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(USA Today)   One moment you're giving a lecture, the next two chimpanzees grab your feet and pull you under an electrified fence, drag you for almost a half-mile, and bite off multiple important parts of you   ( divider line
    More: Scary, Jane Goodall Institute, animal sanctuary, speeches, multiples  
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12970 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2012 at 12:26 AM (5 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2012-06-30 02:14:02 AM  
6 votes:
2012-06-30 12:31:02 AM  
6 votes:
2012-06-30 01:24:49 AM  
3 votes:

J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.

Ahh there are plenty of animals out there that could eat me, bears, wolves, sharks, gators, my cat...sometimes I wake up to him chewing on my ear...probably checking to see how the meat is aging...
2012-06-30 12:41:36 AM  
3 votes:
Damn dirty apes!
2012-06-30 02:30:54 AM  
2 votes:

J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.

2012-06-30 01:35:12 AM  
2 votes:
Sorry, I'm too busy to read the article. Did they mention whether the chimps were on bath salts?
2012-06-30 12:58:20 AM  
2 votes:
Maybe this happened to these chimps:

A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.

A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off!

2012-06-30 12:49:51 AM  
2 votes:
If I am remembering my nature shows correctly, if a foreign male is found within the territory of a different group, part of the attack is ripping off the testicles. That guy should send a thank you letter to Levi's.
2012-06-30 12:34:38 AM  
2 votes:
2012-06-30 02:53:42 PM  
1 vote:
Chimpin' ain't easy.
2012-06-30 09:55:55 AM  
1 vote:
Sounds like someone had a case of the Mondays....
2012-06-30 04:59:48 AM  
1 vote:
i'm not so sure a chimp is all that big. biggest according to wiki is 5'6 and 150 lbs. so i suppose the ones from the story are somewhat less. but anyways, whats to keep the guy from smacking the hell out of them a few good times. most animals don't attack unless they got the advantage. i wonder how big this guy is. also noted is the fact it was two to one and it said they dragged him about half a mile.

if a chimp ever attacked me i'd crap myself, scream like a girl and start slamming my fists at any part i could reach.
2012-06-30 04:45:36 AM  
1 vote:
Chimps: Not quite as good at figuring out ways to be an asshole as Humans, but once they've got the plan they're much better at the execution.
2012-06-30 03:12:15 AM  
1 vote:
You see, Jane? You should have made a bonobo sanctuary.
2012-06-30 02:50:24 AM  
1 vote:
I'm surprised Jane Goodall even has a face after all the years she spent studying apes.

Also, Bigfoot ain't a gentle forest giant, no matter what Finding Bigfoot might have you think. They snatch hundreds of people a year in national parks, probably to eat. Especially kids.

Check out Missing 411 for the whole sad bizarre story.
2012-06-30 02:42:09 AM  
1 vote:
So is it now the Jane Goodmostly Institute?
2012-06-30 01:30:52 AM  
1 vote: a kid I used to laugh at the show "Lancelot Link". Now I'm just picturing the entire cast finally having enough and mangling their handlers.
2012-06-30 01:19:38 AM  
1 vote:
2012-06-30 12:57:51 AM  
1 vote:
FTFA: Update at 1:16 p.m. ET: Edwin Jay, chairman of the Jane Goodall Institute South Africa, said the man had crossed the first of two fences separating the chimpanzees from visitors and was standing close to the second fence, which is electrified, at the time of the attack.

... There is the problem. They didn't nearly have enough fencing. Everyone knows it takes three or four different fences for a human being to even begin to think, "Hey, perhaps I shouldn't be any where near the thing this fence is separating me from. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is keeping me from contact with an unpredictable, abused, and unstable creature."
2012-06-30 12:55:21 AM  
1 vote:
Mess with the bull, you get the horns.
2012-06-30 12:51:44 AM  
1 vote:

Linkster: Sorry, but shave the Chimpanzee, and make "him wear" clothes.

Justice. PERIOD!

/don't touch my junk Dude!

Yeah! That's a few fingers worth!

/you sound like a dipshiat
//no really. a giant dipshiat
2012-06-30 12:39:02 AM  
1 vote:
The newspaper says Oberle lost some fingers and part of his ear in the attack.

If he still has his face, he got of light. Hope he recovers okay, aside from the lost figures, but geez. Chimps are not to be farked around with.

Or any primates, really.

/Except for maybe marmosets, which are small.
//And lemurs. Lemurs are adorable.
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