burst out laughing, because the movie really was that bad.

The other one was less LOL and more snicker, but... The Friday the 13th reboot. When Token Black Dude goes out looking for Jason with a fireplace poker and holding a wok like a shield, someone near me said "Dude, there is no way he can tank Jason with that vendor trash." I snickered like the WoW goon I am.

chewielouie: Revenge of the Sith. During the falling in love montage between Anakin and Padme, right after the dreadful dialogue by the fire, some older guy beneath his breath mutters, "Give me a break." The tone, volume and delivery were perfect.

That was Attack of the Clones you've described.

RoyBatty: It depends on the movie.

Talking during a movie is obnoxious.

The occasional brilliant heckle is glorious.

/been a long time though.



I'm not the type... but I did heckle a theater employee who used to come into the IMAX theater to make announcements. Got a fully packed house laughing so hard he just quit and hung up the mike and walked out.

If you're going to heckle a movie, do it with your buds in the privacy of your own home, record it, and upload it to Zarban or iRiffs. That way, you'll get fans, maybe make a little money on the side, and you won't be thought of as an asshole by a crowd of moviegoers.

I'm probably going to be judged for this, but here goes...

The funniest movie-heckle moment I ever witnessed was when I, for some ungodly reason or another, was watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas. Right around the first on-screen appearance of the Grinch, some girl in the audience yelled out "Hey, this isn't Bambi!"

/significantly funnier than the movie itself
//be kind, Fark. I've since seen the error of my old ways.

BroVinny: chewielouie: Revenge of the Sith. During the falling in love montage between Anakin and Padme, right after the dreadful dialogue by the fire, some older guy beneath his breath mutters, "Give me a break." The tone, volume and delivery were perfect.

That was Attack of the Clones you've described.

Oh thank you for pointing that out, proves that the memory of those movies is starting to fade.