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(Starpulse)   Kristen Stewart says she's "going to look like a porn star" in her next role; probably not act as good as one though   (starpulse.com) divider line 68
    More: Unlikely, Kristen Stewart, Nick Cassavetes, WWD, snuff films, action movies, porn stars  
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5681 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 29 Jun 2012 at 6:23 PM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



68 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2012-06-29 03:01:29 PM  
Quote from TFA: "...then you're just playing a caricature of a girl."

At least she already has experience in that.
 
2012-06-29 03:05:49 PM  
She's not bad with the right cast around her. Adventureland proved that much. I'll be surprised if she has what it takes to be the lead.

Sorry Kristen, but you just don't have that Ellen Page-ness about you.

Slives: Quote from TFA: "...then you're just playing a caricature of a girl."

At least she already has experience in that.


That burn was so harsh, I think it killed Edward.
 
2012-06-29 03:12:32 PM  
I admit I have a bit of a fetish for girls who just lay there and look bored while having sex.
 
2012-06-29 03:16:05 PM  
As long as the role involves a lot of blinking and moping, she's all set.
 
2012-06-29 03:18:24 PM  
I thought the hot new story was about the porn chick who farts for a living, not the one who looks like she's eternally smelling a fart for a living.
 
2012-06-29 03:59:01 PM  
Wait . . . so how many cup sizes is she increasing?
 
2012-06-29 04:05:54 PM  

bdub77: I admit I have a bit of a fetish for girls who just lay there and look bored while having sex.


Man, then you would love every girl I've ever been with!
 
2012-06-29 05:09:55 PM  
Man, she looks way different than when she was on that Third Rock from the Sun show...
 
2012-06-29 05:12:08 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: I thought the hot new story was about the porn chick who farts for a living, not the one who looks like she's eternally smelling a fart for a living.


Wat? I just...

Ewww.
 
2012-06-29 05:14:25 PM  
Which porn star exactly?
 
2012-06-29 05:20:22 PM  
Did you mean to say "act as well as one", subby? Because I wouldn't usually characterize a porn star's character's demeanor as "good" so much as "naughty", which is commonly considered a subset of "bad", but "bad" in the good way, if you know what I mean.
 
2012-06-29 05:22:36 PM  

obeymatt: Which porn star exactly?


www.textually.org
 
2012-06-29 05:26:19 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: I thought the hot new story was about the porn chick who farts for a living, not the one who looks like she's eternally smelling a fart for a living.


Don't those two really come as a matching set though? It's the new parable for our generation:
If a crackwhore farts in brazil, but there's nobody around to smell it, does it make a smell at all?
 
2012-06-29 05:27:07 PM  
"Everyone says I'm boring so I'm trying too hard"....the movie.
 
2012-06-29 06:02:11 PM  
Who?
 
2012-06-29 06:28:06 PM  

Relatively Obscure: bdub77: I admit I have a bit of a fetish for girls who just lay there and look bored while having sex.

Man, then you would love every girl I've ever been with!


The first 2 girls I was with were like that. I was really sad I thought porn had let me down then I had a 1 day stand with this girl and my pelvis hurt for 2 days afterwards
 
2012-06-29 06:30:05 PM  

Relatively Obscure: bdub77: I admit I have a bit of a fetish for girls who just lay there and look bored while having sex.

Man, then you would love every girl I've ever been with!


perhaps you fellows should master the Philadelphia Deep Dish Finger Pie. they'll be buying you smokes and making you dinner for weeks to come.
 
2012-06-29 06:34:25 PM  
FTFA:"I'm going to get into the best shape of my life. I'm going to look like a stripper. I'm going to look like a porn star."

Since when has "looking good" = "looking like a stripper/porn star"? This girl wa-a-ay watches too much TV or she knows nothing about meth.

Kinda reminds me of this.

Heh.
 
2012-06-29 06:37:14 PM  
This girl watches wa-a-ay too much TV.

Damnit.
 
2012-06-29 06:45:19 PM  

obeymatt: Which porn star exactly?


An extremely bored one with vacant far away eyes. Kinda like porn for bowlers.
 
mhd
2012-06-29 06:53:38 PM  

ununcle: An extremely bored one with vacant far away eyes.


Ah, Czech porn.
 
2012-06-29 07:00:04 PM  
So she's basically starring in a reboot of 8mm meets Taken?
 
2012-06-29 07:06:07 PM  
She already has the dead eyes that most porn stars have, so she's got that going for her.
 
2012-06-29 07:07:07 PM  

FishyFred: She's not bad with the right cast around her to carry her through a movie.

 
2012-06-29 07:08:45 PM  
As a stripper pole,she'd be perfect.....
 
2012-06-29 07:09:08 PM  
You guys are nuts and are very picky. So she can't act but she looks good so the sex can't be all that bad (hopefully). If you want to fark a talented actor then you'd all be having sex with Kenneth Branagh.
 
2012-06-29 07:28:51 PM  
Her british accent and deadpan persona seemed more genuine in Huntsman than did the performance of Charlize Theron.
 
2012-06-29 07:32:51 PM  

s2s2s2: Her british accent and deadpan persona seemed more genuine in Huntsman than did the performance of Charlize Theron.


If by "more genuine" you mean "appallingly bland",then we're in agreement.
 
2012-06-29 07:49:59 PM  
www.freeloader.co.uk

"Dull surprise..."

/not obscure
 
2012-06-29 07:50:13 PM  
That's who Ms. Stewart reminds me of: Sacha Grey!

They both have the same, dead-behind-the-eyes, look about them.

Just as I prefer my women.
 
2012-06-29 08:01:01 PM  

guitarnoir: That's who Ms. Stewart reminds me of: Sacha Grey!

They both have the same, dead-behind-the-eyes, look about them.

Just as I prefer my women.


Was actually thinking the same thing... though, I think Grey has more life to her than Stewart.
 
2012-06-29 08:04:09 PM  

Cinaed: guitarnoir: That's who Ms. Stewart reminds me of: Sacha Grey!

They both have the same, dead-behind-the-eyes, look about them.

Just as I prefer my women.

Was actually thinking the same thing... though, I think Grey has more life to her than Stewart.


Stick it in her pooper, and then make the comparison.
 
2012-06-29 08:06:26 PM  
panic room

*credits*

WHAT
 
2012-06-29 08:20:14 PM  

vygramul: Cinaed: guitarnoir: That's who Ms. Stewart reminds me of: Sacha Grey!

They both have the same, dead-behind-the-eyes, look about them.

Just as I prefer my women.

Was actually thinking the same thing... though, I think Grey has more life to her than Stewart.

Stick it in her pooper, and then make the comparison.


I'll have to A/B that several times--with a, "Real Doll", as a control, to give you a scientifically vaid answer.

The things I do for science.
 
2012-06-29 08:26:00 PM  
She goes topless in On the Road.

No, it's not CGI or a body double.
 
2012-06-29 08:30:33 PM  
I had an ex that looked a bit like her, but could display emotions. Also was an absolute freak in the sack, and as I came to find out, the grand-daughter of the base commander at the time. Ah yes.... and a gamer.

/she was, of course.... a bit insane.
//she would get jealous even if there was another girl in the gaming party
///sex was awesome, though.
 
2012-06-29 08:30:49 PM  
29.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-06-29 08:32:09 PM  

GypsyJoker: She goes topless in On the Road.

No, it's not CGI or a body double.


Damn, that Charles Kuralt was a real playa, eh?

/the rule is a middle-age white guy has to italicize such idioms, right?
 
2012-06-29 08:42:02 PM  
We should see an SNL skit with her doing the "bassomatic" impersonating Akroid. That would be surreal.
 
2012-06-29 08:44:49 PM  

T-Servo: [www.freeloader.co.uk image 330x330]

"Dull surprise..."

/not obscure


I actually like this pic. It say's to me "OK we can try that".
 
2012-06-29 08:52:13 PM  
As opposed to currently looking like a whore?
 
2012-06-29 08:59:50 PM  
Hey, she shows her tits and gives handjobs in "On The Road", so she's almost there!
 
2012-06-29 09:15:53 PM  
www.bitlogic.com
 
2012-06-29 09:16:10 PM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: I thought the hot new story was about the porn chick who farts for a living, not the one who looks like she's eternally smelling a fart for a living.


Cant be too picky. I'd smell her farts if she gives Mr. Happy a smile.
 
2012-06-29 09:21:06 PM  
5a.img.v4.skyrock.net
 
2012-06-29 09:22:07 PM  
I thought she was pretty hot as Joan Jett
 
2012-06-29 09:35:53 PM  

FishyFred:

Sorry Kristen, but you just don't have that Ellen Page-ness about you..


If you remove Ellen Page's natural cuteness, her personality. and her soul....you get a Kristen Stewart.
 
2012-06-29 09:52:24 PM  
Let me cook you some ramen noodles. After that, please sex me while I lay there completely uninterested.

What an attractive person!
 
2012-06-29 09:59:55 PM  
Kristen Stewert was cursed with an expressionless face. She was blessed however, with the same name as my daughter, and the same last name as the most famous Jew on TV. I don't wanna steal anyone's thunder, but I''d like to feel I had something to do with it.
 
2012-06-29 10:20:02 PM  
Jees, she seems like an emotionless stoner.

I would still love to have one night to see if all she does is lie there.

/I bet she does
 
2012-06-29 10:47:41 PM  
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2012-06-29 10:59:27 PM  
if she's just going to lay there during sex she should at least have the decency and self-respect to soak in a cold bathtub for a good 15 minutes beforehand. harumph!

cutekristenstewart.com
 
2012-06-29 11:03:50 PM  

Omahawg: if she's just going to lay there during sex she should at least have the decency and self-respect to soak in a cold bathtub for a good 15 minutes beforehand. harumph!

[cutekristenstewart.com image 640x960]


Maintaining that smirk must be hell on the facial muscles,though.
 
2012-06-29 11:16:41 PM  

ununcle: Kristen Stewert was cursed with an expressionless face. She was blessed however, with the same name as my daughter, and the same last name as the most famous Jew on TV. I don't wanna steal anyone's thunder, but I''d like to feel I had something to do with it.


Martha is a Jew?
 
2012-06-29 11:16:52 PM  

Apos: Omahawg: if she's just going to lay there during sex she should at least have the decency and self-respect to soak in a cold bathtub for a good 15 minutes beforehand. harumph!

[cutekristenstewart.com image 640x960]

Maintaining that smirk must be hell on the facial muscles,though.


I bet she ages well.

She did ok in that Joan Jett movie.
 
2012-06-29 11:39:04 PM  

ChrisDe: ununcle: Kristen Stewert was cursed with an expressionless face. She was blessed however, with the same name as my daughter, and the same last name as the most famous Jew on TV. I don't wanna steal anyone's thunder, but I''d like to feel I had something to do with it.

Martha is a Jew?


Good question.
 
2012-06-29 11:40:18 PM  

Omahawg: if she's just going to lay there during sex she should at least have the decency and self-respect to soak in a cold bathtub for a good 15 minutes beforehand. harumph!

[cutekristenstewart.com image 640x960]


She looks awsome in that pic. I bet someone screamed BOO!!!!
 
2012-06-29 11:42:33 PM  
Who knew there was a porn niche where they focus on the girls blinking a bunch?

Also, she's supposed to be On the Road too? Why?!?!?!? I loved the book like crazy and it's all about people going out and living all the good and bad that life has to offer so they chose her? That's like saying you are making a movie about the British nobility from the eighteenth century so you chose Carrot Top to be your main actor opposite Bobcat Goldwaith.
 
2012-06-29 11:52:00 PM  

StoPPeRmobile: Apos: Omahawg: if she's just going to lay there during sex she should at least have the decency and self-respect to soak in a cold bathtub for a good 15 minutes beforehand. harumph!

[cutekristenstewart.com image 640x960]

Maintaining that smirk must be hell on the facial muscles,though.

I bet she ages well.

She did ok in that Joan Jett movie.


So I've heard. I must see witness this miracle for myself ASAP.
 
2012-06-30 12:46:07 AM  
www.dailykeeper.com
 
2012-06-30 05:15:56 AM  
She's going bleach blonde, and tan? That doesn't really sound like an upgrade.
 
2012-06-30 08:29:10 AM  
She looks like a porn star already.

She has that emotionless, drugged out, thing going for her that lots of porn chicks have.
 
2012-06-30 09:26:09 AM  
She has the "Derp Face" in every picture i have ever seen of her. No idea how people find her interesting or attractive.
 
2012-06-30 11:01:50 AM  
This poor girl had a thankless job playing the female lead in Twilight. Really, just think about it... The female Twilight fans were always going to hate her, as Bella is just a Mary Sue, a proxy for the reader, and every woman who read/watched Twilight was picturing themselves-- or a girl not unlike themselves-- in that role. So they hate her because she's not who they pictured AND because of straightforward jealousy.

And the male fans of Twilight (do any exist?) are probably in the same boat.

And then there's the rest of the world: The people who hate Twilight and see it as a messy, awful book written by a mentally deranged woman and plastered on the silver screen for a quick cash-in. Everyone in this category was going to dislike her because she took a job that, in most non-Twilight-fans' eyes, was selling out as an actress to play a role in a movie that insulted their intelligence.

She went into this with absolutely zero potential to have fans coming out of it.

Add to that the fact that she's a mediocre actress who was playing a character that has the emotions of a bowl of oatmeal, and that she's pretty, but not "Hollywood pretty" (just "high school pretty"), and she has suffered some pretty cruel judgment by the world at large.

Not that I care. I'm just pointing out that picking on Kristen Stewart is a lot like kicking the semi-retarded kid after he takes a hard shot in the face during an unevenly-matched game of dodgeball.

There's no sport in it.
 
2012-06-30 12:16:35 PM  
She does have that Sasha Grey expression on her face all the time...
 
2012-06-30 12:53:32 PM  

ZeroCorpse: And the male fans of Twilight (do any exist?) are probably in the same boat.


Not quite the same boat:

www.majhost.com
 
2012-06-30 01:19:15 PM  

GriffXX: [29.media.tumblr.com image 450x566]


Is she supposed to look sexy or like she's wearing a rabbit's dentures?

/Twilight Rifftrax FTW - watch it. You owe it to yourself
 
2012-07-01 02:03:15 AM  
So those pictures that are made up of other pics and captions.....are they called something? Is there a website that is devoted to them because most are f'n hilarious.
 
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