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(Short List)   The wedding ring that imprints the word 'Married' on your finger. Presumably targeted at women who know they're marrying a scumbag and are going ahead with it anyway   (shortlist.com) divider line 103
    More: Scary, wedding ring  
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14915 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jun 2012 at 8:26 AM (2 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2012-06-27 07:52:43 AM
It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.
 
2012-06-27 07:55:37 AM
That's certainly going to provide a solid foundation for a marriage built on trust and respect.

Here's an idea, if you think your partner might cheat....DON'T MARRY THEM.
 
2012-06-27 08:12:29 AM
Would be more effective with "HAS HERPES"
 
2012-06-27 08:26:20 AM
Actually, I'm already imagining the scenario where a young, newly married man on a business trip, tired and sore from his day of travel and meetings, wanders alone into the hotel bar at night for a late dinner and perhaps a drink or two to relax, and after he orders his drink he pulls off his ring, his mind not even really registering the action, and massages the sore spot on his finger left by these letters imprinted onto his skin. A dull afterthought of pain in the back of his mind all day, but one he's getting used to. And he slips the ring into his pocket so he doesn't lose it as he continues to massage his flesh, and his drink arrives and he notices movement beside him and sees a woman, older than he, lustrous black hair sleek and shiny in the lights, blue dress clinging to soft curves. A hint of cleavage, enough that another man might stare. But his wild days are behind him and so he just nods hello and returns to his drink, still massaging away the ache. And the woman order her own drink and they sit there beside each other sipping in silence for a while, and then she leans over.

"You look like you're in some pain there," she says.

He doesn't know what she's talking about at first, but then he sees her eyes on his finger and he flutters a smile. "My wife," he says. "She likes me to wear this ring."

"Of course she does," the woman says. "She's protective of you." And she reaches across the bar and takes the man's finger in her hand. She begins to lightly caress and pull at his skin, the flesh where the words have been impressed. "Does this make it better?"

And there is something about her touch and the tone of her voice that penetrates the man's brain, that brings out some long-buried emotion. "It hurts so much," he sobs, and she turns on the barstool and wraps him into her embrace, pulls his face against her soft bosom so that his tears dampen her dress. "I want to wear it for her. I want to."

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help you."
 
2012-06-27 08:27:02 AM
How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.
 
2012-06-27 08:28:43 AM

Mr. Coffee Nerves: Would be more effective with "HAS HERPES"


Came to insure logic was posted.
Leaves, satisfied.
/after reading Pocket Ninja's post of course.
 
2012-06-27 08:29:01 AM
How farking tight are you supposed to wear a ring? For that to work, it's gonna have to be cutting off circulation.
 
2012-06-27 08:29:50 AM
Your marriage is doomed if you feel you need this
 
2012-06-27 08:30:11 AM

FirstNationalBastard: How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.


When the man cheats, he's an a**hole, when the woman cheats, its because the husband wasn't taking care of her needs
 
2012-06-27 08:31:40 AM
Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.
 
2012-06-27 08:32:26 AM

itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.


50 Shades of "They Don't Give a Fark"
 
2012-06-27 08:33:16 AM

itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.


This. Women wouldn't even pretend to be interested in me if they didn't think I was married. Not sure I understand why, but that's just the way it is.
 
2012-06-27 08:33:36 AM

ilikeracecars: FirstNationalBastard: How cute... the article says "buying your husband-to-be this ring is not an option", like it's a given that the pweshus widdle delicate flowers of femininity don't cheat, too.

Oh, wait, it's always the man's fault.

When the man cheats, he's an a**hole, when the woman cheats, its because the husband wasn't taking care of her needs


Don't forget, when a woman cheats, it's ok because "I don't love him! I still love you!"
 
2012-06-27 08:34:12 AM
Stupid tag more appropriate here.
 
2012-06-27 08:34:15 AM

reillan: How farking tight are you supposed to wear a ring? For that to work, it's gonna have to be cutting off circulation.


Maybe the ring has a tiny little reservoir of acid inside, and when you put it on the acid slowly oozes into the etched letters and then eats its way into your flesh, permanently scarring the message onto your finger.

/Insert cynical marriage metaphor
 
2012-06-27 08:34:15 AM
Pocket Ninja:

"It's OK," she coos. "It's OK. Come upstairs and I'll help yo ...


That's like...beautiful, man...*sniff*
 
2012-06-27 08:34:36 AM

theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.


I am sure that you took pictures of every one of them

:D

Congrats man
 
2012-06-27 08:37:07 AM
My wife made me get a penis tattoo.

But I gave the guy $50 and instead of "Married" it reads "Contents Under Pressure: Aim Away From Face."

/can't lie, he only was able to fit "Co"
 
2012-06-27 08:37:09 AM
That's an advertisement, if anything.
 
2012-06-27 08:37:28 AM

itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.


Those whores see it as a challenge. As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me.
 
2012-06-27 08:38:14 AM

Tat'dGreaser: theflatline: Well i have been married two months, and I can tell you this, the old rumors are true.

You never have so much tail thrown at you then when you wear a wedding right on. It is crazy.

I am sure that you took pictures of every one of them

:D

Congrats man



Nope i did not, they don't look so good after you get the quick lime on them.
 
2012-06-27 08:38:25 AM
If you need to give your husband this ring, you shouldn't have married him in the first place.

Also, the ring could be like a dinner bell to some women (and men). It's like Tipper Gore and the warning stickers on music. Now people who want to cheat have identifying labels.
 
2012-06-27 08:38:37 AM

sammyk: itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.

Those whores see it as a challenge. As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me.


So, wearing a fake wedding ring is a good idea to pull some strange?
 
2012-06-27 08:39:14 AM
"____________ INSERT TO THIS LINE _____________"
 
2012-06-27 08:39:20 AM
William James said it first and said it best:

Higamous hogamous, women are monogamous.

Hogamous higamous, men are polygamous.
 
2012-06-27 08:40:58 AM
Might also be more appropriate as a nose ring.
 
2012-06-27 08:41:34 AM
media.onsugar.com

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.
 
2012-06-27 08:41:58 AM
A fool-proof plan that certainly couldn't be undone with a band-aid.
 
2012-06-27 08:44:02 AM

theflatline: Nope i did not, they don't look so good after you get the quick lime on them.


Would you stop killing all the hot Colombian chicks!?!?! Jeez man
 
2012-06-27 08:44:14 AM
Assuming a market exists, the ring is still pointless. Any markings will last a short while, be the same color as the skin, and are not prominently raised, assuming the ring leaves any markings without being dangerously tight. Spend the ~$550 on toys and gear for the bedroom to keep you both happy so no one cares to cheat.
 
2012-06-27 08:44:30 AM
IHNTA, but . . .

Saw an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat on lie detectors. A woman wanted her finance to take a test to see if anything unsavory happened on his trip to Vegas. He failed the test. She dumped him and walked off crying.

All I could think was "good, you just dodged a bullet, bro."


Penn & Teller Bullshiat Season 7 Episode 5 Lie Detectors PART 2
 
2012-06-27 08:49:32 AM

maxx2112: Saw an episode of Penn & Teller's Bullshiat on lie detectors. A woman wanted her finance to take a test to see if anything unsavory happened on his trip to Vegas. He failed the test. She dumped him and walked off crying.


And if I recall he actually passed, what then happened was the person administering the test TOLD him he failed, asked the guy if he knew why the machine was saying he was lying (because idiots think they really detect lies). What the guy admitted to was a lap dance or something.
 
2012-06-27 08:49:54 AM
Crap, took me almost a year to lose the indented tan-line on my finger after I got divorced.
 
2012-06-27 08:57:22 AM
Wouldn't a simple brand on the a$$ be just as effective?
 
2012-06-27 08:58:59 AM
My husband rarely wears his ring. It would have been destroyed by now by the kind of work he does. I figure if he's going to cheat, what good is a ring going to do about it?
 
2012-06-27 09:00:59 AM
"Ash nazg durbatulûk, ..."

// Preciousssssss
 
2012-06-27 09:02:05 AM
I put a ring ON if I want to get lucky.
 
2012-06-27 09:06:19 AM

fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.


Nothing causes a marriage to fail faster than tats of each others names or such like. Seriously - you could bang your neighbor's teenage daughter and have a better chance of staying together than you would if you got her name tattoo'd on you.
 
2012-06-27 09:07:55 AM
I took a polygraph once. He made me answer the questions in my head (no I idea why) and all I did was sing songs in my head.

I passed.

/not a trained spy
//lacks any and all ability to lie in real life. I suck at it.
 
2012-06-27 09:08:44 AM

FirstNationalBastard: sammyk: itsdan: It's adorable that they think the mistresses don't often know the guy is married.

Those whores see it as a challenge. As soon as I got married there was a noticeable increase in women coming on to me.

So, wearing a fake wedding ring is a good idea to pull some strange?


Could be if your into middle aged married women in the office. Could be some complications there but the good nookie always has some risk to it.
 
2012-06-27 09:08:54 AM

fireclown: [media.onsugar.com image 550x367]

I kind of like the idea. Permenant, it's gonna take some pain to get a tattoo on a bony area like your finger, and removing it will be costly and painful as well.


Claddagh fail. When the wearer is married the point of the heart should be toward the wrist. Toward the fingertips mean engaged.
 
2012-06-27 09:12:43 AM
So the hollow eyes, and the obvious longing for the sweet release of death aren't enough to mark a man?
 
2012-06-27 09:13:01 AM

911Jenny: I took a polygraph once. He made me answer the questions in my head (no I idea why) and all I did was sing songs in my head.

I passed.

/not a trained spy
//lacks any and all ability to lie in real life. I suck at it.


Well the easiest way to beat a polygraph is to convince yourself you're telling the truth.
 
2012-06-27 09:16:33 AM

Marley'sGirl: My husband rarely wears his ring. It would have been destroyed by now by the kind of work he does. I figure if he's going to cheat, what good is a ring going to do about it?


This. I've been married 11 years and my wife has no problem with me rarely wearing a ring. I subtly let people know I'm married by not trying to bang them.
 
2012-06-27 09:16:33 AM
I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.
 
2012-06-27 09:22:37 AM
So other women will know you're married... for the first five minutes after you take your ring off.
 
2012-06-27 09:29:40 AM

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.


So, wedding rings will now be sold with a car battery, nice.
 
2012-06-27 09:30:20 AM

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.


Well, ouch.
 
2012-06-27 09:31:32 AM

tillerman35: I have a perma-ring due to a lack of understanding of how car batteries are sold. When my car's battery died, I went out and bought a new one. I also bought a trickle charger, thinking the new battery would come without a charge. And because it came without a charge, I reasoned, it wasn't necessary to remove my wedding ring while installing it. (So you see, in theory I am not the kind of idiot who wears jewelry while working on mechanical and/or electrical equipment).

Turns out that batteries come fully charged from the auto parts store. I was cranking the positive cable down with a ratchet driver, which was in contact with my wedding ring, which touched something grounded to the chassis. All of the energy of the battery was discharged in a split second, heating parts of the ring to the melting point. I got third-degree burns in a .3cm band all around my ring finger. Worse, my first instinct was to try to remove the ring, which "de-gloved" the skin about halfway up to the big knuckle. I realized what was happening and stopped, then rushed inside to run the scorching metal under the faucet.

The ER fixed me up just fine, but the price of ignorance is a raised white cicatrice that serves as a permanent wedding ring.


I think I'd actually be pretty annoyed with the auto parts store that didn't, in a friendly way, try to point out what an idiot you were going to be. I'd have expected a casual, "Hey, are you getting this charger for next time, because this battery should be good for years", to give you an opportunity to correct yourself and save the money.
 
2012-06-27 09:32:55 AM

jbtilley: So other women will know you're married... for the first five minutes after you take your ring off.


Exactly...the word will be gone in 5 minutes after removal. Also, if the band is turned 180 degrees, the imprint would be on the underside of the finger.

Seems more like a joke item rather than a functional thing. lame.
 
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