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(Short List)   The wedding ring that imprints the word 'Married' on your finger. Presumably targeted at women who know they're marrying a scumbag and are going ahead with it anyway   (shortlist.com) divider line 103
    More: Scary, wedding ring  
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14917 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jun 2012 at 8:26 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-27 07:52:43 AM  
It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.
 
2012-06-27 07:55:37 AM  
That's certainly going to provide a solid foundation for a marriage built on trust and respect.

Here's an idea, if you think your partner might cheat....DON'T MARRY THEM.
 
2012-06-27 08:12:29 AM  
Would be more effective with "HAS HERPES"
 
2012-06-27 08:26:20 AM  
Actually, I'm already imagining the scenario where a young, newly married man on a business trip, tired and sore from his day of travel and meetings, wanders alone into the hotel bar at night for a late dinner and perhaps a drink or two to relax, and after he orders his drink he pulls off his ring, his mind not even really registering the action, and massages the sore spot on his finger left by these letters imprinted onto his skin. A dull afterthought of pain in the back of his mind all day, but one he's getting used to. And he slips the ring into his pocket so he doesn't lose it as he continues to massage his flesh, and his drink arrives and he notices movement beside him and sees a woman, older than he, lustrous black hair sleek and shiny in the lights, blue dress clinging to soft curves. A hint of cleavage, enough that another man might stare. But his wild days are behind him and so he just nods hello and returns to his drink, still massaging away the ache. And the woman order her own drink and they sit there beside each other sipping in silence for a while, and then she leans over.

"You look like you're in some pain there," she says.

He doesn't know what she's talking about at first, but then he sees her eyes on his finger and he flutters a smile. "My wife," he says. "She likes me to wear this ring."

"Of course she does," the woman says. "She's protective of you." And she reaches across the bar and takes the man's finger in her hand. She begins to lightly caress and pull at his skin, the flesh where the words have been impressed. "Does this make it better?"

And there is something about her touch and the tone of her voice that penetrates the man's brain, that brings out some long-buried emotion. "It hurts so much," he sobs, and she turns on the barstool and wraps him into her embrace, pulls his face against her soft bosom so that his tears dampen her dress. "I want to wear it for her. I want to."

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help you."
 
2012-06-27 08:27:02 AM  
How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.
 
2012-06-27 08:28:43 AM  

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Would be more effective with "HAS HERPES"


Came to insure logic was posted.
Leaves, satisfied.
/after reading Pocket Ninja's post of course.
 
2012-06-27 08:29:01 AM  
How farking tight are you supposed to wear a ring? For that to work, it's gonna have to be cutting off circulation.
 
2012-06-27 08:29:50 AM  
Your marriage is doomed if you feel you need this
 
2012-06-27 08:30:11 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.


When the man cheats, he's an a**hole, when the woman cheats, its because the husband wasn't taking care of her needs
 
2012-06-27 08:31:40 AM  
Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.
 
2012-06-27 08:32:26 AM  

itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.


50 Shades of "They Don't Give a Fark"
 
2012-06-27 08:33:16 AM  

itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.


This. Women wouldn't even pretend to be interested in me if they didn't think I was married. Not sure I understand why, but that's just the way it is.
 
2012-06-27 08:33:36 AM  

ilikeracecars: FirstNationalBastard: How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.

When the man cheats, he's an a**hole, when the woman cheats, its because the husband wasn't taking care of her needs


Don't forget, when a woman cheats, it's ok because "I don't love him! I still love you!"
 
2012-06-27 08:34:12 AM  
Stupid tag more appropriate here.
 
2012-06-27 08:34:15 AM  

reillan: How farking tight are you supposed to wear a ring? For that to work, it's gonna have to be cutting off circulation.


Maybe the ring has a tiny little reservoir of acid inside, and when you put it on the acid slowly oozes into the etched letters and then eats its way into your flesh, permanently scarring the message onto your finger.

/Insert cynical marriage metaphor
 
2012-06-27 08:34:15 AM  
Pocket Ninja:

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help yo ...


That's like...beautiful, man...*sniff*
 
2012-06-27 08:34:36 AM  

theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.


I am sure that you took pictures of every one of them

:D

Congrats man
 
2012-06-27 08:37:07 AM  
My wife made me get a penis tattoo.

But I gave the guy $50 and instead of "Married" it reads "Contents Under Pressure: Aim Away From Face."

/can't lie, he only was able to fit "Co"
 
2012-06-27 08:37:09 AM  
That's an advertisement, if anything.
 
2012-06-27 08:37:28 AM  

itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.


Those whores see it as a challenge. As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me.
 
2012-06-27 08:38:14 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.

I am sure that you took pictures of every one of them

:D

Congrats man



Nope i did not, they don't look so good after you get the quick lime on them.
 
2012-06-27 08:38:25 AM  
If you need to give your husband this ring, you shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Also, the ring could be like a dinner bell to some women (and men). It's like Tipper Gore and the warning stickers on music. Now people who want to cheat have identifying labels.
 
2012-06-27 08:38:37 AM  

sammyk: itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.

Those whores see it as a challenge. As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me.


So, wearing a fake wedding ring is a good idea to pull some strange?
 
2012-06-27 08:39:14 AM  
"____________ INSERT TO THIS LINE _____________"
 
2012-06-27 08:39:20 AM  
William James said it first and said it best:

Higamous hogamous, women are monogamous.

Hogamous higamous, men are polygamous.
 
2012-06-27 08:40:58 AM  
Might also be more appropriate as a nose ring.
 
2012-06-27 08:41:34 AM  
media.onsugar.com

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.
 
2012-06-27 08:41:58 AM  
A fool-proof plan that certainly couldn't be undone with a band-aid.
 
2012-06-27 08:44:02 AM  

theflatline: Nope i did not, they don't look so good after you get the quick lime on them.


Would you stop killing all the hot Colombian chicks!?!?! Jeez man
 
2012-06-27 08:44:14 AM  
Assuming a market exists, the ring is still pointless. Any markings will last a short while, be the same color as the skin, and are not prominently raised, assuming the ring leaves any markings without being dangerously tight. Spend the ~$550 on toys and gear for the bedroom to keep you both happy so no one cares to cheat.
 
2012-06-27 08:44:30 AM  
IHNTA, but . . .

Saw an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat on lie detectors. A woman wanted her finance to take a test to see if anything unsavory happened on his trip to Vegas. He failed the test. She dumped him and walked off crying.

All I could think was "good, you just dodged a bullet, bro."


Penn & Teller Bullshiat Season 7 Episode 5 Lie Detectors PART 2
 
2012-06-27 08:49:32 AM  

maxx2112: Saw an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat on lie detectors. A woman wanted her finance to take a test to see if anything unsavory happened on his trip to Vegas. He failed the test. She dumped him and walked off crying.


And if I recall he actually passed, what then happened was the person administering the test TOLD him he failed, asked the guy if he knew why the machine was saying he was lying (because idiots think they really detect lies). What the guy admitted to was a lap dance or something.
 
2012-06-27 08:49:54 AM  
Crap, took me almost a year to lose the indented tan-line on my finger after I got divorced.
 
2012-06-27 08:57:22 AM  
Wouldn't a simple brand on the a$$ be just as effective?
 
2012-06-27 08:58:59 AM  
My husband rarely wears his ring. It would have been destroyed by now by the kind of work he does. I figure if he's going to cheat, what good is a ring going to do about it?
 
2012-06-27 09:00:59 AM  
"Ash nazg durbatulûk, ..."

// Preciousssssss
 
2012-06-27 09:02:05 AM  
I put a ring ON if I want to get lucky.
 
2012-06-27 09:06:19 AM  

fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.


Nothing causes a marriage to fail faster than tats of each others names or such like. Seriously - you could bang your neighbor's teenage daughter and have a better chance of staying together than you would if you got her name tattoo'd on you.
 
2012-06-27 09:07:55 AM  
I took a polygraph once. He made me answer the questions in my head (no I idea why) and all I did was sing songs in my head.

I passed.

/not a trained spy
//lacks any and all ability to lie in real life. I suck at it.
 
2012-06-27 09:08:44 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: sammyk: itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.

Those whores see it as a challenge. As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me.

So, wearing a fake wedding ring is a good idea to pull some strange?


Could be if your into middle aged married women in the office. Could be some complications there but the good nookie always has some risk to it.
 
2012-06-27 09:08:54 AM  

fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.


Claddagh fail. When the wearer is married the point of the heart should be toward the wrist. Toward the fingertips mean engaged.
 
2012-06-27 09:12:43 AM  
So the hollow eyes, and the obvious longing for the sweet release of death aren't enough to mark a man?
 
2012-06-27 09:13:01 AM  

911Jenny: I took a polygraph once. He made me answer the questions in my head (no I idea why) and all I did was sing songs in my head.

I passed.

/not a trained spy
//lacks any and all ability to lie in real life. I suck at it.


Well the easiest way to beat a polygraph is to convince yourself you're telling the truth.
 
2012-06-27 09:16:33 AM  

Marley'sGirl: My husband rarely wears his ring. It would have been destroyed by now by the kind of work he does. I figure if he's going to cheat, what good is a ring going to do about it?


This. I've been married 11 years and my wife has no problem with me rarely wearing a ring. I subtly let people know I'm married by not trying to bang them.
 
2012-06-27 09:16:33 AM  
I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.
 
2012-06-27 09:22:37 AM  
So other women will know you're married... for the first five minutes after you take your ring off.
 
2012-06-27 09:29:40 AM  

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.


So, wedding rings will now be sold with a car battery, nice.
 
2012-06-27 09:30:20 AM  

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.


Well, ouch.
 
2012-06-27 09:31:32 AM  

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.


I think I'd actually be pretty annoyed with the auto parts store that didn't, in a friendly way, try to point out what an idiot you were going to be. I'd have expected a casual, "Hey, are you getting this charger for next time, because this battery should be good for years", to give you an opportunity to correct yourself and save the money.
 
2012-06-27 09:32:55 AM  

jbtilley: So other women will know you're married... for the first five minutes after you take your ring off.


Exactly...the word will be gone in 5 minutes after removal. Also, if the band is turned 180 degrees, the imprint would be on the underside of the finger.

Seems more like a joke item rather than a functional thing. lame.
 
2012-06-27 09:35:01 AM  

miss diminutive: That's certainly going to provide a solid foundation for a marriage built on trust and respect.

Here's an idea, if you think your partner might cheat....DON'T MARRY THEM.


but if you don't marry them, you ain't getting paid. it's not just about changing a man, but about getting his assets. everything he owns is now your property also, and another woman sliding into that is a threat to a woman's material security as well. all that bullshiat about love is not bullshiat, but it's not the total truth either, for a woman.
 
2012-06-27 09:37:28 AM  

theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.


Somehow it's more than that. It's like women have some kind of radar. As soon as I got engaged (so no ring on my finger yet), random women started hitting on me. Women never hit in me (on accounta I'm ugly). But as soon as I slipped that ring on my girlfriend's finger, it was like the words "flirt with this man" were tattooed on my forehead. I thought I had entered Bizaaro world.
 
2012-06-27 09:46:34 AM  

Pocket Ninja: Actually, I'm already imagining the scenario where a young, newly married man on a business trip, tired and sore from his day of travel and meetings, wanders alone into the hotel bar at night for a late dinner and perhaps a drink or two to relax, and after he orders his drink he pulls off his ring, his mind not even really registering the action, and massages the sore spot on his finger left by these letters imprinted onto his skin. A dull afterthought of pain in the back of his mind all day, but one he's getting used to. And he slips the ring into his pocket so he doesn't lose it as he continues to massage his flesh, and his drink arrives and he notices movement beside him and sees a woman, older than he, lustrous black hair sleek and shiny in the lights, blue dress clinging to soft curves. A hint of cleavage, enough that another man might stare. But his wild days are behind him and so he just nods hello and returns to his drink, still massaging away the ache. And the woman order her own drink and they sit there beside each other sipping in silence for a while, and then she leans over.

"You look like you're in some pain there," she says.

He doesn't know what she's talking about at first, but then he sees her eyes on his finger and he flutters a smile. "My wife," he says. "She likes me to wear this ring."

"Of course she does," the woman says. "She's protective of you." And she reaches across the bar and takes the man's finger in her hand. She begins to lightly caress and pull at his skin, the flesh where the words have been impressed. "Does this make it better?"

And there is something about her touch and the tone of her voice that penetrates the man's brain, that brings out some long-buried emotion. "It hurts so much," he sobs, and she turns on the barstool and wraps him into her embrace, pulls his face against her soft bosom so that his tears dampen her dress. "I want to wear it for her. I want to."

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help yo ...


fap.
 
2012-06-27 09:56:25 AM  
It's cute that so many people still believe that humans are meant to remain with a single mate. We want to have sex with many different people because we're supposed to.

Me first, please.
 
2012-06-27 09:56:55 AM  
Pocket Ninja Smartest
Funniest
2012-06-27 08:26:20 AM


Actually, I'm already imagining the scenario where a young, newly married man on a business trip, tired and sore from his day of travel and meetings, wanders alone into the hotel bar at night for a late dinner and perhaps a drink or two to relax, and after he orders his drink he pulls off his ring, his mind not even really registering the action, and massages the sore spot on his finger left by these letters imprinted onto his skin. A dull afterthought of pain in the back of his mind all day, but one he's getting used to. And he slips the ring into his pocket so he doesn't lose it as he continues to massage his flesh, and his drink arrives and he notices movement beside him and sees a woman, older than he, lustrous black hair sleek and shiny in the lights, blue dress clinging to soft curves. A hint of cleavage, enough that another man might stare. But his wild days are behind him and so he just nods hello and returns to his drink, still massaging away the ache. And the woman order her own drink and they sit there beside each other sipping in silence for a while, and then she leans over.

"You look like you're in some pain there," she says.

He doesn't know what she's talking about at first, but then he sees her eyes on his finger and he flutters a smile. "My wife," he says. "She likes me to wear this ring."

"Of course she does," the woman says. "She's protective of you." And she reaches across the bar and takes the man's finger in her hand. She begins to lightly caress and pull at his skin, the flesh where the words have been impressed. "Does this make it better?"

And there is something about her touch and the tone of her voice that penetrates the man's brain, that brings out some long-buried emotion. "It hurts so much," he sobs, and she turns on the barstool and wraps him into her embrace, pulls his face against her soft bosom so that his tears dampen her dress. "I want to wear it for her. I want to."

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help you."




You're no spentmiles
 
2012-06-27 09:59:22 AM  
Son, if you must put your dick in crazy, for chrissakes don't put a ring on for it.
 
2012-06-27 10:04:19 AM  

fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.


I like the idea, but that wouldn't take long at all to get inked. And if needed, that could probably be wiped in a few short sessions.
 
2012-06-27 10:07:00 AM  
Yeah, having your fiancee suggest a ring that does that should be a major "Psycho Hosebeast" Alarm.
 
2012-06-27 10:08:35 AM  
I have a cock ring like that. It has 'penis' written backwards on the inside, so when I take off the cock ring, it says 'penis' on my penis.
That way, biatches know....that's a penis.
 
2012-06-27 10:09:04 AM  
I'm pretty sure my ex-husband never bothered to take his ring off when he was cheating. The women he slept with knew he was married. All the women he cheated on me with were married too. This ring wouldn't have made any difference.

/ I know...that's the point.
 
2012-06-27 10:09:44 AM  
sammyk: "As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me."

Were they actually coming on to you?
Or did they just see the ring and figured they could let down their guard a bit, be more friendly and maybe even crack a dirty joke or make a lewd comment, and not have to worry about you being a creep, getting the wrong impression and/or going all stalker-y on them?
 
2012-06-27 10:19:00 AM  
Wouldn't this also require that the ring never move? Even if the imprinting concept worked, it would probably just look like a bunch of criss-crossing lines, like you typed over something on a typewriter multiple times.
 
2012-06-27 10:19:26 AM  
MythDragon
I have a cock ring like that. It has 'penis' written backwards on the inside, so when I take off the cock ring, it says 'penis' on my penis.
That way, biatches know....that's a penis


just a smaller version than they're used to....

/sorry, too easy....;)
 
2012-06-27 10:27:44 AM  

Tat'dGreaser: Your marriage is doomed if you feel you need this


People say the same about prenups. But in the case of this ring, I have to agree.
 
2012-06-27 10:28:29 AM  
My wedding ring's heavy. I went with one of those tungsten ones. I should've picked a lighter, titanium band.
 
2012-06-27 10:31:20 AM  

Dakai: Crap, took me almost a year to lose the indented tan-line on my finger after I got divorced.


I believe it. I've been married for 14 years. I have an indentation and a callous, and my ring isn't even that tight.
 
2012-06-27 10:39:51 AM  

ringersol: Were they actually coming on to you?


So chicks have been told that they are born with the most valuable and desirable commodity on the earth. Of course they're going to put that idea to the test throughout the course of their lives. I have known enough girls that used that commodity to make a point several times. Of course when I was young, I thought (and even they probably thought) they were proving the point to a rival female or an estranged male known or unknown... but now, in my advanced age, I realize that they were trying to prove something to themselves; namely that they indeed were in possession of the most prized of all assets and could wield it like a fleshy wet pink light sabre.

Girls will "come on to"/test the waters/befriend married guys for the reasons you cited for sure - but mostly, they're seeking some kind of acknowledgement that you find their particular commodity more desirable than any other. It's why married assholes pull the lion's share of the poon - it's also why guys tend to get caught cheating with horsefaces, fat nannies, etc... Those women are practically giving it away - and dudes generally will never hit it with the idea of leaving their current spouse...

It says all that stuff right here in my manual - it's much more detailed, but you get the idea... the ring does draw in more game, and the more you ignore them without being dismissive, the harder they will work to validate their preconceived notions about themselves and their value. Try it - try being a married asshole. Poon Avalanches may result.
 
2012-06-27 10:47:21 AM  

itsdan: maxx2112: Saw an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat on lie detectors. A woman wanted her finance to take a test to see if anything unsavory happened on his trip to Vegas. He failed the test. She dumped him and walked off crying.

And if I recall he actually passed, what then happened was the person administering the test TOLD him he failed, asked the guy if he knew why the machine was saying he was lying (because idiots think they really detect lies). What the guy admitted to was a lap dance or something.


Yeah, that's more accurate . . . whole show below, link goes directly to Mike's exam.


Penn and Teller Bullshiat Lie Detectors


Bro still dodged the psycho biatch bullet.
 
2012-06-27 10:48:54 AM  

Pocket Ninja: Actually, I'm already imagining the scenario where a young, newly married man on a business trip, tired and sore from his day of travel and meetings, wanders alone into the hotel bar at night for a late dinner and perhaps a drink or two to relax, and after he orders his drink he pulls off his ring, his mind not even really registering the action, and massages the sore spot on his finger left by these letters imprinted onto his skin. A dull afterthought of pain in the back of his mind all day, but one he's getting used to. And he slips the ring into his pocket so he doesn't lose it as he continues to massage his flesh, and his drink arrives and he notices movement beside him and sees a woman, older than he, lustrous black hair sleek and shiny in the lights, blue dress clinging to soft curves. A hint of cleavage, enough that another man might stare. But his wild days are behind him and so he just nods hello and returns to his drink, still massaging away the ache. And the woman order her own drink and they sit there beside each other sipping in silence for a while, and then she leans over.

"You look like you're in some pain there," she says.

He doesn't know what she's talking about at first, but then he sees her eyes on his finger and he flutters a smile. "My wife," he says. "She likes me to wear this ring."

"Of course she does," the woman says. "She's protective of you." And she reaches across the bar and takes the man's finger in her hand. She begins to lightly caress and pull at his skin, the flesh where the words have been impressed. "Does this make it better?"

And there is something about her touch and the tone of her voice that penetrates the man's brain, that brings out some long-buried emotion. "It hurts so much," he sobs, and she turns on the barstool and wraps him into her embrace, pulls his face against her soft bosom so that his tears dampen her dress. "I want to wear it for her. I want to."

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help yo ...


Go on............

/Fifty Shades of Gold
 
2012-06-27 10:54:40 AM  
A ring isn't going to keep a guy from farking around, if he wants to fark around. If you don't know that, and think this is going to keep his dick in his pants when you're not around, you deserve to be fleeced out of your money.
 
2012-06-27 10:55:01 AM  
Because the callus and tan line aren't enough of a giveaway.

Also sizing your ring so small that it leaves an imprint is silly, snug enough not to fall off but loose enough your finger doesn't turn purple.
 
2012-06-27 11:07:36 AM  

Coco LaFemme: A ring isn't going to keep a guy from farking around, if he wants to fark around. If you don't know that, and think this is going to keep his dick in his pants when you're not around, you deserve to be fleeced out of your money.


I rarely keep it in my pants, but not because I'm looking to fool around. I just like the breeze.
 
2012-06-27 11:16:29 AM  

ilikeracecars: FirstNationalBastard: How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.

When the man cheats, he's an a**hole, when the woman cheats, its because the husband wasn't taking care of her needs


You sound pussywhipped.

/Real men say the same thing in reverse, and mean it.
 
2012-06-27 11:18:58 AM  
The website that this came from, thecheeky.com has some funny stuff on it including this suitcase sticker. It would sure make your black Samsonite stick out on the carousel, that is, if the TSA hasn't ripped it to shreds to free the girl.

thecheeky.com
 
2012-06-27 11:25:24 AM  

theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.


I pretty much don't date (I've had a girl or two go cut her wrists for being turned down ... don't know, don't care, still not dating you); but my policy in the extremely rare event that I do pursue a particular girl is to bring this up going in, and agree to discuss it periodically--no particular aim, just I want to immediately establish that the classically most taboo subject in a relationship isn't taboo.

It's funny 'cause the primary reaction to this is usually the girl immediately confronting you for wanting to bang other girls and still date her; and quite honestly the best answer is... no, not yet at least. Seriously, there's enough trouble entering a relationship, you don't need to invite more.

It's just a thing with me. I don't lie.. I never have. I learned to manipulate people at a young age through careful selection of words, tone of voice, confidence building, the like--historical trust is huge. I'm not going to tell a girl I'm not interested in other girls; I will tell her that the extent of interest is limited--hell, even single I check out most pretty girls just because I want something pretty to look at; it's surprising how many I'd rather chat up some but much rather NOT sleep with. Even still, if a girl catches my eye for want of a romp well. That doesn't mean I HAVE to go try to nail her; but I'm not going to cover for the look.

So ... that's my take on relationships. Wife might say keep your hands off the other hotties, but I'm not gonna go telling the poor woman I never turn my head for a second look now and again. At the very least she'll learn to quit worrying 'bout all the flirty little tarts swarming 'round--you should see the vicious look of murder some of the nicest girls give to coeds that go taking second looks and tossing smiles at the guys they like. That's no good for a woman; she should know where things stand so she doesn't have to worry.
 
2012-06-27 11:31:45 AM  

JonnyG: It's cute that so many people still believe that humans are meant to remain with a single mate.


Many science-fiction authors have written that the norm in future societies will be marriage contracts of limited duration. So you sign a five-year contract, for example, and have a wedding ceremony, and after 5 years, if the contract isn't renewed, the marriage automatically dissolved amicably.

I'm not sure that I agree that this is how we will or should do things in the future, but it's an interesting idea.
 
2012-06-27 11:33:10 AM  
Mine is pretty much permanent at this point.

I was welding a piece of exhaust pipe for one of my cars and was just tacking everything in place, I happened to not be wearing a welding glove on my left hand -bad form, but hell it was my car and my shop I can do what I want. I was on a bad angle and a drop molten metal didn't adhere to the weld and dripped off, which happens from time to time except this time it just happened to fall dead center of my gold wedding ring band... which lit up like a lightbulb and proceeded to melt away all of the flesh and muscle nearly down to the bone.

I still had to get the ring off, so I went over to the washtub rinsed it all down and removed the ring (and associated skin) wrapped everything back up so I could finish the task at hand. My partner in the shop tattled on me to my uncle - who was a paramedic and lived nearby who came up to the shop to investigate and pretty much told me I had no option but to go to the ER due to my 3rd degree burns. I agreed on teh condition that I could finish up the car first. So I did, went to teh ER and got amazingly fast service due to the nature of the injury and I was back on the road.

Changing the dressing daily was one of the most painful experiences ever as the nerves were exposed and slowly growing back - I cant even imagine what a large surface burn victim feels like. It's been a few years now and that indentation is still there on my finger as it most likely will be the rest of my life. The ring has a little piece of steel imbedded in it and some melted gold around it but it still fits.

I have some nice welding gloves now that I don't mind wearing all the time while welding.

/csb
 
2012-06-27 11:33:54 AM  
Once convinced a gal that my ring was on that finger because I liked it, and it was the only finger it fit on.
Never did anything, farking someone stupid left my list when I got older.

Got my lass an old ring from when christ was still walking
..means more than something from zales
 
2012-06-27 11:33:56 AM  

MythDragon: I have a cock ring like that. It has 'penis' written backwards on the inside, so when I take off the cock ring, it says 'penis' on my penis.
That way, biatches know....that's a penis.


www.jim3dlong.com

"Ce n'est pas un pénis."
 
2012-06-27 11:34:24 AM  

eKonk: This. Women wouldn't even pretend to be interested in me if they didn't think I was married. Not sure I understand why, but that's just the way it is.


Part of it's ego. Most women wouldn't have a very hard time seducing a man if he was single, but if he's married and she can still get him then it's a conquest.

The other part is evolution, albeit lazy evolution. A married man has obviously demonstrated some value to a woman at some point, so another woman doesn't have to do as much leg work to figure out if he is a decent protector and provider.

Humans don't act all that different from the apes we came from. My apartment has this awesome huge rooftop deck with grills and lounge chairs and the whole bit. Some of the girls in the building (300+ apartments) like to lay out and get sun up there, my girlfriend included. I always find it funny, because if I'm up there with her, any girl who comes up there alone will take a chair really close to us, almost unconsciously. Rarely will she take a chair that isolated and she will NEVER take a chair near a guy who is there alone. My theory is that the insecurity that comes with being in a vulnerable position, laying out with your eyes closed usually wearing a bikini triggers some monkey part of their brains that says "This male is protecting this female, if I stay near to him, but submissive to his female, he will protect me too." Even though I may never have seen her before.

Then, to monkey it up even further, other men won't come close to our group even if it's clear that I'm only there with my girlfriend and the other woman is just some chick who pulled up a chair. I can almost sense a tension as they walk by, even if I'm just laying there reading a book, and nothing about my body language is remotely aggressive.

Anyway, the point of that is if you want to know why people do things, ask yourself why apes would do it and you usually have your answer.
 
2012-06-27 11:39:55 AM  
Women interested in Married Men = Daddy Issues.

If I see a dashing guy wearing a wedding ring I don't even pay attention to him. But then again I'm a taken girl so I have no desire to look at any merchandise.


/Unless it's Alcide
//Hello Alcide
 
2012-06-27 11:40:30 AM  

ciberido: JonnyG: It's cute that so many people still believe that humans are meant to remain with a single mate.

Many science-fiction authors have written that the norm in future societies will be marriage contracts of limited duration. So you sign a five-year contract, for example, and have a wedding ceremony, and after 5 years, if the contract isn't renewed, the marriage automatically dissolved amicably.

I'm not sure that I agree that this is how we will or should do things in the future, but it's an interesting idea.


Ah, the standard Ferengi marriage contract.

Sounds like a damn good idea.

/of course, I'm not sure how children would be factored into things, but it could be done.
 
2012-06-27 11:46:33 AM  

FirstNationalBastard: ciberido: JonnyG: It's cute that so many people still believe that humans are meant to remain with a single mate.

Many science-fiction authors have written that the norm in future societies will be marriage contracts of limited duration. So you sign a five-year contract, for example, and have a wedding ceremony, and after 5 years, if the contract isn't renewed, the marriage automatically dissolved amicably.

I'm not sure that I agree that this is how we will or should do things in the future, but it's an interesting idea.

Ah, the standard Ferengi marriage contract.

Sounds like a damn good idea.

/of course, I'm not sure how children would be factored into things, but it could be done.


What about "furniture" a la Soilent Green?
 
2012-06-27 12:16:01 PM  

Magnanimous_J: eKonk:

I always find it funny, because if I'm up there with her, any girl who comes up there alone will take a chair really close to us, almost unconsciously. Rarely will she take a chair that isolated and she will NEVER take a chair near a guy who is there alone. My theory is that the insecurity that comes with being in a vulnerable position, laying out with your eyes closed usually wearing a bikini triggers some monkey part of their brains that says "This male is protecting this female, if I stay near to him, but submissive to his female, he will protect me too." Even though I may never have seen her before.

Then, to monkey it up even further, other men won't come close to our group even if it's clear that I'm only there with my girlfriend and the other woman is just some chick who pulled up a chair. I can almost sense a tension as they walk by, even if I'm just laying there reading a book, and nothing about my body language is remotely aggressive.


/CSB
Hehe. My wife discovered this. Did some traveling and I wandered off to get a coffee on some early butt-crack-of-dawn flight. Came back, stood next to my wife in line to board. She started cracking up.

While I was gone the guy in front of her was talking with her (and maybe flirting - my wife never notices) but as soon as I joined her he turned around, stopped talking, didn't acknowledge her or us...

The contrast was such that my wife had to comment on it. I tried to explain that was normal, and she declared all males weird.
 
2012-06-27 12:17:00 PM  
Won't the imprint smudge when you adjust the ring?
 
2012-06-27 12:20:00 PM  

Pichu0102: Won't the imprint smudge when you adjust the ring?


I think the point is that she has to shackle the thing on you so tight that you can't get away.
 
2012-06-27 12:26:06 PM  
350 pounds for a titanium band? Shiat, I think I paid $60 for mine.
 
2012-06-27 12:35:33 PM  
I found after my divorce that wearing my wedding ring attracted more women than it put off.

Im guessing the premise was along the lines of ... "Somebody wants him I must want him too."
 
2012-06-27 12:37:39 PM  

MoronLessOff: Pichu0102: Won't the imprint smudge when you adjust the ring?

I think the point is that she has to shackle the thing on you so tight that you can't get away.


However, there's no such thing as an accessory only other people can take of, but not you, unless you're a robot with a screw in her back.
 
2012-06-27 12:41:15 PM  

MoronLessOff: fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.

I like the idea, but that wouldn't take long at all to get inked. And if needed, that could probably be wiped in a few short sessions.


My ex step-dad did this. He had difficulty wearing his ring due to work, so he got a tattoo. Then he left my mom. Wonder what he did with that tat?
 
2012-06-27 12:42:02 PM  

DataShade: Son, if you must put your dick in crazy, for chrissakes don't put a ring on for it.


What if she's only crazy in bed?
 
2012-06-27 01:03:12 PM  
Ring's designer:

24.media.tumblr.com
 
2012-06-27 01:05:37 PM  
If you think need to get your spouse that ring, your marriage is already over.
 
2012-06-27 01:07:21 PM  

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it.


I LOLed at this point, sorry. (Stopped laughing at the word "de-gloved". Yikes, man.)

I went to do this on an old van some years ago. I'm in the parking lot in the middle of the night, taking out this museum piece of a battery, and when I swap them and throw the old battery back into the cart to take it in for recycling, I don't think about the fact that it's a side-terminal design and that the side is up against the cart.

So I'm in the parking lot, putting in the new battery, testing it out, and by the time I go back to take the cart inside, I realize the damn cart is actually smoking. Freak occurrence. I don't know how bad it would have been, but I'm pretty sure that I'm very fortunate to have noticed this before I grabbed on and started pushing, or before the damn thing achieved warp or whatever would have happened if I left it there long enough.

/ Pushed it away from the side of the cart with a stick.
 
2012-06-27 01:15:21 PM  

Current Resident: Ring's designer:

[24.media.tumblr.com image 323x323]


God that picture is freaking eerie.
 
2012-06-27 01:32:57 PM  

Magnanimous_J: eKonk: This. Women wouldn't even pretend to be interested in me if they didn't think I was married. Not sure I understand why, but that's just the way it is.

Part of it's ego. Most women wouldn't have a very hard time seducing a man if he was single, but if he's married and she can still get him then it's a conquest.

The other part is evolution, albeit lazy evolution. A married man has obviously demonstrated some value to a woman at some point, so another woman doesn't have to do as much leg work to figure out if he is a decent protector and provider.

[csb snipped]

Anyway, the point of that is if you want to know why people do things, ask yourself why apes would do it and you usually have your answer.


Clever guys will even talk platonic female friends into accompanying them to bars in order to give the impression that they're there with their girlfriends. Hmmm, that sounds like the plot of an 80's movie.

/Just realized I used "there", "their", and "they're" in the same sentence
 
2012-06-27 01:48:21 PM  
Fill it with wax. Continue being a scumbag, because chicks like scumbags.
 
2012-06-27 01:57:24 PM  
Odd. Every other male on the planet apparently discovers that wedding rings somehow attract women, but my experience is almost the exact opposite. I always thought it's because of the outward 'type' I am (generic white boy, presentable enough but no discernible flash or style on display, solid boring dad type) and my preferred 'type' of woman (generic white girl, not a barfly or golddigger or club chick, no motorcycle fetishes, very few expensive tastes to be catered to) and the kinds of mating games that people like me and women like my type choose or choose not to play.

I got nothing beyond cordial good manners from my 'type' while I was married. If I made jokes at my wife's expense around them (hey, we were mad at each other most of the time, sorry) - something guaranteed to make every married man crack up - they'd get all frosty and go away.

(I know, I know. You don't have to explain why. It's obvious.)

But now that I'm single I get that old 'interested' vibe like I haven't in decades.

I've assumed it's because I don't have a ring now, but thinking about it just now maybe it's because I'm happier, and not carrying myself like I've been whipped within an inch of my life.
 
2012-06-27 02:03:38 PM  

fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.


That looks like a Sleestak holding a heart.
 
2012-06-27 02:07:08 PM  

Magnanimous_J: Anyway, the point of that is if you want to know why people do things, ask yourself why apes would do it and you usually have your answer.


If you're a woman married to a good provider, you might want to sneak a little strange to get some different genes for your next child and have it nicely cared for. If you're a man, if you can convince a married woman to stray then you have a chance for another genetic investment without having to raise the results.
 
2012-06-27 04:28:25 PM  

doubled99: Pocket Ninja
....

You're no spentmiles


No, he's not.
Pocket Ninja is a GOD compared to us mortal men.
 
2012-06-27 10:14:41 PM  

ciberido: Magnanimous_J: eKonk: This. Women wouldn't even pretend to be interested in me if they didn't think I was married. Not sure I understand why, but that's just the way it is.

Part of it's ego. Most women wouldn't have a very hard time seducing a man if he was single, but if he's married and she can still get him then it's a conquest.

The other part is evolution, albeit lazy evolution. A married man has obviously demonstrated some value to a woman at some point, so another woman doesn't have to do as much leg work to figure out if he is a decent protector and provider.

[csb snipped]

Anyway, the point of that is if you want to know why people do things, ask yourself why apes would do it and you usually have your answer.

Clever guys will even talk platonic female friends into accompanying them to bars in order to give the impression that they're there with their girlfriends. Hmmm, that sounds like the plot of an 80's movie.

/Just realized I used "there", "their", and "they're" in the same sentence


And correctly, too. Rare these days.

+1
 
2012-06-27 10:55:14 PM  

Son of Thunder: theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.

Somehow it's more than that. It's like women have some kind of radar. As soon as I got engaged (so no ring on my finger yet), random women started hitting on me. Women never hit in me (on accounta I'm ugly). But as soon as I slipped that ring on my girlfriend's finger, it was like the words "flirt with this man" were tattooed on my forehead. I thought I had entered Bizaaro world.


No, it's because you're "harmless". They don't have to have their "not interested" shields up. They can talk freely to you.

I went to a fitness retreat last September, and there were 120 fitness instructors there. 6 of us were men. There was a dance, and I was dancing most of the night. At the end, one woman was crying because one of the other married men was trying to kiss her.

So it's not really that they're trying to find someone else's mate in their bed. They're just relaxed. That's all there is to it.
 
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