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(Mirror.co.uk)   Thirty of the best insults of all time by witty celebrities   (mirror.co.uk) divider line 86
    More: Amusing, Nora Ephron, human beings, Bette Midler, Joan Crawford, Woody Allen, Girls Aloud, Bette Davis, Audrey Hepburn  
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17266 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Jun 2012 at 11:39 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-29 04:51:10 PM
Fark you in the butthole, subby.


dnrtfa
 
2012-06-29 05:14:46 PM
Winston Churchill would have made an awesome Farker.
 
2012-06-29 07:18:37 PM

Skywolf Philosopher: Winston Churchill would have made an awesome Farker.


Dorothy Parker was the original Farkette, she was kind of bug deal
 
2012-06-29 07:52:01 PM

NuttierThanEver: Skywolf Philosopher: Winston Churchill would have made an awesome Farker.

Dorothy Parker was the original Farkette, she was kind of bug deal


Mae West. Maaaan oh man. Mae West would have been hilarious.
 
2012-06-29 08:53:48 PM

Bontesla: NuttierThanEver: Skywolf Philosopher: Winston Churchill would have made an awesome Farker.

Dorothy Parker was the original Farkette, she was kind of bug deal

Mae West. Maaaan oh man. Mae West would have been hilarious.


Groucho Marx would have been excellent.
 
2012-06-29 09:21:31 PM
"Does the Honourable Lady remember that she was an egg herself once: and very many members of all sides of this House regret that it was ever fertilised?" Sir Nicholas Fairbairn attacking junior Health Minister Edwina Currie over the salmonella crisis

I choked on my Starbucks reading that. Holy shiat.
 
2012-06-29 09:31:55 PM
Darn...that article would've come in handy for that recent insults thread...

Subby, you're living proof that anal sex produces children.
 
2012-06-29 09:37:25 PM
Wow, a lot of those were pretty freaking lame.
 
2012-06-29 09:38:38 PM

Lorelle: Darn...that article would've come in handy for that recent insults thread...

Subby, you're living proof that anal sex produces children.


Subby is an ass that comes from an ass!
 
2012-06-29 09:56:29 PM

AlwaysRightBoy: Lorelle: Darn...that article would've come in handy for that recent insults thread...

Subby, you're living proof that anal sex produces children.

Subby is an ass that comes from an ass!


Spoken like a real doody head.
 
2012-06-29 09:57:53 PM

AlwaysRightBoy: Lorelle: Darn...that article would've come in handy for that recent insults thread...

Subby, you're living proof that anal sex produces children.

Subby is an ass that comes from an ass!


Shut up, you son of a jenny.
 
2012-06-29 09:59:17 PM
H.L. Mencken:

He writes the worst English that I have ever encountered. It reminds me of a string of wet sponges; it reminds me of tattered washing on the line; it reminds me of stale bean soup, of college yells, of dogs barking idiotically through endless nights. It is so bad that a sort of grandeur creeps into it. It drags itself out of the dark abysm of pish, and crawls insanely up the topmost pinnacle of posh. It is rumble and bumble. It is flap and doodle. It is balder and dash.
on Warren G. Harding
 
2012-06-29 10:33:12 PM
I believe I heard this on Welcome Back, Kotter a long time ago:

Your face is so ugly, it's closed down on weekends!
 
2012-06-29 10:49:39 PM
Some were good, some were lame. Joan River's "yo momma Elizabeth Taylor so fat" joke makes the lame ones look amazing.
 
2012-06-29 11:58:20 PM

Ghastly: Wow, a lot of those were pretty freaking lame.


Indeed. Churchill's bon mots were the only worthwhile ones,of course.
 
2012-06-29 11:59:25 PM
* "You can put lipstick on a pig...it's still a pig." President Obama after Sara Palin's joke that the only difference between a soccer mom and a pitbull was lipstick...

I don't get this one, unless it really isn't clever at all because there doesn't seem to be anything there
 
2012-06-30 12:03:24 AM
"If ever there was a thought in that airhead brain of hers, it would perish from loneliness."

-Charlie Sheen on Hot Shots co-star Kristy Swanson
 
2012-06-30 12:10:13 AM
I'm pretty sure the rotting corpse of Rodney Dangerfield could've presently produced 30 funnier insults in the time I took to write this post.
 
2012-06-30 12:18:16 AM

TofuTheAlmighty: I'm pretty sure the rotting corpse of Rodney Dangerfield could've presently produced 30 funnier insults in the time I took to write this post.


You musta been something before electricity.
 
2012-06-30 12:18:44 AM

thecpt: * "You can put lipstick on a pig...it's still a pig." President Obama after Sara Palin's joke that the only difference between a soccer mom and a pitbull was lipstick...

I don't get this one, unless it really isn't clever at all because there doesn't seem to be anything there


Especially since it wasn't really a response to Sarah Palin. It was just a reference to the lipstick on a pig saying. It's not much of a zinger when it's just referencing folksy shiat.
 
2012-06-30 12:27:42 AM
One of Noel Gallagher's lines, still makes me laugh.

"Liam is... rude, arrogant, intimidating and lazy. He's the angriest man you'll ever meet. He's like a man with a fork in a world of soup."
 
2012-06-30 12:39:33 AM

BSABSVR: thecpt: * "You can put lipstick on a pig...it's still a pig." President Obama after Sara Palin's joke that the only difference between a soccer mom and a pitbull was lipstick...

I don't get this one, unless it really isn't clever at all because there doesn't seem to be anything there

Especially since it wasn't really a response to Sarah Palin. It was just a reference to the lipstick on a pig saying. It's not much of a zinger when it's just referencing folksy shiat.


Yeah, but the McCain campaign tried to make it "OMG, OBAMA CALLED SARAH PALIN A PIG!"
 
2012-06-30 12:45:17 AM

BSABSVR: thecpt: * "You can put lipstick on a pig...it's still a pig." President Obama after Sara Palin's joke that the only difference between a soccer mom and a pitbull was lipstick...

I don't get this one, unless it really isn't clever at all because there doesn't seem to be anything there

Especially since it wasn't really a response to Sarah Palin. It was just a reference to the lipstick on a pig saying. It's not much of a zinger when it's just referencing folksy shiat.


Yes the reason it doesn't make sense is because "You can put lipstick on a pig, it's still a pig" was an old saying and then Caraboo Barbie made a joke that the punchline was "lipstick" and then dumbasses tried to connect the two.
 
2012-06-30 12:51:06 AM
FTA "Charlotte Church is a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. I don't know who she and her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous." Cheryl Cole

I'm trying to figure out how that is the slightest bit witty, and failing.
 
2012-06-30 12:53:13 AM

Bhruic: FTA "Charlotte Church is a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. I don't know who she and her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous." Cheryl Cole

I'm trying to figure out how that is the slightest bit witty, and failing.


In British slang," you're ugly and you're boyfriend is ugly too" is the height of wit. Probably something to do with rhyming slang
 
2012-06-30 12:55:24 AM

Bhruic: FTA "Charlotte Church is a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. I don't know who she and her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous." Cheryl Cole

I'm trying to figure out how that is the slightest bit witty, and failing.


That's why they call it a "way homer".
 
2012-06-30 01:04:24 AM

gunga galunga: That's why they call it a "way homer".


s3.amazonaws.com
Approves
 
2012-06-30 01:10:20 AM
"He looks like a dwarf who's been dipped in a bucket of pubic hair." -Boy George, on Prince
 
2012-06-30 01:28:08 AM
Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker?
Fred Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.
 
2012-06-30 01:35:59 AM
I know you are, Subby, but what am I?
 
2012-06-30 01:49:54 AM
"Charlotte Church is a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. I don't know who she and her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous."

i.imgur.com
 
2012-06-30 01:51:16 AM

Ghastly: Wow, a lot of those were pretty freaking lame.


/charlton heston
 
2012-06-30 01:51:44 AM
That article was so retarded, it has up, left, right, and down syndrome.
 
2012-06-30 01:51:51 AM
(or whatever the f his name was)
 
2012-06-30 02:03:16 AM
Randall "Tex" Cobb (farkers that don't watch boxing might know him as the biker in Raising Arizona) was a heavy weight boxer for many years. He was at some dinner function where a slew of prominent 70's and 80's heavyweights were in attendance. Cobb of course was asked to speak, and on the podium he said "What a bunch of baaaad ass n****rs we have here tonight." Among those in attendance was Renaldo Snipes, who stood up in protest at the peceived racial slur.

Cobb calmly replied, "I wasn't referring to YOU, Mr. Snipes."
 
2012-06-30 02:08:58 AM
A famous exchange between George Bernard Shaw and Winston Churchill about a pair of tickets to a play.

Shaw: I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend-if you have one.

Churchill: Cannot possibly attend first night; will attend second-if there is one.
 
2012-06-30 02:14:34 AM
One of my favorites was the club dining room scene in Caddyshack when Dangerfield said to another guests appearance: "Now I know why tigers eat their young".
 
2012-06-30 02:46:41 AM
www.sweetslyrics.com

"Michael Jackson's album was called Bad because there wasn't enough room on the sleeve for Pathetic."
 
2012-06-30 02:47:26 AM
Witticisms are appreciated, but some in TFA are kinda weak.

I agree with the aforementioned Mae West and Groucho Marx, and would add some by Mark Twain, Ambrose Bierce and Oscar Wilde. They could reduce any man to ashes with a sentence.

These are generic, not a direct insult to a specific person -- so sue me.


Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Ambrose Bierce

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.
Ambrose Bierce

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Ambrose Bierce

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
Ambrose Bierce

Admiration, n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Ambrose Bierce

Alliance - in international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other's pockets that they cannot separately plunder a third.
Ambrose Bierce

Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.
Ambrose Bierce

Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
Ambrose Bierce

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.
Ambrose Bierce

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
Oscar Wilde

A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction.
Oscar Wilde

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.
Oscar Wilde

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.
Oscar Wilde

A work of art is the unique result of a unique temperament.
Oscar Wilde

Alas, I am dying beyond my means.
Oscar Wilde

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.
Mark Twain

All generalizations are false, including this one.
Mark Twain
 
2012-06-30 02:48:30 AM
imgc.allpostersimages.com
 
2012-06-30 02:56:07 AM

thecpt: * "You can put lipstick on a pig...it's still a pig." President Obama after Sara Palin's joke that the only difference between a soccer mom and a pitbull was lipstick...

I don't get this one, unless it really isn't clever at all because there doesn't seem to be anything there


Obama needs to mind his own business and stop worrying about what I do in my personal life.
 
2012-06-30 03:02:39 AM

Bhruic: FTA "Charlotte Church is a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. I don't know who she and her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous." Cheryl Cole

I'm trying to figure out how that is the slightest bit witty, and failing.


Yeah, I read that, but all I got from it was, "I am a vacant, shallow, waste-of-space airhead bint."
 
2012-06-30 03:22:34 AM

StopLurkListen: Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.
Ambrose Bierce.


Bierce was a master of pointed satire and wit in his day. I found a copy of Tales of Soldiers and Civilians and almost the next day all of his work became public domain.
 
2012-06-30 03:25:24 AM
List fails a bit for including Cheryl Cole, who is not exactly famed for her wit.

Would have liked to see some Margaret Thatcher, Oscar Wilde and Noel Coward on there.

ENjoyed the churchill at least.
 
2012-06-30 03:40:57 AM

No Catchy Nickname: Bhruic: FTA "Charlotte Church is a nasty little piece of work with a fat head. I don't know who she and her scabby boyfriend think they are. He's a posing idiot who looks like a girl. And she's not even gorgeous." Cheryl Cole

I'm trying to figure out how that is the slightest bit witty, and failing.

Yeah, I read that, but all I got from it was, "I am a vacant, shallow, waste-of-space airhead bint."


Bint really is one of the best slang words in existence, isn't it? Reminds me of the similarly fabulous term chav.
 
2012-06-30 04:17:58 AM

JosephFinn:

Bint really is one of the best slang words in existence, isn't it? Reminds me of the similarly fabulous term chav.


And "Chav bint" is even better!
 
2012-06-30 04:18:56 AM
Did we really just credit Obama with a platitude that's been around since the 1800s? I think using other people's lines should have barred this list.
 
2012-06-30 04:40:49 AM
The lipstick on a pig thing was a matter of timing, and the contrast between an actual honest to god folk saying and someone trying golly gosh darn too hard to be 'folksy'. It wasn't high wit, and didn't deserve to make the list, but it was fairly good.

The Cheryl Cole thing was put in just to emphasis how much of a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent the previous comment from Church was.
 
2012-06-30 04:53:39 AM
The amusingly smug picture of Church with her entourage helped as well. "Cheryl WHO?"
 
2012-06-30 04:55:38 AM
(Oh, even better! That picture was her leaving court after Church and her family screwed News of the World to the wall for hacking her voice mail.)
 
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