SharkTrager: ExperianScaresCthulhu: zomega: I have never heard about this Chris Klein thing. I always thought he'd just married the first girl willing to be a beard and that was it.

There are tales the kid isn't even his? Was she pregnant before marriage or something? Explain!

Katie was fking Chris Klein, then she cheated on Chris with Josh Hartnett, then she got pregnant somewhere in all that, then Chris called her a fat pig and made fun of her weight and shiat then Katie met, hooked up with, and married Tom Cruise in the span of like 4 weeks....

On Tom Cruise' end, what I remember is that he interviewed about 4 different women, including some black Olympian chick, before settling with Katie who was the only one who came close to telling him 'yes', all the other chicks were skeeved off by his obsession with Scientology during the meetings to be his next wife.

So the baby is either Chris Klein's or Josh Hartnett's. My money was on Chris Klein forever because of the timing, and the fact that it being Josh's was too slutty and ironic and tragic for words given everything..... but Suri looks more and more like Josh everyday. I have no idea. All I do know is, it ain't Tommy's.

Katie and Chris broke up in May 2005. She got engaged to Tom in June 2005. The baby was born in April 2006. Pregnancies are not 13 months.

The baby was alleged to have been born on April 16, 2006. However, there are reports that no one on staff at the hospital recalls seeing Katie that day and the birth certificate was not filed until May 5, 2006. Suri was first seen in an exclusive photo spread in Vanity Fair magazine, specifically the October 2006 edition.

If you look here, specifically at the photo dated January 15, 2006, it appears that Katie is either carrying an ingrown fetus or she had the baby by then.

It may well be the child was born in December of 2005 or January of 2006 and kept under wraps in order to further the story.

SharkTrager: ExperianScaresCthulhu: zomega: I have never heard about this Chris Klein thing. I always thought he'd just married the first girl willing to be a beard and that was it.

There are tales the kid isn't even his? Was she pregnant before marriage or something? Explain!

Katie was fking Chris Klein, then she cheated on Chris with Josh Hartnett, then she got pregnant somewhere in all that, then Chris called her a fat pig and made fun of her weight and shiat then Katie met, hooked up with, and married Tom Cruise in the span of like 4 weeks....

On Tom Cruise' end, what I remember is that he interviewed about 4 different women, including some black Olympian chick, before settling with Katie who was the only one who came close to telling him 'yes', all the other chicks were skeeved off by his obsession with Scientology during the meetings to be his next wife.

So the baby is either Chris Klein's or Josh Hartnett's. My money was on Chris Klein forever because of the timing, and the fact that it being Josh's was too slutty and ironic and tragic for words given everything..... but Suri looks more and more like Josh everyday. I have no idea. All I do know is, it ain't Tommy's.

Katie and Chris broke up in May 2005. She got engaged to Tom in June 2005. The baby was born in April 2006. Pregnancies are not 13 months.

No, pregnancies are not. The baby was (allegedly)(really) born in, like, December or so, and that's when all the Fat Suit/Pregnancy Suit watches were out in fuller force on the gossip sites. You know how Beyonce (allegedly) didn't move like a pregnant lady? nevermind the collapsing pillow dress. Ladies who'd gone through pregnancy were saying 'something ain't right with the way she's moving with a belly like that.'

So when the Vogue (?) Annie Liebowitcz and I've totally screwed up her name pictures came out, folks were saying a) the baby was photoshopped and b) the baby was WAY too big for the alleged number of months she was supposed to be.

I don't know. That was long ago and far away. The only kid I think could conceivably be Tom's DNA in any known universe is Connor, if any. Maybe something is wrong with his swimmers, and he can't have kids. Who knows.
Nobody's business but his own and his publicist's. But Suri ain't his. And Katie getting hitched up that quick screams Shot Gun Wedding. That was some seriously old school shiat they tried to pull on us...

...which makes sense, since Tom liked to dress Katie up like an old woman. A fashionable old woman, but still a woman 30 and 40 years older than Katie's true age. I don't know what that says about Tommy, that his idea of making Katie (excuse me, 'Kate') be presentably and best representing his image, is that of a *matron*.

Praise Cheesus:
The baby was alleged to have been born on April 16, 2006. However, there are reports that no one on staff at the hospital recalls seeing Katie that day and the birth certificate was not filed until May 5, 2006. Suri was first seen in an exclusive photo spread in Vanity Fair magazine, specifically the October 2006 edition.

If you look here, specifically at the photo dated January 15, 2006, it appears that Katie is either carrying an ingrown fetus or she had the baby by then.

It may well be the child was born in December of 2005 or January of 2006 and kept under wraps in order to further the story.

Vanity Fair. Thank you, dude.

monoski: I thought my headline might have gotten me one:

Dudes, Katie Holmes is going back on the market. Gay dudes, so is Tom Cruise

To imply that we gay dudes want anything to do with Tom Cruise like that is considered hate speech in some states.

Now that is quality trolling subby. Well done.

Disposable Rob: Karma Curmudgeon: IXI Jim IXI: beta_plus: /Remember the Holocaust?
//Picture the exact opposite

The Germans giving birth to several million jews?

In bizarro world, the Diary of Anne Frank is a comedic masterpiece.

In Bizarro world, Anne Frank can both see AND hear.

Ha! I larfed.

In Bizarro world, Anne Frank made it safely across the Pacific.

shower_in_my_socks: Abe Vigoda's Ghost: And NSFW


What are the naked screenshots from?

It's in the link.

"The Gift"

Egalitarian: Also, I noticed that Katie seemed to age instantly after marrying Cruise.
She looks happier now, but like he sucked 10 years or more of life out of her.



That's how he stays so young looking, and all his wives kind of shrivel up. That's why he has to choose a younger one each time.
Sucking the life out takes quite the toll.
They kind of bounce back a little after they leave.

Somacandra: CheneyPepperedMe: she was much younger she told people she wanted to marry Tom Hanks

Don't be silly. No one wants to marry Tom Hanks.

I would. He's freaking hilarious. I had posters of him in my locker in 1988.

Poor Tom Cruise. Not only did he just find out he's getting divorced, he found out while he was in Buffalo. That must make it worse.

/Seriously, he's here. I just listened to some angry farker from TMZ try to bribe a dude to find out where he's staying. I have no idea WHY he's here, of course...

Hey there Katie!
Wanna get away from the Hollywood paparazzi circus?
Gimme a call.

Seriously.

SurelyShirley: Hey there Katie!
Wanna get away from the Hollywood paparazzi circus?
Gimme a call.
[i48.tinypic.com image 266x400]
Seriously.

Um, *snikt* ;)

Keep it gay, Mr. Cruise.

Who and who? I've never heard of these people because I am the hippest person alive, be unaware my friends.

ZeroCorpse: She's a terrible, terrible actress. She damn near ruined Batman Begins.

THIS.

Every time I watch that movie I am bothered to hell by how BAD she is in it.

Disposable Rob: I wonder if Scientology might be backing down on their homophobia.

Of course not. They make lots of money trying to cure/clear closeted homosexuals.

spman: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Pants full of macaroni!!: Katie is free again - but at what cost?

How long until all of Clearwater hunts her down and forces her back to SeaOrg (or whatever it's called)?

After they split, Tom used Scientology to drive Nicole Kidman to drink, and I don't think they were much kinder to Penelope Cruz, Katie better watch out.

If Kidman's like most Brit chicks, if you drive them to drink chances are you're not using much gas on that trip.

StewMcG: Since it looks like all of Tom's beards... uhh... I mean ex-wives are around 11 years younger than the one before (Mimi Rogers b. 1956, Nicole Kidman b. 1967, Katie Holmes b. 1978), I'm betting he's looking for someone around 23 years old.

Enter Julianne Hough. She's 23 (b. 1988 - so only 10 years younger than Katie), she's experienced as a beard (she's currently "dating" Ryan Seacrest), and she just starred in "Rock of Ages" with Tom. They could claim they fell in love during the filming but, because Tom was still married, it would have been wrong to act on those supposed feelings. Now that Katie's leaving him, it would be OK for them to go out as a "couple".

/just a theory

Not a bad one either. I was kind of wondering who thye new beard would be and that isn't a bad guess. After all Nichole came from Days of Thunder.

I guess this mean I can finally stop wearing my "FREE KATIE!" t-shirt.

I'm relieved; I remember reading about Katie's parents and friends being distressed by the sudden isolation that resulted from Katie and Tom's 'romance'. It was classic cult behaviour to drive a wedge between families. Hopefully Katie is able to re-establish a relationship with her family.

As for Tom - maybe he'll drop the straight charade now? Is it really so important for actors to be 100% straight these days to maintain an audience? There are certainly enough ladies on the internet who are fascinated by male-male slash pairings. I think it holds the same appeal that girl-on-girl holds for guys, and more women are willing to admit it these days.

Tom is a decenct actor, and is/was so beautiful. If only he'd drop the uber-creepy cult thing.

Walker: Yeah, there have been blind gossip items about this for months saying they were going to get divorced. Sometimes the gossip is true!

Here's a blind item from May 21:

This actress - who worked much more several years ago than she does now - has found the perfect way to annoy her controlling husband. He always insisted that she not step foot out of the house unless she was looking her best (full hair, makeup, clothes) because she was a "reflection of his image".

But now that they have quietly separated, she consistently walks out of the house in casual clothes and messy hair and no makeup (even when her destination isn't the gym). Of course, the paparazzi are there, just waiting to snap her photo. Her publicist called and said, "Do you realize how much you're pissing him off when you do that?" She replied, "Absolutely!" and giggled. Sounds like it's just her little way of reclaiming her life.

[img.photobucket.com image 445x529]
/her identity concealed for her protection (but yeah it's Katie)

Also this one from April 30 (note the Cruises are worth $275 million, hence the $300 million thing at the end):

Rumours abound concerning the marriage of a famous couple, yet there is a bewildering silence in the media.

Let's call the pair Mr. and Mrs. VIP - I'm not even saying whether they are British. Recently, Mrs. VIP failed to turn up to an event that she might reasonably have been expected to attend. Strangely, the media scarcely mentioned the fact.

Meanwhile, the whispers say that Mr. and Mrs. VIP are no longer together and are using the excuse of busy lives as a cover. The theory is that they won't announce the split for family reasons. Maybe, but a divorce would also mean the disentangling of considerable wealth and property interests...and a lot of secrets still bind this couple together.

There is already one privacy agreement with the media in place regarding a past incident, and the continuation of the Leveson Inquiry into press ethics might explain the reluctance of even the hardest-nosed British papers to expose the situation: so we have stalemate.

This suits Mr. and Mrs. VIP as they don't want nosy parker journalists taking a close look at their life, or heaven forbid, some forensic biographer shining a flashlight into the dark corners of their union. The funny friends? The magic millions? Oh no! So expect a choreographed Hollywood-style loving couple appearance with cheesy smiles this summer.

And it's not Charles and Camilla. The '$300 million divorce' exists only in the fantasyland of US tabloids. No names, please, in the comments: TMR is read in some very high places.

Well, dammit. I'm already married, and now Katie's tainted.

This sucks.

Fascinating stuff, farkers.

The murky magnitude of the chasm between public persona and private details...compounded by maybe/not true claims....simply fascinating.

Ok, fine, if perhaps also with a twinge of regret at realizing Ms. Holmes, in particular, might not be as good IRL.

Angry Buddha: Disposable Rob: Karma Curmudgeon: IXI Jim IXI: beta_plus: /Remember the Holocaust?
//Picture the exact opposite

The Germans giving birth to several million jews?

In bizarro world, the Diary of Anne Frank is a comedic masterpiece.

In Bizarro world, Anne Frank can both see AND hear.

Ha! I larfed.

In Bizarro world, Anne Frank made it safely across the Pacific.

That's just smart enough for no one to get the gag. Kudos.

/noonan

HaveBeerWillTravel: Poor Tom Cruise. Not only did he just find out he's getting divorced, he found out while he was in Buffalo. That must make it worse.

/Seriously, he's here. I just listened to some angry farker from TMZ try to bribe a dude to find out where he's staying. I have no idea WHY he's here, of course...

Buffalo, bears.. same thing really, under all the hair.

Praise Cheesus: SharkTrager: ExperianScaresCthulhu: zomega: I have never heard about this Chris Klein thing. I always thought he'd just married the first girl willing to be a beard and that was it.

There are tales the kid isn't even his? Was she pregnant before marriage or something? Explain!

Katie was fking Chris Klein, then she cheated on Chris with Josh Hartnett, then she got pregnant somewhere in all that, then Chris called her a fat pig and made fun of her weight and shiat then Katie met, hooked up with, and married Tom Cruise in the span of like 4 weeks....

On Tom Cruise' end, what I remember is that he interviewed about 4 different women, including some black Olympian chick, before settling with Katie who was the only one who came close to telling him 'yes', all the other chicks were skeeved off by his obsession with Scientology during the meetings to be his next wife.

So the baby is either Chris Klein's or Josh Hartnett's. My money was on Chris Klein forever because of the timing, and the fact that it being Josh's was too slutty and ironic and tragic for words given everything..... but Suri looks more and more like Josh everyday. I have no idea. All I do know is, it ain't Tommy's.

Katie and Chris broke up in May 2005. She got engaged to Tom in June 2005. The baby was born in April 2006. Pregnancies are not 13 months.

The baby was alleged to have been born on April 16, 2006. However, there are reports that no one on staff at the hospital recalls seeing Katie that day and the birth certificate was not filed until May 5, 2006. Suri was first seen in an exclusive photo spread in Vanity Fair magazine, specifically the October 2006 edition.

If you look here, specifically at the photo dated January 15, 2006, it appears that Katie is either carrying an ingrown fetus or she had the baby by then.

It may well be the child was born in December of 2005 or January of 2006 and kept under wraps in order to further the story.

I have never seen those photos of Katie Holmes' growing/shrinking "baby" bump. Thank you for posting. Also, I'm glad you posted the correct magazine that got the first photos (Vanity Fair) I thought it was People.

Katie better be very careful. Scientology isn't known for playing nice with people they consider a threat.

Max Awesome: I guess this mean I can finally stop wearing my "FREE KATIE!" t-shirt.

I'm relieved; I remember reading about Katie's parents and friends being distressed by the sudden isolation that resulted from Katie and Tom's 'romance'. It was classic cult behaviour to drive a wedge between families. Hopefully Katie is able to re-establish a relationship with her family.

As for Tom - maybe he'll drop the straight charade now? Is it really so important for actors to be 100% straight these days to maintain an audience? There are certainly enough ladies on the internet who are fascinated by male-male slash pairings. I think it holds the same appeal that girl-on-girl holds for guys, and more women are willing to admit it these days.

Tom is a decenct actor, and is/was so beautiful. If only he'd drop the uber-creepy cult thing.

[i42.photobucket.com image 400x349]

It's their own damn fault.... at least, her parents. From what I remember of the gossip, they (particularly her mother) saw dollar signs and pushed Katie to go for it.

The brainwashing must have worn off. Run for it Katie, before Sea Org drags you to Clearwater and forces you to watch "Battlefield Earth" again!

WTF is this a news flash? So what if it's Tom Cruze and Katiel Holms? I really, truly don't see how it's any more signifigant than Jane and John Nobody going through the same thing. Just what is it about some people that they concern themselves so much with the personal lives of celebrities?

HaveBeerWillTravel: Poor Tom Cruise. Not only did he just find out he's getting divorced, he found out while he was in Buffalo. That must make it worse.

/Seriously, he's here. I just listened to some angry farker from TMZ try to bribe a dude to find out where he's staying. I have no idea WHY he's here, of course...

So he can make a quick getaway to Canada?

cynicalbastard: spman: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Pants full of macaroni!!: Katie is free again - but at what cost?

How long until all of Clearwater hunts her down and forces her back to SeaOrg (or whatever it's called)?

After they split, Tom used Scientology to drive Nicole Kidman to drink, and I don't think they were much kinder to Penelope Cruz, Katie better watch out.

If Kidman's like most Brit chicks, if you drive them to drink chances are you're not using much gas on that trip.

Um.... not sure if serious...
You do know that Nicole isn't British, right??

I still contend Tom Cruise isn't gay, but rather transgendered and Katie looks like a female version of Tom. Made it easier for him to wear her clothes around the house.

/But hey, Katie still won the lottery and will never want for anything

She tried and tried, but just couldn't stop being creeped out by his one front tooth.

Coastalgrl: I also dont think Siri is Tom's kid. A shotgun wedding would also nicely fit the fact that Katie's parents were devout Catholics or something similar. They would not want to see their daughter have a child out of wedlock. Its amazing how many people still think like that.

There was no shotgun wedding, though. They got engaged in June 2005, but they didn't marry until November 2006 - 7 months to the day after Suri was allegedly born.

Recap here

ZeroCorpse: She's a terrible, terrible actress. She damn near ruined Batman Begins.

And then they replaced her with Maggie Gly..Gylleken... fark it, sister of that Brokeback Mountain guy, who isn't as good looking and didn't act that well either. I was glad when the Joker blew her up.

SchadenFraud: Posh Naranek: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Pants full of macaroni!!: Katie is free again - but at what cost?

How long until all of Clearwater hunts her down and forces her back to SeaOrg (or whatever it's called)?

[img94.imageshack.us image 550x540]

She was in SeaQuest?

Or are you thinking of Flipper?

You recognized SeaQuest and yet... Do you see the two doublewords that start with Sea?You're trolling me right? Please tell me you're trolling me.