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(Onion AV Club)   Guy who knocked Glenn Danzig the f*ck out writing inspirational memoir about how awesome it felt to knock Glenn Danzig the f*ck out   (avclub.com) divider line 67
    More: Hero, Glenn Danzig, music history  
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7012 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Jun 2012 at 11:18 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-29 08:37:20 PM
This guy is a bigger douche than Danzig. That being said, let's get this outta the way.
 
2012-06-29 08:39:31 PM
Ted Leo is a better Danzig than the actual Danzig. And he's a nicer guy, too. If Jerry Only wanted to actually have the "Newfits" taken seriously, he'd formally invite Leo to do lead vocals.
 
2012-06-29 09:01:07 PM
Well, Danzig is a pussy, so I wouldn't be bragging too much
 
2012-06-29 09:12:49 PM

cretinbob: Well, Danzig is a pussy, so I wouldn't be bragging too much


And 5'4".
 
2012-06-29 09:41:56 PM
So Danzig shoved first? I'd say it was a justified smack down. Still pretty sad if that's your big claim to fame.
 
2012-06-29 11:19:53 PM
Bragging about something that happened 8 years ago? Get a new shtick. Also, why write a book when we have it on video?
 
2012-06-29 11:31:41 PM
Hold on to that 5 seconds of your life. Tool.
 
2012-06-29 11:32:02 PM
So I take it the guy is broke.
 
2012-06-29 11:39:20 PM
Is he some god damned son of a biatch?
 
2012-06-29 11:41:10 PM
That happened in Tuba farkin' City??!

There's a stop light, a Taco Bell and about 8 people who live there. Flagstaff is right down the highway, why not play there?
 
2012-06-29 11:42:11 PM
hopefully this will lead to a new Reality TV Show. i can't wait.
 
2012-06-29 11:42:37 PM
Say what you want about Glenn but at least he carries his own kitty litter to his car.
 
2012-06-29 11:42:40 PM

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: That happened in Tuba farkin' City??!

There's a stop light, a Taco Bell and about 8 people who live there. Flagstaff is right down the highway, why not play there?


You do have to admit, Tuba City is about as rockin a name as a town can have.

Or not.
 
2012-06-29 11:45:17 PM
I'm guessing the working title is I Knocked Danzig Out...What The F*ck Have YOU Done Lately?
 
2012-06-29 11:46:37 PM
If he wants to make himself relevant again, he should punch out all of Nickelback!
 
2012-06-29 11:48:13 PM
I like Danzig's music, from the Misfits to Danzig (not so much in between). But the guy is nuts.

A few weeks ago, he got into it with photographers at a festival.

Link

Plus, back in November he biatched about a show being too cold and did an abbreviated set. In Texas.

Link


He's middle aged now, let the teen angst shiat go already
 
2012-06-29 11:48:19 PM

Dark1SAn: If he wants to make himself relevant again, he should punch out all of Nickelback!


+1

Can we throw in the entire cast of American Idol while we're at it?
 
2012-06-29 11:52:25 PM
While I posted the link, let me put the promoters version of the Texas show, it's hilarious


DANZIG STORY FROM FUN FUN FUN FEST

Hi. I book the fest. Those that are hating could NOT be more wrong. Yes, someone has your money and ripped you off. His name is Glenn. Stop by his house in LA with some kitty litter in trade for your refund, but we still had to pay him and he didn't deserve it after what he pulled. Here is how it went down...check the timeline:


-glenn flies in this morning and says he has a cold and doesn't want feel like playing the show. he demands french onion soup and vitamins brought to his hotel suite. he wants to soup now and wants it hot. we get it.


-glenn says it's freezing in austin and he can't go on. says it's going to be 28 degrees tonight and he won't perform (keep in mind, it's currently 71 and sunny with a night forecast of maybe 50+). he says we have to move the show/festival inside if we want him to play (obviously, that's not possible).


-we rent stage heaters (no other bands, public enemy, mcd, passion pit, etc need or want heaters on stage...it's warm up there and not cold out) for glenn per demand, as well as bring in an onsite doctor to make him happy and be there if his cold doesn't go away.
-agents and managers assure us he's going to play now.


-glenn's band/crew arrive before him in the afternoon and load gear. they said it all works, they get up the danzig banner, check lights, are happy.


-glenn arrives at 7:45 (half hour before showtime, they go on at 8:15 exactly and have a 90 min set...park curfew by the city/police is 10pm sharp)...when he arrives, he says he's not going to play. says he doesn't like how the banners are hung on stage and doesn't like the lighting or stage size (all this was advanced in email and phone well in advance and the band/crew loaded in mid day and were happy with it and said it would work...stage wasn't small at all). he wouldn't leave his trailer to go look at the stage, though, so the lighting company drew up specs for him to look at of the stage lighting 50 feet from his trailer and brought it to him to look over and prove him wrong.


-in the meantime, glenn's bodyguard gets pushy (literally) with murder city devils manager and tells them they can't have their friends watch MCD from stage and wants them to cut their set. kicks them off stage and gets physical with the band and stafff....oh, also danzig says he's just as big as slayer and slayer is playing a bigger stage on sunday and that's bullshiat and wants to play the same stage slayer is playing...or won't play. makes him look bad.


-it's now 8:15 and time for them to go on. the band is ready, corpse make ups done, guitars tunes. glenn says he's not playing and that it's too cold outside. he said big stages should have windscreen so wind can't blow on him from the side. the stage managers then goes and gets tarps and tarp the entire side of the stage so now wind will hit him.


-it's now 8:40. we explain that it's cutting into the set and he's going to have cut the 90 min set if he doesn't play soon, as park curfew is 10. he says he doesn't feel like playing. says "i got a deathbug. if i go on stage and get sick, i'll die. i'm not getting sicker for this show" (NOTE: he totally looks and seems fine...no coughing, no paleness, no vomiting, just some balding and a gut, from what i can tell). we get the Dr and he says he can do a b12 shot or anything he needs if he feels bad...danzig says he only treats illnesses naturally, so won't do that. we finally get him to agree to play and have already informed his crew that it's only 60 mins (9pm at this point) and they start cutting some songs from the set list, so they can still do misfits, but obviously didn't cut enough.


-they went on almost and hour late due to the HANDS DOWN biggest rock star moment we've ever dealt with and then he tries to start a riot and blames the fest, the city, the cops and everyone, but himself. goes backstage and tries to fight a few ppl and get in the van and leaves.
 
2012-06-29 11:52:51 PM

contrapunctus: Dark1SAn: If he wants to make himself relevant again, he should punch out all of Nickelback!

+1

Can we throw in the entire cast of American Idol while we're at it?


There's a music festival I can get behind.

Invite a bunch of musicians who think they are there to perform but NOOOoooo face punches for all.

Let's get the Black Eyed Peas in this too. Make em live up to their name.
 
2012-06-30 12:01:06 AM
I bet that Danzig could make more money by offering to let people punch him in the face for $20 a pop than he does with his music career. I'd totally pay $20 to punch him in the face... hell, I'd pay $50 after seeing how much of a dick the guy really is while backstage at a show he did in Dallas several years ago. Valor Kand from Christian Death runs a close second-place to Glenn in my book for "Biggest Minor-Rock-Star Asshole." There's a CSB there, but I'll spare ya'll the details & just say the guy really pissed me off at the Kat's Cradle in Charlotte, NC back in about '96.
 
2012-06-30 12:01:12 AM

hbk72777: While I posted the link, let me put the promoters version of the Texas show, it's hilarious


DANZIG STORY FROM FUN FUN FUN FEST

Hi. I book the fest. Those that are hating could NOT be more wrong. Yes, someone has your money and ripped you off. His name is Glenn. Stop by his house in LA with some kitty litter in trade for your refund, but we still had to pay him and he didn't deserve it after what he pulled. Here is how it went down...check the timeline:


-glenn flies in this morning and says he has a cold and doesn't want feel like playing the show. he demands french onion soup and vitamins brought to his hotel suite. he wants to soup now and wants it hot. we get it.


-glenn says it's freezing in austin and he can't go on. says it's going to be 28 degrees tonight and he won't perform (keep in mind, it's currently 71 and sunny with a night forecast of maybe 50+). he says we have to move the show/festival inside if we want him to play (obviously, that's not possible).


-we rent stage heaters (no other bands, public enemy, mcd, passion pit, etc need or want heaters on stage...it's warm up there and not cold out) for glenn per demand, as well as bring in an onsite doctor to make him happy and be there if his cold doesn't go away.
-agents and managers assure us he's going to play now.


-glenn's band/crew arrive before him in the afternoon and load gear. they said it all works, they get up the danzig banner, check lights, are happy.


-glenn arrives at 7:45 (half hour before showtime, they go on at 8:15 exactly and have a 90 min set...park curfew by the city/police is 10pm sharp)...when he arrives, he says he's not going to play. says he doesn't like how the banners are hung on stage and doesn't like the lighting or stage size (all this was advanced in email and phone well in advance and the band/crew loaded in mid day and were happy with it and said it would work...stage wasn't small at all). he wouldn't leave his trailer to go look at the stage, though, so the lighting company drew up specs for him to look at of the stage lighting 50 feet from his trailer and brought it to him to look over and prove him wrong.


-in the meantime, glenn's bodyguard gets pushy (literally) with murder city devils manager and tells them they can't have their friends watch MCD from stage and wants them to cut their set. kicks them off stage and gets physical with the band and stafff....oh, also danzig says he's just as big as slayer and slayer is playing a bigger stage on sunday and that's bullshiat and wants to play the same stage slayer is playing...or won't play. makes him look bad.


-it's now 8:15 and time for them to go on. the band is ready, corpse make ups done, guitars tunes. glenn says he's not playing and that it's too cold outside. he said big stages should have windscreen so wind can't blow on him from the side. the stage managers then goes and gets tarps and tarp the entire side of the stage so now wind will hit him.


-it's now 8:40. we explain that it's cutting into the set and he's going to have cut the 90 min set if he doesn't play soon, as park curfew is 10. he says he doesn't feel like playing. says "i got a deathbug. if i go on stage and get sick, i'll die. i'm not getting sicker for this show" (NOTE: he totally looks and seems fine...no coughing, no paleness, no vomiting, just some balding and a gut, from what i can tell). we get the Dr and he says he can do a b12 shot or anything he needs if he feels bad...danzig says he only treats illnesses naturally, so won't do that. we finally get him to agree to play and have already informed his crew that it's only 60 mins (9pm at this point) and they start cutting some songs from the set list, so they can still do misfits, but obviously didn't cut enough.


-they went on almost and hour late due to the HANDS DOWN biggest rock star moment we've ever dealt with and then he tries to start a riot and blames the fest, the city, the cops and everyone, but himself. goes backstage and tries to fight a few ppl and get in the van and leaves.


To be fair, French Onion soup is tits.
 
2012-06-30 12:04:25 AM

hbk72777:

He's middle aged now, let the teen angst shiat go already


Not to veer too far off topic here, but I've always suspected that rockstardom's real drawback is that it conditions you to stay in the same mental mindset you adopt at 19.

shiat, when you're being paid millions to write music about being miserable, I imagine you subconsciously think to yourself "I must be doing something right". In other words, most people outgrow that nonsense as they get older because...well...they really don't have much of a choice but to adopt a more positive attitude about life.

\\Rambling, I know...but it's something I've always wondered about,
 
2012-06-30 12:10:34 AM

lisarenee3505: I bet that Danzig could make more money by offering to let people punch him in the face for $20 a pop than he does with his music career. I'd totally pay $20 to punch him in the face... hell, I'd pay $50 after seeing how much of a dick the guy really is while backstage at a show he did in Dallas several years ago. Valor Kand from Christian Death runs a close second-place to Glenn in my book for "Biggest Minor-Rock-Star Asshole." There's a CSB there, but I'll spare ya'll the details & just say the guy really pissed me off at the Kat's Cradle in Charlotte, NC back in about '96.


Do share. What happened?

Biggest assholes I ever met were the Cherry Poppin' Daddies (dorks who made that awful "Zoot Suit Riot" song). Lead singer had me removed from backstage after I asked him to sign my ticket stub. All the members of Madness and No Doubt did it without biatching, but this guy was toooooo cool for that shiat.
 
2012-06-30 12:16:23 AM

contrapunctus: hbk72777:

He's middle aged now, let the teen angst shiat go already

Not to veer too far off topic here, but I've always suspected that rockstardom's real drawback is that it conditions you to stay in the same mental mindset you adopt at 19.

shiat, when you're being paid millions to write music about being miserable, I imagine you subconsciously think to yourself "I must be doing something right". In other words, most people outgrow that nonsense as they get older because...well...they really don't have much of a choice but to adopt a more positive attitude about life.

\\Rambling, I know...but it's something I've always wondered about,


Kind of, I think it is just a lot of it is just the personality types that are drawn to the creative arts. I've met some real freakin arrogant a-holes in bands, and I've also met some of the coolest most down to earth people. But the usual cliches are kind of true lead singers are attention whores, guitarists are cool but crazy, bassists are low-key, and drummers are...well...drummers.
 
2012-06-30 12:32:12 AM
The Funniest zinger I've ever seen is during one of the Dean Martin roasts, Frank Gorshin (doing an impersonation of Richard Burton) called Sammy Davis Jr. a "Brillo Pad with legs." Everyone, including Sammy was on the floor laughing.

Today Gorshin would have been ostracized as a racist.
 
2012-06-30 12:37:32 AM
*sighs* You farkers are slipping,,,,

cdn.stereogum.com



blogs.laweekly.com



upload.wikimedia.org



jumptheturnstyle.com
 
TKM
2012-06-30 12:44:54 AM
It's like squashing Pauly Shore.

Sure, I've done it but who hasn't.

It's like beating France. Even the Mexicans did it.
 
2012-06-30 12:47:33 AM

contrapunctus: lisarenee3505: I bet that Danzig could make more money by offering to let people punch him in the face for $20 a pop than he does with his music career. I'd totally pay $20 to punch him in the face... hell, I'd pay $50 after seeing how much of a dick the guy really is while backstage at a show he did in Dallas several years ago. Valor Kand from Christian Death runs a close second-place to Glenn in my book for "Biggest Minor-Rock-Star Asshole." There's a CSB there, but I'll spare ya'll the details & just say the guy really pissed me off at the Kat's Cradle in Charlotte, NC back in about '96.

Do share. What happened?

Biggest assholes I ever met were the Cherry Poppin' Daddies (dorks who made that awful "Zoot Suit Riot" song). Lead singer had me removed from backstage after I asked him to sign my ticket stub. All the members of Madness and No Doubt did it without biatching, but this guy was toooooo cool for that shiat.

============================================

Well I used to do a little freelance stuff for the now-defunct goth/industrial 'zine Carpe Noctem, mostly interviews and concert photos (back before I realized how ridiculous that whole scene was). Christian Death was playing a show with Switchblade Symphony and this Australian band called Big Electric Cat. The editors of the magazine had me set up to interview the band and do a short photo shoot, but when I approached them about it after their set Valor just started acting like a whiny little biatch and told me to fark off unless the magazine was willing to pay them for the interview. He wouldn't sign any autographs or even interact with the fans at the show either. I guess he was just entirely too goth to be a decent person. Anyway, I salvaged it by hitting up Big Electric Cat, and those guys were cool as hell, and VERY excited that their interview would be in what was (at the time) the premiere magazine for the goth/industrial scene. I hung out with BEC the rest of the evening and we did a nice little photo shoot in the alleyway behind the club, and they ended up getting a bunch of free publicity from the two-page spread that was supposed to go to Christian Death.

/just remembered Kat's Cradle was in Chapel Hill, not Charlotte
 
2012-06-30 01:05:54 AM
 
2012-06-30 01:15:13 AM

farkingismybusiness: This guy is a bigger douche than Danzig. That being said, let's get this outta the way.


I like the coont at the end yelling "Cheap Shot!"

You shove anybody hard enough to throw them off-balance, tyou better expect they're going to come back with a cocked fist.
 
2012-06-30 01:20:11 AM

contrapunctus: lisarenee3505: I bet that Danzig could make more money by offering to let people punch him in the face for $20 a pop than he does with his music career. I'd totally pay $20 to punch him in the face... hell, I'd pay $50 after seeing how much of a dick the guy really is while backstage at a show he did in Dallas several years ago. Valor Kand from Christian Death runs a close second-place to Glenn in my book for "Biggest Minor-Rock-Star Asshole." There's a CSB there, but I'll spare ya'll the details & just say the guy really pissed me off at the Kat's Cradle in Charlotte, NC back in about '96.

Do share. What happened?

Biggest assholes I ever met were the Cherry Poppin' Daddies (dorks who made that awful "Zoot Suit Riot" song). Lead singer had me removed from backstage after I asked him to sign my ticket stub. All the members of Madness and No Doubt did it without biatching, but this guy was toooooo cool for that shiat.


Hey, it's YOUR fault you went to a Cherry Poppin' Daddies show. What were you thinking, man?
 
2012-06-30 01:24:18 AM
I like the other picture of Danzig standing on the curb with his Armani bag. Gets me every time.
 
2012-06-30 01:34:10 AM

cygnusx13: contrapunctus: lisarenee3505: I bet that Danzig could make more money by offering to let people punch him in the face for $20 a pop than he does with his music career. I'd totally pay $20 to punch him in the face... hell, I'd pay $50 after seeing how much of a dick the guy really is while backstage at a show he did in Dallas several years ago. Valor Kand from Christian Death runs a close second-place to Glenn in my book for "Biggest Minor-Rock-Star Asshole." There's a CSB there, but I'll spare ya'll the details & just say the guy really pissed me off at the Kat's Cradle in Charlotte, NC back in about '96.

Do share. What happened?

Biggest assholes I ever met were the Cherry Poppin' Daddies (dorks who made that awful "Zoot Suit Riot" song). Lead singer had me removed from backstage after I asked him to sign my ticket stub. All the members of Madness and No Doubt did it without biatching, but this guy was toooooo cool for that shiat.

Hey, it's YOUR fault you went to a Cherry Poppin' Daddies show. What were you thinking, man?


It was a package tour show that had Madness (who I loved) playing with No Doubt, and the Cherry Poppin Daddies opening.

Madness were f'n great. Unbelievably cool guys (this must've been around 97) who put on a fantastic live show. Consummate performers.
 
2012-06-30 01:37:18 AM

wookiemonster: The Funniest zinger I've ever seen is during one of the Dean Martin roasts, Frank Gorshin (doing an impersonation of Richard Burton) called Sammy Davis Jr. a "Brillo Pad with legs." Everyone, including Sammy was on the floor laughing.

Today Gorshin would have been ostracized as a racist.


Wookie.A time and place for everything,this is neither the time or the place.
 
2012-06-30 01:37:30 AM
Danzig is short and small... Like my pee pee after a dip in a cold pool. fark him and that shiatland pony he rode in on.
 
2012-06-30 01:39:01 AM
All documented, all true
 
2012-06-30 02:34:03 AM

cygnusx13: I like the other picture of Danzig standing on the curb with his Armani bag. Gets me every time.


I think you're thinking of James Hetfield...

cdn2.holytaco.com
 
2012-06-30 03:27:11 AM

Ogre840: cygnusx13: I like the other picture of Danzig standing on the curb with his Armani bag. Gets me every time.

I think you're thinking of James Hetfield...

[cdn2.holytaco.com image 500x732]


t.qkme.me
 
2012-06-30 03:31:22 AM
I'd laugh if Danzig sued the guy over the fact that the dude is using the Danzig name to make money.
 
2012-06-30 04:12:59 AM
I kicked Benji from Good Charlotte in the head one time.
 
2012-06-30 05:06:15 AM
Okay, the article was mildly interesting, but the comments section was the shiat and totally worth the trip. Okay, which of you hilarious genius farkers did all the posts? Confess! Out yourselves you magnificent bastards!!
 
2012-06-30 05:37:42 AM
Can't wait for the upcoming movie- "Guy Who Knocked Danzig Out And Can't Shut The Hell Up About It. Also there will be Zombies and He Hunts Werewolves or Something. Did he mention that he hit Danzig? Because he did."
 
2012-06-30 05:54:50 AM

The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: That happened in Tuba farkin' City??!

There's a stop light, a Taco Bell and about 8 people who live there. Flagstaff is right down the highway, why not play there?


I was in Tuba City before there was a Taco Bell even and yeah
 
2012-06-30 05:59:13 AM

cretinbob: The Gordie Howe Hat Trick: That happened in Tuba farkin' City??!

There's a stop light, a Taco Bell and about 8 people who live there. Flagstaff is right down the highway, why not play there?

I was in Tuba City before there was a Taco Bell even and yeah


I'm sorry
 
2012-06-30 08:41:50 AM
This guy is a bigger douche than Danzig. That being said, let's get this outta the way.
 
2012-06-30 08:46:27 AM
Danzig lives in Lucille Ball's old house and for some reason still owns that piece of crap house that had the pile of bricks in the yard.
 
2012-06-30 11:28:54 AM

Cyno01: I kicked Benji from Good Charlotte in the head one time.


Thank you?
 
2012-06-30 11:58:29 AM

KrispyKritter: hopefully this will lead to a new Reality TV Show. i can't wait.


This thread is great material for "Knock a Rock Star the F*ck Out". So far we have:

Glenn Danzig
Nickelback
Entire cast of American Idol (too many people. Good idea for filler material during slow weeks though.)
Black Eyed Peas
Valor Kand (not enough name recognition?)
Cherry Poppin' Daddies
James Hetfield

I'd add Kanye West to the list, since there'd be a lot of people who would tune in for that.

Anyone else?
 
2012-06-30 12:09:44 PM
I hate Danzig. A lot.

My ex loves the guy.

It's one of the many reasons we don't really talk anymore.
 
2012-06-30 12:31:36 PM
Arkanaut

Anyone else?


Bono.
 
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