Glass. Parking. Lot. Level the whole place, then salt the earth with plutonium so that nothing can exist there for millenia.

Or, just open a can of Surströmming. Same effect.

Uh oh

I got a chuckle out of #artificialswedener

Colbert To Do List:
1) Rent cheap apartment in Sweden
2) use twitter acct.

problem Sweden?

this will end well

That is the last straw Sweden, I am boycotting you, your meatballs, and your gummy fish.

Sure, Colbert is not a Swede, but he probably wouldn't make bizarre comments about Jews (with a hard "J") like that one wench who had the account for one week.

Doogles4221: That is the last straw Sweden, I am boycotting you, your meatballs, and your gummy fish.

Don't forget their chefs. The last one i went to kept annoyingly and randomly bringing up those resistance are futile villains by saying their name twice.

Sweden doesn't Volvo Colbert's input?

They'll be Saabing once he's done with them.

Sweden, consider yourselves On Notice.

Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Twitter Force! You are about to embark upon a great crusade, toward which we have striven these many weeks. The twitter followers of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers in arms on other fronts, you will bring about the destruction of Sweden, the elimination of Swedish tyranny over the oppressed peoples of some other places in Europe, and free twittering for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped and looks dazzling in bikinis, he/she will fight savagely.

But this is the year 2012! Much has happened since the Swedish twitter triumphs of 2011. The United Nations have inflicted upon the Swedes great defeats, in open battle, man to man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground. Our home fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war, and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men. The tide has turned! The free men of the world are marching together to victory!

I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty and skill in battle. We will accept nothing less than full victory!

Good Luck! And let us all beseech the blessings of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking.

-- Stephen Colbert

That's it, no more IKEA furniture... not that I ever bought any.

Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

JohnCarter:

Nice quote, I think this one is better though...


"I want you to remember that no bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor, dumb bastard die for his country.

Men, all this stuff you've heard about Colbert Nation not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Stephen Colbert, traditionally, loves to fight. All real members of Colbert Nation love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admired the champion marble shooters, the fastest runners, big league ball players, the toughest boxers. Colbert Nation loves a winner and will not tolerate a loser. Stephen Colbert plays to win all the time. I wouldn't give a hoot in hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Stephen Colbert has never lost and will never lose a war, because the very thought of losing is hateful to Colbert.

Now, Colbert Nation is a team. It lives, eats, sleeps, fights as a team. This individuality stuff is a bunch of crap. The bilious bastards who wrote that stuff about the Swedish twitter acount for the Saturday Evening Post don't know anything more about real battle than they do about fornicating.

Now, we have the finest food and equipment, the best spirit, and the best men in the world. You know, by Stephen Colbert, I actually pity those poor swedes we're going up against, by God, I do. We're not just going to shoot the bastards; we're going to cut out their living guts and use them to grease the treads of our tanks. We're going to murder those lousy Swedish bastards by the bushel.

Now, some of you boys, I know, are wondering whether or not you'll chicken out under fire. Don't worry about it. I can assure you that you will all do your duty for Colbert.

The Swedes are the enemy. Wade into them. Spill their blood. Shoot them in the belly. When you put your hand into a bunch of Swedish meatballs that a moment before was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do.

Now there's another thing I want you to remember: I don't want to get any messages saying that we are holding our position. We're not holding anything. Let the Swedes do that. We are advancing constantly and we're not interested in holding onto anything except the enemy. We're going to hold onto them by the nose and we're going to kick them in the ass. We're going to kick the hell out of them all the time and we're going to go through them like crap through a goose.

Now, there's one thing that you members of Colbert Nation will be able to say when you get back home. And you may thank God for it. Thirty years from now when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee, and he asks you: "What did you do in the great Colbert Twitter War?" You won't have to say, "Well, I shoveled shiat in Louisiana."

Alright, now, you sons-of-biatches, you know how I feel. Oh... I will be proud to lead you wonderful guys into battle anytime, against Sweden."

- George S Patton / Stephen Colbert

Doogles4221: That is the last straw Sweden, I am boycotting you, your meatballs, and your gummy fish.

So French became Freedom. Sweden can be Stephen!

I will have liberty cabbage with a side of freedom fries and stephen fish for desert. Then I will take my woman and give her a stephen helicopter.

For America.

I say we invade and take their chocolate!



Then I say we take their womenz!



And then we cover their womenz in chocolate!

NSFW

HAHAHAHAHA!!!1!eleventy!

Pray that the Swedes do not counterattack with lutefisk.

stevejovi: Pray that the Swedes do not counterattack with lutefisk.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

As a former resident of Sweden I can categorically state that while Swedes dislike Americans they farking loathe Canadians.

Now we'll probably never know what the fuzz is with the Jews.

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

As a former resident of Sweden I can categorically state that while Swedes dislike Americans they farking loathe Canadians.

Wat? Why?

Jument: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

As a former resident of Sweden I can categorically state that while Swedes dislike Americans they farking loathe Canadians.

Wat? Why?

They jealous cuz muthafarker we awesome.

orezona: I say we invade and take their chocolate!

[www.international-chocolates.com image 450x241]

Then I say we take their womenz!

[s1.hubimg.com image 520x390]

And then we cover their womenz in chocolate!

NSFW

HAHAHAHAHA!!!1!eleventy!

I say we drink the (melted) chocolate, eat the women, and use their bikinis for musket wadding.

"Sweden rejects Stephen Colbert's demand to take over the country's Twitter account"

take over: verb
takeover: noun

penthesilea: Seems fair.

Sounds awesome.

Alternatively Sweden could just issue Colbert a passport.

bv2112: Sure, Colbert is not a Swede, but he probably wouldn't make bizarre comments about Jews (with a hard "J") like that one wench who had the account for one week.


I don't think she sounded anti-semitic. To me, her comments made her seem ignorant and puzzled, but not hateful. She seemed genuinely confused about why she hears other people (Swedes? Twitter users?) -- who likely wouldn't even know a Jew if they met one -- gripe about Jews. She expressed that curiosity rather clumsily, but what do you expect from a semi-random Twitter user picked to have the country's Twitter megaphone for a week? The tweets might even be a good thing if it opens up the topic of communal introspection about anti-semitism.

It's true that you sometimes hear or see anti-semites (including a couple on Fark) insinuatingly ask "Why do so many people hate Jews", then they throw in a few unflattering anecdotes, and then say "Hey, I'm just asking questions!" (an absurdly childish tactic, but to immature, passive-aggressive people it apparently feels very clever), but I haven't heard of any evidence that that's what she was trying to do.

stevejovi: Pray that the Swedes do not counterattack with lutefisk.

I'm pretty sure the use of WMDs is justification for a full nuclear strike.

How many Trident MIRVs can hit Sweden at once?

Sweden played this beautifully.

Colbert offers to trade a TON of publicity for a week's worth of meatball jokes. They say' no thanks to twitter, if you want to make fun of us, you'll have to come to Sweden and turn your segments into on-location tourism commercials'.

Isildur: "To me, her comments made her seem ignorant and puzzled"

No, it was hipster racism.
It's a thing the (privileged) kids are doing these days.
They deadpan offensive nonsense and it's supposed to be funny because everyone is expected to *know* they're not *really* racist.

imontheinternet: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

The twitter account is a really stupid idea and leaves Sweden open to being mocked for it.

I agree. Lets have @america and let one person control it for a week. Here will be the results:

1:Fark Jews
2: Fark gays
3: Fark Jews

Jument: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

As a former resident of Sweden I can categorically state that while Swedes dislike Americans they farking loathe Canadians.

Wat? Why?

The same reason they hate the Finns: Hockey.

Jument: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

As a former resident of Sweden I can categorically state that while Swedes dislike Americans they farking loathe Canadians.

Wat? Why?

Because fark YOU, that's why!

Weekend's finest gallery link:



Well now, what have we here?
*click



Gahhhhh!!!

/OK, would still hit. But don't MySpace angle us like that, TheLocal, mmkay?

skubydobdo: imontheinternet: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

The twitter account is a really stupid idea and leaves Sweden open to being mocked for it.

I agree. Lets have @america and let one person control it for a week. Here will be the results:

1:Fark Jews
2: Fark gays
3: Fark Jews

We must have this. We must have an @America. It would be the most schizophrenic, insane twitter feed in the world.

skubydobdo: imontheinternet: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

The twitter account is a really stupid idea and leaves Sweden open to being mocked for it.

I agree. Lets have @america and let one person control it for a week. Here will be the results:

1:Fark Jews
2: Fark gays
3: Fark Jews

4: Fark gay Jews

JonathanChance: Jument: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

As a former resident of Sweden I can categorically state that while Swedes dislike Americans they farking loathe Canadians.

Wat? Why?

The same reason they hate the Finns: Hockey.

Hrm. Well, you know, that almost makes sense.

Duke Phillips' Singing Bears: skubydobdo: imontheinternet: ontariolightning: Colbert is an American. Swedes don't like Americans. Especially Americans that are comedians and this whole gag about taking over Sweden's twitter account is basically poking fun at Sweden.

The twitter account is a really stupid idea and leaves Sweden open to being mocked for it.

I agree. Lets have @america and let one person control it for a week. Here will be the results:

1:Fark Jews
2: Fark gays
3: Fark Jews

We must have this. We must have an @America. It would be the most schizophrenic, insane twitter feed in the world.

I blame ob0ngo Fartbama!

From the same site.

Swedish vet warned after cutting off cat's penis



There's a special place for people that cut off penises. Penis.

ringersol: Isildur: "To me, her comments made her seem ignorant and puzzled"

No, it was hipster racism.
It's a thing the (privileged) kids are doing these days.
They deadpan offensive nonsense and it's supposed to be funny because everyone is expected to *know* they're not *really* racist.


Huh. I hadn't considered that possibility.
*shrug* Perhaps.

Lionel Mandrake: It's generally not a good idea to piss these guys off:

[funster.us image 445x300]


Unless you're this guy:

[images.wikia.com image 425x306]

R.I.P. SWEDEN

So much win, I can't stand it...