Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(USA Today)   Gas companies are now planning on drilling in cemeteries. This should end well   (usatoday.com) divider line 180
    More: Asinine  
•       •       •

7391 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Jul 2012 at 12:05 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



180 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all
 
2012-07-01 12:07:21 AM  
Well, oil's well that ends well, I always say.

/That was the joke, right?
 
2012-07-01 12:07:24 AM  
Shouldn't it take longer to get fossil fuels out of corpses?
 
2012-07-01 12:10:51 AM  
I approve of this headline.
 
2012-07-01 12:11:34 AM  
Wasn't there an episode of Xander: Renegade Angel that warned us of the consequences of this?
 
2012-07-01 12:12:16 AM  
another piece in the coming of the zombie oil-pocalypse
 
2012-07-01 12:12:19 AM  
When the oil hits the zombie anus
 
2012-07-01 12:14:27 AM  
They'll move the headstones, but they won't move the bodies.
 
2012-07-01 12:18:08 AM  
Aside from the obvious Return of the Living Dead reference, is there a reason we should care about this? They're moving the monuments so people will still have a place to drop flowers, and the dead people don't care because they're dead. Seems pretty victimless to me.
 
2012-07-01 12:18:47 AM  
cdn.wikimg.net
 
2012-07-01 12:21:52 AM  
i1.ytimg.com
YOU SON OF A biatch, YOU LEFT THE BODIES AND ONLY MOVED THE HEADSTONES. YOU ONLY MOVED THE HEADSTONESSSSSSSS!
 
2012-07-01 12:22:36 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Aside from the obvious Return of the Living Dead reference, is there a reason we should care about this? They're moving the monuments so people will still have a place to drop flowers, and the dead people don't care because they're dead. Seems pretty victimless to me.


I don't want to take my kids to their Grandpa's grave and say, "Well kids, he's buried right underneath that gas drill." Of course he's buried in Florida, but you never know how desperate they'll get.

/subby
 
2012-07-01 12:23:26 AM  
Came here for Poltergeist reference, leaving satisfied.
 
2012-07-01 12:25:10 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Aside from the obvious Return of the Living Dead reference, is there a reason we should care about this? They're moving the monuments so people will still have a place to drop flowers, and the dead people don't care because they're dead. Seems pretty victimless to me.


The problem is they want to drop flowers on the body. The monument is just there to mark the body, otherwise why the hell would you pay all that money to put the monument in a cemetery when you could put it somewhere more convenient like in your backyard.

/damn dead people, why you gotta be so inconvenient
 
2012-07-01 12:27:49 AM  
I live in the Marcellus shale region (one of the big areas they're trying to drill the hell out of, only NY has a moratorium still). There's a pretty much 100% chance that if they start drilling around here, they're drilling/sucking oil out from under some family's cemetery. There's lots of tiny ones scattered around the hills here, and probably more that are older than the records and aren't on any maps. Up in Monroe county, one of my friends had a few gravestones in her back yard because a small part of the oldest town cemetery got rezoned for residential.
 
2012-07-01 12:27:58 AM  
Allows me to drive your Grandma in a whole new way.
 
2012-07-01 12:29:38 AM  

K3rmy: Allows me to drive your Grandma in a whole new way.


I'm pretty sure that's now a dry hole
 
2012-07-01 12:31:20 AM  
Well ... corpses have gasses in them. :o\
 
2012-07-01 12:31:54 AM  
There won't be any drilling rigs on cemeteries. They'll drill horizontally from rigs miles away.
 
2012-07-01 12:33:37 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: There won't be any drilling rigs on cemeteries. They'll drill horizontally from rigs miles away.


Please, do not inject reality into this thread.
 
2012-07-01 12:34:04 AM  
WHA WHA WHA WHAT'S HAPPENING?!?!?
 
2012-07-01 12:36:16 AM  
DRILL BABY DRILL
 
2012-07-01 12:37:29 AM  
Ramming toxic chemicals thru a pipe with enough force it breaks up bedrock and pollutes the water table is not victimless. Big business will get away with whatever we let them until they can buy the appropriate legislation to make it legal.
 
2012-07-01 12:37:34 AM  

BarkingUnicorn: There won't be any drilling rigs on cemeteries. They'll drill horizontally from rigs miles away.


Relevant
 
2012-07-01 12:40:11 AM  
I'm disappointed in you fark. 10 replies before the Poltergeist reference? For shame. Although, most people here probably weren't even alive when that movie came out.
 
2012-07-01 12:41:55 AM  
No, son, I said "Grampa's gone to well"

....stop worry about disturbing the dead. They care a lot less about decomposing over some well than you do.
 
2012-07-01 12:45:04 AM  
Sometimes When I read a headline I think that the server should automatically detect obvious related memes and auto-post image macros that are appropriate...

sorta like how they now just automatically give you the RSTLNE on Wheel of Fortune.

/something something poltergeist .. something something leaves satisfied...something
 
2012-07-01 12:49:21 AM  
Barbera, they're coming to drill over you! BARBERAAAAAA........
 
2012-07-01 12:51:57 AM  
Here's a thought....isn't the land considered to be in trust for the dead folks buried there? In essence isn't any money raised supposed to enhance the lives (deaths?) of those buried there? So when do the dead folks get new roomier coffins or maybe a dead hooker buried with them?
 
2012-07-01 12:53:07 AM  
What irks me is that people don't seem to understand what fraccing is all about. The two main products used in fracturing a well are sand and brackish water, not some horrible petrochemical. The actual fracturing process occurrs a mile or more beneath the surface, often beneath the bedrock. Well casings are cemented to isolate the vertical stretch of the well from the horizontal portion that is being fractured. If done correctly, and that is the major caveat, there is very little risk in fraccing wells, whether for natural gas or tight oil purposes. Regulations play a big part. If there is a keen enough eye on the whole process, there is no reason resource exploration and environmental protection can't be achieved without equal consideration.
 
2012-07-01 12:53:51 AM  
Gibsons Ghoulish Gas Company
 
2012-07-01 12:57:06 AM  
Golf courses and cemeteries, the biggest waste of prime real-estate.
 
2012-07-01 12:58:14 AM  

melvin's army: What irks me is that people don't seem to understand what fraccing is all about. The two main products used in fracturing a well are sand and brackish water, not some horrible petrochemical. The actual fracturing process occurrs a mile or more beneath the surface, often beneath the bedrock. Well casings are cemented to isolate the vertical stretch of the well from the horizontal portion that is being fractured. If done correctly, and that is the major caveat, there is very little risk in fraccing wells, whether for natural gas or tight oil purposes. Regulations play a big part. If there is a keen enough eye on the whole process, there is no reason resource exploration and environmental protection can't be achieved without equal consideration.


There are only two kinds of cement. Cement that is cracked, and cement that is going to crack.

Your keen eye turns blind at the sight of money.
 
2012-07-01 12:59:08 AM  
Will they have a special pump with uncursed gas?
 
2012-07-01 01:00:19 AM  
They're dead, wtf do they care?
 
2012-07-01 01:00:58 AM  
I wonder if when you purchase a cemetery plot, if it also includes the mineral rights.
Could be a money maker for the families of the current occupants.
 
2012-07-01 01:01:41 AM  

melvin's army: The two main products used in fracturing a well are sand and brackish water, not some horrible petrochemical.


I forgot to add:
The main component of shiat is water, not some horrible petrochemical. Yum yum eat it up.
 
2012-07-01 01:02:09 AM  
More tremors in Texas...
 
2012-07-01 01:07:03 AM  
Humethane. "Now your car moves with the power of your ancestors!"
 
2012-07-01 01:13:40 AM  

RogermcAllen: melvin's army: What irks me is that people don't seem to understand what fraccing is all about. The two main products used in fracturing a well are sand and brackish water, not some horrible petrochemical. The actual fracturing process occurrs a mile or more beneath the surface, often beneath the bedrock. Well casings are cemented to isolate the vertical stretch of the well from the horizontal portion that is being fractured. If done correctly, and that is the major caveat, there is very little risk in fraccing wells, whether for natural gas or tight oil purposes. Regulations play a big part. If there is a keen enough eye on the whole process, there is no reason resource exploration and environmental protection can't be achieved without equal consideration.

There are only two kinds of cement. Cement that is cracked, and cement that is going to crack.

Your keen eye turns blind at the sight of money.


You have me there. The oil and gas industry puts food on my plate. It puts gas in my car. It puts gas in your car, or diesel fuel in your public transportation. It is a key ingredient in the plastic that comprises the keys that you
used to typed your retort. Natural gas likely heats your home. Would you be able to survive without these creature comforts? That's up to you. Would you be a hypocrite for taking advantage of these near-necessities while still blaming oil and gas for all of lifes problems. Damn rights you would.
 
2012-07-01 01:16:44 AM  

dj_bigbird: They're dead, wtf do they care?


What if they died for your sins?
 
2012-07-01 01:17:37 AM  
Cemeteries are a nice place to fark, but they're really a waste of land.
 
2012-07-01 01:18:56 AM  

RogermcAllen: melvin's army: The two main products used in fracturing a well are sand and brackish water, not some horrible petrochemical.

I forgot to add:
The main component of shiat is water, not some horrible petrochemical. Yum yum eat it up.


shiat is in fact a pretty good fertilizer. Yum yum eat it up. Agriculture, oil and natural gas feed and power this world; you can call it as dirty as a Dutch hooker, but you'd likely be dead without it
 
2012-07-01 01:19:15 AM  

kidsizedcoffin: dj_bigbird: They're dead, wtf do they care?

What if they died for your sins?


He's already risen from His grave. His grave is empty, so what the fark does He care?
 
2012-07-01 01:21:44 AM  

dj_bigbird: kidsizedcoffin: dj_bigbird: They're dead, wtf do they care?

What if they died for your sins?

He's already risen from His grave. His grave is empty, so what the fark does He care?


Ok then, carry on.
 
2012-07-01 01:26:20 AM  

SirPeteTheGreat: Shouldn't it take longer to get fossil fuels out of corpses?


They're just after the gas.
 
2012-07-01 01:29:04 AM  

melvin's army: Would you be able to survive without these creature comforts? That's up to you. Would you be a hypocrite for taking advantage of these near-necessities while still blaming oil and gas for all of lifes problems. Damn rights you would.


You do know that most people's problems are with the (corrupt to the point of making banks look honest) oil companies, not the oil itself, right? Don't be an idiot.
 
2012-07-01 01:29:59 AM  

Jim_Callahan: Aside from the obvious Return of the Living Dead reference, is there a reason we should care about this? They're moving the monuments so people will still have a place to drop flowers, and the dead people don't care because they're dead. Seems pretty victimless to me.


There are environmental issues to be considered.

Like the fact that the pipes underground that never fail, fail at a very regular frequency, spilling out god knows what (they aren't legally required to tell us whats in their mud) into drinking water.

People around Hydrolic fracking operations have had their water wells poisoned with heavy metals and methane gas. Google lighting your tap water on fire.

I don't care if you drill in a cemetery. Like you said, the dead cant care and the monuments for the living can be anywhere. That said, it is a pretty universal cultural thing that you do not disturb the resting places of the dead.
 
2012-07-01 01:32:11 AM  

melvin's army: If done correctly, and that is the major caveat, there is very little risk in fraccing wells,


melvin's army: If done correctly,


melvin's army: If done correctly,


melvin's army: If done correctly,


melvin's army: If done correctly,


That's a big if
 
2012-07-01 01:34:21 AM  
...AND THE PLOT THICKENS.
 
2012-07-01 01:37:46 AM  
Corrupt? The last I heard was that these companys extract and sell commodities at market value. Blame Wall St. and Bay St. for the reason why it costs an extra 15 bucks to fill your grocery getter while the price of a barrel is nearly the lowest it's been this decade. Oil companies don't dictate the prices, it's the braindead daytraders you aughta be worried about.
 
Displayed 50 of 180 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report