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(USA Today)   One moment you're giving a lecture, the next two chimpanzees grab your feet and pull you under an electrified fence, drag you for almost a half-mile, and bite off multiple important parts of you   (content.usatoday.com) divider line 69
    More: Scary, Jane Goodall Institute, animal sanctuary, speeches, multiples  
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12919 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jun 2012 at 12:26 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-30 12:31:02 AM
i268.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-30 12:31:14 AM
This happened at a rescue sanctuary for chimpanzees either orphaned or raised by humans (and often abused by them). This is what happened to one of the chimps involved in the attack:

The other, named Nikki, came from Liberia in 1996 and was among the first chimps at the sanctuary. Before arriving, he had been treated like a son by his owners, who dressed him in clothes, shaved his body and taught him to eat at a table using cutlery, the website said.

The other chimp was orphaned in Angola during the civil war. These poor apes are to chimpanzee society what PTSD cases are to human society.

Hope the poor human recovers okay.

Link It's pretty sad all around, ackshually.
 
2012-06-30 12:34:14 AM
This shiat right here is why I steer the hell clear of any simian that's less-evolved than myself. They've got crazy cunning and strength and no reservations about biting someone's hands and face right off.

/I'm not too keen on most people, either.
 
2012-06-30 12:34:38 AM
awesomebrarian.files.wordpress.com
/hot
 
2012-06-30 12:39:02 AM
The newspaper says Oberle lost some fingers and part of his ear in the attack.

If he still has his face, he got of light. Hope he recovers okay, aside from the lost figures, but geez. Chimps are not to be farked around with.

Or any primates, really.

/Except for maybe marmosets, which are small.
//And lemurs. Lemurs are adorable.
 
2012-06-30 12:41:28 AM
Sorry, but shave the Chimpanzee, and make "him wear" clothes.

Justice. PERIOD!

/don't touch my junk Dude!
 
2012-06-30 12:41:36 AM
Damn dirty apes!
 
Ro
2012-06-30 12:47:52 AM
why lecture apes? they'll never learn!
 
2012-06-30 12:49:51 AM
If I am remembering my nature shows correctly, if a foreign male is found within the territory of a different group, part of the attack is ripping off the testicles. That guy should send a thank you letter to Levi's.
 
2012-06-30 12:50:13 AM
Willful invasion of personal space is liable to make any creature go ape.
 
2012-06-30 12:51:44 AM

Linkster: Sorry, but shave the Chimpanzee, and make "him wear" clothes.

Justice. PERIOD!

/don't touch my junk Dude!


Yeah! That's a few fingers worth!

/you sound like a dipshiat
//no really. a giant dipshiat
 
2012-06-30 12:55:21 AM
www.toimg.net
Mess with the bull, you get the horns.
 
2012-06-30 12:57:51 AM
FTFA: Update at 1:16 p.m. ET: Edwin Jay, chairman of the Jane Goodall Institute South Africa, said the man had crossed the first of two fences separating the chimpanzees from visitors and was standing close to the second fence, which is electrified, at the time of the attack.

... There is the problem. They didn't nearly have enough fencing. Everyone knows it takes three or four different fences for a human being to even begin to think, "Hey, perhaps I shouldn't be any where near the thing this fence is separating me from. Perhaps, just perhaps, it is keeping me from contact with an unpredictable, abused, and unstable creature."
 
2012-06-30 12:58:20 AM
Maybe this happened to these chimps:

A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.

A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off!

Link
 
2012-06-30 01:00:35 AM
Done in one.
 
2012-06-30 01:02:37 AM
You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.
 
2012-06-30 01:02:59 AM
"the man had crossed the first of two fences separating the chimpanzees from visitors and was standing close to the second fence"

Farking moron. Never, ever cross the fences at a "zoo." They are they to not only keep the animals in but to keep you alive!
 
2012-06-30 01:04:56 AM
I have been to an ape sanctuary (not the one in the article) and while it is good they get the apes out of the abusive places they were in and to some place they can live most of those apes are completely insane, just like a person who went through some horrifically abusive life would end up being. Scary stuff, I hope the guy pulls though!
 
2012-06-30 01:15:57 AM

Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.


Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.
 
2012-06-30 01:19:38 AM
www.shockmansion.com
 
2012-06-30 01:21:31 AM

J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.


Deer have been known to kick people's asses for shiats and giggles.
 
2012-06-30 01:24:49 AM

J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.


Ahh there are plenty of animals out there that could eat me, bears, wolves, sharks, gators, my cat...sometimes I wake up to him chewing on my ear...probably checking to see how the meat is aging...
 
2012-06-30 01:30:52 AM
Jesus....as a kid I used to laugh at the show "Lancelot Link". Now I'm just picturing the entire cast finally having enough and mangling their handlers.
 
2012-06-30 01:35:12 AM
Sorry, I'm too busy to read the article. Did they mention whether the chimps were on bath salts?
 
2012-06-30 01:35:26 AM

Drayen: If I am remembering my nature shows correctly, if a foreign male is found within the territory of a different group, part of the attack is ripping off the testicles. That guy should send a thank you letter to Levi's.


When attacking, chimps hold on with one arm, rip at the genitals with the other, and chew the enemy's face off. If all this guy lost was some fingers and an ear, he should thank his lucky stars the apes were just toying with him.
 
2012-06-30 01:45:33 AM

TofuTheAlmighty: Drayen: If I am remembering my nature shows correctly, if a foreign male is found within the territory of a different group, part of the attack is ripping off the testicles. That guy should send a thank you letter to Levi's.

When attacking, chimps hold on with one arm, rip at the genitals with the other, and chew the enemy's face off. If all this guy lost was some fingers and an ear, he should thank his lucky stars the apes were just toying with him.


I think I'm glad I forgot about the face chewing.
 
2012-06-30 01:49:42 AM
torodacreek.com
 
2012-06-30 01:55:19 AM

LoneWolf343: J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.

Deer have been known to kick people's asses for shiats and giggles.


The man is functionally retarded, you'd have more success lecturing to a sack of mentally challenged bricks.
 
2012-06-30 02:00:04 AM

LoneWolf343: J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.

Deer have been known to kick people's asses for shiats and giggles.


Just because they won't eat you, doesn't mean they won't kill you.

/only thing that prevents an attack is their fear that you'll kill them
//naturally, people think this instinctive timidity means they're cute and need to be taught that humans aren't as bad as they think
///the same people blame the park rangers when the deer they're hugging suddenly mauls them
 
2012-06-30 02:11:24 AM
"It's a maaaadhouse!!"

Honestly; primates creep me out. The whole uncanny valley thing and that a chimp two thirds my weight can still rip my arms off. Nasty, nasty, poo flinging things.

"From Chimpan-'A' to Chimpan-'Z' "!!!

When I saw UTSA; I at first I thought it was one of the primate centers here.
 
2012-06-30 02:14:02 AM
i184.photobucket.com
 
2012-06-30 02:30:54 AM

J. Frank Parnell: Tellingthem: You see this is why I have no guilt in eating animals. I always figured that if they could find a way of catching me they would have no problems chewing on me either.

Yeah, cows and deer are absolutely bloodthirsty.


Obligatory:
i.imgur.com
 
2012-06-30 02:38:26 AM
Mother nature totally made chimps beast mode they are strong as f*****k
 
2012-06-30 02:39:15 AM
Retards have almost superhero strength, like a chimp.

/obscure?
 
2012-06-30 02:40:28 AM

man metaphysical: Mother nature totally made chimps beast mode they are strong as f*****k


Yeah, but we got smarter. Advantage: human (for the most part)

BRING IT ON, CHIMPS!
 
2012-06-30 02:42:09 AM
So is it now the Jane Goodmostly Institute?
 
2012-06-30 02:43:11 AM
Sounds like a normal day as a High School teacher.
 
2012-06-30 02:44:48 AM
Chimps are scary mean ass cannibalistic bastards.

I'd be far more worried about a loose chimp than a loose tiger. Not to say I wouldn't worry about the tiger, just that I'd carry an extra gun for the chimp.
 
2012-06-30 02:50:24 AM
I'm surprised Jane Goodall even has a face after all the years she spent studying apes.

Also, Bigfoot ain't a gentle forest giant, no matter what Finding Bigfoot might have you think. They snatch hundreds of people a year in national parks, probably to eat. Especially kids.

Check out Missing 411 for the whole sad bizarre story.
 
2012-06-30 03:10:40 AM

Max Awesome: Also, Bigfoot ain't a gentle forest giant, no matter what Finding Bigfoot might have you think. They snatch hundreds of people a year in national parks, probably to eat. Especially kids.

Check out Missing 411 for the whole sad bizarre story.


...[notsureifserious.jpg]
 
2012-06-30 03:12:15 AM
You see, Jane? You should have made a bonobo sanctuary.
 
2012-06-30 03:59:16 AM
For some reason I really dislike chimps. Even monkeys are kind of annoying to the point of being enraging. But chimps seem intelligent enough to realize to a degree the farked up shiat they do, yet they do it anyway. You can point out that people do some farked up shiat, but that's only a small number. Get a medium size group of chimps together and sick, twisted stuff will happen.

Honestly, I wouldn't be too sad if they were extinct. Nope.
 
2012-06-30 04:17:12 AM
It says in the article that the student was working as a wildlife ranger at the sanctuary. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse that he got close enough to be dragged under the fence.

What I mean is, when a person in the tour group does it, that's obvious asshattery in the first degree. Everyone can understand it was a stupid move to do that. But if the guy was actually acting as a ranger, was he supposed to get that close for any particular reason? Had he been trained to avoid getting close to the final fence or told to go near it for some reason? I'm not sure if this makes him more or less stupid.

Either way I feel bad for the guy. I'm pretty sure suddenly being grabbed by a chimp and dragged under a fence would be an instant pants shiatting moment.
 
2012-06-30 04:41:52 AM
FTA: The statement also noted that chimps "are wild animals and are defensive of their territories."

Well, maybe Bonzo needs to be educated in the fact that a HUMAN owns that real estate. Perhaps a stay at a testing lab having cattleprods shoved up his butt every other hour for a few months might adjust his attitude.
 
2012-06-30 04:44:56 AM

Pvt Joker: Maybe this happened to these chimps:

A hunter in Uganda is being sought by local authorities for illegally hunting gorillas. He shoots them with a tranquilizer gun and dresses them in clown suits. So far six gorillas have been found wandering around in this condition.

A Ugandan spokesman stated that this was a person with a truly sick sense of humor. They felt this was a cruel practice, since they had to tranquilize the gorillas again to take the suits off!

Link


That would rustle anyone's jimmies.
 
2012-06-30 04:45:36 AM
Chimps: Not quite as good at figuring out ways to be an asshole as Humans, but once they've got the plan they're much better at the execution.
 
2012-06-30 04:59:48 AM
i'm not so sure a chimp is all that big. biggest according to wiki is 5'6 and 150 lbs. so i suppose the ones from the story are somewhat less. but anyways, whats to keep the guy from smacking the hell out of them a few good times. most animals don't attack unless they got the advantage. i wonder how big this guy is. also noted is the fact it was two to one and it said they dragged him about half a mile.

if a chimp ever attacked me i'd crap myself, scream like a girl and start slamming my fists at any part i could reach.
 
2012-06-30 05:10:41 AM

gravebayne2: i'm not so sure a chimp is all that big. biggest according to wiki is 5'6 and 150 lbs. so i suppose the ones from the story are somewhat less. but anyways, whats to keep the guy from smacking the hell out of them a few good times. most animals don't attack unless they got the advantage. i wonder how big this guy is. also noted is the fact it was two to one and it said they dragged him about half a mile.

if a chimp ever attacked me i'd crap myself, scream like a girl and start slamming my fists at any part i could reach.


You've probably not read much about chimps then. Although they are smaller than a big human, they are no less dangerous. Their musculature is different so they have far more strength for starters. A human of their size and weight couldn't life as much as them. Plus, they fight each other regularly so they are used to being hit a lot.

A human hitting them with bare fists isn't going to do much to bother them when they are used to being hit by another chimp. Watch a fight between 2 chimps. They are very powerful and very scary. If they have decided to attack something, they wont necessarily stop cause it hits back.

I think the general advice given is to play dead and hope that either the attack stops or that someone else can shoot the chimp. I'm not saying that fighting back would be stupid, just that it would probably not do you any good at all.
 
2012-06-30 05:18:21 AM

The sound of one hand clapping: You've probably not read much about chimps then. Although they are smaller than a big human, they are no less dangerous. Their musculature is different so they have far more strength for starters. A human of their size and weight couldn't life as much as them. Plus, they fight each other regularly so they are used to being hit a lot.

A human hitting them with bare fists isn't going to do much to bother them when they are used to being hit by another chimp. Watch a fight between 2 chimps. They are very powerful and very scary. If they have decided to attack something, they wont necessarily stop cause it hits back.

I think the general advice given is to play dead and hope that either the attack stops or that someone else can shoot the chimp. I'm not saying that fighting back would be stupid, just that it would probably not do you any good at all.



well that answers that. i guess just try and kick em in the balls and pray.
 
2012-06-30 06:31:57 AM
The next two chimps? So there were other chimps coming and going without issue? Your headline lacks proper punctuation. You should feel bad.
 
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