Attention everyone: Practical jokes involving airport security are never, ever funny. Ever. Just don't.

Thank you, and we now return you to your regularly sceduled TSA thread.

WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Grables'Daughter: WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Do you now have summoning sickness? This thread just drew you like a magnet.

It's nice to see Napoleon Dynamite is getting work as an artist.

How professional of them to call over their coworkers to point and laugh first.

Vacation in Maui with a 5 month old and a bag of dildos?

fark the TSA. Yet another example of them being farkheads.

Grables'Daughter: WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

AAAAAAND we're done here

If you are going to prank a friend, I recommend just leaving said dildo in their fridge, microwave, or in the tank of their toilet bowl, to be found at a later date.

I'd let the fiance sweat until she thought she was in the clear.
Payback, such sweet revenge.

namegoeshere: Attention everyone: Practical jokes involving airport security are never, ever funny. Ever. Just don't.

Thank you, and we now return you to your regularly sceduled TSA thread.

It's not funny if I do it and get arrested and tased. OTOH if you do it and get arrested and tased, it's farking hilarious. :)

Grables'Daughter: WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

No sir, I don't buy it. I figure you for carry on... no luggage required. If you get my drift.

Grables'Daughter: You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Hey come over to my place, I'll be happy to fix your zipper. Zip it up. Zip it down. Clean the pull tab make sure it glides. Check the bottom stop. Check the top stop. Remove any foreign substances (often thread or hair). Make sure the pin is aligned with the box. Zip it up. Clean the teeth. Align the tapes. Check the top stop. Toy with the slider. Trim the tape. Apply a heat seal patch. Tighten her up and cut to length if you need it. Reinsert teeth into the slider. Spray it with WD-40.

RoyBatty: Grables'Daughter: You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Hey come over to my place, I'll be happy to fix your zipper. Zip it up. Zip it down. Clean the pull tab make sure it glides. Check the bottom stop. Check the top stop. Remove any foreign substances (often thread or hair). Make sure the pin is aligned with the box. Zip it up. Clean the teeth. Align the tapes. Check the top stop. Toy with the slider. Trim the tape. Apply a heat seal patch. Tighten her up and cut to length if you need it. Reinsert teeth into the slider. Spray it with WD-40.

You take zipper maintenance very seriously.

It's like a portal to the soul.

Grables'Daughter: WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

You could have offered to fix mine.

/Just sayin'

RoyBatty: Grables'Daughter: You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Hey come over to my place, I'll be happy to fix your zipper. Zip it up. Zip it down. Clean the pull tab make sure it glides. Check the bottom stop. Check the top stop. Remove any foreign substances (often thread or hair). Make sure the pin is aligned with the box. Zip it up. Clean the teeth. Align the tapes. Check the top stop. Toy with the slider. Trim the tape. Apply a heat seal patch. Tighten her up and cut to length if you need it. Reinsert teeth into the slider. Spray it with WD-40.

WD-40 is not a lubricant. It is a water displacer. Eeeewwwwwwwww

Why would I wanna touch a guy's vibrator, even with a gloved hand?

I have a good idea of where it's been.

StoPPeRmobile: RoyBatty: Grables'Daughter: You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Hey come over to my place, I'll be happy to fix your zipper. Zip it up. Zip it down. Clean the pull tab make sure it glides. Check the bottom stop. Check the top stop. Remove any foreign substances (often thread or hair). Make sure the pin is aligned with the box. Zip it up. Clean the teeth. Align the tapes. Check the top stop. Toy with the slider. Trim the tape. Apply a heat seal patch. Tighten her up and cut to length if you need it. Reinsert teeth into the slider. Spray it with WD-40.

WD-40 is not a lubricant. It is a water displacer. Eeeewwwwwwwww

Ah ha! Thank you. That's usually the point where I get kneed.

I am trying to understand how a guy could carry a vibrating dildo in his carry-on to the airport, through check-in and the security line and not notice until someone mentioned it to him afterwards. You think at some point he'd be holding the bag and think "Huh..that's weird. Sounds like Christmas."

GriffXX: I am trying to understand how a guy could carry a vibrating dildo in his carry-on to the airport, through check-in and the security line and not notice until someone mentioned it to him afterwards. You think at some point he'd be holding the bag and think "Huh..that's weird. Sounds like Christmas."

Does your dildo play Christmas tunes or have bells or something?

/I could see asking yourself if your phone is on vibrate.

The My Little Pony Killer: How professional of them to call over their coworkers to point and laugh first.

This. The guy is being really, really kind. They acted like immature idiots and made him a spectacle to their other coworkers who didnt need to be a part of it.

GriffXX: I am trying to understand how a guy could carry a vibrating dildo in his carry-on to the airport, through check-in and the security line and not notice until someone mentioned it to him afterwards. You think at some point he'd be holding the bag and think "Huh..that's weird. Sounds like Christmas."

FTFA: "As I was clearing the security checkpoint with my five-month old daughter strapped to my chest "

This guy gets next to no sleep and probably walks around in a perpetual daze. He'd be lucky to notice if his pants were on fire.

Does the author really think that TSA agents have NEVER seen a dildo on the x-ray? Obviously, these agents were not tactful. Sheesh, this doesn't phase most agents at a busy airport. They have seen it all.

Mind you, some haven't. CSS time

My SO used to work for CATSA (Canadian TSA). A naive colleague unwittingly removed a two-sided dildo from a bag and started waving it in the passenger's face demanding to know what it was. Needless to say, the others were dying of laughter but the passenger was mortified.

Worst story ever...

A new agent was using the handheld x-ray machine when it beeped over a passenger's closed hand. The agent asked to see the offending metal object was but the passenger refused. She insisted that he reveal what the contents of his hand was but the guy was turning redder and more embarrassed by the second. Finally, she sticks out her hand and demanded that he turn it over or face consequences. He sheepishly complies and dumps a used condom with the opened wrapper in her ungloved hand. From that point on, she always used gloves.

He has enough party stories to last a lifetime.

This happened to my then girlfriend in Jamaica, coming home from vacation. As the agent picked up her carry on to hand it back after inspection, she says "what's vibrating in here?". Big grins from everyone as she pulls out her vibrator and turns it off.

AllUpInYa: Why would I wanna touch a guy's vibrator, even with a gloved hand?

I have a good idea of where it's been.

Your login makes this post.

Jaws_Victim: The My Little Pony Killer: How professional of them to call over their coworkers to point and laugh first.

This. The guy is being really, really kind. They acted like immature idiots and made him a spectacle to their other coworkers who didnt need to be a part of it.


Exactly. That's all I could think. They could have just acted like professionals and simply passed him through security uneventfully. Instead they acted like childish twats. Slowing down the works and sending it through the machine again so you can call your colleagues over for no good reason except to snicker like 12 year olds and then making a comment to the flier is not "nice". It's actually dickish (no pun intended). (OK, but pun appreciated)

Skywolf Philosopher: Grables'Daughter: WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

Do you now have summoning sickness? This thread just drew you like a magnet.

It's called Haste now, you know?.

namegoeshere: Attention everyone: Practical jokes involving airport security are never, ever funny. Ever. Just don't.

Thank you, and we now return you to your regularly sceduled TSA thread.

Grables'Daughter: WhoIsWillo: farkingismybusiness: [t2.gstatic.com image 293x172]
Nine times out of ten it's an electric razor, but every once in a while... it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo.

I used to be an airline ramp worker. I remember one time we had a bag fall off the belt and the zipper came open and dildos just poured out of the bag. There were dildos everywhere. It was amazing/absurd.

/Our working theory is that the person does those female parties where the sell such things.

You could have offered to fix my zipper you know.

You just like watching your profile hit counter go up, don't you? :P

Why would anyone pack their dildo in their carry-on to begin with, instead of just putting it in their checked luggage? Wait, I don't think I really want to know the answer to that question...

AllUpInYa: Why would I wanna touch a guy's vibrator, even with a gloved hand?

I have a good idea of where it's been.

Yeah? Well I put a condom on mine before I shove it up my ass. Your move.

/wait...

I once brought a rubber cock through gate security in PHX airport many years ago. The security woman, mid 50's saw it on the x-ray, smiled, and called over another younger security lady, and she saw it, asked her colleague what it was, laughed and said "I have never seen one before" (I guess she was new, or a total liar). I think those security folks like to get their kicks when they can....it has got to be a pretty boring job.

ms_lara_croft: Could have been worse. TSA could have thought it was a bomb. Imagine the embarrassment then.

Modern bombs don't vibrate